For the Summer
by camoozle
Summary: Every year Bella waits for the 'Pay Checks' to roll into her sleepy river town and every year Edward's hers, just for the summer. AH, AU, OOC, B/E
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

**BPOV**

I sit with my back pressed into his chest. With his arms secure around my waist and his fingers twisting with mine, I lean my head back into the curve of his collarbone. The wooden dock we sit on is cold and a slight breeze wisps past my hair and seeps its way into the seams of the soft, white down coat that shields my body. I shiver as I gaze up at the splashes of color igniting the night sky, the boom of the explosions rattling the bridge beneath us and filling the air with the sulfuric scent of spent gunpowder. The burning color reflects off the water and the show below is almost as dazzling as the bursts and splays of color raining from the broad band of blackness above.

I free my hands to reach into my bag and pull out my camera, adjusting the aperture for the vibrancy of the fiery sky, and point the lens at the horizon, attempting to capture the effect of the fireworks on the rippling surface, the click, click, click of the camera snagging each frame.

"Look at that, look at the water. Isn't that amazing? See how it looks like glass, the color reflecting off the movement. It looks like it's dancing," I say, and he breathes into the tiny sliver of exposed skin between my scarf and sweater.

"You've always been like this, you know? Noticing, observing, watching. The way you see things, things I wouldn't notice in a million years, you see them and make them noticeable for others. That, my dear, is what I think is amazing." His voice is quiet, as smooth and sweet as liquid chocolate, and I smile to myself at his recollection.

"You have no idea how many times I imagined this exact moment," he whispers into my ear, the warmth of his breath a relief from the icy chill and it causes goosebumps to dance across my skin. I crane my neck so I can see his face, the exploding color in the sky making his eyes shimmer in shades of red and green and gold.

"Oh, I think I have an idea," I reply, smiling up at him and shifting to get closer. His arms tighten around me and I feel him sigh, the fog exhaling from his mouth as the warmth of his breath mixes with the cold night air. "I just can't believe it took us seventeen years to get to this moment."

"No more '_maybe next year's' _for us," he murmurs softly. His lips press into my temple and he lets them linger on my skin, breathing in and keeping our connection, a connection forged close to two decades ago in a very different time and a very different place.

Seventeen summers. I've spent the last seventeen years of my life trying to find a balance between loving him and hating him, belonging to him and resenting him for it, waiting anxiously for him to arrive and crying because I knew he'd have to leave, and yet, in his arms, I have never felt so complete. It took us seventeen years to realize what I knew in my heart when I was eleven.

He'd always been mine just for the summer. I never let myself believe he could be mine always.

...

**A/N:**

Chapter 1 to follow shortly...

Many thanks to lovely betas **n7of9 **and **SubtlePen**.

Special love to darling **miztrezboo **for prereading my shenanigans.


	2. That First Summer

**CH 1- That First Summer**

_1983_

_Ronald Reagan is serving his third year as President of the United States._

_Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi is released in theaters May 25th._

_Karen Carpenter dies of complications due to anorexia nervosa at age 32._

_..._

**BPOV**

Fish are so disgusting. Look at them, look at the way they flop all over each other, a pile of fat, scaly bodies gulping at the bits of stale hot dog bun I've been tossing into the water. Their eyes bulge and their mouths move up and down in desperation. It is the grossest and most coolest thing I've ever seen. Whenever Dad tells me to get rid of the buns, I eagerly grab the bag and run down to the docks to incite the feeding frenzy.

The sun is just beginning to rise in the sky, but it's already hot. This is going to be a scorching summer, I can tell. The planks beneath me are already steaming, and when I sit down they burn the backs of my legs. They hang over the edge of the bridge and I rest my arms and head comfortably on the wooden railing. I can smell the sunblock on my skin as I watch the fish continuing to pile on top of each other. There's no breeze to stop the sweat from beading on the back of my neck and I move my long wiry braid off my back and scratch at an itchy spot left from the fuzzy rope of hair.

I watch the launch ramp where a dozen or so trucks patiently wait to back their toys into the shallow water. They're the seasoners, the out-of-towners. Pay Checks, my brother likes to call them, because they bring the money. They are all here for the summer, all of them attracted to the hot, dry climate of the Arizona desert and the venue for water sports that the Colorado River provides.

My dad, Charlie, owns the marina and it is already packed with the first vacationers of the season. The families are boarding the houseboats they've rented for the week, or they've come with their pontoons and speed boats and jet skis, and they are all clumsily putting around in the no wake zone and heading over to the gas station.

My brother easily charms the customers with his dimpled grin. He fills up their tanks with gas, mentioning all the amenities our marina has to offer, like the paddle boats and kayaks, and thanking them for their patronage like Dad taught him. Emmett is a natural salesman and the customers always fall for his speeches. I think it's because he's tall for his age. He's only fourteen, but everyone thinks he's already a grown up. He has the same dark brown hair and eyes that I do, and the same tanned skin, but everyone calls him a "looker", or whatever. I think that means he's handsome or something, but I don't see it. His ears are way too big and he has a little scar above his left eye that makes him look like he's always concentrating really hard. He is way smarter than your normal fourteen year old, though. I think he could be president someday. I mean, if a movie star can do the job, surely my smart-alecky brother can.

I pull at the uncomfortable elastic of my swimsuit. The lycra of the one-piece suit will become my second-skin this summer, but right now it's digging into my shoulders and riding up my butt. I need a new suit but Dad can't afford it, not for another couple of weeks. It's like this every year. My dad does his best to ration the money we make during the summer to make it stretch all year, but things like new swimsuits are rare, even though we usually spend the whole summer in our suits. They're like our uniforms, or something. The one I am wearing now I've had for at least two seasons. I remember when Dad had to tie the straps together in the back because it was too big when he bought it and I had to wear shorts over it because it sagged in the rear. Now it's starting to get thin and I'm stuck wearing my shorts over it again until I get a new one. Maybe my mom will buy me one when I go visit her next week.

I wish my mom lived closer to us, but when my parents got divorced she said she wanted to live her dreams. I don't know what that means exactly, but Vegas does seem pretty dreamy. She's a card dealer at The Tropicana, and it has a really big pool. Sometimes she lets us swim there and I pretend I'm a rich lounge singer relaxing before my big show. I wear my best swimsuit and my mom's big round sunglasses on those trips, and she gets us fruity drinks in tall glasses with little umbrellas and thin red straws. We visit her once a month. It's only an hour's drive and Dad drops us off and Mom brings us home. Emmett says he's not going this month, but he will. He tries to be tough, but I know he misses her.

I break off another piece of bread and toss it onto the heap of fat fish. Their shiny gray bodies rise above the surface and I'm always amazed at how they manage to get out of the water like that. Fish must have really strong fins. That, or they must think stale soggy bread tastes like ice cream or something.

"Hey you! Girl! I wanna try," I hear this kid say, and I look around, wondering who he could be speaking so rudely to. The sun is glaring in my eyes and I squint as I try to make out the shadowed boy before me. He shifts slightly to the left, his head now blocking out the sun, and his face comes into view.

He is glowing. The golden sun behind his head is causing his reddish brown hair to blaze like fire. He is my age, I think, maybe a little older, and his mouth is very red, like he just finished a rainbow sherbet Push-Up or something. His teeth and tongue are tinted pink with sticky syrup collected in the corners of his mouth. His green eyes look like they are shimmering from the reflection of the water, and he has the longest eyelashes I've ever seen, like feathers, and I wonder if they are as soft as they look.

He is an out-of-towner, a Pay Check, I'm sure. It's obvious in his pale, flawless skin. His thin legs are interrupted by knobby knees sticking out from under his blue swim trunks, and there's a little alligator stitched into his white polo shirt. On his feet are brand new leather deck shoes, ones I could only dream of affording. I look down at my old sandals, the straps rubbing blisters into my skin. I always have to stop walking to shake the sharp rocks and gravel out from under my feet.

"I have a name," I respond, slightly annoyed with his tone.

"Well, how am I supposed to know your name? I only just met you," he says, placing his hands on his hips.

"We haven't even really met. Technically, I'm not even supposed to be talking to you," I say as I stand up. I'm taller than him and I suddenly feel very confident. I smirk down at the pretty pale boy, his weird fiery hair still catching my attention, and throw him the bag of bread. "Here, you can have it. I'm done here anyway. Make sure you throw the bag in the trash can when you're through."

I start to walk back to the office to see if my father needs any help, but the boy grabs my swimsuit strap from behind and the elastic snaps against my back with a sting. I spin around ready to knock him out, but he is just standing there grinning. And then he winks. My mouth drops open, his stupid smile making me even more furious. What a jerk!

I don't even know what to do. My normal response would be to punch his lights out. That's what I learned growing up with an older brother, if anyone touches you, you punch them. My brother made sure I knew how to throw a decent punch, and this kid is so scrawny, I could totally take him.

Something about his smile makes me freeze up and forget what I'm supposed to do. I can't even think of anything to say and I suddenly feel like an idiot.

Just then, a magnificently beautiful lady calls out and we both turn and look at her. Her skin is like silk and her golden brown hair is perfectly feathered. She wears a very skimpy black bikini with little red running shorts with white trim that stands out against her slender tanned legs. I'm a little embarrassed at how I stare at her perfect body, but then I figure she wouldn't dress like that if she didn't want to be stared at. She opens her mouth and her beauty quickly fades with what she says.

"Eddie! Get your fucking ass over here! I told you not to go running off, you little shit."

It's not really her words that are offensive, living on the marina I hear language worse than that out of my own father's mouth, but her voice is just so full of hatred. The boy's smile fades and he runs back to her with his head hanging. She looks really young, but I guess she's his mother because she pulls his hair and jerks him around as he stumbles onto one of the houseboats tied to the dock.

I turn quickly and march straight to my dad's office, the tears burning in my eyes as I think of how I was ready to knock that kid out. No wonder he was so rude, his mom is horrible! I regret wanting to punch him but I refuse to let my tears fall. No, I will not shed tears over some silly summer Pay Checks.

I have to force open the door to my dad's office. The door sticks sometimes and the paint is chipping from the wooden siding. The office is attached to the little twelve room motel that's part of the marina. He inherited the small resort from his father who started the marina with just a campground and a gravel launch. Now, the resort includes the motel, with a pool and spa, a cafe and general store, lots of spots for trailers and motorhomes and tents, sixteen modular homes for those families that stay the whole summer, over a hundred boat slips at the dock, and a recreational area with volleyball, horseshoes, a swing set and a dozen fire pits along the small private beach. We also hire out paddleboats and kayaks and tubes. My dad's really good at business.

"Well, hells Bells, look at that scowl! It's too early for you to be wearing a face like that," Dad chuckles as I storm into the small room. It's not much cooler in here than it is outside, but at least there's a large fan blowing near the window. "What's got your feathers ruffled?"

"Nothing," I mutter, the encounter with the green-eyed boy too humiliating to retell. I plop down in one of the uncomfortable vinyl chairs in front of his desk as he busily scribbles down something in his books. He looks up at me with his wrinkly brown eyes, and his thick mustache twitches over his thin lips. He knows I'm not being truthful; his mustache always twitches like that when he's trying to figure stuff out.

"Aw, see? Now, I don't believe that for a second. You've got anger written all over that pretty little face of yours," Dad says softly. I look down at my sandaled feet, shaking my foot to free a rock stuck between my toes.

"I just hate the beginning of the summer. All these people think they're so special with their big boats and their fancy clothes," I say, thinking about the boy's new leather shoes and the way he winked at me, like he was thinking of a joke and I was the punch line.

"Those big boats and fancy clothes put a roof over your head, missy. And an ice cream in your hand." Dad winks and holds out a couple of shiny round coins, and I know he's right. It's no use arguing with him, I know we're luckier than most folks in this little town. Besides, it's the start of the season and Dad's busy. I shouldn't bring him down with my sour mood.

"I know, Daddy," I say, slightly ashamed I even bothered him at all. He gets up and places the coins in my hand before kissing me on the head. That's my cue to leave, and I pocket the money before walking back out into the smothering heat.

I skip to the general store, the coins jingling in my pocket, and I see a familiar face standing by the door. His black hair curls around his shoulders and his dark brown eyes look like little pebbles. He's in my class and I've known him for as long as I can remember. Jacob Black has lots of brothers that look just like him. There's six of them altogether and every year the teacher always says how there's another kid from his family in the class. His dad runs the only boat storage place in town. They live in a house close to where we used to go to elementary school, a mile or so from the marina on a road of dirt and cracked pavement. This year we'll be going to the junior high school in Boulder City, a twelve mile bus ride from town, and I'm a little excited. I have been going to school with the same ten faces since I was in kindergarten so I'm ready to meet some new friends. I might even have a girl in my class this year.

"Bella smella," Jacob yells as his two of his older brothers, Jared and Paul, march out of the store. Dad says Jacob makes fun of me because he thinks I'm pretty. I think he's just trying to make himself feel better because he has such a big nose. There were some mean kids staying here last year who kept calling Jacob 'snout'. He didn't like it very much. That's the year he started calling me names.

I walk past him but stop as I open the door to the little shop. "Nice one, Jake. Still only know one word that rhymes with Bella, huh? What about Bella fella? Or Bello Jello? Oh! Bells smells, that's a good variation on your timeless favorite," I say with my fakest smile. Making fun of myself always sucks the sting right out of his insults.

"Close the door, Bella. You're letting all the hot air in," Leah barks at me from inside.

"Later, Jake the fake," I smirk as Jacob scowls at me from behind the glass door. I'm surprised he didn't stick his middle finger up at me. He thinks he's so cool, and always acts especially rude in front of his brothers. They'd tease him terribly if they knew he cried and peed his pants when we saw that rattler on the hiking trail last week. What a cry baby!

"Hi Leah," I say and pull the coins from my pocket. My dad hired her to run the shop this summer. She's sixteen and has really short black hair and eyes the exact color of the dark clouds during the storm season. She's going steady with Jacob oldest brother, Sam. He works with his dad at the boat storage place. He'll take over when their father retires, just like Emmett will eventually take over the marina. And I'll be free to be a famous singer or something, travel around the world and eat all the ice cream I want. At least, that's what I tell myself. "One Big Otis please."

"Don't know why Charlie bothers giving you money, he owns the store." Leah remarks and pulls the chocolate covered ice cream sandwich from the freezer behind the counter.

"I like to buy them myself," I say indignantly.

I've been asking him to give me a job all year but he keeps saying I'm just a kid and should be out doing kid stuff, but I feel like such a useless slug. I can do all the stuff Emmett can do. I can launch the boat and pull it into the slip. I can pump gas. I can work the cash register, and I'm way better at math than Emmett is, but Dad keeps saying no so I keep spending my summers on the docks. Sometimes, Emmett will take me out on the boat to ski or he'll pull me on the inner tube. That only happens towards the end of the summer, in late August when the Pay Checks fire up their motorhomes and hitch up their trailers and drive away from Willow Cove, sun burned and waterlogged, and back to the comfort of their real lives.

For them, this is just a vacation. For us, this is real life.

…

I sit between my father and my brother in my dad's old pickup truck as the radio blares the familiar tunes Dad loves so much. The cramped cab fills with the songs of The Carpenters, The Eagles, and Fleetwood Mac, and Dad sings along with the lyrics. The windows are rolled down all the way and the wind is blowing my hair all over the place. I try to control it, but it's really no use. Emmett keeps giving me dirty looks because twice now my hair almost got stuck in his chewing gum.

"Jesus, Bella, can't you tie that shit back or something," Emmett cusses, and Dad reaches around me to smack him in the back of the head. Emmett's been hanging around with Jacob's older brothers all summer and thinks he's really cool now.

"Emmett, I'm warning you. You'd better watch your mouth in front of your mother. If I hear one complaint about you swearing, you can say goodbye to the rest of the summer. I'll put you on dump detail. Do not test me, you hear?" Dad warns as he balances a cigarette between the calloused fingers he's using to point at him, emphasizing every word with a flick of his wrist. Cigarette ash flies into my face and I squint my eyes to avoid the sting. My brother's face darkens and I can tell he's angry. He always gets this crease in his forehead when he's upset, and his dimples disappear.

"Yes, sir," my brother says, but then mutters, "Asshole" under his breath. I glance at my dad out of the corner of my eye, but he just continues to drive. If he heard Emmett cuss, he's not letting it show.

We drive over Hoover Dam and across the state line into Nevada. I lean over my brother, trying to get a good look at the dam.

"It's still there," Emmett says to me. He says this every month. I just like to look at the structures. You can see the back of the dam, a big curved wall, and the concrete cylinders sticking out of the water from the highway.

"I know," I respond sitting back in my seat and trying to find something to look at for the next forty-five minutes. I sigh, wishing I hadn't left my Nancy Drew mystery in my backpack in the bed of the truck.

"Wanna play slug-bug? Outta-state license plate? I spy?" Emmett asks. I guess he's as bored as I am.

"Outta-state license plate," I choose, noticing the car in front of us. "OUTTA-STATE LICENSE PLATE, ARIZONA!" I shout at him and grin.

"All right, you got one," Emmett laughs. We continue to play until we reach the 15 freeway and take the familiar exit to the Tropicana. My dad always drops us off at the hotel. He says he doesn't want to have to drive any further than he has to, but I think he just doesn't want to see where Mom lives. She has a pretty little house about fifteen minutes from the hotel. From what I've been told and the few things I can remember, she never liked living at the marina much. I was only five when she left but they decided that we would be better off living with my dad. My mom was working long hours and had a couple of different jobs when they first got divorced.

My dad parks in the lot and I can see my mom standing outside of the casino waiting to meet us. She's wearing her uniform, a crisp white collared shirt under a bright green sequined vest that sparkles like diamonds in the sun. She flicks her cigarette to the ground and jogs over to us as we get out of the truck, her fake blond helmet of hair bouncing oddly as she runs.

"Hi there, my babies!" my mom screeches and pulls me into her chest, the tiny glittering disks of her vest scratching against my face. I try to pull away but my hair tangles in the sequins.

"Ow! Mom, I'm stuck!" I shout and grab my hair as she tries to untangle the mess, eventually just ripping the tiny strands from her vest as I squeal.

"Emmett, baby, how are you?" She greets my brother as soon as I'm unstuck and she gives him a big smooch on the cheek. Emmett likes to pretend he's all grown up and doesn't need to be loved anymore, but I can see a hint of his dimpled grin as she kisses him on the cheek.

"I'll bring them home at the end of the week, Charlie," my mom says to my dad.

He looks at her with his hands shoved in his pockets, his eyes squinting from the sun. "Alright, Renee. Don't be late, we've got a big weekend. It's gonna be a busy season, you know," Dad tells her as she throws her arms around my brother and I.

"I know all about the season," she responds dryly. My dad follows with our backpacks as she turns us towards her car. It's a Chrysler and she's really proud of it. It's a convertible.

"How's my Bella?" Mom whispers to me and kisses my temple. "You know Bella means beautiful, don't you?"

"Of course, Mom, you've only told me a million times," I respond shyly. I hate when she talks about me being beautiful, like it's all that matters, like my name makes it so.

"Have I?" she grins and I smile back at her. My mom is silly sometimes.

"Can I drive?" Emmett asks, and Mom turns her attention to my brother.

"Have you aged two years in the last month?" she asks him, and I can see his dimples appear.

"Yep. Alien abduction." Emmett shrugs and we all laugh as she ruffles his hair.

Dad's putting our bags inside the car and I break away from my mom's side to hug him around his middle. His strong, lean frame seems bigger than it is as he wraps me in a fierce hug. He kisses my forehead before I get into the backseat and he closes the door, sealing me inside. He pats my brother on the back and waves a quick goodbye to my mom before turning and walking back to his truck. He always has an odd look on his face when he leaves, I think he misses us.

Once inside my mom's car, we beg her to drop the top. She agrees and my brother climbs over the seats to help me secure the folded up roof, before heading off down the freeway towards her pretty little blue house. The sun is on my back and the tank top stuck to my sweaty skin flutters and cools in the wind.

My mom spends the rest of the week spoiling us with goodies. Good food, new clothes, sweets, even taking us to the theater to see the new Star Wars movie. Mom takes us shopping and I get to pick out a new swim suit. As soon as Mom saw my old ratty one, she drove us straight to the store and bought us both new suits and sandals.

The night before we leave, my mom braids my hair and lets me sleep in her silk pajamas. I'm lying in her bed while she paints her toenails beside me. I watch her carefully slide the brush along the nail, the bright red color looking natural on her toes. She glances up at me and smiles as she dips the brush back into the bottle, her eyes inspecting my face before she tightens the cap on the polish.

"So, Bella, how's Jacob been treating you?" she finally asks. She knows all about how he teases me.

"He still calls me Bella smella. I did what you told me to. I was nice and tried to show him his comments didn't mean anything to me, but he just doesn't give up," I say, laying my head on the pillow.

"Oh, honey. I know this doesn't make any sense now, but you'll understand in a few years. Who knows? You might even want to be his friend." I stare at her, waiting for her to laugh. Surely, she's joking. Why would I want to be his friend?

She chuckles at my facial expression and smoothes her hand over my head and cheek before kissing my forehead. "I know, life is weird. You just remember that you only get one crack at this thing, so do it right."

I have no idea what this means, but for some reason the talk makes me feel a little better. I quickly fall asleep next to her, my legs slippery in the silky pajamas, and her pillow smelling like the Laundromat back at the marina.

Before I know it, we're back in Willow Cove and I'm kissing my mother goodbye. She drops us off in town because she refuses to drive on the uneven pavement back to the marina in her new car. She hugs me for what seems like an eternity before she stands by her car and wipes the tears from her eyes. I hop into my dad's old beat-up truck, my sullen brother sliding in beside me. It seems a little dirtier, a little older, and smells musty after riding around the city in Mom's new convertible. We're quiet the short ride home, and I even nod off a couple of times, leaning my head against my dad's shoulder as he drives.

It's business as usual when we get home. Our semi-permanent mobile home is a little shabby compared to my mom's pretty little house in the city. Our furniture is old and the carpet worn and dusty, but it's home, nonetheless. I wash the dishes my dad left in the sink, then me and Emmett sort the laundry. We fill a couple of canvas bags with the smelly clothes and toss them into the back of the utility cart we use to get around the marina. Emmett drives us to the Laundromat down by the motel and we take turns sitting with the laundry as the sun sinks behind the jagged hills that surround our little cove.

When it's Emmett's turn to watch, I walk down to the general store and sneak a pack of Pixy Sticks from the candy aisle. Leah doesn't say anything, just rolls her eyes as usual, and I take them down to the little private beach by the swing set and volleyball court. I stick my sandaled toes in the warm water and rip the paper from the top of the stick, pouring the sour powder onto my tongue and swishing it around my mouth as my lips purse. The gentle waves lap against the sandy beach and it's still hot outside even though it's well past nine o'clock at night.

I look up. The sky is dark and spotted with millions of little stars that I can't see in Vegas because the bright lights of the casinos make them disappear. The moon is high in the sky and I stumble, a little dizzy from craning my neck and looking at the enormity above me.

I hear the metal chain of the swing squeak behind me and I spin around nervously. I immediately recognize his fiery hair. His head is slumped forward, gazing at his leather shoes digging into the dirt beneath the set. I can't see his face, but his pale arms and legs glow white in the moonlight. Wiping at his eyes, I see his body shake and I hear him mumble something to himself. He's upset, maybe even crying, and I try to sneak away but my stupid sandals catch in the sand and I fall flat on my face. I immediately look up to see if he noticed. He's staring at me now. He wipes his nose on his sleeve and continues to stare at me so I get up off the ground and dust myself off.

"Are you okay?" the boy says to me in a broken voice, and I feel myself soften towards him a little.

"I'm fine. I just tripped," I answer and walk over to where he is swaying on the swing. "Do you want a Pixy Stick?" I hold out the now crumbled sticks and I'm a little embarrassed by their appearance.

"Okay," he mumbles and takes one from my hand. I casually sit down on the swing next to him and tear the paper from the candy, the sour sugar forcing a pucker on my face.

"Were you crying?" I ask him, and he looks at his feet again.

"So?" he responds in a sharp voice.

"Is it because of your mom?" I speak without thinking and then realize maybe my question was a little rude.

"She's not my mom. My mom's dead. She had cancer in her brain." He twists in the swing, winding up the chain and then letting it go. I watch him as he is spinning, spinning, spinning around.

"My mom lives in Las Vegas. She works at the Tropicana Hotel and Casino. She lets us swim there sometimes and I pretend I'm famous," I ramble, because I don't know what else to say. His mom is dead? I don't really know what cancer is but I think of my own Mom and how I'd feel if she were replaced by a beautiful wicked witch. "That other lady's not very nice."

"Jane? She's my stepmom. I hate her. She's a monster," he says quietly, and resumes his spinning and twisting.

"A monster! Maybe she's a vampire! We should try to expose her! Like a Nancy Drew Mystery!" I say excitedly before I can think about how stupid I sound. He's going to think I'm a weirdo.

"You know what? She hardly ever eats. I bet she is a vampire and just drinks the blood of her husbands and their children. We need to warn my dad!" His lips are smiling now and he no longer looks upset, so I smile back at him. We are quiet for a long time before he speaks again.

"We went on a houseboat. Now we're staying in our motorhome," he says, his body twisting and turning on the swing. "My dad brought us here for the summer so he can finish his book. He's a doctor and he does lots of tests and experiments and then writes books about it."

"Where are you from?" I ask him. I'm always interested to see where the Pay Checks come from. Last year, I made it a goal to meet a person from every one of the fifty states. So far, I am up to six states. The people that come to vacation here are mostly from California or Nevada, but last year there was a family here from Massachusetts. I liked listening to them talk.

"Seattle, Washington. It took us two whole days to drive here. Where do you live?" He asks the question like it's a competition and whoever drove the farthest wins.

"I live here," I say proudly. Sometimes kids are impressed by this, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't trying to impress this boy. It's strange how he makes me feel, all fluttery in my belly, and the words that come out of my mouth sound silly.

"You live here? Cool! You get to live here all year long?"

I like this reaction and I nod my head. "Yeah. I can drive our boat too," I add.

"No way! Can we go for a ride in your boat tomorrow?" he asks, but I think before I answer. Emmett will have to go with us. I'm not really allowed to drive the boat by myself, but if Emmett goes out with us, maybe Dad will let us take the boat just a little ways up the river.

"Maybe. I have to ask my dad," I say, disappointed I can't tell him yes right away.

"Yeah, me too," he says, and I am relieved. His father probably won't let him take a boat ride with strangers. "Do you want to do something else tomorrow?"

"We can go for a hike. Sometimes we see snakes and scorpions and wild donkeys. And then we can go swimming at the pool or the beach, or we can take out the paddle boats. There's lots of stuff to do at the marina," I tell him. I remember my brother and how he uses his dimpled smile to charm customers, so I smile too and try to be charming.

"Scorpions! Cool!" He kicks at the dirt underneath his feet. "What's your name?"

"Bella Swan," I say quietly. "And you're Eddie."

"Edward," he corrects me with a scowl. "I hate the name Eddie. Only the vampire witch monster calls me Eddie."

"How old are you, Edward?" I ask.

"I just turned twelve. My birthday was last week," he says, his chest puffing out a little.

"Me too!" I say. "Well, I'm not twelve yet. My birthday's in September, but we're still the same age."

"Well, not really the same. I'm older because I'm twelve before you," he says smugly and I frown, partly because he's arguing with me but mostly because he's right.

"You know what I mean," I mutter. I kick my feet off the ground and he does the same, and soon are both swinging higher and higher until the wooden legs of the swing set start to shake a little.

"Bella! It's your turn to watch the laundry!" I hear Emmett yell from the Laundromat, and I slow my swing, dragging my feet in the sand until I'm going slow enough to jump from the seat. I land on my feet and feel a sharp pain shoot up my leg, but I pretend I feel nothing.

"That's my brother, I gotta go," I say to Edward as he too drags his feet in the dirt.

"You have to do your own laundry?" he asks, and I sigh.

"Yeah, my dad says it builds character," I explain, but I can see this means nothing to Edward. He's a rich kid, I bet he doesn't even know how to use the washing machine. They probably pay some lady to come wash their clothes for them.

"I'll come with you," he says as he hops off the swing.

"Okay." I'm a little hesitant as he follows me up the sidewalk to the building. Emmett's sitting on one of the folding tables and he jumps down when he sees me walk through the door. The already hot room is sweltering now from the heat of the dryer.

"What took you so long," Emmett grumbles before he notices Edward behind me. He frowns and straightens his back to stand a little taller.

"Edward, this is my brother, Emmett." Edward gives a slight nod of his head but Emmett just stares at him. "Edward's from Washington."

"D.C. or state?" Emmett asks like it's a very important factor in his acceptance of him.

"State," Edward responds, his eyes confused and hesitant.

"Huh," my brother scoffs. "I gotta piss. I'll be back in a few." He glares at Edward as he walks slowly out the door.

"You're brother's scary," Edward says once Emmett's gone, and I chuckle because that's exactly what Emmett wants him to think and I can't believe he fell for it.

"He's really not. He's actually a big baby. He's ticklish too. If he ever gets you in a headlock, just dig into his armpit and he'll let you go. Works every time," I tell him as the dryer buzzes. I open the door to let the clothes cool before pulling the bundle of whites from the machine. I almost choke when a pair of my undies fall to the floor, and suddenly, folding clothes in front of Edward is a really, really bad idea.

"I don't have any brothers or sisters. I'm a lonely child," Edward mumbles as he fiddles with the knobs on the washing machine, and I quickly pick up my underwear from the floor and shove them into one of the canvas bags along with the rest of the clothes from the dryer. Emmett's going to be pissed at me for not folding, but I'll just have to do it back at the house.

"You mean, an only child," I say as I toss the clothes from the washer into the dryer. I turn the dial and push the start button and the machine begins to tumble.

"No I don't," Edward says quietly, and again my stomach feels all strange and mushy. I know how he feels. Sure, I have Emmett, but he spends a lot of his time with Jacob's brothers. I'm alone a lot, and if I'm not alone, I'm usually wishing I were.

"There's this kid that lives in town, Jacob. He makes fun of me all the time. He calls me names," I say, wanting to tell Edward something now, because he shared something with me.

"What does he call you?" he asks, but I don't want to say. It's stupid, but I don't want to look foolish in front of him. Then I remember that he was crying on the swings and again, I feel the need to make things even. So I tell him.

"Bella smella," I mutter without looking at him.

"Well, that's not really an insult. Everyone smells. My mom used to smell like the ocean," he says as his fingers pick at the chipped countertop. "Is smella even a word?"

"Jacob's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed," I say with a grin, and I have to admit, the little dig gives me some satisfaction.

"Next time he's mean to you, you should tell him everyone can see his epidermis," Edward grins at me but I just look at him confused because I have no idea what that means, but I don't want to ask him because then I'll just feel dumb. Apparently, it's obvious I don't get the joke because he explains it.

"Your epidermis is your skin. It's always showing, only Jacob will think it means something bad, that's the joke," Edward laughs, and I grin because it's the perfect comeback for Jacob's insults, much better than the "kill him with kindness" crap my mom always tells me to say.

"You know a lot of big words," I remark.

Edward shrugs, "Well, only because of my dad. He wants me to be a doctor too. But he has to work all the time. He never gets to do anything fun. Do you know what he's doing right now?" I shake my head, not even bothering to mention how it's impossible for me to know what his dad is doing right now since I'm here with him.

"He sitting in the motorhome, writing his stupid book. He spent the whole time on the houseboat, writing. We didn't go fishing or hiking or do any of the things he said we were going to do." Edward kicks at the linoleum floor with his new leather shoes that are now dusty and scuffed from the dirt and gravel.

"Well, that stupid book puts a roof over your head," I quote my dad, but Edward doesn't seem to like my response. He gives me a dirty look and I feel a little bad for acting so snotty when he obviously feels sad about it. "I just mean that he works hard so you can have nice things and do fun stuff. It's just the way it is, things cost money." Dad talks about money all the time. He sees every opportunity as a chance for Emmett and I to learn something, so he tells us everything like when the books look good and when they don't, or when to splurge and when to sit tight. It's all about keeping the customers happy and making sure they come back.

"Yeah, I guess," Edward mumbles, and uses his shirt to wipe the sweat from his forehead.

Edward tells me a little about Washington and his friends back home and I tell him about the river and the Hoover Dam and we talk until the dryer buzzes again. I pull the last of the laundry from the machine just as Emmett walks up the sidewalk. His hair is wet so he must have gone for a night swim.

"You didn't fold it? Why didn't you fold it?" Emmett asks me while eying Edward, and I just shrug my shoulders as I hastily shove the clean clothes into the laundry bag.

"I'll fold it all when we get back to the house, okay?" I beg, and thankfully he shuts up about it and hauls the large bags out to the utility cart.

"Well, I gotta go now," I tell Edward as we step out onto the sidewalk.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, right?" Edward asks, and I nod my head.

"I get up with the sun so be ready early. You might want to put on a lot of sunblock. You're really pale," I remark without thinking. Again.

"Yeah, well, you have really fuzzy hair," he smirks back. "It's like a deflector shield."

I narrow my eyes at him and he laughs even harder. I can feel my face getting hot and I'm sure I'm as red as a tomato. Again, I'm stumped as to what to say. Usually I just make fun of myself and the teasing stops, but my brain doesn't work right around this kid.

"Relax, Bella. Take a chill pill, I was only joking. You're hair's nice, it looks really soft," Edward says as he shrugs, causing that sick feeling in my stomach again. I can feel the blood burning in my face and I'm embarrassed that he knows his comment bothered me. I do the only thing I can think of to do.

I punch him in the gut.

I don't hit him hard, but he isn't expecting it so he stumbles backward and falls on his butt. He sits there stunned for a minute so I lean over him to make sure he's okay. I didn't mean to hurt him, I just didn't know what to do. But now I worry that he's going to rat me out to his parents and that could mean a lot of trouble for my dad. Rule number one, take care of the customer. And that's what Edward is, a customer.

"Are you okay?" I ask him hesitantly.

"Yeah," he answers defensively.

"Are you going to tell?" I ask as Edward gets himself up off the ground.

"It depends. Are you going to tell anyone I was crying?" he asks, and I shake my head no. "Pinky promise?"

I lick my thumb and hold out my pinky and he does the same. We hook our pinkies and shake.

"Seal it," I say as I stare into his eyes, and we press our spit covered thumbs together. The bond is made. He will not speak of it and neither will I.

"Bella! I'm gonna tell Dad you skipped out on chores!" my brother yells, and I drop Edward's hand and take off running towards the cart.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella!" Edward shouts after me, and I wave back, grateful to have at least one friend, even if it's just for the summer.

…

I hang around with Edward all summer. Sometimes, Emmett comes along and we go hiking, or he drives us around in the utility cart. We try to camp out in a tent one night but Edward gets scared when I tell him about the mountain lions and coyotes that live among the rocks, and he begs to go back to his motorhome. We go swimming in the river and float on inner tubes that we tie to rocks with long rope, trying to jump from one tube to the other. I show him how to use the gel from the Aloe Vera we have in our rock garden when he gets sunburned and every day we eat ice cream from the general store. He always gets a rainbow sherbet Push-Up and I get a Big Otis and we sit on the swings and jump in the water when we get too hot. We plot ways to destroy his wicked monster vampire stepmom and think of funny names I can call Jacob at school this year, and I laugh so hard I almost pee my pants.

My dad even takes us all out on the boat a couple of times. I get to meet Dr. Cullen, Edward's dad, and I find out he's actually a really nice man. I don't know, I thought maybe he would be as horrible as the devil woman, but he's really different. The evil witch barks orders and complains endlessly. It's too hot, it's too wet, it's too dirty, blah, blah, blah. But Dr. Cullen is quiet and says a lot of meaningful things, and I like his blond hair that he combs so neatly. His hair always looks perfect, and even when it's a hundred and twenty degrees out and everyone else is melting, he looks calm and composed.

Dr. Cullen likes our marina so much he speaks to my dad about buying one of the new modular homes that were built last year. They are all the same, similar to the one we live in, only brand new. I'm excited because this means Edward's family might be coming back next year. I've been friends with lots of different kids for the summer but most of them I never see again. That's just the way it is when you live in a summer town.

The night before Edward leaves, we have ice cream on the swings again. I know he's leaving because his campground is clear of the usual debris. All the towels, shoes, and ice chests are all packed up, and the awning is rolled back and hooked into place. Only the motorhome sits in the spot now. We silently sway on the swings, and the air smells different. The air is heavy and my t-shirt sticks to my skin. It's August, storm season, and the sky is dotted with high clouds that billow and bow. Edward doesn't speak of it and neither do I. He hasn't really told me he's leaving but he knows that he doesn't have to. I've seen it all before.

"I'll get him to come back next year," he says eventually. "I'll make him." He speaks in a confident tone and I have to admit I feel hopeful for an instant, but then I remember that a year is a really long time. Things change. People do too.

"Maybe we can go to Laughlin for the Fourth of July. Next year, we'll go see a big fireworks show," I say half-heartedly, wanting it to be true so bad but knowing there's only a slim chance.

"I made you a birthday present," Edward says, and I look up at his face now. His cheeks are pink from the sun and the skin on his nose is peeling. "I know it's not until next month, but I wanted to give you something. So you can remember me."

My heart feels big in my chest, like it takes up too much space, and I feel my eyes start to burn, but I can't cry in front of Edward. Instead, I look down at the shell he holds in his hand. It's small and white and ridged, and he holds it out to me, flat in his palm.

I recognize this shell. He found it while we were hiking last week and he wondered why a seashell would be found so high up on the hill. He said it must be special and shoved it into his pocket with the black glassy rock and the piece of wood that looked like an eye. Edward likes to collect special things.

I carefully take it from his hand and turn it over in my fingers. On the inside, where the surface is smooth, clearly printed in tiny neat writing are the letters: _B & E 1983_. I close my hand over the shell so I can't see the black letters anymore because if I look at them again, I will cry.

I sleep with the shell enclosed in my fist that night.

Emmett and I watch Dr. Cullen unhook his motorhome from the site as we sit on the swing set. He eats a popsicle beside me while mine melts in my hand, the sticky liquid dripping onto the dirt. My insides feel like they're sloshing around in my belly and I fight back the tears that are filling my eyes because I don't want my brother to call me a big baby.

Once they have everything sealed inside, I start to panic, worrying that I'll never see him again and I'll lose my friend forever. I can see him in the back of the trailer as they pull away, and my heart drops. He's waving, though, so I wave back as the tears slip down my cheeks. I quickly wipe them away before Emmett can see, but it's too late.

"Get used to it, sis," Emmett says quietly. "Summer friends don't mean shit."

…

**A/N**

Hi my lovelies! So, this story be all Bella's Point of View and each chapter will chronicle a different summer.

Thanks be to betas **n7of9 **and **SubtlePen**, and to **miztrezboo **for prereading.

Reviews are like rainbow sherbet...the make me feel all melty like :)


	3. That Time I Left First

**CH 2 - That Time I Left First**

_1984_

_The cost of one gallon of gas is $1.10._

_Chicago releases their seventeenth album, Chicago 17 on May 14th._

_The Summer Olympics are held in Los Angeles, California, United States._

_..._

"Bella! Wake up! Do you know what day it is?" Emmett jumps on the end of my bed and my head bounces around on my pillow as I try to hide under my sheet.

"Is it murder your brother day?" I mumble, but Emmett yanks the sheet off my small bed. Thank God I have my own room. I'd go crazy if I had to deal with this every day.

Oh wait. I do have to deal with this every day. Damn.

"Yep, that's exactly why I'm waking you up, because I'd like to meet my death at the hands of my lame-ass sister." I can practically hear the rolling of his eyes in the tone of his voice. I roll over onto my belly and cover my head with my arms.

"Dad said you have to get up. You're going to help me pump gas this year," Emmett continues, and I groan and lazily roll out of bed. I check the alarm clock by my bed. Four-thirty. Ouch. Dad has always been an early riser. I can usually smell coffee brewing well before I even think about getting up.

Once in the bathroom, I wiggle into my swimsuit, the pink and purple stripes stretching awkwardly over my body. I look at myself sideways in the mirror and frown at the stupid little bumps on my chest. Boobs. How am I supposed to do anything with these? I can't even wear my new suit without a t-shirt anymore because I'm afraid people will notice. My mom noticed. She had a big discussion with me about it when we went to visit last week. She told me my body would change soon and I would start to feel different, and that I'll get boobs and a period. I'm still petrified. I already learned about this stuff last year in health class, but then Leah told me about these tampon things and you have to stick them up _there_. I told my mom I don't want a period if it means I have to use tampons, and she laughed at me. Laughed! I don't care, I will never use those, ever.

Luckily, all I have so far is boobs. My mom bought me a bra and a pack of maxi pads, just in case, but I hope to God this whole bleeding from the crotch thing holds off for at least another year or two.

I throw on a tank top and tie a knot in the front like I've seen Leah do to her shirts, only she lets her belly show and I'm not that brave. I pull my hair into a tight French braid, so tight my head starts to hurt, and I slather on some sunblock. Last year, I would have given anything to work with Emmett, but now I'm irritated this job is taking away from my sleep-in time. Not that I ever get to really sleep in, but waking up before the sun is inexcusable, especially because the sun wakes up really stinking early here.

The heat is already warming the gravel this morning as I walk down the few steps of our mobile home. Emmett is gone and he's taken the utility cart, so I walk the quarter mile past the campground to the docks. I can see the campground is buzzing with activity already, and I wonder if Edward and his family are here. I look for their motorhome but I can't find it. I've thought about him often this past year, hoping he'd show up this summer, but I've had the same hopes before. Every year I make friends and every year they leave. Some of them come back, but most of them don't. A year is a long time. Plans change and people do too, so I try to not have too many expectations. But I still remember Edward every time I look at our shell, the one he put our initials on. I still think about him, no matter how hard I try not to.

The launch is packed. Trucks are slowly backing their trailers and cars down the ramp as people stand in the water waiting to guide the boats from their trailers. Once they're off the trailers, and the drivers have pulled away, they all climb inside and lower the prop into the water as they fire up their engines. I can see my brother by the gas pump and I run now, my new canvas deck shoes much more effective against the rocky terrain.

My mom got a bonus this year so she bought me and Emmett new clothes. Emmett grew a full four inches this past year. He's as tall as Dad now. Mom took us to Sears and we got a whole new wardrobe. The clothes are mostly for school, but I have a couple of nice things I can wear out on the water. Like my new swimsuit and these purple soft velour shorts. I wanted something that wouldn't get so soggy in the water, but apparently twelve year old girls aren't supposed to wear swim trunks.

I stop in at my dad's office to say good morning, and he gives me a kiss on the cheek. He hands me some money so I can get breakfast, but I'm not really hungry yet. I purchase a muffin and juice from Leah, anyway, and nibble on the dry bread which makes the back of my throat itch. I stop on the bridge to watch the fat fish swimming below. The greedy little things wait for me to toss them my leftovers, so I crumble the rest of my muffin over the water and watch them gulp it up.

"Bella!" I hear a boy shout, and I follow the sound to see the familiar reddish brown hair and pale face. Edward has grown too. He runs down the sidewalk by the hotel. I'm still taller than him but he doesn't seem as scrawny. His hair is shorter and plastered to his head now, and he wears it combed neatly back and slightly to the side. He's wearing khaki shorts and a polo shirt which means he must have just gotten here because those aren't river clothes, and he looks out of place and way too formal. I beam up at him, wiping my hands on my shorts and so happy to see him that I want to hug him. That might be weird though, and my new boobs would have to touch him, so I wave instead, and he smiles his funny smile, the one that makes me go soft.

"Hey!" he says as he stops in front of me, slightly out of breath. "I knew it was you because of your big huge braid."

"Well, I could tell it was you because of your fancy clothes. Going golfing later?" I laugh at him and he looks confused, like what he is wearing is completely normal for the river.

"No, we're going out on my dad's new boat. My dad bought a new boat! And the wicked witch is gone, Bella. They got a divorce. It's just me and my dad this year. I told you I'd get him to come back," he rambles, not quite catching my attempted snarky comment, but I am instantly curious by what he says. The wicked witch is gone. I wonder what happened. And his dad bought a boat! This means they might become regulars! We have a few families that vacation here every year. They pay in advance to reserve their spots and they keep their boats in Jacob's dad's boat storage place. We even know them by name. They are the customers my dad likes to keep happy, steady Pay Checks, money we can count on every year.

"Does your dad even know how to drive a boat?" I ask warily. There are a lot of unspoken rules about boating. There are a lot of well documented rules, too, but there's this understanding amongst people that go boating, sort of a mutual respect for each other and for the river itself. It can be really dangerous out there on the water and stupid people have gotten others and themselves killed because they weren't following the rules.

"He drove a houseboat last year," Edward says pointedly.

"So? There's a lot more to it than just steering," I respond, and Edward frowns.

"Well, he took a class. And he bought me a life jacket," Edward adds hopefully, and I laugh because I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or if he's serious, but either way, it's a little funny. Edward's lips slip into a sly grin and I'm just so happy he's here.

"I can help you guys, and so can Emmett. We grew up here, we know everything there is to know about the river. I have to help my brother at the gas station right now, but let me know when your dad wants to launch the boat, we'll come help," I offer as I start walking towards the station. I can see my brother looking for me and I know that as soon as he sees us, he's going to yell across the dock, and it will probably be something embarrassing.

"Okay! I'm gonna go tell my dad. We're staying at the motel this year because we had to tow the boat. But I'll come find you soon." Edward is walking backwards as he speaks. He's watching me and smiling like he knows I'm happy to see him, and I roll my eyes, fighting the grin that's taunting my lips.

Just then my heel catches on the uneven platform of the floating dock and I fall flat on my butt. My tailbone aches and the sandpaper texture of the ground scrapes the back of my thigh, and it stings. I've felt the sting before, my legs are always covered in scrapes and bruises by the time the summer is through, but this pain is bubbling in my stomach and making my face flush red. I feel humiliated.

Edward's face looks panicked and he runs over to help me up. "Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"

He grabs my arm, his air-conditioned hand cool on my heat-soaked skin, but I shrug him off. I know he's just trying to be nice, but I'm too embarrassed. And as if things can get any worse, I hear my brother laughing from the station. I turn to see what he's laughing at and, yep, it's me. And he's not alone. A ton of people nearby chuckle and point, the most ridiculous spectacle of the day brought to you by yours truly.

"I'm fine," I mutter as I stand up, forcing myself not to cry so I can maintain as much dignity as possible with a dock full of people laughing at my clumsiness. "I'll see you later, Edward."

"Okay, Bella," he smirks, but before I can walk away, he turns and falls, his arms flailing as he screams like a little prissy girl and face plants the ground. At first, I think it's an accident, and I hear a roar of laughter from the station, but I see Edward hop to his feet and wink at me before trotting over the bridge and up the sidewalk to his campsite, and I watch him, irritated and confused. Was he making fun of me?

Walking carefully to the pump, I notice my brother is still laughing. Fantabulous.

"Was that Edward?" Emmett asks me as he pockets a fistful of money. He waves over a shiny red jet boat and looks at me through squinty eyes.

I nod with creased eyebrows. The boat glides over to the dock and I kneel down to catch the back end before it hits the rubber bumper that runs along the dock.

"That kid is a total noob," Emmett chuckles as he shakes his head.

It takes me a minute to realize that Edward probably wasn't making fun of me, that he was drawing the attention away from me instead. I have to admit, I don't feel so foolish now. Emmett doesn't even mention me falling on my butt. My misstep is completely overlooked, and I make a mental note to thank Edward later.

Emmett and I work all morning long, ushering the customers through the small gas station. We only have four pumps and ordinarily we don't have anyone working the station, but during these first weekends of the summer, we're like traffic cops, motioning to the long line of boats dying to fill up so they can burn out.

By afternoon the line has dwindled and my dad tells us to go get some lunch. I haven't seen Edward since this morning and I'm wondering if he'll know where to find me, if he'll remember where I live. Maybe I should find his room and tell him I'm done at the docks. I decide to eat lunch first and then if I still haven't seen him, I will find out which room he's in.

I ride back with Emmett in the utility cart and we make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We sit in front of the large circular fan and eat our lunch, letting the breeze cool our bodies. I can already feel my skin tight on my shoulders and my face stretches and stings when I wrinkle my nose. After I finish my sandwich, I rub fresh sunblock onto my face and shoulders, and as I'm searching my dad's collection for a hat to wear, I hear a knock on the door. I run down the hall to get to the door before Emmett does. It might be Edward.

I fling open the door, with Emmett right on my heels, to find Jacob standing on the porch, his hair hanging in his eyes and sweat beading on the bridge of his nose. I try not to let the disappointment show on my face as I let him inside.

"Hey, Sam's gonna drive us all in to Laughlin for the Fourth. You guys wanna go?" Jacob grins and wiggles his eyebrows in a way that makes me want to barf. Oh, ew!

Laughlin is a big town in Nevada, just south of here, with hotels and casinos and shops. They have a lot of special activities for the Fourth of July and Emmett and I have always wanted to go, but Dad's always too busy or too tired to drive the two hour trek. Usually, we just get a spot out on the river. We find a nice little cove and bring an ice chest full of drinks and food, and barbecue right on the beach. We swim and eat and hike until it gets really dark. Sometimes Dad takes us on a night ride up the river and he stops the boat in the middle of the deep, deep water and we jump out and swim. Emmett always tries to scare me with stories of alien abductions and hundred-foot-long catfish that eat people, but I don't fall for it. Well, not anymore anyway.

"Depends. Who's all going?" Emmett asks. I think he's hoping Leah's cousin, Emily, will tag along. Emily just moved here from Flagstaff. Apparently, her parents got a divorce or something, and she and her mom moved into Leah's house. Emily's a city girl, and it's plain to see in her every movement. She has long, soft hair that she curls every day, and she wears short shorts and shaves her legs. She just turned fifteen but she has a boyfriend back in Flagstaff. Sometimes, Emily helps Leah in the store and I hang out with them when I'm bored, which is often. They talk about French kissing and getting to third base, and while I have no idea what this means, I'm pretty sure it has something to do with boobs. I pretend I'm not paying attention when they look at me out of the corner of their eye.

Emmett's been eyeing her all year long but she won't give him the time of day. And I like her times infinity for it. Emmett thinks he's so cool, which means he can't hang out with me anymore and, well, frankly it makes me sad. My brother used to always take me along on his crazy adventures, but now he avoids me like the plague and makes me look like an idiot. As if I don't do well enough with that myself.

"Everyone. It's going to be totally bitchin'," Jacob says, and shoves the universal hand signal for 'rock on' in my face. I flinch away from him and he taps my cheek with his now outstretched fingertips. I hate it when he does this. It's so rude. I mean, he's hitting me in the face! I want to grab his fingers and crush them. It's times like these that I seriously wish I could use the Jedi mind trick to mess with his head.

I knock his hand out of the way as he smacks my head in retaliation, so I shove him into the wall. Our relationship has always been like this. He teases me and I say something smart back, which leads to some sort of hostile physical contact, and before I know it, we're full on wrestling, kicking and scratching and knocking stuff over. Once, in third grade, we got in a fist fight on the playground because he pulled my braid and said my hair looked like a donkey's tail. He called me ass-head and I pushed him to the ground and gave him a slow bullet, using my knuckle to slowly dig into his chest, until he cried. I got in lots of trouble, but it was so worth it.

"Look, Jacob, you know I can beat you up, so you better just stop while you're ahead," I warn him, but he just grins. I know it's just kid's stuff, but it's starting to make me self-conscious. The smile on Jacob's face makes me uneasy, like he does all this on purpose just to get a rise out of me, and I don't like that he thinks he's able to make me do anything, even if it's beating him up.

"That won't always be the case, Bella. I'm going to be bigger than you one day. You'd better watch your back," Jacob taunts with an annoyingly cocky confidence.

"I'd better watch my back?" I laugh incredulously and raise my eyebrows at his remark. "What? You're gonna beat up a girl? Real classy, Ace."

"Oh Bella, you're not a girl. Last time I checked, girls were pretty, and had tits," Jacob says with a sneer, and my arms instinctively cross in front of my chest. Oh, gross! I hate it when they call them tits. It makes me think of a cow's udder. My face flushes red and I can feel tears start to collect in my eyes. I have to get away from him. My whole body is shaking with anger as I bolt from the house and slam the door behind me, the windows shaking in their ill-fitting frames. I hate him so much!

I'm storming off towards the general store, looking for relief in the form of a frozen treat, when I see Edward walking towards me. I feel my heart start to pound in a completely different way. My anger fizzles into excitement as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

He's wearing his swim trunks and a white cotton baseball t-shirt with green sleeves, and a baseball cap hides his red hair and eyes, but I can see his lips pulled into a wide smile as he waves.

"Hey!" I shout cheerfully as he approaches, and I notice a large red scrape on his palm as he waves. "What happened to your hand?"

He looks at his palm and shrugs. "I don't know. I've just been sitting around all day waiting for my dad."

I grab his hand and hold his palm very close to my face to inspect the wound. I get scrapes like this every summer. This mark is from the dock. My stomach flip flops as I remember how Edward took a spill this morning so I could save face.

I quickly drop his hand and he tilts his head to the side, his dancing eyes barely visible under the bill of his cap. He quickly shoves his hands into his pockets and we start to walk towards the marina.

"I think it's from the dock," I mention. He kicks a rock and the dirt rises in gentle clouds around our feet, and he pushes his hat up so he can wipe the sweat from his forehead.

"Maybe," he says, and I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. Another rock goes rolling. I don't like this uncomfortable silence that has settled around us, so I just blurt out my sincerest of thanks.

"You didn't have to do that, you know. Fall, on purpose. I would have been fine." It sounds all wrong. The tone of my voice is wrong, the words are wrong, and I don't sound grateful at all.

"You should have seen your face. I thought you were going to shit yourself," he says, and glances at me to see if I heard his curse. Yeah, I heard it but it's not really a big deal. You hear a lot of f-bombs thrown around when you grow up with a bunch of boys. I mean, does he even know who my brother is? I roll my eyes and he scoffs. "See? Eye roll, universal code for 'I don't have a comeback'," he laughs. He is all too delighted that he's stumped me.

"I just wanted to say thanks, geez! Why does everything have to be such a big deal?" I say while giving him a little nudge with my shoulder.

"It's not a big deal. I just think it's hilarious that you can't even say thank you without a snotty attitude," he nudges me back.

"I do not have a snotty attitude!" I declare fiercely, my hands flying to my hips as I stop walking. Edward is clearly amused, and he smiles at my silly tantrum. He's just joking around with me again. "Alright, maybe I'm a little snotty," I respond, and drop my hands. "I can't help it if I'm snotty. You would be too if you had to put up with a bunch of goons harassing you all day."

"Goons? Who, Jacob?" Edward asks, and I raise my eyebrows at him, but then relax my face, trying not to be snotty even though I think it's fairly obvious who the goons are.

"They're so annoying. All they do is make fun of me, especially Jacob. I hate him so much." Jacob's remark about my chest comes flooding back to me and I'm mad all over again. I mean, who does he think he is? My development is completely normal, my mom told me so. And it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Lots of girls in my class have boobs and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't compared. The whole thing is just so damn ridiculous. Man, I wish boys got boobs, just so I could have something to make fun of Jacob about.

"He's mean to you because he likes you," Edward responds, and I frown, the heat causing beads of sweat to slide down my back. I don't want him to like me. I want him to leave me alone.

"You're not mean to me, and you like me," I observe, and Edward stares at the ground.

"No, I mean he like _likes_ you. Like, he wants to be your boyfriend," he explains quietly, his eyes still watching the cloud of dirt collect around his feet, and I stop dead in my tracks.

"What? Why would he want to be my boyfriend? Trust me, Jacob does not like me," I chuckle, the thought so absurd I just have to laugh.

"Maybe he just doesn't know how to act around you. You're a little scary. I mean, the first time I met you, you punched me. Maybe he's afraid you'll punch him," Edward says, his lips curling into a grin, and again, for the second time today, I am stumped. My mouth gapes open like one of those gross fish under the dock. I just keep opening and closing my lips, expecting words to come out and finding nothing I can say.

"I'm not scary," I finally mumble. "Snotty, maybe. But not scary. I'm a nice person."

"Yeah, you are." Edward's eyes are barely visible under his baseball cap, but then he turns and looks at me. The color of his eyes varies like the greenish blue of the deep water, and under the shadow of his cap they appear very dark.

"I am what? Snotty or scary or nice?" I ask him, and he laughs.

"All of the above?" He says this as question and continues to chuckle as he shrugs his shoulders next to me. I give him a playful shove but can't stop the muscles from twitching in my cheeks as I force my face to behave.

"Jerk," I mutter under my breath, which only causes Edward to laugh more. Unable to fight the smile on my lips any longer, I turn my head and sneak a smile. I can't help it, Edward's laughter makes me want to laugh too.

"Where are we going?" Edward asks as we continue down the sidewalk to the marina.

"I was following you. I thought we were going to launch your dad's boat," I reply.

"He doesn't want to go out on the water today. He's supposed to be writing a new book for the hospital, for their medical students or something. He likes it here, he especially likes that no one can get a hold of him. I was scared he wouldn't want to come back, because of the evil wicked vampire witch, but then he bought the boat and I knew we'd be driving out here this summer. He's going to leave it in town, at the Black's storage place." Edward rambles as we make our way across the main parking lot between the campsites and the motel.

The Black's business is the only boat storage place in town. I keep telling Dad we should add a place for storage but my father doesn't want to snake any of Billy's customers. Billy is Jacob's dad, and he and my dad are good buddies, they've been friends since they were kids or something. So it makes sense that my dad wouldn't want to upset the relationship. I also happen to know that Billy hikes up his prices on purpose because he knows his is the only boat storage place for miles.

I hate to see Edward and his father taken advantage of, but our business kinda relies on Billy's business. If there's a place to store boats, the guests are more likely to come back year after year, and that means we get a steady pay check, which means my father is less stressed out.

"Do you want to get an ice cream?" I ask him, and he nods, so we head over to the general store. Leah's been working the register all year. We don't get many customers in the winter months, with the temperature hovering only around the mid-fifties, but occasionally we'll have bursts of activity, usually fishermen.

Leah and Emily are at the counter when we walk into the store. Emily's leaning against the counter and reading a Teen Beat magazine , the pages filled with the faces of famous actors and actresses. Well, I guess she isn't really reading, more like drooling over the pictures. Leah is refilling the displays on the counter: gum, lighters, batteries, little tubes of sunblock. The wall behind the counter is covered with pictures of people who have caught big fish out of our marina, and a couple of pictures of the few famous people who stayed here back when my grandfather ran the place.

There's also a family photo which was taken when the marina was featured in our local newspaper, with my grandfather, my dad and mom, and Emmett and I all standing in front of the general store. It frustrates me that I don't remember that day, but I was only four or something. Everyone looks so happy. My dad's tall and skinny and wearing his typical denim shorts and tank top, his messy hair sticking out from beneath his baseball cap. His mustache is hiding his lips but I can tell he's smiling big because his eyes are all squinty. My mom looks like a movie star, her smile big and genuine. Her blonde hair is long and wisps around her face, her figure shapely in her two toned swimsuit and short cotton shorts. And my grandpa looks just like I always remember, wearing pants even though it had to be well over a hundred degrees that day, and a short-sleeved button-up shirt. Emmett and I are standing in front, our arms around each other's shoulders, wearing our swimsuits and big cheesy smiles, and I remember when my brother was my best friend and how he always used to look out for me. Now he just wants to hang out with the older kids, and I spend a lot of my time alone.

"Hey Bella, who's your friend," Emily asks as we approach the counter. She's wearing her bikini and these tiny shorts that are so short I'm wondering why she even bothers. Her boobs fill out the top nicely, and I'm suddenly thinking of Jacob's comment again, and the memory stings and makes my face burn red all over again.

I'm not the only one who notices her boobs, though. Edward is trying to avoid staring, but every time he looks somewhere else his eyes drift back to Emily's chest, and I want to punch him for being so obvious.

"Um, this is Edward. He's from Washington," I introduce him, but I'm embarrassed because I almost feel like I don't want Edward to know Emily. Edward is my friend, and part of me wants to keep him all to myself.

"Well, nice to meet you, Edward from Washington. How old are you, Edward?" Emily asks, her eyes twinkling as she glances back and forth us.

"I just turned thirteen," Edward says quietly, his pale face glowing red, and I can't help but roll my eyes at how easily he's smitten with a pretty girl. I see Leah roll her eyes, too, and this makes me feel better. At least I'm not just imagining things.

"Do you play baseball, Edward? I like your cap," Emily asks as she leans back to rest her elbows on the counter behind her, shamelessly sticking out her perfect boobs on purpose. Oh, gag me.

"Yeah, I play short stop. But I'm not really that good. I'm better at basketball. I've got a mean jump shot," Edward smiles this odd smile, a smile I haven't seen before, and I frown. I had no idea he played baseball or basketball.

"Can we get two Push-Ups please?" I ask Leah so we can quickly get out of here. I don't like the way Edward watches Emily, like he can't tear his eyes away from her lovely face and perfect figure, and I suddenly feel very insignificant in my twelve-year-old body. Emily waves as we leave and Edward practically trips over his own tongue walking out the door.

We walk to the swings in silence. The plastic seats are steaming and I pull my shorts down a little so I won't burn the backs of my legs when I sit down. Luckily, the lower part of the chain is guarded with a plastic covering, but it's hot on my hands nonetheless. We swing and silently eat our Push-ups. Once in a while, a boat drives by or putts through the marina, drowning out the pop music blaring from a large group of teenagers lounging on the private beach. My gut still feels twisted and strange. I have an awkward burning in my stomach and a permanent scowl on my face from the way Edward acted around Emily, and I don't even know why. I don't understand the yucky feelings now weighing me down as I twist slightly on the swing. I can't even thoroughly enjoy my ice cream. It just doesn't taste as good as usual.

"I hate this song," Edward says suddenly, and I try to focus on the music. "I mean, who wears sunglasses at night? And then writes a song about it? So lame."

I smile, the comment loosening the knot taking up space in my belly. "When this song first came out my brother insisted on wearing his sunglasses every minute of every day, even inside our house and especially at night."

"You're kidding? I'm totally going to rip on him for that next time I see him," Edward chuckles, and my ice cream tastes a little sweeter.

"I do like that new album by _Chicago_, though," I proclaim, sucking the last of the sherbet from the cardboard carton.

"Of course you do, and that, my friend, is why you are totally awesome," Edward replies, and again my insides are jelly and the heat of the mid-afternoon begins to sneak up on me.

"Do you want to go swimming?" I suggest. I can feel the sun seeping into the skin of my shoulders and I have sweat on the back of my neck, so I am in desperate need of the cool water. Edward flings off his shirt and cap and I notice even more how he's grown. It seems as though someone stretched him out. He's still skinny but his shoulders and arms are shadowed and lined, and I can see the thin muscles of his chest and stomach.

"What?" Edward asks, and I realize he's caught me staring. I feel an all-too-familiar warmth burn on my ears, and I'm furious with myself. Nice one, Bella! Why was I even staring at him to begin with? I spent all last summer with him. I've seen him without a shirt on before.

"Are you wearing sunblock?" I deflect with the only excuse I can think of. "That pale skin of yours is going to fry to a crisp out here. Do you ever see the light of day in Washington?"

"It rains, like, ninety percent of the time in Seattle, so that would be a no to the light of day question, and what kind of fool do you take me for? Don't you worry about my pale skin," he says with a smug grin as he leaves his shirt on the swing. I self-consciously remove my shorts, and hesitate in taking off my shirt. I had decided I would wear my tank top over my suit as long as I had boobs, which I guess will be forever, but now I can't stand the thought of wearing this shirt in the water, the material heavy and sticking to my skin. And besides, it's just Edward. Stop being such a dorkus, I say to myself as I pull the tank top over my head and toss it onto the swing as well.

Edward is looking at me. His eyes are glowing in the sun and are interrupted only by his lashes blinking quickly over the green. His lips pull into a sideways half-smile, his face swarming with thought, but whatever he's thinking, he keeps to himself. He takes off running towards the shoreline, shouting as he runs.

"Last one to the water is a rotten egg!"

…

We don't get to visit my mom the whole month of July because her schedule has changed and she has to work, but we'll be spending a week with her in August and I look forward to lounging by the tropical pool. My dad doesn't let me go to Laughlin for the fourth. He says it's too crowded and I'm too young, that maybe I can see the fireworks next year, but Emmett gets to go with Jacob and three of his brothers, Jared, Embry and Sam. Leah and Emily go, too, and at first I sulk, but then Dad takes Edward and I out on the boat for a night ride and lets us swim in the deep, dark water. Even Dr. Cullen takes a break from his writing to ride along and it's kinda funny how much a doctor from Washington and a fisherman from Arizona have in common. They're both divorced, and after Dr. Cullen has a few beers, we find out he's actually been divorced a couple times. They're about the same age and both love basketball and poker. I know that Dad only sees this as an opportunity to rope in a steady Pay Check, though. This is what he's good at, hospitality, making the guests feel special and giving them extra attention so they'll come back.

Edward and I tread water by the gently rocking boat. My dad's big spotlight shines out over the water as a signal to other boaters that we're out here. It's still hot as the temperature hovers around ninety even at night, but the water seems even warmer than it is during the day. We float on our backs, submerged in the underwater silence, but we can feel the percussion of the fireworks being set off all across the desert. We watch for shooting stars that seem to dash across the massive, black sky. Once in a while, Edward's foot bumps against my leg or I'll feel the graze of his arm slip through my swirling hair, and I know I'm not alone. It's comfortable and peaceful and I wish I could fall asleep out here, under the stars, floating weightlessly with my favorite friend.

I haven't felt Edward's presence in a while and I look around to find him gone. I listen for him on the boat, but all I hear is my dad and Dr. Cullen talking politics. He's nowhere in sight and I swim all the way around the boat thinking he may have just drifted away from me, but I'm completely alone in the water and I start to get a little freaked out. Emmett's stories of huge people-eating catfish and alien abductions start to creep into my mind, and my heart jumps into my throat. The boat has drifted a little ways from me now and I start to feel the panic rise as I swim quickly back to it, desperate to get out of the water.

I'm almost there when I feel a sharp sting on the back of my thigh. I scream and hear my voice echoing off the quiet rocks around us, and I kick my legs frantically, trying to make contact with whatever bit me. My foot collides with something hard, and I turn around to see Edward's reddish hair floating before he surfaces. His face is covered in blood and he's holding his nose as he treads water.

"Jesus Bella! You kicked me in the nose!" Edward says as water drips into his eyes and he pinches his nostrils shut.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry!" I cry as I grab his arm and lead him over to the little stepladder that hangs off the back of the boat. Edward climbs up the ladder and sits on the back of the seats as my dad helps him in.

"A fish nipped me and I got scared," I try to explain as I follow him into the boat.

Dr. Cullen pinches and prods at Edward's face. He sets him down in one of the front bucket seats and leans him forward while Edward pinches his nose with a towel. I grab one of the towels from the bench and wrap it around me as I join him in the front seats.

"I don't think that was a fish that got you, Bella," Dr. Cullen smirks, and I gaze up at him confused. "Maybe an eighty pound pincher with red hair and a sunburn."

I look at Edward who is grinning sheepishly from behind the bloody towel. I narrow my eyes at him and try to look upset, but it's kinda hard to be mad at a guy grinning through a bloody nose.

"Then I guess we're even," I say sternly, and Edward just laughs, along with my dad and Dr. Cullen.

My dad drives the boat back into the marina and Edward and I sit facing each other along the back bench, our legs stretched out and side by side as we let the warm spray and wind hit our faces. I almost fall asleep from the rise and fall of the boat as it rapidly glides across the river. It's almost midnight by the time we pull the boat into the slip. I step onto the bow and when the boat is close enough, I jump onto the dock just in time to catch the bow before it crashes into the rubber bumper. I tie our boat to the dock at the front while Edward leans out of the side of the boat to catch the side. Once the boat is all tied up, we lay the towels along the back bench to dry and walk the long trek back home.

We say goodnight to Edward and Dr. Cullen at the motel and dad puts his arm around my waist and practically carries my sleepy body back to the house. My brother's not home yet, but as I crawl into bed I can still feel the movement of the water. I fall asleep quickly, pretending I'm still floating in the water and watching the wide expanse of the dark universe swishing by.

The next morning, I am awoken by the sound of Emmett's voice bellowing down the hall. He's fighting with my dad and from what I can gather, he only just got home from Laughlin. I crack open my door and listen to their argument.

"I told you, we weren't in Laughlin all night!" my brother shouts and I hear a cabinet door slam shut, the sharp sound causing the windows to rattle.

"Well, then where the hell were you?" my dad shouts back, his thudding feet pacing the kitchen floor.

"Around. We were just hanging out. It's really not a big deal, Dad," my brother says defensively.

"Hanging out where? And who was with you? I wasn't born yesterday, you know. I know what kids your age think hanging out is," my dad retorts, and I can visualize him standing there with his hands on his hips, his mustache twitching like it does when he knows we're lying.

"Look, we got back kinda early and the girls wanted to go swimming, so we went swimming. No big deal." I wonder who "we" is in this scenario. Probably Emily; Emmett would do anything to impress her.

"Which girls? Leah and that cousin of hers?" Dad asks sharply.

"Her name is Emily," my brother snaps back at him.

"I know what her name is. She spends every day loitering around my store, drinking my diet cokes. You seeing this girl?"

"Of course I see her, Dad. Doesn't everybody? I mean, she's not invisible, right Pops?" Emmett says sarcastically and I hear my dad's feet thunder across the linoleum floor.

"Now you listen to me, Son. I don't have too many rules. You pull your own weight around here and I don't hassle you when you want to play. But if you ever do that to me again, it'll be your ass. You hear me?" My dad's voice is the epitome of authority, commanding obedience in every word.

"Yeah," Emmett says quietly.

"What was that, Son?" Dad asks just as quietly. I'm practically in the hall at this point.

"I said, yes, Sir." Emmett draws out the last syllable just a bit longer than he should, a little twist in his tone that allows him to save face, even if it's only for himself. I'm sure my dad catches it, but he ignores it and the battle is over, the resolution swift. You really don't win when you argue with my dad.

"And you're on restriction. You are not to set one foot off this marina," Dad adds before opening the front door.

"Like you'd even notice if I did," my brother mutters. I walk into the hall now because I know Emmett has gone too far. Dad turns slowly and moves to stand overbearingly close to Emmett. They're eye to eye, but my brother slightly slouches in comparison to my dad's straight, strong posture.

"I notice everything in my marina. You don't make a move that I don't know about. You remember that, Son. And you'd better be out there on that dock today. This is one of the busiest weekends of the year and you have a job to do." Dad shoves a finger in Emmett's chest, a sharp point right to the heart, and turns and storms out the door. It shakes the whole house when he slams it.

Emmett sticks up his middle finger at the slammed door and mutters something I can't hear under his breath, but I'm pretty sure he's cursing.

I walk out into the kitchen and Emmett quickly wipes his face, the tears trailing clean spots on his filthy face. He won't meet my eyes so I make a pot of coffee. He's going to need it if he's been up all night. He sits down at the kitchen table and rests his head on his arms crossed over the cool plastic surface.

"You can sleep an hour. I'll wake you up," I say to him, but he shakes his head, still hiding in his crossed arms.

He sits up and rubs at his eyes. "No, that'll just make it worse," he mumbles as I set a hot cup of black coffee in front of him. He looks at the steaming cup and wrinkles his nose, but he drinks it anyway, his face grimacing as he sips the hot liquid.

"God, I hope I'm not like him when I grow up," Emmett says, and I think about how well my brother charms the customers, how he wears expressions that match my father's, and how right now, sipping a cup of black coffee, his messy dark brown curly hair sticking to his sweat-stained face, he reminds me so much of Dad already.

…

Edward stands in the middle of the cement edge at the deep end of the pool, his back facing us as he waits. I don't really like swimming in the pool, the chlorine in the water makes my skin itchy, but for this game we need boundaries. I've played Sharks and Minnows in the river before and it just gets too confusing because people around here are cheaters.

The rest of us are treading water against the side of pool. We finally sorted out all the rules; different people play different ways. Jacob always thinks he knows everything and argues with everything I say. I say the shark is supposed to be in the water and Jacob says no, the shark stands on the edge. Emily says in Flagstaff, they have a rule that the shark has to call the minnows across the pool, but I explain we don't play that way here. Emmett sticks up for her, of course, and says that we should give it a try, and somehow we've formed some kind of morphed hybrid game with exceptions to rules and special circumstances, and I've already argued with Jacob half a dozen times.

The "minnows", Emmett, Emily, Jacob and I, are supposed to swim as silently as possible from one side of the deep end to the other, without disturbing Edward, the "shark". At any time the shark can jump into the water, and if he tags someone before we get to the wall, that person becomes the new shark. We've been playing for about an hour and I haven't been caught once. I'm a pretty strong swimmer and focus on perfecting my stroke, like I saw on the Olympics last week.

"Come on! You guys have to cross," Edward says from his place on the decking between the sides of the pool. I decide to cross while he's talking so I can take advantage of him not paying attention. I silently dip deep beneath the water and frantically kick my legs, streaming through the water as fast as I can, but I hear a muffled cry behind me. I can see the blurry wall just inches from my fingers but as I reach out to touch the tile I hear a splash behind me and my heart jumps. Edward's in the water! I kick wildly, stretching to the surface, and my hand clutches the top of the wall just as Edward's fingers wrap around my ankle and pull me back.

"I got you!" he cries as we surface, our heads bobbing along the water. I'm out of breath and a little bitter I got caught on my first cross this game.

"I touched the wall before you tagged me," I argue, his face close to mine. I notice his nose has started to peel, and the skin peeking through is splotchy and freckled. Technically, it happened at exactly the same time, but I'm not going to tell Edward that. Everyone could clearly see my hand clutch the lip of the deck before he pulled me back.

"No you didn't. I pulled you away from the wall," Edward says matter-of-factly, like this makes it so.

"Yeah, but not before I grabbed the wall," I contend. "You guys saw me grab the wall before he grabbed my leg, right?"

Emily and Emmett aren't paying attention, they're too busy playing mercy in the water, their hands interlaced as they push back and forth, the whole point of the game being to hurt the other person enough to make them cry mercy, but Emmett's not even really trying. Emily squeals and yelps like Miss Piggy so it's obvious they saw nothing. Jacob just shrugs his shoulders, his lips pulled into a sly grin, and I know he saw me touch that wall, but he's not going to say anything.

"Fine. I'll be the shark, but I got to the wall first," I mumble. I climb out of the pool just as my dad walks out of the motel and down the sidewalk to the poolside.

"Emmett, Bella, it's time to get ready to leave for your mom's. We're leaving in fifteen." he says, the bill of his hat pulled down over his eyes.

I grab my towel and wrap it around my chest, and slip on my thongs, dreading how my feet will get all caked with dirt walking back to the house. Edward hops out of the pool and stands before me dripping wet, his eyebrows creased, his nose wrinkled as if he just smelled something terrible.

"You're leaving?" he asks, and I nod, a little confused by his facial expression.

"Yeah, I have to go to my mom's," I reply. I'm a little sad I have to leave, but I miss my mom. I haven't seen her in almost two months.

"Why didn't you tell me? For how long? When will you get back?" Edward demands, and I am shocked at his tone of voice. He's angry.

"Why do you care?" I respond defensively. I don't like how he's acting, like I'm a mean person for wanting to visit my mom.

"I _don't_ care," he says angrily. My shirt and shorts are tangled with his and they fall to the wet concrete as he yanks his stuff from the pile on the chair.

"Hey!" I shout, as I bend to pick up the now sopping wet clothes from the ground. "What is your problem? You're acting like a total jerk."

"I'm acting like a jerk? You…you're…just…you're the jerk," Edward yells. His voice cracks and his face is beet red, and I can't tell if it's sunburn or because he's so angry. Why is he so mad at me? I feel the tears start to mix with the chlorinated water still dampening my face, so I wipe at my eyes with my towel, trying to hide the fact that Edward Cullen is making me cry.

"Are you crying, dude?" I hear Jacob laugh, and I look up at Edward's face, his eyes red and watery, the same as all of ours from spending the last hour or so swimming. But there's a sadness in his face, he's upset, and I'm just so confused because I feel like it's my fault.

"Fuck you, Jacob!" Edward shouts, startling me. I've never heard that word out of Edward's mouth and it sounds harsh and foreign and ugly as I watch him march back to his motel room, his back stiff, his walk rigid.

I let the tears fall now. Frustration, confusion, anger, defensiveness, it's all forcing it's way from my belly to my head, the emotions climbing on top of each other like the fat fish that swim by the dock. And there's longing too. I want to go see Edward and make sure he's okay and ask him why he's mad at me and apologize for whatever I did that was wrong, but there's no time. I have less than ten minutes now to run back to the house, get dressed, and be in the car ready for Vegas.

"It's alright, Bella. You're not a jerk. It's not your fault we have to go," Emmett says as he throws his arm around my shoulders. "And you'll see him again next summer. Dad said Dr. Cullen's already reserved his spot."

I cry even harder when I hear Emmett's words. Even though they're supposed to make me feel better, it suddenly dawns on me why Edward is so upset. When I get back from Vegas he'll be gone, and I won't see or talk to him for an entire year. The thought makes my chest hurt so bad I can hardly control the tears pouring over my cheeks.

I spend my time in Vegas sulking and irritable. I just want to go home to the marina, to see if Edward left or to try to make things better, desperate for the time I know I'm missing with him. But when I get back, he's gone, and all I want to do is sleep and sleep.

The next day my dad brings me an package, a tiny white envelope that has my name written on the front in Edward's neat and precise printing.

"Edward wanted me to give this to you. He said it's your birthday present." My dad sits on the edge of my bed waiting for me to open it, but I feel like it should be done in private so I just shove it under my pillow even though I'm dying to rip through the paper.

"You know, Bella. Edward's a really good friend for the summer. But he lives far away, that's just how it is," Dad says as he kisses me on the forehead. "I just don't want you to expect too much."

His words tear at my insides because maybe he's right. Maybe I have been expecting too much. But all these thoughts are out the window as soon as I tear open the envelope and shake the braided thread from the paper. It's a friendship bracelet, a rainbow of colors woven in a flat pattern about half an inch thick and decorated with little silver beads. I tie it around my wrist and vow to wear it until Edward comes back.

…

**A/N**

So, you guys are AMAZING! Thank you for messages and kind comments and I'm cyber hugging you all!

**n7of9**and **SubtlePen**are super duper betas and thanks to **miztrezboo**for prereading.

Thanks for reading my sweets!


	4. That Time Aunt Flow Came to Visit

**CH 3 - That Time Aunt Flow Came to Visit**

_1985_

_The Goonies is released in theaters June 7__th__._

_Michael Jordan is named NBA Rookie of the Year._

_Pat Benatar is nominated for two Grammy's for best Pop and Rock Performances._

…

Fourth of July. I snap a few pictures with my camera, a birthday present from my father last year. I like to take pictures of the red sun-stained mountains across the river, they're tall and reflect off the rippling water and look like they're on fire. The sun is beginning to set, finally some relief from the blazing heat, and the sky is streaked with color.

There's still no Edward. I am beginning to get anxious. Dr. Cullen reserved his spot last year, space 207. I know because I've asked my dad three times this week if there's any news, but each time my dad said no.

The last time I saw Edward he cried because I had to leave to visit my mom. We fought. I was angry and hurt and confused. It seems like an eternity ago that we argued by the pool and I called him a jerk and he left me a birthday present. I have thought about him every day, regretting how I hadn't said goodbye, and now I couldn't wait until he got here so I could say sorry.

"It's already paid for, Bella. I'm sure they'll be here soon. Maybe something came up. Plans change, honey." I know. People do too. I know my dad is trying to make me feel better but this makes me feel worse, because now I'm thinking of all the bad things that could have happened. Why hasn't he shown up yet?

But not once do I anticipate what I find when Dr. Cullen finally parks his motorhome in spot 207.

I'm working the gas pump again this year, but now I'm on my own. Activity has died down a bit and I'm sitting on the dock with my feet dangling over the edge when Emmett runs out to get me. He's been working in the office. Dad's training him to take over the books, checking reservations and stuff like that. Dr. Cullen is checking in. Emmett knows I've been waiting for Edward to show.

I smooth the hair from my face back into my braid before jogging to the site. I walk right up to the motorhome, sweaty and out of breath, but before I can knock, the side door opens and a girl steps out into the sun. I freeze, confused. Do I have the wrong spot? I look at the wooden post beside the trailer and there it's etched, plain as day, the number 207.

She shields her eyes with her hand as she looks at me, her lips pursed. Her face is very thin and pretty and she has round blue eyes that appear too large for her face and a sharp pointy nose. Her hair is cut in a short shag and it's dark, like the moonless night sky when we're out on the water at midnight. She's wearing a torn red t-shirt over a tight yellow tank top, and she's wearing black stretchy leggings tucked into black boots that are going to get hotter than Hades in a couple of minutes. And the makeup, oh holy Hannah the makeup! Her lids are lined dark and thick and make her already large eyes look like they're popping right out of her head. I've never worn makeup. My mom's given me lip gloss and nail polish, stuff like that, but it's just useless when you have to keep jumping in the water to cool off.

There's another girl behind her in the door frame, she's older and serious. Her honey colored hair is clipped out of her face, showing off the same pointy turned-up nose and the same round eyes and milky skin. She's completely plain, wearing a pair of long khaki shorts and a beige cotton blouse that buttons down the middle and has a collar. She wears glasses, small gold wire rims around her eyes. She stretches her arms over her head, a large novel in her hand, and yawns, pushing the glasses up off the bridge of her nose. Her eyelashes are long and coarse and look like paintbrushes. They look alike, they might be sisters or cousins or something, but they are opposite ends of the spectrum. The dark and the light. The small and the tall. The primped and the prude.

"Hey, you're Bella!" the small one says, and I nod, even more confused now as to who these girls could be. How the hell does she know who I am? The blonde looks in my direction. Her lips are full and bright pink and the sun glints off her braces as she grins widely.

"I'm Rose, and this is my sister, Alice. We're Edward's stepsisters," the tall one speaks in a pleasant matter-of-fact voice as if she's informing a terminally ill patient or something, like being associated with Edward is a life sentence.

"He talked about you the whole way here," the small one chimes, her voice jeweled and crisp. Just as my mouth is dropping open, Edward bounds out the door, his slip-on Vans hitting the gravely dirt with a thud, and a cloud of dust rises around his legs.

He looks up, his hair hanging in his eyes. It's long and messy, and it looks less like fire. He's taller than me for sure, his shoulders wider under his t-shirt, and just all around bigger than I remember him. He's wearing new swim trunks and he looks like Edward still, but I feel like I don't know him at all. And these girls, they know my name, he was talking about me with them, but I'm the one left out, I'm the one in the dark. I don't like this. I don't like this one bit.

"Is it always this hot here?" Alice asks as she moves in between the trailers trying to find shade. Shade doesn't really help all that much when it's a hundred and twenty degrees. Rose flops down at the picnic table and cracks open her book, crossing her legs and holding the book up to block her face. I get the impression she doesn't really want to be here.

"Sometimes hotter," I murmur as Edward flashes me a big silly grin. His eyes squint as he walks over to me and I feel my stomach drop as he approaches. I can't smile back, I'm still too weirded out by what is going on to think about how much I missed him and how I am just relieved that he's finally here and that I can be close to him. Close, like in the same room, not like _with_ him, like _touching_ or anything. I don't like him like that.

At least, I don't think so.

He slides his hand through his hair and I notice the green of his eyes is bright under the intense rays of the sun and his nose is covered in faint freckles. My heart is starting to thump in my ears and I have to make an effort to inhale deeply just to breathe. Why does he have this effect on me?

"Hi Bella," his voice cracks, and I smile now, this little imperfection letting me relax and reminding me that this is just Edward, my goofy friend Edward. I was going to apologize for how I acted last summer, but I guess it's not needed. He's forgotten, it seems, the time away letting him get over his anger with me. He's not angry now. His lips are pulled into a grin and I have to look up at him as he gets closer in order to meet his eyes.

"What took you so long?" I ask with my hands on my hips as the words fall out of my mouth. I want to jump up and down, I'm so thrilled he's finally here, but I'm afraid of looking like a crazy person. I try to act casual, which means I end up sounding snotty. I can't even control it. It's like my attitude has a mind of its own, like that movie about that old red car that takes over and kills people. No matter what I do to wipe it out, it just keeps coming back.

"My dad got married again. His wife, Esme, had to work. She's a teacher. She had to teach a session of summer school this year. She already agreed to do it before she married my dad," Edward says quietly, and his voice puckers with bitterness. I guess the marriage is a recent development. "I wanted to come down early and have the girls meet us down here, but Dad shit on that idea real quick. I've been dying to get down here."

Edward's eyes look down at me through his hair again, and I swear my stomach turns to goo. Why does he keep looking at me like that?

"Stop doing that," I tell him, my face scrunched up into a scowl.

"Stop doing what?" he asks defensively, his face moving closer to mine as his fingers run through his hair again, and I wrinkle my nose.

"Stop looking at me," I say as I playfully push him, but he stumbles backward a little too dramatically. Oh geez, I didn't even push him that hard.

"You want me to stop looking at you?" he snorts. "What am I supposed to do, close my eyes and pretend you don't exist?"

"No, I don't want you to stop looking at me," I try to clarify, my face flushing, I'm sure, because now it sounds like I _want_ him to look at me. "Just stop that looking through your hair thing, it's weird. And kinda creepy."

Edward is about to argue when he stops and sighs. His eyes are fixed on something behind me and I turn to find my brother walking up the path with Dr. Cullen and what I can only assume is his new wife. She walks beside him, her arm linked in his, her yellow sundress bright and welcoming as it curves around her legs as she walks. Her hair is the same honey color as the tall girl, Rose, but I can see a few faint streaks of peppery gray running their course, and I think of my own mother. My mom doesn't have gray hair because she gets her hair colored every two weeks. I like this curvy lady with the gray hairs and yellow dress.

"That's her," I hear Edward mutter into my ear, his breath hot on my neck. Tiny goosebumps spread out all over my arms and legs and tingle on my scalp.

My brother is already working his charm on the new Mrs. Cullen. He's going to be seventeen in November, and a junior in high school. He wants enroll at the University of Las Vegas after graduation, but both Mom and Dad have told him it's basically a no-go unless he can find a scholarship or financial aid. He's pretty insistent on going, though, and says he wants to major in finance or management or something so he can take over the business. My Dad keeps claiming that college isn't necessary; he already has the establishment, all he has to do is teach Emmett how to run it.

But honestly, I think Emmett just wants out of here. He's always fighting with Dad and I think if Emmett got the chance to leave, he'd never come back, and Dad knows. That's why he doesn't want Emmett to go away for school.

"Girls! Come meet this kid, he's hilarious!" Mrs. Cullen shouts from across the campsite. The tall one, Rose, rolls her eyes and hides her face, but the small one runs her hands through her hair and quickly hurries to meet my brother. "See girls, I told you this was going to be fun."

"Fun for a bunch of mouth-breathers maybe," I hear Rose mutter under her breath.

Dr. Cullen walks over to us and gently puts his hand on my shoulder with a soft smile. His hair is perfectly placed, his eyes twinkling blue, and his face is creased with laugh lines and eye wrinkles. "Hi there, Bella. You're shooting up like a weed, aren't you?" he remarks, and Edward glances at me apologetically.

"I guess so," I reply with a shrug. I guess I did get a little taller, but not really anything anyone would notice, unless he knows. Oh my God, can he tell? He is a doctor, but I didn't think that was something you could tell just by looking at a person.

Oh no, can Edward tell? Is that why he keeps looking at me through his hair like that? Oh God, I feel like I'm going to be sick.

This past October, just after my thirteenth birthday, one of my ovaries released an egg into my fallopian tube for the first time and I shed my uterine lining. That is exactly how my mom explained it to me. I gagged a little. The words are just so weird, uterus, fallopian, vulva, it all sounds like plant matter from some alien planet. All I could visualize when she was explaining it to me was that part in Alien when the pod opens up and the face-hugger jumps out all slimy and attaches itself to the guys face. And now once a month I get a pain in my gut and I feel like I've been kicked in the crotch and I bleed for days. Leah calls it Aunt Flow. I'm so glad Leah still works in the store. She doesn't glare at me or laugh when I have to buy maxi-pads. She just puts them in a paper bag and smiles sympathetically.

No, they can't tell. There's no way. Someone would have told me, right? Leah or Emily, or my mom would have told me something like that.

"She's not a weed, Dad," Edward snaps, and Dr. Cullen chuckles as he shakes my shoulder with his buoyant laugh. He sure seems happy, and I'm glad. Maybe this Mrs. Cullen can be a good mother for Edward.

"Esme, honey, come meet Bella, Emmett's sister." Dr. Cullen calls his wife over and Esme greets me by extending her small hand, her delicate wrist draped with a sparkling diamond bracelet. I clasp her hand in mine, Edward's friendship bracelet still tied to my wrist, and he notices as I shake her hand, his eyes on our outstretched hands. I see his face brighten.

"Nice to meet you, Bella," Mrs. Cullen says in a calm, gentle voice. "Did you meet my girls? They're about your age." I nod, and she drops my hand to put her arm around Edward's shoulder. He's obviously uncomfortable by the contact.

"This is going to be a great summer!" Mrs. Cullen squeals cheerfully. I smile, partially at her words but mostly at the uncomfortable look on Edward's face as he rolls his eyes and runs his fingers through his messy hair, but I have to agree.

This is going to be a great summer.

…

"God, will you just shut up!" Jacob yells at Alice who is seated in front of him, and I turn around to sneakily grin at Edward behind me. I know Jacob only insisted on riding in Alice's kayak because he likes her hot pink bikini. I'd bet a million dollars Jacob is hoping her top falls off. Jacob didn't consider the fact that Alice talks. A lot. I don't think she's stopped asking questions since we set out in the kayaks this morning.

"What? I'm just curious, I thought you knew everything there is to know about this place," Alice defends herself and refuses to paddle when Jacob starts verbally attacking her.

"Watch the wake!" Emmett yells from the kayak beside us, and I dig the paddle into the wave made by a speedboat that just zoomed past us. Emmett shares a kayak with Rose and he uses the paddle to steady the rocking while she clutches the sides of the small slender boat which is dangerously close to tipping, and her face is almost as red as her polka dot swimsuit.

"You do know what you're doing, correct?" Rose yelps, but Emmett just laughs. Emmett knows how to handle a boat better than anyone I know. It doesn't matter which kind of watercraft it is, he was born to navigate.

"He laughs, we're about to capsize and he laughs," Rose says, and I giggle because the thought of Emmett capsizing is just silly. The water isn't even that rough. It's early August, probably the hottest time of the year here. The temperatures reach in the 120's and there isn't a breath of wind to save your life. In about two weeks everything will change; the clouds will roll in and the water will get rough, the wind will blow and the storms will come, all signaling the end of the season. And Edward and his family will leave, another summer gone.

But for now they are here and Emmett and I spend every day we can with Edward and his stepsisters. They aren't so bad, Alice and Rose. Rose is quiet mostly, save for a sarcastic quip once in a while. Alice doesn't shut up. She gets along fabulously with Emily, and the girls spend their time lounging by the pool or on the sand of the private beach, reading magazines and talking about music and fashion, stuff that really just doesn't interest me much. Instead, I take pictures with my camera. I click photos of the marina and the boats on the launch ramp. I snap shots of the fish under the bridge at the dock and the Arizona lupines that grow in front of the motel, their deep purple stalks fading as the month passes. Edward's skin goes from fair to red to brown as it absorbs the sun, his nose begins to peel and I know the end is getting close. His shoulders are freckled and splotched with color now, and he wears his shirt even in the water to protect against the rays of the sun.

We paddle along the south side of the river, the side that borders Arizona. If you cross the river you're in Nevada and there's another little marina about twenty miles downstream. Further south, down the river, there's Katherine's Landing, Davis Dam, and then Laughlin below the dam. Along the sixty mile stretch of river, there are arms and coves that spiral back into the red rocks and dirt-covered hills. We're looking for this cove we always go to as we paddle along the tall rocks rising out of the water, a wall of multicolored layers towering over us as we maneuver upstream.

"Where is this cove? What did you guys call it?" Edward asks from behind me, leaning forward to speak lowly into my ear.

I turn slightly. Edward's face is disturbingly close to mine as he breaks from paddling now that the rough water is behind us.

"Donkey cove," I say quickly as I use my paddle to steer, and Edward follows my lead, picking up his paddle and dipping it into the water. "There's this little outlet and the herds of donkeys come down the hill to drink from the river. They're really tame because people always feed them hotdogs and chips and stuff. I even got to pet one once. But don't stand behind them. They'll kick you right in the sack."

"Oh damn, warning received and noted," Edward cringes, and I laugh. "Maybe we can get Jacob to stand behind one and then pull its ear or something so it'll kick him in the nuts. Then I won't have to."

"There!" Emmett points to the rock cliffs which open up suddenly to an offshoot of the main river. The water is quiet and smooth like glass and our kayaks cut across the surface easily. We paddle around the bend and to the shore of the wide semicircle beach. This cove is great because it's well sheltered against any wind that might pick up and it's hidden from the main river. You wouldn't even know this beach was back here unless you knew where to look.

"Whoa," Edward mutters, and I smile, glad I could show him something cool while he's here this year.

Emmett jumps into the water and pulls his boat ashore. He takes Rose's hand to help her out, and she uses his shoulder to brace herself before hopping out of the kayak. Emmett pulls the plastic shopping bag holding their shoes from the floor of the boat and hands it to her as he wades into the water to grab our kayak. Edward jumps out to help but it's a little too soon and the water is still too deep. He sinks to the bottom and surfaces with a splash, a big grin on his face, and laughing at his mistake.

"Watch your step there, newbie," I say before jumping from the boat myself. I land in the shallow water and it's a relief from the overbearing sun. I help pull the kayak to the shore and grab our plastic bags as well. I'm going to need my hat, the top of my head sensitive from a sunburned scalp right between my two French braids.

"You're a Bulls fan?" Edward asks as I pull the baseball cap over my head.

"I don't know." I shrug, "It's my dad's hat. Who are the Bulls?"

"The Chicago Bulls. They're my favorite basketball team. They drafted this player, Michael Jordan, who won Rookie of the Year. He's going to revolutionize basketball, you just watch," Edward says excitedly. I recognize the player's name. I think my dad's mentioned him once or twice. "You should just give me that hat. You really can't appreciate it."

"No way! Get your own hat," I tease. I pull my sunblock from the bag and slather it on my arms, chest and face before pulling my t-shirt over my shoulders. I toss the sunblock to Edward and he gives me a dirty look, but it's really important to take care of your skin out here. People have gone out in the desert and disappeared, passing out from heat exhaustion or dehydration. It's one of the first things I learned as a kid, cover up and drink lots of water.

He peels the wet shirt from his skin and shakes out his wet hair, slicking it back with his fingers, and I quickly look away before I can think about how this makes me feel like my knees are jello and my heart is trapped in my ribcage.

"Got a thing for the pale faces, Bella?" Jacob remarks as he pulls his kayak up to the shore with ease. Alice hops out, her eyes on me the whole time, and I want to sock Jacob in the face for his comment, especially because of the way Alice is looking at me.

The girls lay down on their towels on the sandy beach. The water is quietly lapping at the shore and it's obvious they aren't going to be up for hiking. Rose lies on her back, her eyes closed and her knees bent, and Emmett sits down on Alice's towel. She laughs at all his jokes and asks him a dozen questions and pretends everything he says is the most interesting thing she's ever heard.

"So, why do they call this Donkey Cove again?" Alice asks as she leans back on her elbows and crosses her legs, her bathing suit clinging for dear life. I don't think my dad would let me wear a bathing suit like that, and Alice is only a year older than I am.

"Well, there's these animals, called Donkeys, and they live around here," Emmett says with a dimpled grin, and Alice laughs and smacks his bare shoulder. I hear Rose scoff as she rolls over onto her stomach and burrows her face in her crossed arms.

"So where'd you learn to paddle a kayak like that?" Alice asks him, and I can't take it anymore. I slip on my shoes, my feet now gritty, and Edward pulls his wet shirt back over his head.

"Let's go for a hike," I say to Edward, and he nods and grabs his shoes.

"Anyone else want to come?" I look around, not really wanting to extend the invitation but not wanting to be rude either.

"I'm in," Jacob says. "These guys are boring as all hell." I want to tell him no, but he's already marching up the hill, his shirt tucked into the back pocket of his denim shorts, the brown skin of his back and shoulders tinted red. Jacob would be okay to look at if he'd just keep his stupid mouth shut.

"So do you like him now or whatever?" Edward asks quietly beside me, and my face burns pink. Oh, God, he saw me staring at Jacob. I am mortified. My mouth gapes open and I turn to look at him in horror.

"No…ugh, barf…no way! The opposite, actually." I shake my head, embarrassed that Edward thinks I like Jacob. Jacob is like my nemesis. He goes out of his way to make me feel bad. I would never in a million years like him.

"Do you like anyone else?" Edward asks, and I shrug my shoulders.

"Sure, I like lots of people." I climb the rock-ridden path, the gravel making the climb a little slippery and unstable. The air tastes like dirt as I use my hands to steady myself up the steep hill. I've climbed this hill so many times, I know exactly where to place my feet. Jacob is already at the top looking down on us with a sneer.

"Come on, losers! I'm gonna sweat to death by the time you get up here!" Jacob yells.

"That's the plan," Edward mutters under his breath, and I laugh loudly, my voice echoing off the sides of the mountains.

"What? What's the joke?" Jake demands as we reach the summit, the large flat span of dirt, rocks and shrubbery before us. There's nothing but desert up here, hot, dry, dusty desert.

"Really? Do you really want me to answer that?" Edward asks him as he pushes his way to the front of the path.

"You sure you don't want me to go first? This place is crawling with rattlers," Jacob announces, and Edward looks back and scoffs.

"They're rattlesnakes. Can't you just hear them rattling?" Edward crouches to inspect a black pitted rock.

"You'd think that," Jacob replies, picking up a rock from the ground and chucking it toward Edward's feet. Edward quickly stands up, and I try to hide a giggle.

"There's no way rattlesnakes would be out right now, it's way too hot," I say to Edward with a grin, and he frowns, pulling a hand through his hair. It matches the browns and reds of the hills in the distance and I wish that I had my camera so I could take a picture.

"Hey guys! I found a dead donkey!" Jacob yells back at us and Edward's eyes flash with excitement, but I feel my stomach twist at Jacob's words. I hate it when they find dead animals. They always smell and the boys poke at them and I just don't like it. I wish they would just let them be.

Edward trots off to see Jacob's find and I trudge slowly over to where they're standing. Sure enough, there's the picked over carcass of a donkey among the rocks. It's lying on its side, the wide broad skull complete with big square teeth, hooves still attached to the legs, a small amount of skin still stuck to the skeleton, and I feel my stomach gurgle. I can't get any closer.

"Whoa! Look at its teeth," Edward remarks as he bends close to the skull.

"Don't touch it!" I shout, and Edward looks over at me with concern. "You could get a disease or something."

He crouches down as Jacob kicks it with his foot. The smell of dried skin and dirt fills the air and I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"Stop it, Jacob! Please!" I beg, my voice quavering now. "Just leave it alone!" Jacob reaches down as if he is going to pick up one of the bones and I scream frantically. "Stop!"

"Knock it off, man!" Edward pushes Jacob away from the skeleton. "It's making her sick."

"What? It's just bones. There's not even that much flesh left on them," Jacob says with a sly smile, and I know he's saying that because he knows it bothers me. I wish I could be brave, let him know he can't get the best of me, but I can't handle dead things.

"You're such an ass," I say, and turn around to walk back down the hill, away from the poor dead donkey and away from Jacob.

"No, this is an ass," Jacob laughs behind my back, and I feel my neck and cheeks flame with heat.

"Hey, wait up." Edward jogs over to me, but I keep walking. "Bella, wait!"

He catches up to me now and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. I don't want him to know how much Jacob or the skeleton bothers me. I hate it when people know what bothers me. Then they can use it against me, like Jacob does. What if Edward makes fun of me? He wasn't bothered by the skeleton, he even bent down to take a better look. He probably thinks I'm just a silly girl, grossed out by yucky things, and I don't want to be that. We're supposed to be even, and now we're not.

"I just don't like dead things," I blurt out, and we carefully start the climb down the hill. "And I feel like a dork. Because I screamed like a girl." Edward follows me, his feet stepping in my old footsteps as I slightly bounce down the hill.

"You are a girl," he says as he slides slightly before catching his balance. "Well, kind of."

"Shut up. You know what I mean," I mutter. "Jacob knows how to make me look like an idiot and he does it on purpose. He knows where my goat's tied."

"You have a goat?" Edward asks, and I stop, exasperated, and turn to see if he's serious. He smirks down at me, his hair falling in his eyes, and I throw him a dirty look before heading back down the path.

"He knows where your donkey's tied too," Edward says as he gently tugs one of my braids, and I'm about to spin around and sock him in the gut but he missteps and falls on his butt, sliding a few feet before knocking into my legs, but I'm leaning up the hill and am easily able to steady myself.

He quickly untangles himself from my legs as I help him up, trying to not to fall. He knocks the dirt off his shorts and inspects his hands, a dozen little scrapes all along his palms.

"See? The universe doesn't like it when you're mean to me." I can't help but rub it in, and he laughs.

"Then why is it so much fun?" Edward retorts, and I stick my tongue out at him and start back down the hill. He snags the baseball cap off my head and puts it on backwards. His eyes are mischievous as he sneaks past me and bounds down the path, leaving a trail of dust behind him. I follow, letting gravity help me along, determined to get my hat back. Edward runs straight past the girls and Emmett, still lounging on the beach, and into the water, shoes and all. He laughs thinking he's won.

Well, he should know better. I never give up that easy.

I follow him into the water and his face changes as he starts to swim into deeper water. I'm a stronger swimmer, though, and I quickly close in on him. I narrow my eyes and lunge, grabbing him by his arm and trying to grab my cap off his head. He's slippery from the sunblock and he wiggles away, grabbing my leg and pulling me into the deep water where I can't reach the bottom, but he can.

I kick and thrash trying to break free but he's still smiling, a fact that makes me want to pinch his pretty little face. I hold my breath and dunk below the surface, adjusting my position and pulling at his shirt now. I surface behind him, climbing on his back and throwing my arms around his neck, and he loses his grip on my leg but dips underwater, hat and all, in an attempt to shake me free. I hang on, holding my breath and closing my eyes as he turns and twists before surfacing. As soon as I can breathe, I grab my hat and swim as fast as I can, trying to get to where I can reach the bottom. I'm breathing heavily and I feel a sharp pinch on the back of my thigh. I scream, kicking my legs as I turn around to swim on my back, and Edward surfaces, laughing hysterically. I try to kick him but the water makes the blow ineffective. Edward tightly grabs my wrists and I struggle but he can stand in this depth and as much as I hate to admit it, he's stronger than me. I can hear Emmett and Alice laughing and it pisses me off even more that they've seen Edward get the better of me.

"Whoa! Are you seriously mad? I'm only playing around with you," Edward says, panting and out of breath as the water rolls around our heads. "Stop trying to kick me."

"Don't mess with me and I won't try to kick you," I retort, trying to catch my breath and letting my body relax before realizing that Edward's face is very close to mine. He must realize it too because he drops my wrists. I turn and swim to shore, putting the hat back on my head and sitting on the sand with the others. Edward swims further out into the deep water and I feel uneasy, like I've hurt his feelings or something with my overreaction, and I want to cry.

"Hey, blondie," Emmett says as he gently nudges Rose with his hand. "You'd better turn over. Your back's getting a little pink." She sits up, groggy and confused.

"Oh shit," she says as she cranes her neck to look at her back, pulling the strap away from her shoulder, and sure enough, her back is splotched and red, a distinct line of white where her strap was. She's a little more than just pink, she's sunburned.

"You're gonna feel that later tonight. Take a real hot shower when you get back to your trailer. It'll take the sting out," Emmett says as Rose pulls her shirt over her head and cringes. "We should probably get you out of the sun for today. We don't want anyone hallucinating from heat stroke."

"Hallucinating? Are you serious?" Rose asks as we stand up. Jacob still hasn't come back down the mountain, so I walk to the edge of the path and yell his name.

Emmett gets the girls back in their kayaks and is ready to leave when Jacob comes jumping down the hill.

"Emmett, did they tell you? We found a dead donkey. I'm gonna come back with my brothers and get the skull. So bitchin' man!" Jacob says, and he climbs into the kayak with Alice as she gags dramatically.

"A skull, oh, ew gross!" Alice shrieks, but Jacob just laughs.

"Yeah, Bella especially loved it," he says with a nod in my direction. I shake my head, trying not to let his comments get under my skin and Emmett helps me push our kayak into the water. Edward's still swimming in the deep water and I paddle out to where he's floating.

"Hey!" I shout and Edward opens his eyes and swims over to the boat. "We gotta leave. Rose got really sunburned and needs to get out of the sun."

"Really? Well, that blows," Edward says as he swims over to the kayak and hoists himself into the boat. He struggles a little and I reach over the side and grab his arm and attempt to help him in without tipping us both over. He throws his leg over the edge of the rocking boat, his soggy blue and white slip-on shoes still on his feet, and this makes me smile. He climbs into the kayak, purposefully falling against my leg and dripping water all over me as he settles into his spot before smirking back at me, and I give him a little shove. I turn around and place my paddle in the water. Edward snags my baseball cap again and I spin around to see him grinning from ear to ear, dripping wet and wearing my cap, and I don't have the heart to fight him for it again.

Besides, he looks kind of adorable in my hat.

...

"Oh crap," I mutter as I stare at the smear of blood in my underwear. Aunt Flow. I sigh, frustrated because now I won't be able to swim for the next week, and not being able to swim at the river is like torture. Plus, the Cullens are leaving tomorrow and we had plans to explore the shoreline that stretches south of the marina. We were going to take snorkels and fins and everything, but now I won't be able to go. I've got to quickly make up a reason because I refuse to tell everyone that I can't go because I got my period. This whole period thing sucks balls.

I won't be needing my swimsuit today, so I change my underwear and put on a bra, rinsing out my dirty underclothes in the sink, the uncomfortable pad making me feel like I'm wearing a diaper. I pull on my denim cutoffs and my tank top, cursing my reproductive system the whole time, so upset I have to spend my last day with Edward bleeding and cramping. I really just want to go back to bed, but I know Edward will be pounding on my door in five minutes, so I pull my hair back into a braid and brush my teeth.

Sure enough, five minutes later, Edward is pounding on my door, mask and snorkel already on his face, and I laugh at how ridiculous he looks. It also makes it incredibly worse that I have to cancel.

"Where are the girls?" I ask.

Edward shrugs, "Rose isn't coming. She's going on the boat with my dad and Esme. And Alice is hanging out with your brother or something," Edward says suggestively, and I gag. Gross. I still haven't thought up of an excuse, and now blaming it on someone else is out of the question.

"Don't you think you should spend some time with your dad? I mean, he's finally taking the time to go out on the water. Don't you want to go too?" I ask, trying to seem curious.

"I don't care. I'll be spending the next two days in a Winnebago with him. I just want to do whatever you want to do," Edward says sheepishly, and the knot in my tummy tightens as my lips automatically pull into a smile.

"I don't think we should snorkel today. The water's all choppy and that means the water will be too cloudy," I offer, which isn't a lie. It wouldn't have stopped me if I weren't on the rag, but right now, I'm looking for any excuse. "Let's go on the boat instead. Oh! We could drive up to the dam!"

"Oh, that'd be cool! I'll go tell my dad and meet you on the boat, you get your swimsuit on," Edward says as he walks out the door. I cringe. This is going to be bad.

I meet Edward and the Cullens on the dock. Rose has her book in one hand and a wide-brimmed straw hat in the other, and I can see her first river burn taught her a lesson because now she wears a blue terry cloth dress over her swimsuit. Mrs. Cullen looks like she could be in an old black and white movie in her black one-piece and a scarf in her hair, and Dr. Cullen stands on the dock at the bow, untying the rope from the cleat as Edward finishes untying the sides.

"Hi Bella!" Mrs. Cullen waves cheerfully as Dr. Cullen gives me a nod. Edward looks at me confused and I know he's noticed I don't have my suit on. Please don't ask, please don't ask, I chant to myself, trying to will him into minding his own beeswax.

"Hi," I say quietly with a wave. Rose looks up from her book for a second of acknowledgment before going back to her own little world. "I'll push you guys out, if you want. So you can steer," I say to Dr. Cullen.

"That'd be great, Bella. Thanks! We've got a bunch of first timers here," he says, motioning to his wife and Rose. I wait until he's seated behind the wheel and he starts up the engine before I push the boat away from the slip. Edward hops aboard as Dr. Cullen backs out of the slip, and I jump onto the bow before it gets too far away. I sit in one of the bucket seats across from Edward on the bench and he looks at me thoughtfully. I usually sit on the bench with him, but I don't want to give him the chance to ask any questions. So I just smile and cross my outstretched legs and watch the water as Dr. Cullen speeds off towards the dam.

It's a long ride. The wind blows my hair and drowns out any chance for conversation, but when we get to the huge dam, the wall of concrete overwhelming the view, everyone is hot from the ride and wants to cool off in the water. Dr. Cullen pulls out his red flag and affixes it to the windshield before jumping into the water. Mrs. Cullen follows, surprising me when she gets her hair wet. My mom never gets her hair wet. She doesn't want to mess up her makeup and she thinks she looks like a wet rat with wet hair. Even Rose sheds her frock and jumps into the water with a yelp.

"Why is the water so cold?" she asks me as she treads water.

"This water is from the bottom of the lake above the dam," I say as I glance out of the corner of my eye at Edward. He's staring at me and I'm freaking out because he's going to say something about it, I can tell. And I'm going to have to tell him.

I smile at him warily and sit on the bow, my butt getting a little wet as I let my feet hang off the front of the boat.

"Where's your swimsuit?" Edward asks, climbing onto the bow and sitting next to me.

I sigh. "In my bedroom," I respond without looking at him.

"Well, duh. I kind of figured that. Why aren't you wearing it?" he presses.

"Why is it such a big deal? Lots of people don't swim," I say, grateful the boat has drifted from the others and they can't hear our conversation.

"Bella, I have never in my life seen you without your swimsuit on. Excuse me if it's a little weird," Edward says quietly. "Are you mad or something? Did you not want to come?"

"No," I say, my voice a little too snotty. Why would he even come to that conclusion? I'm the one who suggested a boat ride to the dam. "I just don't feel like swimming today, alright?"

"Okay, fine. Sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad," Edward says as he watches the deep water and I feel I've upset him again.

"Look, I…um…Aunt Flow came to visit this morning," I say, scrunching my face as I look over at him.

"Aunt Flow? What, your period?" Edward smirks, and I narrow my eyes, irritated at the volume of his voice. "Why didn't you just say so? I live with three girls. I probably know more about periods than you do."

"It's embarrassing, you goon," I say with a scowl. It's perfectly normal to be insecure about this kind of crap, right?

"No it's not. Getting caught whacking off in a house full of girls, that's embarrassing," Edward says. My eyes bulge and my face is hot and blushing, and I can't believe he just told me that!

"What? You do that?" I whisper. I know what it is. I mean, hello, Emmett is my brother.

"Yeah. Don't you?" he asks, and my mouth drops open. I have never done that. Well, not really. Alright, well I guess I kinda tried once. I heard Leah and Emily talking about orgasms and masturbating and stuff. They were reading this article in Cosmo and I stole the magazine from the store. I read the article locked in the bathroom that night after everyone went to bed and I'll admit it, I tried to touch myself down there and do what the article said to do, but I just got squirmy and messy and then frustrated.

"It's perfectly normal, my dad said so. And he's a doctor. And he said everyone does it," Edward says knowingly, like he just read my mind and heard me recount the whole masturbatory debacle.

"Alright, fine. Once. But I didn't…you know, finish," I mutter, my cheeks burning.

"I kissed a girl. Back in Seattle. She let me touch her boobs, too," Edward confesses, and I quickly turn my head to glare at him, my heart plummeting to my knees. This time when my face burns, I am raging.

"What? You…you kissed somebody?" I ask, forcing the feelings of anger and betrayal from my voice. I have no reason to be jealous, no reason to think Edward wouldn't have girlfriends. He's very nice and cute and of course girls would like him. But this makes us uneven again, and I foolishly hoped, maybe someday, Edward would like me like that, that maybe he'd kiss me.

But not now, not ever. Not after he kissed some other stupid girl and touched her boobs. No, I will have nothing to do with loving Edward.

"Have you kissed anybody?" Edward asks me quietly, and I shake my head no. I wish I could tell him yes, wishing I really had, so that I wouldn't feel so bad right now. I want him to know, for sure, that I like other people, just like he does.

"I could kiss you," Edward offers, and I turn my head to look at him, his green eyes dark in the shade of the tall rocks and concrete dam. My heart pounds in my chest. My hands are shaking and I don't know what to think or how to feel. Does he really want to kiss me? Does Edward _like me_, like me, like a boyfriend? Or does he just feel bad for me, because I'm obviously such a loser and can't get a boy to kiss me unless he's my best friend? I feel very strange. My stomach is fluttering and my head is foggy and I realize I really, really want to kiss Edward.

And it scares the crap out of me.

So I do what I always do when I'm scared. I shove him. Hard. So hard, he falls off the bow of the boat and into the cold water below. I stare over the edge to make sure he's okay and all I see are bubbles and foam. Oh God, what if I hurt him? I'm about to call over Dr. Cullen when Edward surfaces and looks up at me hanging over the edge.

"What the hell, Bella?" Edward asks, and I really do feel bad. I just didn't know what to do!

"I'm sorry," I say as Rose climbs the ladder hanging off the back of the boat. She grabs a towel and wraps it around her body before sitting back in her chair, and she's followed by Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. Edward climbs in last and plops down on the bench, not bothering with a towel, and pulling a pair of sunglasses from a cubby on the side of the boat. He hides behind them and looks out over the water, even though we're in the shade of the rocks. I feel horrible for pushing him into the water.

I move to sit on the wet bench as Dr. Cullen starts the engine back up. Scooting back into the corner, I stretch my legs out on the seat and he looks over at me like I'm irritating him. I flash him an apologetic smile, forcing all my emotions into this one grin. Yes, I _like_ you. Yes, I want you to kiss me. Yes, I'm a big scaredy-cat nancy-pants. And I'm sorry.

He shifts to face me, and puts his legs up on the seat beside mine, his wet thigh against my calf, his toe digging into my hip, and I laugh because he knows I'm super-duper ticklish there. All is forgiven as we ride back to the marina, and the heaviness eases in my chest. When we get back we will have to say goodbye and tomorrow the Cullens will leave, their big motorhome heading back to Seattle, back to their real life. Edward will go back to his girlfriend, who lets him kiss her and touch her boobs, and I will be forgotten.

The next morning, as predicted, their campsite is clear, the motorhome pulled into the dumping station as Dr. Cullen takes care of the unpleasantries of camping, and I feel like total crap. I see Edward in the gravel road, walking towards me on the swings, and I stand up to meet him as he walks down the sidewalk, a small bag in his hand. I smile. It's my birthday present.

"We're leaving in a few minutes, but I wanted to give you this," he says, handing me the package. I open the small brown baggie and pull out a silver ring with a large greenish blue oblong stone.

"It's a mood ring. I brought it from Seattle," he says as I slip the ring onto my finger. It immediately starts changing color from green to violet

"What does purple mean?" I ask him as I gaze at the swirling ring. Now it looks like the color of the deep water when we go for night rides, and I feel my chest expand, my eyes burn as the emotion takes over.

"I don't know. There's a paper in the bag, I think," he says quietly, but I don't bother looking it up. I'm sure it means horribly awful, because that's how I feel.

"My dad bought one of those houses, the ones like yours," Edward says, and I look up at him with wide eyes. Steady Pay Checks. The Cullens are officially Steady Pay Checks.

"You'll be back for sure? You'll be back next year?" I ask, even though I know the answer.

"Yeah, I'll be back. _I'll be back_," he says, in a robotic voice, mimicking that Terminator movie, and I laugh at his horrible impression. His smile is shy and soft and I feel my face flush. My breathing stutters as he looks into my eyes. "Hey! Maybe we can do fireworks next year!"

"For sure," I say, unable to stop the corners of my mouth from twitching.

"Okay, I have to go," Edward turns to leave and feel my belly twist, my forehead crease. I really don't want him to leave. "I'll see you next year, Bella."

I can't say anything because I'm afraid I'll cry. I miss him already as I watch him walk up the path. I see Dr. Cullen wave so I wave back with a lump in my throat. My chest hurts so bad, I can't look at him anymore. I look down at my ring and run my finger across the glass and I wish I would have hugged him or said something. I didn't even say thank you. I didn't even say goodbye.

I take off running in his direction and shout his name, my voice cracking as I try to hold back my tears. Edward stops and turns, his face confused, and I throw my arms around his neck and squeeze him tight, holding him to my body and wishing like hell I didn't have to let him go. His arms wrap around my waist and he squeezes too, and I know he feels the same. His tears dampen my shoulder and I turn my head into his neck. He smells of shampoo and sunblock.

"Thank you," I say, and press my lips to his cheek, and with one last squeeze, I let him go and run home as fast as I can, looking back only once to see him wipe his face and smile at me.

I'll dream of that smile for the next ten months, dreaming, hoping, waiting for the summer.

...

**A/N:**

Hey, look at that! A chapter ended on a positive note...I know, I didn't think it possible either.

Oh readers, how I love thee! Come to Cali so I can buy you all a beer!

**n7of9 **and **SubtlePen **are supreme betas and **miztrezboo **is a prereading pimping fool, thank you bbs!

Thanks for reading lovelies!


	5. That Time You Sat on the Muffins

**CH 4 – That Time You Sat on the Muffins **

_1986_

_The A-Team airs its fifth and final season._

_Sammy Hagar performs his first concert as lead singer of Van Halen. _

_Space Shuttle Challenger disintegrates after launch, killing everyone on board. _

…

"So, what's up with you and Jacob?" Edward asks, his lips stained from the rainbow sherbet Push-Up he's eating as he sways on the swing beside me. The Cullens arrived last night, crammed into a big black Mercedes. Last year, Dr. Cullen bought one of the modular homes here at Willow Cove. I can almost see their front porch from my bedroom window and I've been watching for signs of life for weeks.

I started high school this year and am now known by everyone as Emmett's little sister. They don't even bother learning my name, calling me little Swan. Every time I hear it, I want to smash their faces in. Emily lets me eat lunch with her a couple times, but she doesn't exactly have the best reputation in school and I high-tailed it out of there when one of her boyfriends asked me if I was a virgin. After that, I spent my lunches in the library. I finished the required reading list for next year and am working my way through the college prep list. Jacob hangs around his brothers Jared, Embry and Quil and their stoner friends, who hang around Emmett and his clan of gear heads who occasionally hang at the tables with Emily and her popular friends. I don't fit into any of these groups. And I don't really have friends. I'm kind of a social outcast.

"Nothing's up with me and Jacob. There is no me and Jacob. There's me and there's Jacob and occasionally, we have to be in the same room. Other than that, I avoid him like the plague," I explain before taking a bite of my Big Otis. The cookies are soft and melty, just how I like them. What I don't like is how Edward lumped me with Jacob. It implies a union and I don't want to be connected to him in any way. Jacob is my brother's friend, if anything. Not mine.

"Just making sure. A lot can happen in a year," Edward says and I look at his face, the statement more true than he realizes. Edward's changed, his hair is very short and a dark auburn color now, his jaw is sharp, his cheeks less full and he has muscles, long lean curves in his arms and shoulders. He's a full head taller than me now, his feet too big for his body and I swear there's a faint shadow of prickly hair along his upper lip. He looks like the boys at my school, with his trendy clothes and brand name sneakers and I'm trying really hard not to pigeon-hole him into one of the groups. This is Edward, he's not generic or typical. He's just Edward and there's no one like him in the whole world.

"Yep, things change. People do too," I mutter as I stare back at the ground, the white rubber toe of my sneaker digging into the dirt.

"I made the basketball team this year," Edward says.

"You're a jock?" I laugh, surprised because Edward tripped over his own feet twice between the store and the swings.

"Yeah, I guess. I won first place in the academic decathlon too. I'm a nerdy jock, kicking ass and taking names. Do you still take pictures?" Edward asks me and I nod, my camera sometimes my only friend. When I'm looking through the lens, everything else disappears and the only thing I can see is what I'm focused on.

"I'm not anything. I don't really participate in the whole socializing thing," I say quietly, licking the chocolate from my fingers.

"That's not true. You're something," Edward says and I narrow my eyes because I'm sure his next comment is going to be a joke at my expense. "I'm serious! You're artsy, with your photography thing, and you're abstract the way you observe and dissect. And you are freakishly strong."

"Did you even stop to think that maybe you're just incredibly weak?" I ask and Edward shrugs his shoulders.

"Maybe I am, but maybe, you're part ant and that's why you can lift fifty times your body weight," Edward remarks and I smile, his comment reassuring me that he's still just Edward, my best friend who doesn't think I'm weird no matter what I say because he says weird stuff, too.

"You're probably Mr. Popular now, huh? Not only will you win them a title but you can tutor them in math too," I say in a dreamy voice and Edward knocks his swing into mine.

"I don't know. I'm not _un_popular. I don't really pay attention to it. Mostly I just hang out with the team," Edward says and I notice he doesn't mention any girls. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fishing.

"What about you? You got a little group of artsy fartsy friends? Maybe a little mopey boyfriend and the two of you talk about Romeo and Juliet all day and how nobody understands your love?" Edward grabs the chain of my swing, knocking his legs into mine as he smirks.

"If I did, I wouldn't be wasting the day here with you," I say with heavy sarcasm as I kick my feet off his leg, propelling my swing to sway diagonally across the dirt. Edward catches my chain as I cross in front of him, the momentum causing my seat to twist and jerk.

"Yeah, you would," Edward says confidently, his eyes peering into mine and causing my heart to flip flop in my chest. His hand stills grips the plastic covered chain to my swing and he stares at me for a long time before pushing me away. I don't like that he's right, and I don't like that he knows it.

I let my swing sway, leaning back and looking up at the bright blue sky, letting the light blind my vision and warm my face. The back of my legs are sweaty on the plastic seat and I'm craving a swim.

"Hey, Dad wants to get a cove for the Fourth. Do you think we could go back to that one we went to last year, the donkey one?" Edward asks and I shake my head no. I know which cove I want to take the Cullens to. It's on the west side of the river, south of the marina and closer to the warmer water. It's a small inlet in the middle of which is a sandy, brush covered island surrounded by rocky cliffs. Emmett and I nicknamed the island Australia when we were little.

And we might be able to see the glow of the fireworks from those cliffs.

"No? You won't take us to Donkey Cove?" Edward stops his swing, and stares at me in disbelief. "Why not?"

I bite my lip to hide my smile. "Because we're going to Australia."

...

"Hit it!" I yell, my knees pulled up to my chest as I lean back into the spongy life vest strapped around my body. I bob in the water, two wooden planks strapped to my feet and a rope between my knees. My fingers fold around the plastic handles. I can see Edward on the boat and he holds the red flag high in the air. Emmett hits the gas and I feel the pull in my arms, my hands grip the handles and just as I'm lurched forward, I straighten my legs and lean back to create more tension in the rope. Emmett's going too slow and I'm going to eat it if he doesn't speed up.

I signal with a repetitive thumbs-up motion, pulling back on the ropes as my skis glide across the top of the water, the wind pummeling my face, and howling in my ears. Every muscle in my body is tense as I fight to keep my balance, but as soon as Emmett speeds up, I relax, easing into the glide as the boat snakes across the wide, smooth water. We got out on the water extra early so it would be a clean, easy ride. Choppy water is the worst for teaching first time skiers.

After a few turns, I let go of the ropes and sink into the water so the others can have a turn. I pull my feet out of the rubber bindings, holding the skis under my arms and I wait for Emmett to circle back.

I still can't believe Dad let us take the boat on the Fourth of July, the busiest day of the season. Emmett will graduate next June and I know Dad wants Emmett to stay and run the marina but I think he also realizes that Emmett can choose to hightail it out of here as soon as he turns eighteen. They had a real bad fight, right before the summer started and Emmett went to live with my mom for a couple of weeks. They've been tiptoeing around each other ever since, like two alpha males trying to avoid confrontation. Emmett agreed to take classes at the community college instead of the University and Dad agreed to pay for it if Emmett helped run the marina. They worked things out and, hopefully, that was the worst of it but something tells me it wasn't.

The boat approaches me slowly and Jacob holds the red flag in the air from his seat next to my brother. Edward stands in the back, his face grinning down at me. Rose appears beside him, her blonde hair soft around her face, her lips pulled into a smirk. Her teeth are white and gleaming now, braces gone, but she still wears her wire rimmed glasses, even on the boat. She keeps covered constantly now, the fear of sunburn etched in her brain, evident by the large white t-shirt covered in purple and pink splotches, and the words 'River Rat' printed across the cotton. Alice sits sideways on the bench, leaning back and closing her eyes as she absorbs the morning sun. She opts for a bright red bikini this year, the straps tied around her neck, her dark hair choppy around her slim face.

"Who's next?" I call up to them and Rose takes off her glasses.

"Me. I'll go." She says as my brother leans over the side of the boat behind her.

"Throw us the vest," Emmett says and I unlatch the straps across my chest, clumsily slipping the floating foam from my shoulders while trying to hang onto the skis. Emmett reaches down as I swim over to the boat to hand him the vest. He shakes it over the edge to remove the extra water before Rose has to put it on. I hold onto the ladder with one hand and wait to help her into the skis.

Rose pulls her long shirt over her head, revealing a royal blue bikini striking against her snowy skin, the bottoms sitting low on her hips. Man, does she fill it out. Rose has developed over the year and by developed, I mean she's got boobs and hips and her body arches and curves and she looks like she could be in a big hair rock band music video. My brother gapes at her like a freaking groupie at a Van Halen concert and I'm absolutely positive some crude sexual commentary is running through his head.

She snatches the life vest from his hand but he doesn't release it, forcing her to meet his eyes and then he turns on the charm. I've seen it dozens of times, at school, at the burger joint in town where we get milkshakes sometimes, and with guests checking in. Emmett knows all he has to do is smile at her, pull his lips into that dimpled grin and she'll be a pile of giddy mush, talking an octave higher than normal and all of a sudden fascinated with his knowledge of outdrives. It's quite nauseating, actually.

The moment Emmett's lips curl around his teeth, Rose turns up her pointy nose and tugs forcefully on the vest. She doesn't crack a smile or giggle or anything. Emmett lets her have it, his features transforming from coy confidence to shock and confusion in a matter of seconds. He watches intently as she struggles to snap the latches tight across her generous bust, and shamelessly staring at her monumental cleavage. Oh, you transparent fool, I think to myself. It's like he's never seen boobs before and I have it on good authority that my brother is well acquainted with the boobular department. Emily has a big mouth and apparently no qualms about scarring me for life.

"Relax, mouth breather, they're just boobs, nothing but fat and mammary glands," Rose says as my brother stutters, running his hand over his short curls. Rose hoists herself over the side of the boat and gracefully slides into the water and, for the first time ever, I think I see Emmett blush, the tips of his big ears turning pink as he stalks over to his seat at the helm. She swims over to me and I smile at her with glowing appreciation. I love it when girls can see through my brother's bullshit.

Rose pulls the rubber bindings over her feet. Edward sits on the edge of the boat and listens as I show Rose the proper placement for her legs and arms.

"Stay in a ball until you're out of the water and then you just stand up. Don't fight the movement, let it pull you. If you want to go faster, give a thumbs-up and to slow down, thumbs-down. If you want to stop, just let go of the rope. Yell "Hit It" when you're ready and Emmett will punch the gas." Rose nods and I swim over by Edward's legs, stepping onto the ladder and pulling myself out of the water. Edward hands me a towel from the bench and I climb in and take a seat next to Alice. Edward follows behind and wiggles his way between the two of us. His thigh presses against mine, his hip against my hip and I'm suddenly very aware of Edward's body next to mine. He stretches his arms to rest on the back of the bench and I pull the towel tight around my body, the parched sun already drying my shoulders.

My brother idles the boat to straighten out the rope. I notice the flag in Jacob's lap and my anger flares at his negligence. That flag is a signal to other boats that there is a skier in the water and to take extra caution. Jacob knows how important this is. A couple years ago, some guys were out on the water, drunk as skunks, and forgot to use the flag. One of them got hit by a boat and died, the propeller really did a number, too. I didn't see it for myself, but that's what Emmett said.

"Jacob! Flag!" I shout in disbelief as Jacob lazily raises the flag in the air. "Dude! What the hell? If you're gonna slack, give it up. She could get killed!"

"Oh Bella, calm down. There's no one even out here yet," Jacob replies with a smirk. "Besides, I'm sure they'd see your ugly face and avoid the area at all costs."

"Dude, don't be such a dick!" Edward shouts before I can respond. Jacob's lips curl into a nasty sneer.

"What? Can't speak for yourself anymore, Bella? Gonna let this Pay Check do it for you?" Jacob's spits and I can feel my face reddening, my teeth grinding together as I try to find my voice. Jacob towers over me now. He's only fifteen but he hit a growth spurt this year or something and much to my dismay, I can't take him in a fight anymore. I've been forced into trying to control the words coming out of my mouth.

"That's what I thought," Jacob says when I refuse to respond and I can't look at him.

My face burns with blush, anger boils in my head and I wish I could think of something snarky to say but all my insults don't sound nearly harsh enough. I want to hurt him and I hate it when I feel like this. I also hate that Edward spoke for me like I'm not capable of standing up for myself. It's almost as insulting as Jacob's remark. Make fun of my face and I don't give a shit, but question my brain and we have a problem.

"Hit it!" I hear Rose yell and Emmett hits the gas, the roaring engine drowning out my thoughts. We watch as Rose disappears behind a froth of white water before popping up suddenly out of the wake. She's concentrating and stable as she maintains her balance for a long length of water but then Emmett turns. Rose hits the wake at an unsuspecting angle and face plants into the water. Still, it's a pretty good run for a beginner.

Emmett circles around, positioning the boat just in front of Rose and Edward gets up to snatch the flag from Jacob's worthless hand. He resumes his seat next to me and holds the signal in the air before flashing me a goofy grin and my irritation with him fades slightly at the gesture.

"Pretty impressive, Rose." I say over the side of the boat to her. "You going again?" Rose nods and Emmett idles away again, turning so the rope will drift towards her. She repeats her performance, followed by Alice, who only stumbles once before popping right up with ease. Alice is more graceful than Rose and even rides the wake without falling. Jake takes a turn, riding one ski, the 'log' we call it. Jake is an expert on skis and even more impressive on one. He puts on a performance, turns and tricks and by the time he's done, Alice and even Rose squeal with delight.

Edward's leg bounces next to mine, his thigh rubbing against mine in agitation and I give him a nudge to get him to stop. He just stands up, his eyes blazing, his fists clenched.

"My turn," he says and hands me the flag. He grabs the other vest, the larger one my brother wears and strips off his shirt. God, I hope he put on sunblock but I'm not going to ask, something in his face screams at me to shut up and I follow my instincts for once. He straps the vest across his chest and clumsily jumps off the side of the boat. I glide the other ski over to him and he catches it, holding it under his arm as he swims over to Jacob. I can see they're exchanging words, their faces are tense. Edward smirks and Jacob sneers before Jake heads back to the boat, leaving Edward to struggle into the skis on his own.

Jacob climbs into the boat and sits next to me on the bench, his heavy wet arm flung across my shoulders and I squirm away from him.

"Jake! What the hell? You're getting me all wet!" I say and Jacob just laughs and nods his head.

"I bet," Jacob winks at me and Alice laughs, a high-pitched giggle. My stomach flips and my face and ears burn at what I just said.

"Oh, gross. You're a dog, you know that?" I say before practically jumping into the empty seat across from the bench.

"Try to hide it all you want, but you love it, Bella," he says but before I can argue, Edward yells hit it from the water and my brother punches the gas, the roar of the engine drowning out our voices.

I'm still seething at Jacob's arrogance but Edward on skis provides a distraction. He pulls up out of the water no problem but he's completely clumsy. He's all limbs, his arms flailing as he grips the rope handles for dear life, his legs are wobbly and his balance is off. He keeps pitching forward and pulling back, and I think he's going down at least a half a dozen times. His eyes are wide and petrified, his lips pulled into a grimace as he struggles to stay up on the skis. I don't want to laugh, but it's probably the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. I pull my camera from the cubby in the side of the boat and snap a couple pictures, hoping to capture a particularly awkward position.

"Oh shit, he looks like Goofy out there! You know, the cartoon, where Goofy learns to ski? All he needs is a green hat," Jacob shouts over the roar of the engine. Alice is cackling, holding her stomach, her mouth gaping and wide. Rose snorts behind me, smacking Emmett on the shoulder and telling him to sneak a peek and soon Emmett is laughing too. Edward continues to struggle and I fight the muscles pulling in my cheeks because I know exactly which cartoon Jacob is talking about and the resemblance is spot on.

Finally, Edward loses his battle with gravity and tumbles forward, his feet flying out of the skis, a ball of arms and legs flailing into the water. There's a collective roar of laughter on the boat as Edward falls and I frown now, because I know Jacob's going to have a field day when Edward gets back on the boat. I put my camera away and hold the flag in the air as Emmett circles around to pick Edward up. His pale face glows red with frustration as he swims over to the ladder. I hand the flag to Alice and bend over the side of the boat as Edward hands the skis to me one at a time.

"You going again, man?" Jacob yells down at him, a smirk on his lips. "Because I haven't laughed that hard in years."

"Yeah, laugh it up, jackass. Glad I could entertain you all," Edward's eyes focus on mine and I feel bad for laughing.

"Are you okay?" I ask him as he climbs in the boat, shedding the vest and plopping down in the chair behind Emmett.

"Yeah, are you okay, Eddie?" Jacob leers and Edward's eyes darken at this nickname. He hates to be called Eddie.

Again, Edward looks at me with irritation, like it's my fault he's Goofy on skis.

"What?" I ask, my tone harsh. "It was funny! I'm sorry, Edward, but it was hilarious."

"I'm just fine, so you can quit pretending like you give a shit," he says and I'm shocked at his words. I expected him to laugh at himself, like he normally does but instead he's fuming and I don't like that he's lashed out at me in front of everyone.

"Oh come on! If it was anyone else, you'd be laughing your ass off," I contest and Edward ignores me. Jacob's grinning like a mad fool and I suddenly realize why Edward's so angry. I've sided with the enemy and at Edward's expense.

"Anyone else want to ski?" Emmett asks, attempting to break the tension.

"I'm good," Jacob smirks and I glance over at Edward. He refuses to look at me and I feel my stomach twist, regretting that I even opened my big fat mouth. Emmett starts up the engine and steers the boat back to the cove. Dr. Cullen's boat floats languidly on the calm water and we can see him and Mrs. Cullen lounging in chairs underneath a blue tarp on the beach as Emmett pulls around the small island.

Emmett pulls up the outdrive so the propeller won't catch in the sand and throws me the anchor and ropes. Jacob jumps off the side of the boat as it idles up to the beach and I follow. The water isn't very deep and I submerge, hitting the slimy bottom with my bare feet before resurfacing to catch the boat. I knot the rope to the anchor and let it drop to the bottom as Jacob ties the front of the boat to a sturdy bush on the shore.

Emmett, Rose and Alice jump into knee deep water and wade to shore but Edward remains on the boat. I can't decide if I should go to him or let him be a big baby. I guess it's partially my fault he's upset so I climb back into the boat and plop down on the bench. Edward looks up at me, his eyes dejected and sad and I feel my chest swell, regret thick in my gut.

"I'm sorry I laughed," I say, moving to sit in the chair beside him. He just looks down and I'm thinking maybe I should have just let him sulk. He sighs and runs his fingers over his short cut, the sun making the red stand out. His chest is still bare and starting to pink and I want to tell him to put on sunblock or a shirt or something but I remain silent, not wanting to piss him off further.

"You're right, though. If it would have been anyone else, I would have laughed too. But Jacob just gets under my skin. He's so damn cocky and after his little phenomenon on skis, I really wanted to show him he's not as cool as he thinks he is. Guess I failed miserably, huh?" Edward's lips pull into a soft sad smile, his eyes glowing vibrant in the sun. He really is beautiful, the way his chin juts out in strong lines, his nose and cheek bones developing into sharp lines.

"Jacob's a fool and he knows he's shit. That's why he spends so much time making others feel bad, so he can make himself feel better. If anything I pity him," I say, explaining it to Edward how my mom explained it to me the last time I visited her. She didn't exactly say Jacob was shit, she called him a bully but her message was clear. He feels bad about himself and wants to bring everyone down with him.

"You pity him?" Edward asks, a teasing smile playing on his lips and I nod. "And you think he's a fool?"

"Yeah?" I answer, confused as to where he's going with this.

"So, one could say you pity the fool?" Edward smiles expectantly and I'm still confused. Is he making fun of me? I guess it's obvious I don't get the joke because he rolls his eyes and groans.

"Oh, come on, Bella! _I pity the fool_?" He says in deep, throaty voice and I slightly recognize the turn of phrase.

"Are you serious? Mr. T? You're killing me here, Swan!" Edward teases and I shrug, letting him have a laugh at my expense because it makes us equal again.

"Come on, fool. Let's get some breakfast," I say as I stand up. "And you need to put on some sunblock or a shirt or something. You're already turning pink."

"Yes, sir," Edward mocks with a salute. We climb over the bench and off the back of the boat, carrying our towels overhead. The water feels refreshing against my legs in the early heat and my toes sink into the silty sand. My sneakers are already on shore with my sunscreen, hat and books. We're going to be out here all day and into the night so I made sure to bring extra clothes, too. My shorts and tank top are already sopping wet, having worn them over my swimsuit to ski and now I'm itching to get them off my skin.

Edward kicks the water behind me, obnoxiously splashing me from behind, but I smile, because it means he's no longer upset. I'll take obnoxious Edward over sulking Edward any day.

"What took you so long?" Mrs. Cullen winks and it dawns on me what she must be thinking, what they all must be thinking but I don't know what to say.

"We were plotting world domination," Edward says, collapsing into one of the padded lounge chairs. "We were trying to decide who would survive our hostile takeover. Your fate hinges on the deliciousness of these muffins I've heard so much about."

"Edward!" Mrs. Cullen shouts, her face horror stricken but I can't understand why. It was obvious he was only joking.

"What? I was kidding! We were just talking, I swear!" Edward says in a panicked voice.

"No! No, no, not that! Get up!" Mrs. Cullen pulls him out of the chair by his arm. "You're sitting on the muffins!"

"Oh!" Edward jumps out of the seat to reveal a plate of flattened muffins, the sweet, moist bread squished and sticking to the plastic wrap. "I was wondering why that chair was so comfortable."

I can't stop the snort from escaping my lips and I clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing, especially considering the Goofy on skis episode. Edward glares up at me before his lips curl into a surprised smile and I let it out, a big long laugh that echoes off the tall cliffs that surround our spot on the cove. Alice's high cackle peals through the canyon. Emmett starts singing the old nursery rhyme, _Do You Know the Muffin Man,_ and soon we're all giggling. Even Mrs. Cullen laughs as she tries to salvage our crumbled breakfast, peeling off the plastic and picking at the destroyed pastries.

We lounge in the hot sun for half the day, swimming when we need relief. Emmett and Jacob take Rose and Alice on another ski ride and Dr. and Mrs. Cullen go, this time. Edward and I hang back to watch our stuff. The wind starts to pick up towards the afternoon and we tie the canopy to the ice chest so it won't fly away. I remove my wet clothing and lay on my towel on my stomach in the shade to read my book. Edward puts his towel beside me and scribbles in a notepad. I try to see what he's writing but he keeps his thoughts to himself, his foot nudging the back of my leg or his elbow knocking into mine every so often, and causing butterflies to go haywire in my stomach. I lose myself in my pages, my brain occupied with hobbits and elves and magical rings instead. The heat makes my eyelids heavy and I let them close, the water lapping at the shore providing a soft lullaby. The sand is soft beneath my body and sweat starts to bead on the back of my neck and down my spine and I am perfectly content here and now, in the quiet of the desert, in the comfort of my friend.

"Hey lovebirds!" My brother shouts and I startle out of a deep sleep. My hair is matted and sweaty on my face, my body stiff and achy as I lift my head to find Edward's cheek against my shoulder, his arm and torso pressed against the length of my body. His breath is hot on my skin and my belly tingles and pulses as my heart beats in my throat. His lips are like, right there. I could kiss him if I wanted to. I feel my cheeks get hot and I try not to think about how much I like Edward's skin touching mine and quickly slide away from him before he can wake up.

Emmett's the first on the shore with Alice and Rose right behind him. Alice grins widely, her blue eyes twinkling, and I assume she thinks we've been cuddling. _Were_ we cuddling? I mean, it would seem that way, but it wasn't on purpose. It was a sleep-induced accidental cuddle, I tell myself. And I'm pretty sure I believe it, too.

Mrs. Cullen is still wading through the water and Jacob is showing Dr. Cullen a better way to anchor off the boat and I'm grateful as all hell they weren't the ones to witness the cuddle confusion. Jacob would never let me live that one down.

I sit up and rub my eyes before quickly getting to my feet. It has to be late afternoon now, the sun sinking below the hills and casting a shadow across the cove. I'm burning up, though, so I jump into the water before Emmett can say anything else and decide to swim to the island.

I hear splashing behind me and I see Alice following. Crap. She's going to ask me about Edward, I'm sure. And she's persistent. She's not going to just let this go.

"Bella, wait!" She yells and I turn around to face her, treading water, my breathing heavy. It's not very far to swim, but my heart is still reeling from Edward's body touching mine and in my haste to get away from them, I realize I am swimming quite fast.

She smiles as she catches up to me and we turn to swim to the shore. She doesn't waste any time, starting right in on the cuddle heard round the world as if it's the most scandalous thing she's ever seen.

"Oh my God, how cute was that? You guys make such a cute couple," she blabs as we swim and I'm momentarily distracted by her ability to talk while swimming.

"We're not a couple, Alice," I gasp, trying not to swallow water in the process.

"Oh please, he's totally in love with you. He talks about you all the time. He couldn't wait to see you, he even wrote you a poem for your birthday," Alice says and I stop swimming, my head going under as I choke on the water in my throat.

"What? Is that my present this year?" I cough, suddenly very interested in the conversation. "A...a poem?"

Alice nods as we reach the shore. She adjusts her top and is breathing heavily as she wades onto the beach with me right on her heels. I collapse onto the sand and she sits next to me. I'm a bit stunned at this disclosure. A poem is so intimate, so personal, something you would give a _girlfriend_.

But I'm not Edward's girlfriend. Not that I wouldn't want to be. I can't really deny anymore that I like Edward. I like the way he makes me feel, I like the way he makes me laugh but I can't be his girlfriend. Edward's girlfriend will be from Seattle, a girl that's just like him, who has lots of money and wears nice clothes and makeup and fits with him. I'm just a river girl, his summer friend. Nothing more.

"Edward doesn't love me, Alice. Doesn't he have a girlfriend in Seattle?" I ask, shamefully fishing for information.

"Edward has lots of girlfriends in Seattle. He's very popular. But he doesn't look at them the way he looks at you. He loves you, Bella, whether you want to admit or not," Alice says, leaning back on her elbows.

"Well, being in love and being a couple are two very different things," I mutter. Maybe Edward loves me, but that doesn't mean he wants to be with me. That doesn't mean he wants to kiss me and hold my hand or anything. My mind wanders back to last year, when he offered out of pity to kiss me on the bow of the boat.

For one minute, I imagine that Edward really wanted to kiss me, that he really did love me and want me to be his girlfriend. I imagined how wonderful our summer would be, how we would go hiking and skiing. We would go for night swims and eat ice cream and maybe nap together in the hot sun again. I would let him kiss me and touch me and I feel a pulse between my thighs, an unfamiliar ache that spreads into my belly and burns in my legs and I'm mortified that I'm thinking these things while Alice, his sister, for Christ's sake, is sitting here beside me. I close my eyes, trying not to imagine how soft his lips would be when I kiss him goodbye. He would leave. After a perfect summer, filled with kissing and laughing and possibly getting to third base, he would leave me, and my heart would break.

No, I have to protect myself, shield my heart from inevitable failure. I cannot fall in love with Edward Cullen.

"Maybe you're right. It'd be hard to date someone who lives so far away. But that doesn't mean it goes away, you know, the love. It doesn't just disappear," Alice says after a long silence. She looks over at me and smiles and I frown, thinking about how I think of Edward all year long, how I can't wait for him to show up. Alice is right, it never goes away.

Alice laughs at my expression, her lips pulled over very white teeth. "Relax Bella, it's not a death sentence, you know. Love is a many splendored thing." She closes her eyes and sighs, the very thought of it making her swoon and I just don't see the appeal. Love is scary and stressful and confusing. I mean, I'm only fourteen. I wouldn't know love if it bit me in the ass.

"Are you in love with anyone?" I ask Alice and she grins, the chance to talk about herself too enticing to pass up. She launches into a story about some boy she knows at school who's dating her best friend and how she just knows they'd be perfect together. He calls her all the time, yet he stays with her best friend because they had sex and he wants to do the honorable thing. I just nod and throw in an uh-huh once in a while, but truthfully, I have trouble keeping the facts straight.

"And then, Maria, the friend, was out of town last winter and he invited me to the theater but then invited all these other people. What does that mean? Did he want to go out with me but knew he couldn't without causing a big fight between him and Maria? Or was he just bored and felt obligated to invite me because we're friends?" Alice takes a breath. "I don't know. I don't know what to do. I know he doesn't love her. He just feels like he owes her something, because she was his first."

"Maybe you should let nature runs its course. And if it's meant to be, then it will happen," I say, my extensive knowledge of the topic left to trite clichés.

"Leave it to fate?" Alice snorts. "Oh Bella, there's no such thing as 'meant to be'. If you want something, you have to make it happen. I'm not going to leave my future up to something as arbitrary as fate."

"So do you believe in soul mates?" I ask confused.

"As in, 'one and only person that is meant for you?' Not possible. I mean my mom thought my dad was her soul mate and look how that ended up," Alice says with a shake of her head.

"But then she found Dr. Cullen and they seem pretty happy together," I point out.

"What are the odds that my mom would find _two_ guys she thinks are her soul mates and that they'd both live in the same city as her? It just isn't logical. No, love isn't about meant to be, love is about a connection, a spark. I can't explain it, but you'll just know. And you won't be able to stay away, no matter how many miles are between the two of you." Alice winks at me and again, I frown because this love thing is way more complicated than I initially thought. I think of my parents and how they used to love each other. I'm sure my mom thought they were soul mates at one point in time and now they can hardly be in the same room together.

There is a faint smell of smoke in the air now and I can see the orange glow of the campfire at the cove. The sun is starting to set and Alice and I decide to head back to the site. We cover the distance in silence, the sound of voices getting louder as we swim closer to the shore. They're all seated under the canopy, even though the sun has fallen behind the hills and the sky now glows in purples and reds and yellows. Dr. Cullen is busy cooking hot dogs on the barbeque while Mrs. Cullen pulls the condiments and potato salad from the ice chest. Alice pulls a towel from one of the chairs, wrapping it around her body and plopping into the woven polyester chair.

"You know people have been abducted from this river, right?" Emmet starts and I roll my eyes. Emmett's been telling this story for as long as I can remember. At this point, I don't know if he really believes it or if he just gets off on scaring people.

"That's highly unlikely," Rose argues from her lounge chair, her glasses poised on her prim nose.

"No, I'm serious. You know that rundown mansion off the main road? You can't miss it, it's the only house on the road between here and town. The Trackers used to live there. They were last seen at the docks, taking off for a night ride. Their boat was found five miles downriver the next morning, crashed into the shore. No bodies, no trace anywhere but there were reports of a glowing orb hovering over the very spot the boat was found," Emmett explains. My towel is still laid out next to Edward, and he is now sitting cross-legged, digging a hole in the sand with a stick. He looks up as I sit down and his eyebrows knit together, his lips pursed. He's wondering where I went.

"Australia," I whisper and he nods.

"No, you don't understand. I'm not arguing the probability of alien life forms in our universe. There's actually a formula that mathematically suggests there has to be life in other solar systems. Whether or not they're evolved enough to develop the technology needed to bend space and time in order to travel here is highly unlikely," Rose contests and Emmett gapes. I'm pretty sure he has no idea what she's talking about.

"You mean like on Back to the Future?" Emmett grins, relying on his charm and dimples to outweigh his ignorance.

"Yeah, like Back to the Future. God, don't get me started on the scientific inaccuracies of that piece of crap," Rose responds sarcastically.

"Piece of crap? That movie is a work of art, pure perfection, everything I've ever dreamed of in a cinematic masterpiece," Emmett says in disbelief.

"They've been arguing nonstop since I woke up," Edward murmurs into my ear, his warm breath tickling my ear and my mind wanders back to my conversation with Alice and I'm thankful as all hell he can't read minds.

"I hope Rose is disagreeing with him on purpose, just so she can dominate him in the debate," I respond and Edward chuckles.

"Alright troops, doctor your buns, these dogs are ready," Dr. Cullen says as Mrs. Cullen passes us each a paper plate. We eat, quietly submersed in conversation, and ignoring the occasional argument between Emmett and Rose. Jacob wants to hike up the backside of the cliff but Mrs. Cullen vetoes the idea, claiming it's too dark and too dangerous and not even Jacob can argue with her. Instead, we use the canopy to cover the folded chairs, placing rocks along the edge to prevent it from getting swept away during the night. It's our reservation, a sign to other boaters that this cove has been claimed. We ride back to the marina, the two boats side by side, warm air breathing in my ears and across my neck. Edward sits across from me on our bench, his thigh against my calf, the sky aglow with fireworks we can't see.

…

The days blur together. My dad makes me work at the general store four days a week helping Leah and the rest I can spend with Edward. Dr. Cullen's reworking his textbook, and Mrs. Cullen occupies her time with books, puzzles and prepping for next school year, leaving us free to roam the marina. We race utility carts down the rutted dirt road and snorkel along the shoreline. Emmett takes us out on the boat and Edward does much better on the skis the more he practices. Rose and Emmett continue to bicker like an old married couple and Jacob comes around once a week to bug me and stir up trouble. The sky is patched with great cotton clouds, billowing like cream against the bright blue sky, a forewarning of the storms that pummel this desert with the change of season. The summer is almost over, and the Cullen's will be gone in a week. I try not to think about how my mood is affected and just focus on the present.

This morning, Jacob mentioned the large cliffs behind the cove and of course, Edward's intrigued. We get Emmett to drive us all out to the cove, Rose and Alice too, with the plan to jump from the small ledges. It's only about a twelve foot drop from the smallest cliffs, and the girls and Edward handle the jump nicely. Rose screams as her and Alice jump together, flinging themselves off the dirt cliff simultaneously and plummeting into the calm, deep water below. They surface, laughing at the thrill and surprised at their own bravery. Edward swan dives off the ledge with a graceful fall head first and I hold my breath, unable to look as he enters the water and surfaces quickly. We all cheer and yelp at his form, even my brother seems impressed. This pisses Jacob off to no end. It's no surprise that Jacob is now trying to goad Edward into making a fool of himself. He suggests the highest cliff, something I've only ever done once and was petrified the whole way down.

"Oh come on, Edward, don't be such a pansy-ass," Jacob taunts as we hike the hills behind the cove.

"I already told you I'll do it," Edward mutters, and I can see the sweat beading on his sundrenched skin as he walks in front of me. His back is splotched and freckled, his shoulders peeling.

I quicken my step to walk beside him and I lightly touch his arm to get his attention. "You don't have to. Jacob's just trying to get a rise out of you. It's not worth getting killed over," I whisper to him and he looks at me with wide eyes.

"You think I'm going to get killed?" he asks startled and I shrug. Maybe I'm being a little overdramatic, but I'm just uneasy about this whole thing. I mean, this is the kind of stuff that happens in daytime dramas on television.

"No, not really. I'm just…I don't want you to end up an after-school special," I say and Edward laughs loudly, throwing his arm around my shoulders and messing with my hair playfully. I shove him away, smoothing my hair away from my face and feeling like a fool for being worried. Or at least for letting him know that I'm worried.

"I can handle this, trust me." Edward nudges me with his shoulder, letting his arm linger on mine and I hate thinking that he knows I'm stressing about this. I also don't think he knows what he's getting himself into.

"Don't you think we should just head back, Emmett?" I shout up ahead at the crowd in front of us and Emmett stops. "I mean, those clouds mean a storm's coming, right? Shouldn't we get off the water?"

"She's just looking out for her little boyfriend," Jacob scoffs. "Did he ask you to find a way out of this for him? Because he's too chicken shit to do it himself?"

Edward scowls at me and I shake my head. "Jacob, you stupid idiot. You know as well as I do we shouldn't be doing this. It's not safe. We need to get back to the marina."

"Is this really dangerous?" Rose asks Emmett and he glances up at the sky.

"Naw, those clouds won't turn dark for at least twelve hours or so," Emmett says and I shove past him, irritated he chooses Jacob's side over mine.

"Fine. Then I'm jumping too," I say and march up the hill, the others following behind in silence and I'm so furious at their blatant stupidity I can hardly see straight.

We reach the top of the cliff and I peer over the edge. It's a thirty foot drop, the water licking the side of the cliff far below and my stomach turns as a wave of vertigo causes my head to spin. What the hell did I get myself into? I can't back out now, not after my little temper tantrum, but I'm seriously starting to freak out a little at what I'm about to do.

"We'll jump together," Edward murmurs in my ear and I close my eyes and nod my head, my heart pounding in my throat.

"Alright man, pony up. Unless you want to back out," Jacob taunts.

"Nope, I'm good. You good, Bella?" Edward grabs my hand firmly and I nod unable to speak. "She's good. I'm good. We're all good." I hear Edward swallow and I look over at him. "Good to go."

He's stalling, his eyes telling me I can back out, that I don't have to jump, but I take this as a challenge. I grip his hand more tightly, narrowing my eyes and firmly resolved that I can do this.

"Ready?" I ask him and he nods.

"Are you ready?" He asks and I roll my eyes. Jesus, now I just want this to be over because I'm hot and irritated and tired of dealing with this whole ordeal. I drop his hand and take a couple steps back.

"On the count of three?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"No, that gives me three seconds to chicken out," he says, his voice shaking.

"Now!" he shouts and in a split second I'm running off the cliff, my sneakers still on my feet and everything. I scream the whole way down, my stomach in my shoes, my heart in my throat, the wind whipping my hair and then it's over. Edward enters the water a moment before I do, the impact stinging my legs as I plunge into the water, kicking myself to the top and breathing in great big gasps as I surface. I laugh, treading water and looking around for Edward but I don't see his face anywhere. I start to panic, looking up to find the others have disappeared and I imagine the worse, that Edward's at the bottom of the river, and that it's my fault for letting him jump. I hold my breath and duck under the surface and open my eyes, searching for his bright blue swim trunks but I can't see anything through the cloudy muck. Staying under as long as I can, I resurface only to find it empty once again.

Oh God, please don't let him be hurt! Where is he? Where the hell is he?

"Edward!" I yell, my voice quivering as the tears start to roll down my cheeks. "Edward?"

Suddenly, I feel a sharp pinch on the back of my leg and I scream. Edward surfaces and he's laughing his ass off. I'm so pissed I can hardly see straight. This was a joke. He thinks this is funny? I'm crying, thinking he's dead, and he's playing games?

Well, fuck that.

"You asshole!" I yell, trying to hit at him with my fists. His face changes as he blocks my blows, the force weakened by the water. "I thought you were dead! How could you do that to me? I hate you!"

"Whoa! Bella, calm down!" he tries to grab my arms but I push him away, turning my back to him as I swim to shore. I can't believe he did that to me! Of all the horrible, awful things he could do, that was just the worst.

"Hey, come back! It was a joke!" Edward shouts behind me but I ignore him. He grabs my arm and spins me around to look at my face. "Are you crying?"

"No!" I lie and he lets me go. I swim to the shore and stalk back into the hills, taking a different path than the one the others will soon be traipsing down. The last thing I want is an audience right now.

I hear a slip of gravel behind me. "Wait, Bella, wait just a goddamn second."

I stop and turn, giving Edward a glaring look and cross my arms over my chest. I'll wait and I'll listen and then I'll tell him off real good and I won't speak to him for at least a day.

Edward stops in front of me, his face dejected and worried and I can't look at his big green eyes because I'll go soft. There's no excuse for what he did, faking his own death just so he can pinch me. It's not even remotely entertaining.

"Did you really think I was dead?" he asks and I nod, wiping the fresh tears from my cheeks and pissed as all hell that I'm letting him see me cry.

"Do you really hate me?" Edward whispers and I glance up. Edward's face is soft, his eyes pleading and he looks destroyed, my words crushing him. I feel awful that I said them.

"No," I say quietly as I shake my head.

"Good," Edward sighs as he takes another few steps towards me. I back up instinctively and he steps towards me again until his nose is practically touching mine. I'm trembling, my chest heaving up and down as Edward's hand touches my cheek.

"Thank you," Edward says, his eyes burning into mine. "For caring."

And then I feel it, a crackling hum, an electrical impulse, a spark. Whatever it is that Alice was talking about, I feel it and I know. And I'm scared and nervous and excited that his hand is touching my cheek but I want to be closer still so I crane my neck, tilting my head towards his. He leans down slowly, he's so close now I can feel his breath on my face, his hand falls from my cheek and slides around my back instead and he pulls me even closer. Our bodies touch, my wet tank top against his bare chest and I relax against his lanky frame.

Before I can even contemplate what is going on, Edward leans down and presses his lips to mine. I don't know what to do, my eyes watching his face, admiring the long lashes of his closed lids. His mouth is warm and gentle and he pulls away. He opens his eyes and smiles and I smile awkwardly back. It wasn't such a big deal, the kiss, nothing earth shattering or anything and I scrunch up my nose. Maybe I didn't do it right?

Edward's hand is still pressed into my back and the silence between us is awkward and strange and I don't like it one bit.

"You know, I've never done that before," I say and Edward grins.

"It was okay for your first time," Edward reassures and I laugh because I know he's lying. He's touched boobs, for crying out loud.

"Yeah right, it was awful," I say, frowning a little as Edward steps away from me.

"It wasn't awful," Edward says as he starts back down the hill. "You're supposed to move your mouth a little, kind of relax your lips."

"Can we try again?" I ask as that damn blush creeps into my cheeks. I don't want Edward thinking I'm a terrible kisser because of a technicality.

"We can practice all week, if you want." Edward flashes me a sly grin and I'm filled with a mixture of excitement and nervousness and dread. Because even though the thought of kissing Edward again makes my stomach tighten in new, foreign ways, his words leave me with an aching in my heart. One week, that's all we have left. One week.

…

**A/N**

Here come the hormones!

Grrrrr! So I didn't get to reply to your messages last chapter and I feel like a schlub. But I love love love hearing all your summer stories and I thank you so much for sharing them with me.

**Spanglemaker9**, thank you so much for spreading the summer love! Thank you also to **Girl Who Reads**, for reviewing this story on The Writer's Coffee Shop. I'm all a squee at your kind words.

Special thanks to my sweet friend, **misforMarisa**, for making me a banner. She's so incredibly talented and I love her so! Omg, I miss you bb!

AND sweet cheeks **fngrcufs **is going to host a read-a-long for this story on Twitter in July, just in time for fireworks! How cool is this? More info to follow :)

Big nuzzles to** SubtlePen **for beta'ing and to **miztrezboo **for prereading. Much, much love to this dynamite duo for their help.


	6. That Time You Snuck in Through My Window

**CH 5 – That Time You Snuck in Through My Window**

_1987_

_The average price for a new car is around $10,000.  
_

_Madonna releases her second feature film, "Who's That Girl" and files for divorce from husband Sean Penn._

_Debbie Gibson becomes the youngest artist ever to write, produce, and perform a # 1 hit single with her song "Foolish Beat."_

_..._

_The sun burns with magnificent heat._

_The water ripples in soft waves._

_The hills bend and curve, holding the river in a tight embrace._

_She is my summer. My heat, my waves, my tight embrace._

_Happy Birthday, Bella. I'll see you next summer._

_Love, _

_Edward _

I glide my fingers over the ink faded onto worn paper, the words causing a flutter in my chest. I've read the small note over a hundred times, carrying it in my notebook at school and hiding it in my small jewelry box on my dresser when I'm home. There's so much meaning crammed into so few lines.

The Cullens left in the early morning hours last August. I said my goodbyes to Edward the night before and I kissed him at least a dozen times before he left. Edward's kisses are better than anything I've ever experienced. Better than night swimming. Better than ski rides. Better than ice cream. I never thought I'd like anything more than ice cream.

"Earth to Bella? Hello? Is anyone home?" Leah snaps her fingers and I open my eyes. "I said, can you restock the snacks? We're selling out of s'mores stuff like crazy."

"Yeah," I mutter as I lean the broom up against the counter. I'm working in the store with Leah this summer.

"Are you on drugs?" she asks, surveying my features intently.

"No, I'm not on drugs," I respond exasperated. Emily, Jacob and his brothers sneak off behind the bleachers at school to smoke pot and they're always trying to get me to go with them. Instead, I hang out with Leah's kid brother, Seth. He's a year younger than me and doesn't talk much, but he's nice. Besides, my brother would kill me if he found out I was getting high. I know this because he told me. He said, "Bella, I will kill you if I find out you're getting high." He graduated a couple weeks ago and is acting all protective all of a sudden, like I can't function without his supervision. Dad got him a new jeep for graduation, one he can take off-roading and everything. It's a bribe. Dad's hoping it will make Emmett feel obligated to stay at the marina. I think it's working.

"Right." She doesn't believe me. "Well, I have plans tonight, so get a move on it. Just because you refuse to have a life, doesn't mean I have to."

It's late June and Edward's family should be here soon. They always show up just after Edward's birthday and I assume it's so he can have a big party with all his real friends back home. He's sixteen now and I wonder if he drives, if he still plays basketball, if he still wants to kiss me. I think about him a lot, especially the kissing.

I walk into the stockroom and grab the chocolate bars and load up on marshmallows when I hear the bell on the front door chime. Edward!

I hurry out, my arms full of the provisions, to find Jacob standing at the counter.

"We're closed, Jake," I say, dumping the cargo onto the counter. Jacob runs his hand through his thick black hair. He's shirtless, like most people around here during the summer but there's a new awkwardness in the sight of his bare chest. He has a lot of muscles for a sixteen year old.

"I know, I have to give Leah a message from Sam," Jacob replies with a soft smile. Huh, no smart ass remark? No smirk? Have we entered the Twilight Zone?

"Why didn't he just call the store?" Leah asks.

"He has to work late, start of the season and everything," Jacob shrugs. "He can't go out on the water tonight."

"So he sent you instead? He can't take a fucking minute to pick up the phone?" Leah says, her voice heated, her hands upon her hips.

"Hey! I'm just the messenger," Jacob responds. "I was driving down anyway and he asked me to give you the message."

"Why would you be driving down to the marina at this hour?" Leah presses. She and Sam have been fighting a lot lately. He's always working and she's in a perpetual state of irritation. She plays The Cure constantly, the tormented lyrics and haunting melodies pouring from the small cassette player under the counter.

"I have my reasons," Jacob says with a coy grin, his shiny black eyes peering into mine. His stare makes me uncomfortable, like he can see right through me. I turn and hurry back to the stockroom to hide from his dark eyes.

I take my time, staring at the boxes of graham crackers, hoping he'll just leave when I hear a small rap on the door. It's probably my dad here to close up the register so I stalk out of the stockroom, expecting to see my father.

I'm met with feathered fizzy green staring back at me instead. Edward's face is a portrait of intense anticipation, and his lips pull into a nervous grin when he sees me. He puts his hand on the glass of the door, giving a slight wave and I beam, exuberance creeping into every inch of my body.

"It's open!" I yell and Edward tries the door but it doesn't budge and he shakes his head. What the hell? I look over at Jacob and he hides his face in a magazine but I can see in his eyes that he's smiling.

"Oh, grow up, Jacob," I mutter. I set the crackers on the counter and quickly unlock the door.

"Hey!" Edward says as he steps inside. "We just got here. I just wanted to say hi." His eyes dance across my face and he licks his lips. I don't remember him being this tall and he's skinnier than last year. He's wearing one of his polo shirts, the royal blue collar pulled up and I frown. In these clothes he's Seattle Edward, not river Edward, not my Edward.

"Hi," I say with a shy smile.

"Hi," he responds, his hand reaching out to brush the hair from my face and my skin flushes as his fingers graze my cheek.

"Hi," Jacob barks from the counter and I turn to glare at him for interrupting.

"Hey, Jacob! It's so great to see you," Edward says through tight lips. "Hey Leah!" She mumbles a greeting and mopes around the store, her whole attitude shifting since hearing Sam's message.

"Sorry about locking you out. Never can be too careful, there could be creeps trying to get in," Jacob says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Do you need a shirt, or something? I can loan you one, if you want," Edward shrugs and Jacob slams down the magazine. I sense a diversion is needed.

"Um, I have to finish closing up and then I can meet you on the swings," I say to Edward, trying to change the subject.

"I'll just wait here, if it's okay," Edward says. He walks over to the counter and grabs the boxes of crackers and starts putting away the snacks with a smile.

"We're planning a game of Capture the Flag for Thursday. It'll be a new moon that night so it'll be extra dark out. You guys in?" Jacob asks me and I look at Edward.

"We can get the girls to play, too. But you can't be on my team," I say to Edward, a devious smile tugging on my lips. "You glow in the dark. You're a liability."

"Ha. Ha. Ha," Edward says dryly. "But I'm inhumanly fast and agile, like a mountain lion."

"Well, prove it. On the battlefield," Jacob grumbles.

"The battlefield?" Edward snorts. "O-kay."

"Thursday, asshole, you're going down," Jacob says with a sneer before thundering out of the store.

"Is he for real?" Edward asks incredulously.

"The Blacks are very serious about Capture the Flag. I'm talking war paint, fatigues, this isn't a game," I respond, gathering the empty boxes. I'm only partially exaggerating. Jacob and his brothers are very competitive. They like to win. Once, Paul and Jacob got into a full on fist fight during a game of Risk.

"Well, he may have brawn, but I have brains," Edward winks. "Big, huge brains."

…

My sneakers hit the gravel in a flash. My heart pounds in my chest as I peek behind me, sweat dripping into my eyes. I whip my head back around and stumble to a crouch behind a massive trailer to catch my breath. Alice was right behind me a minute ago. Luckily, this year she's obsessed with Madonna and I heard her bracelets jingling before she got close. She almost snagged my sash though, her finger grazing the strip of torn fabric tucked into the waistband of my cutoff jean shorts. The rule states the sash must be apprehended so I'm still in the game.

The rules to Capture the Flag are simple. Two flags in the form of old white t-shirts are set at opposite sides of the campground. The first team to get the other team's flag wins. We scribbled our names on slips of paper and Leah pulled the teams. I'm grouped with Rose and Emmett, Jacob and one of his older brothers, Jared. He graduated with my brother last month and dates Emily sometimes. Emily dates lots of people. She claims she's too much of a free spirit to be tied down to one person.

Edward, Emily, Alice, and two more of Jacob's brothers, Quil and Embry, make up the other team. Sam and Leah were supposed to play too, but Sam didn't show, so Leah said she'd referee instead. I'm a little uneasy Emily and Edward are on the same team. It's really dark out here, people could get hurt. Or accidentally fall into each other's arms, or lips, or boobs…

_Stop it Bella! You don't own him._

Edward's not mine, not by a long shot. If he wants to kiss Emily, he's perfectly at liberty to do so. It's not my business. Sure, we kissed a couple of times, but Edward has never said anything about being my boyfriend.

This fact doesn't stop the burning jealousy in my stomach or the furious pulse in my chest. It doesn't stop the frantic need to get the stupid flag and end this game before something can happen between them. I've seen Emily in action. Edward doesn't stand a chance.

I can see the other team's flag unattended, the white cotton draped across the branches of a low sagebrush and I'm about to run behind the brick building that serves as the public restroom when I hear my brother whistle. I recognize it at once. It's a warning.

It's a good strategy to have someone hide in the shadows and protect the flag and I try to rationalize who they would have picked for this position. I rule out Quil or Embry, they're too aggressive to play defense. That leaves Emily, Alice and Edward and since Alice was behind me just minutes ago, I know it can't be her.

Edward or Emily.

Edward and Emily?

Edward and Emily making out behind the bushes and that's why the flag is unattended…

Ugh! What is wrong with me? I shake my head and try to concentrate. Taking into account Emmett's warning, I decide to sneak around the edge of the brush instead of cutting across the gravel path. I double back into the dark and dart across the path into the bushes, maneuvering through the brush as silently as possible as the thorny branches snag at my skin. I can see the white flag now. Just a few more feet and I'll make the dash.

"Stop." I hear Edward's voice say loudly but I can't see him. I drop to the ground, my head spinning in all directions, looking for the gleam of his pearly skin or reddish hair and I can't find him anywhere. Edward's the guard. He's hiding and he's close. And worst of all, he can see me.

My heart pounds in my throat as I weigh my options. In an instant, Edward will rush me and snag my sash. I'm actually not sure why he hasn't yet, but I can only deduce that he heard Emmett's warning whistle too. He knows I'm not alone.

Emmett! I'll create a distraction, sacrifice myself. Edward will come after me, leaving the flag free for Emmett to take.

I'll attack head-on, draw Edward out into the open so Emmett can see us. I spring up and run, a mad dash to the flag, just as Emmett comes barreling out from behind the restrooms. Shit! We had the same plan, and now we're both exposed and out in the open.

Alice comes out of nowhere, quick as lightening and snatches Emmett's sash. She yelps with triumph as Emmett curses and slows to a stop, falling to his knees on the gravel in depraved defeat. Double shit!

I put my head down and run until my heart feels like exploding and my legs are wobbly. I'm almost there, I'm so close, when Edward pops out from around the sagebrush. I quickly put on the brakes as he stares me down. Edward eyes me warily, an antagonizing glint in his eye and a smug grin on his lips, like he knows he has me beat.

Right, like I'd give up that easily.

I want to punch him, wipe that sneer right off his face. Determination flares in my lungs, burns in my face and I want that flag in my hand more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. I narrow my eyes and dart to the left just as Rose jets around the building to snag Alice's sash.

Yes! Now's the chance! While he's distracted, I change direction and sprint to the right, heaving myself at the sagebrush. Edward lunges for my sash, his hand catching my arm and I yank it away, spinning around and trying to regain my balance. He reaches for me again and clips the hem of my shirt. My feet slip in the gravel and I fall hard to my knee. God, it hurts, a warm trickle of blood oozing from the stinging gash but I grit my teeth and am back on my feet in an instant. I'm panting and I can hear Emmett yelling at Rose to get the flag. No! It's mine. This game is mine.

I reach my hand out to grab the flag, elation bubbling in my chest and my head fuzzy from the heavy breathing when two strong arms latch around my waist. Edward pulls me back, falling to the ground and bringing me down on top of him. His chest moves beneath me, my own haggard gasps escaping my mouth as I lay there stunned.

Rose gets to the brush a millisecond after I was supposed to and snags the shirt, holding it up in her hand and cheering. Emmett picks her up, swinging her around like an old time movie. I roll off of Edward, collapsing on the gravel beside him and neither one of us move. I'm exhausted, deflated and hurt, and I'm furious. I can't believe Edward took me down like that!

I hear the crunching of gravel and I see my brother's big hand in my face, offering to help me up. His dimpled grin hovers over me and I can't even celebrate in our success because I didn't really win. I let Edward get the better of me. Just like always.

I clutch Emmett's hand and he pulls me up, a wave of dizziness pummeling my head and I fall against his big body.

"Whoa there, Bella," Emmett asks me as I sit back down on the gravel. Edward pops up, his eyes filled with fear.

He crawls over to me, concern plain on his sweat-stained face. His notices my bloody knee and I hear him curse under his breath. "Oh my God, did I do this?"

I shake my head and close my eyes, willing the dizziness to go away when I feel a hand on my thigh. My eyes pop open to find Edward's hot, dirt-smudged hands gently inspecting my knee and I'm dizzy now for a whole new reason. His thumb presses into my thigh, sending shivers right up my legs to my belly. My heart thumps against my ribs and I can't breathe. And I don't want him to stop.

Edward looks up at me, the wide green circles burning with care and all my previous fury is dissolved. I feel like a monster, a mean, competitive, ugly monster.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Why are you apologizing for bleeding?" Edward asks and I wince as the sting sets in. My knee is throbbing now, my entire leg stained with blood.

"What did you do to her, asshole?" Jacob storms towards us and I roll my eyes. Oh, for Pete's sake!

"Nothing! He didn't do anything," I explain. "He played the game, put up a fight and I fell."

"I'm taking you to my dad. He can fix up your knee," Edward says and moves to help me to my feet. His arm wraps around my waist as he lifts me from the ground.

"You're not taking her anywhere," Jacob growls and I feel Edward's arm tighten around my waist.

"Oh and you're going to stop me?" Edward snaps.

"You bet your ass I am," Jacob snarls. I've had enough. This is completely ridiculous. They haven't even asked me what I want to do and it's my damn leg.

"Enough! Both of you just shut up!" Their eyes are glued to me, shocked at my tone. "I just want to go home."

"You heard the lady," my brother says as he takes Edward's place beside me. "You can walk, right?"

I nod, clenching my jaw as pain radiates in my kneecap. Blood streams down my leg and Rose hands me the t-shirt turned flag to press to the cut. Oh man, it hurts! It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch, but I pretend it doesn't.

Suddenly, Edward kneels before me. He takes the shirt from my hand and wraps it around my knee, knotting the cotton tightly. He looks up at me with apologetic eyes and I want to blurt out every thought spinning through my head right now. How I'm ashamed of the way I behaved. How I like the way it feels when he touches me. How I want him to sweep me off my feet and kiss me passionately, like Richard Gere in _An Officer and a Gentleman_. But I stay silent, the thoughts enough to cause the pink to flood in my cheeks and tears to well in my eyes. Instead, I hobble back to our house, leaning heavily on my brother. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._

By the time we get back to the house, my knee is the size of a grapefruit. My dad greets us at the door, the cool air conditioning causing my heated skin to chill. He helps me inside while Emmett rushes to get the first aid kit from the closet.

"See, that's not so bad now," my dad says as he pats my leg dry, a thick bandage covering my knee. "There you go, all fixed up."

He kisses me on the forehead and cleans up the wrappers and swabs. I feel so foolish. Because of my stupid pride, I'll have to stay out of the water until my knee is good and scabbed over.

I collapse onto my bed and kick my shoes off, exhausted and feeling like a complete ass for being so competitive, for thinking such mean things about Edward. There's a light rap on my window, three soft knocks and I hobble to the window to open my blinds to find Edward's face smiling back at me.

I force open the pane and Edward holds up a Big Otis. I smile so big, my cheeks hurt and I pop the corner of the screen out so he can hand me the ice cream.

"How did you get this? The store's closed," I whisper and Edward flashes me a mischievous grin.

"I forgot to tell you, I'm a superhero. I can walk through walls," Edward teases.

"Then why did you waste your time knocking on my window?" I retort.

"In case you were naked or something," he shrugs and I feel my face burn, my stomach twisting at the thought of Edward seeing me naked. There's an awkward silence, he shifts his feet and I can't look him in the eyes.

"So, are you okay?" Edward asks finally, his hand running through his poufy hair. It's longer than last year, but just on top. The sides and back are still short and neat around his ears and neck.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I respond.

"Can I come in?" Edward voice is quiet.

"What, like through my window?" I ask and Edward nods.

"I …I don't know," I respond, surprised at the request. I doubt my dad would approve of Edward in my room.

At night.

With the door shut.

"It's okay, I understand if you're mad at me. I'm really sorry Bella. I just got caught up in the game, you know? And I couldn't stand the thought of Jacob winning," Edward rambled. "I feel really bad I hurt you. Will you forgive me?"

"You didn't hurt me," I say defensively and the minute the words leave my mouth, I realize I sound like a snotty bitch. Edward twists his fingers and I sigh, popping the screen out completely and leaning it against the side of the house. I sit on my bed, open the ice cream wrapper and take a bite of the ice cream sandwich. It's soft and chewy and dripping so I lick around the edge.

Edward stares at me for a minute, unsure if he's invited in, I guess, so I nod my head, motioning for him to hurry up. He climbs in clumsily and closes the window behind him before plopping himself down on my bed.

"Shhhh!" I say and I reach over to my cassette player to put on some music to muffle our voices.

"What the hell are you listening to?" Edward asks. I lick my fingers, taking another bite of my ice cream before answering.

"Debbie Gibson, I think it," I respond.

"Oh no, Bella, how can you subject yourself to such torture?" Edward's laughing now and I can't help but grin too.

"I don't know, Emily gave it to me," I shrug. Edward inspects my glass bottle collection. They're lined up along the back of my dresser in all different shapes and sizes, curved, angular, tall, skinny, short and fat. Some are filled with sand, or pebbles or shells. Some are used as candleholders and covered in hardened wax. Some are used as flower vases and filled with silk roses and daisies and feathers. I use them to burn incense or to hold my jewelry, the circles of silver and gold looped around the neck, my beaded earrings hooked along the lip. Some I just think are pretty, the multicolored glass bubbled and warped and causing the light to refract in odd ways.

"Hey! You still have this?" Edward picks up the small white shell, the one with our initials and I feel my face blush again. If he takes another look at the bottles, he'll see the friendship bracelet tied around one of the necks. I wore it until the thread snapped. The mood ring's there too, slipped over a few sticks of lavender incense and the poem is hidden safely in the small jewelry box just inches from his fingers. I wonder if he remembers what he wrote last summer. I wonder if it's still true. It's been a whole year since I was his summer, his heat, his warm embrace. A lot can change in a year.

"I have all of them," I say softly, unable to look at his face and focus on the melty mess of chocolate and ice cream left on my fingers. "I have to wash my hands. I'll be right back."

I shut the door behind me and limp to the bathroom, my knee pulsing with every step. I take one look at myself in the mirror and almost shit a brick. Oh, kill me. Kill me now. My face is a mess, smudged and stained and my hair is sticking up all over the place. I must stink to high heaven. The elastic in my swimsuit is cutting into my skin and I feel like an idiot for not grabbing my pajamas on the way out of my room.

I scrub my hands and arms before splashing water onto my face and armpits, practically giving myself a sponge bath before slathering on a bunch of deodorant, just to be safe. I pull my hair out of the braid, my scalp sighing in relief. I let it fall loose around my shoulders, and stare at myself in the mirror.

What am I doing? This isn't a date. This is Edward. He's seen me water logged and sun burned after a day on the river. He's seen me muddy and sweaty after a long hike. He's seen me pee in the bushes, for Christ's sake.

My house is quiet, except for the low hum of my cassette player drifting down the hall. I sneak back into my room, thankful I'm at the opposite end of the hall from my dad and Emmett. Edward's sitting in my bean bag chair in the corner, playing this ring toss water game that I had sitting on my book shelf. He pushes the button, sending the tiny rings swirling through the water and trying to get them to fall on the plastic posts.

"I beat this game twice while you were gone," Edward says without looking up. I sit down on my bed, propping my injured leg up on the mattress and lean back into the pillows lined along the white iron Daybed frame. The synthesized keyboards coupled with a strong drum beat and the twang of a male voice now radiates in the room.

"Did you change the music?" I ask and Edward shrugs.

"Maybe," Edward grins mischievously, his eyes still on the stupid game. "That pop shit was wearing on my nerves."

"Fair enough," I say, listening to the lyrics I know so well. "Have you ever read the book Tom Sawyer?"

"This song's not actually about Tom Sawyer, you know," Edward responds.

"I know," I mutter, sitting up to pick at the bandage on my knee. The skin is still tender and I wish I could change out of my suit, but I can't bear the thought of hobbling back to the bathroom.

Edward stands up and places the game back on the shelf, his fingers grazing the spines of my books. "I don't really read, you know, for fun. I don't have time. Basketball practice, piano practice, Advanced Placement classes, homework, I barely have time to go out or do anything with my friends."

"You play the piano?" I ask. "How did I not know this?"

"Yeah, since I was little. I don't really like to talk about it," Edward says in a small forced voice. He sinks into the opposite side of my bed, by my outstretched leg and squeezes my big toe. I instinctively pull my leg back, jerking my knee and wincing at the sharp sting.

"Sorry!" Edward apologizes.

"I'm just ticklish and having a brother who likes to torment me makes me leery of anyone near my weaknesses," I explain. Edward smiles his devious grin and I'm immediately sorry I told him. I narrow my eyes and try to look as threatening as possible but he just laughs.

"Oh relax, Bella. I won't tell anyone you have a weakness. Your secret's safe with me," Edward says and I'm tempted to believe him.

"Pinky promise?" I ask and his eyes glow like neon in my softly lit room.

"You don't trust me?" His hand slides gently over the top of my toes, his thumb pressing into the arch of my foot. The contact causes my skin to ripple with goosebumps and my heart thumps like mad as I inhale sharply. I'm trapped, caught between wishing he'd touch me more and plotting my escape. It's not like I can make a quick getaway with my bum knee, but I might be able to deliver a swift kick to the head with my other foot if tickling ensues.

"I'm not going to tickle you," Edward soothes, his eyes boring into mine. His voice is low and rich, like I imagine hot chocolate would sound like. You know, if hot chocolate could talk, of course. He glides his hand over the top of my foot and ankle and up my shin. Again with the stinking goosebumps, and when his hand slips around to lightly grasp the back of my knee, I almost pass out.

_Breathe, Bella, damn it!_

He carefully peels the bandage away from my skin and I don't even flinch, even though I feel the sting. He inspects the wound, his face close to the my leg, his breath on my skin, his eyes now fixated on the bruising and swelling surrounding the large gash and shallow series of cuts before affixing the tape back in place. He smiles at me, and I can't help but grin shyly back as his hand trails back down my leg.

"Ouch!" Edward says suddenly, yanking his hand away from my leg. He eyes his hand and I'm completely confused when a coy smile tugs at his lips.

"What?" I ask warily. I know there's a joke here somewhere. With Edward, there's always a joke.

"Oh, just your leg stubble. It's like a million little daggers clawing at my skin," Edward says overdramatically. "Bella! Are you the real Teen Wolf?"

"You see? This is why I don't trust you. This is why I need pinky promises, because you trick me into liking you and then you say something mean like that." I swing my bad leg away from him as he chuckles. I started shaving my legs last summer because Jacob made the same exact smart-ass comment, called me Teen Wolf and everything. I used one of my brother's disposable razors and his shaving cream and ended up nicking myself half a dozen times before it was through. Now I wish I never would have started. It's such a pain and I'm slightly bitter boys don't have to do it too. I mean, who decided only girls are supposed to be hairless? Probably a guy.

"Alright, alright," Edward scoots over until his leg is touching mine. He sticks his thumb between his lips and holds out his pinky. "Bella, I promise you, I will never, ever tell anyone about your ticklish feet."

I hold Edward's gaze for what seems like an eternity, his face very close to mine, before I do the same and hook my finger to his.

"Seal it," I murmur.

Edward leans forward and my heart begins to race. He presses his lips to mine and I sigh against his soft, full mouth. I try to remember what Edward showed me last summer and what I've heard Leah and Emily talking about at the store. It's all forgotten though as soon as Edward licks at my bottom lip with his tongue.

A hundred little explosions go off under my skin and I freeze. Oh crap, he wants to French kiss me. My brain scrambles but before I have time to panic, I feel it again, a soft pull of wet and warm across my lip. Something in my body forces my brain to shut up and my lips to open and then, Edward's tongue is in my mouth. And he tastes like heaven, like rainbow sherbet, sweet and smooth and melting on my tongue.

The kiss is messy and wet, there's too much space between us and I feel like one of those gaping fish under the dock. I'm not doing it right. It's nothing like what I see in the movies. Edward's hands move to my cheeks, tilting my head slightly to the side and the small space disappears. We're sealed now, connected. Our mouths move together and I just copy what Edward does. Our tongues wrap and pull and twirl until I can't breathe. Edward leans in closer pushing me back against the pillows and I gasp a little as his body presses into mine. His hand slides over my stomach and hip and then up my spine and my whole body aches to get closer to him. I push my hips up into his, and rub my legs together and I feel like my thighs are going to explode. All I can feel is Edward everywhere, his hand circuiting my back, his breath hot in my mouth, his hipbone grinding into my thigh.

Or is that his hip bone grinding into my stomach?

Wait, is that his…

Holy erection! Edward has a boner. My heart practically flat lines when I figure this out, the knowledge stirring a buzz deep in my belly and I'm starting to think maybe this is too much, maybe we should stop, maybe I'm not ready for this.

Maybe I am.

Edward pulls his mouth away from mine, his eyes searching my face. His palm rests against my cheek and I like this tender touch.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Is this okay?" Edward asks in a hurry and I can't help the smile that's stretching across my face. It's kind of funny, this whole making out thing. I mean, touching tongues and boners and exploding thighs. Plus, I get a surge of satisfaction in knowing that kissing me gives Edward a woody. It kinda makes me giddy.

"What?" he asks and I shake my head, my face burning red. "You have to tell me you know. I'll tickle you if you don't."

"I can feel it," I blurt out, covering my face with my hands. I can't believe I'm telling him this.

"It?" Edward wonders.

"_It_," I say emphatically and push my hips up against him so he gets my drift.

He groans, shifting away from me and I feel lonely without his body close to mine.

"It's a perfectly normal reaction in an aroused male," Edward says and I peek through my fingers to see him shove his hand down his pants and adjust the goods. I watch shamelessly. Good God, I can't tear my eyes away from his crotch.

"I'm not making fun, I promise. But the whole thing is kinda funny," I say, wishing I would have just kept my tongue in his mouth.

"Funny? You think making out with me is funny?" Edward asks, his voice dejected. "Weren't you turned on too? I mean, you seemed to enjoy it, especially the way you were dry humping my leg."

"I was not dry humping your leg!" I say indignantly, my arms crossing across my chest. Edward stares down at his hands, hands that were just rubbing all over my back and stomach and I feel like a total ass. I've embarrassed him and I need to make it better. We sit in horrible awkward silence for a while before I get the strength to step outside my insecure bullshit and fess up.

"I was turned on too," I spill before hiding my face with my hands again. Oh God, this is so embarrassing. "I mean, I liked it. Making out with you is nice."

Edward's quiet for a full minute and I'm afraid to look. I feel the bed move, and his body cuddles up to mine. His fingers gently wrap around my wrists and he tugs at my hands.

"Bella, come on, look at me," Edward asks quietly, and I allow him to pull my hands away from my face. "It's okay, you know. To be turned on. It's not bad or anything. And you can trust me. I don't want you to ever feel weird around me. I won't ever make you do anything you don't want to do."

"It's not that I don't want to. I've just never…done that. I've never felt these things before." I try to explain. I want to let him know it's not his fault in any way.

"Never? You've never been turned on?" Edward asks and I frown, embarrassment just won't leave me alone today. Oh well, since we're spilling secrets.

"Top Gun," I say quickly and Edward grins. "That part when they kiss and then there's the licking and yeah, that was pretty hot. I had to watch it sitting next to my brother and my mom. I couldn't even enjoy it properly."

"I really like you, Bella," Edward says with a soft sincerity that makes my chest swell. He swallows, his eyes on our hands connected between us.

"I like you too," I respond. "You're my best friend."

"Friend?" Edward asks, his eyes flash to mine at the word and I know I want him to be more. So much more.

But he can't be. He can't be anything to me because this isn't real life. The real Edward plays the piano and basketball and wears polo shirts. The real Edward lives in Seattle, Washington and takes advanced classes and hangs out with friends.

This is just a vacation. This is all I can have of him. For two months out of the year, Edward can be more than just my friend. For the next two months, Edward can be mine.

…

"What do you mean, we're growing apart?" Leah whispers into the phone and I try not to pay attention as I flip through a magazine, the faces of teen heartthrobs glossy on the pages. I'm not really looking at the pictures, I just don't want Leah to know I'm eavesdropping. She's been on the phone with Sam since this morning. She showed up with her hair slicked back in a pony tail, her eyes red and puffy and looked like she hadn't slept all night.

"I know, just don't leave me, Sam," Leah says. "Please! I can't believe you're giving up on us."

It's so strange to see strong, confident Leah begging someone for anything. I don't like it. It's not like her. I want to hug her or something and try to make things better, but she'd probably bite my head off so I pretend to read my magazine instead as I wait for Edward to get back. The Cullens took a boat ride down to the dam today and I begged my dad to let me go but he said no. I was furious with him, vowing to give him the silent treatment for at least a week, but then I saw Leah and suddenly my little problem didn't seem so bad.

My stupid job at the general store sucks up all my time and I hate it. Edward spends most of his days with me at the store but I feel like he's wasted his summer. It cannot be fun for him to sit here with me while I restock shelves and wipe down counters. Sometimes the girls come hang out too and when there's a lull in customers, we play cards or dominoes. We talk about movies, music, school and laugh at dumb things in the magazines and the days pass quickly when they keep me company.

But today, I'm on my own. I've been here since noon, taking a break to meet my dad and brother at the café for dinner but I still have three hours to go before I can leave.

"Is there someone else?" Leah says frantically and I can hear it in her voice. She's going to cry again. Oh geez, this has got to be torture for her. "Don't hang up! I'm sorry, just - Sam?"

"Motherfucker," she says through clenched teeth as she slams down the phone.

"Leah, I can close up. Why don't you just go home?" I say quietly and Leah wipes at her face, her eyes tired and worn.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine. I'm fine," Leah says robotically and before I can second guess myself, I wrap my arms around her. She's stiff a minute before collapsing into my shoulder. Leah's the closest thing I have to a sister, the only female influence I have here in Willow Cove and the person I go to when I need someone to talk to. I can't stand to see her hurting.

"Go home and eat some ice cream. It will help, I promise," I say and Leah chuckles, wiping at her face with her shirt.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Leah asks and I nod.

"My dad's in his office if I need anything," I say and Leah grabs her things and jets, leaving me in the empty quiet store. My dad comes by to lock up most of the cash from the register. When he asks me where Leah is, I tell him she's sick and went home early and he believes me. He always believes me and I feel really horrible stretching the truth when I know he trusts me so much.

It's just past eight when Edward comes bounding into the store, his nose and cheeks are pink and his hair is freshly wet. And he's shirtless. I stare shamelessly at the lithe muscles of his stomach, chest and shoulders, my fingers twitching to crawl across his skin.

"I fell off the dock," he laughs and I can't help but laugh with him. I'm glad he's having a good time with his family but I can't help but feel cheated. This is my time with Edward and I'm stuck in this stupid store. Man, I hate this job!

"I wish I could have gone with you guys," I say. It's not really a big deal, I shouldn't even be complaining. I'm just sad I've missed everything.

"Dad pulled me on skis. First time he's tried to tow a skier. He did pretty good too. Esme tried to ski but she couldn't get up. It was hilarious, better than Goofy on skis," Edward laughs and I think of last Fourth of July on the cove. This year we just barbequed and played volleyball here in the marina. Maybe we'll get to see the fireworks next year.

Edward pushes my hair behind my ear, his fingers soft on my cheek and my neck and I really want to kiss him again. We don't get to kiss much, our families are always around and we have to sneak in kisses when no one's looking. I don't know why we keep it a secret. Maybe Edward doesn't want his family to know he kisses a river girl. I know I don't want my family to know I kiss _anyone_. But the summer is coming to a close and I'm going to have to wait another ten months to see him again and who knows how he'll feel when he comes back. What if he meets someone he likes kissing more than me? What if he doesn't come back at all?

Oh God, I think I'm hyperventilating!

"Bella, talk to me," Edward pleads, his hands on my face.

"Your nose is peeling," I choke out, my hand clutching at my chest. Edward stares at me for a long time, his lips pursed as he thinks.

"Come on, let's get out of here," Edward says, grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door.

"I can't, Edward. Leah went home early, I have to close up the store," I say even though all I want to do is go with him. But my dad will kill me if I leave.

"Then close up the store." Edward stops and turns, his face close to mine and there's a franticness in his eyes, a frenzied hurry that I've never seen before.

No one will know. I'll leave the lights on and my dad will just think I'm in the back or something. And then, I'll come back later and shut the lights off. It's just an hour early. Probably won't have any customers anyway.

I lock the door and wrap the stretchy cord that holds the key around my wrist. Edward grins as we walk to the docks. I'm not sure what Edward has planned but I'm just so glad to be free of the store. Even the sweltering, muggy heat can't weigh me down.

He leads me to his family's boat anchored in the slip and we climb on board. The ice chest is perched on the bench, still full of soda and beer and juice boxes. Edward pulls a beer from the chest and hands it to me before taking one for himself.

"You drink beer?" I ask him.

"No, do you?" he responds and I shake my head. "Do you want to try it?"

I shrug. Beer's not such a big deal, my dad and Emmett drink beer when they watch sports games or on holidays.

"We'll try it together," I say. Edward grins excitedly and I have to admit, I'm a little excited too.

We sit on the floor of the boat, hidden from anyone passing by and crack open our cans. We stare at each other for a minute before Edward raises his can and I do the same. I drink, one big gulp like I'm drinking water and I almost throw up.

Oh God, it's awful! It's bitter and tastes like soggy bread that's been marinating in pee. Or that's what I imagine it tastes like, anyway. I've never actually had soggy pee bread.

"Ugh! It's horrible! Why would anyone drink this on purpose?" I remark and I can tell Edward doesn't think it's as gross as I do. He shrugs, taking another drink before squishing his face up.

"It's not that bad," Edward says and I snort.

"Is that why you make that face when you drink it?" I laugh and Edward just rolls his eyes, downing the can in a matter of seconds.

"Your turn," Edward says and I don't think I can drink the whole thing. I seriously might gag.

Oh, buck up Bella. If Edward can do it you can, I tell myself and choke down the rest of the beer.

"I don't feel any different," I say as Edward spreads out on the carpeted floor beneath us, the boat gently swaying as the water laps at the side of the dock.

"Me neither," Edward frowns. "Beer's a bust."

"Maybe we need more?" I suggest and lay down beside him but he isn't quick to drink another. I look up at the wide expanse above, the millions of tiny stars like pinpoints against the black backdrop. I love the night sky out here, it's just not the same anywhere else.

Edward turns silently to face me, his hand tentatively sliding across my belly and I forget how to breathe. He brings his lips to my cheek and I forget everything. I forget Edward's leaving soon. I forget he's not my boyfriend. I forget I'm just a river girl. If I turn my head, I will surely be making out with him in the next two seconds.

I feel him inch closer to me, his bare stomach against my arm and I turn to face him. In his eyes I see sadness, my sadness reflected and I know he understands. His pulls me closer, his hand on the small of my back, my chest pressed against his, our legs twisted and he kisses me. His mouth moves slowly, like honey poured from a stubborn spout, and I want him to use his tongue again.

Maybe it's the beer, but I feel brave so I ask for it.

I lick at his mouth and he's quick to respond. His tongue pulses with mine, his free hand moving over my back and belly and with each pull of his tongue, I feel the ache grow, a pain between my thighs and the only thing that makes it feel better is to rub against Edward's leg between my knees.

I'm only vaguely aware of the fact I'm grinding my crotch into Edward's leg. I'm too preoccupied with the sparks shooting up my spine every time I rock against him. He moans into my mouth and I force my tongue deep into him in order to muffle the sound. Trailing my hand across his hip, he gasps when my fingers touch the smooth muscles of his stomach. There's hair here along the skin below his belly button and I pull my thumb along the trail. Edward must like this because he pulls his mouth from mine, his eyes glowing and pulls my body flush with his.

And I can feel it again.

The hard length presses into my belly and my fingers linger on the waistband of his shorts. We writhe against each other and I watch him, his eyes closed, his lips parted, the tiny shreds of peeling skin along his nose taunting me. Edward squeezes his arm underneath me to twine around my waist before pressing his mouth to mine again. His free hand grips my hip and pulls me into him and I'm panting now, breathing impossible between the kisses and the grinding and the aching between my legs.

Edward's hand travels up my side and over my stomach and then between my boobs, his touch specifically avoiding those places I want it most. He does this three times before I pull away from the kiss. He's not going to do anything I'm uncomfortable with. So I let him know I'm comfortable. I take his hand off my hip and slide it up to rest on my boob.

His hand is trembling, his eyes peering into mine and for a minute I think I've made a mistake. But then his mouth consumes mine, kissing me with a fierce tenderness that causes a whole new quiver in my belly and I lose myself in his kiss, in his touch. I inhale sharply as he starts to massage, his hand squeezing and pulling and rolling. He pulls his thumb across my nipple and I moan. My legs clench around his, grinding myself down onto his thigh and rocking against his hard-on pressed against my belly. Our skin is flush with heat and sweat as his hand massages circles into my chest. His tongue is still pulling at mine and I'm a little embarrassed how I'm panting into his mouth. It just feels so good, all I can think about is wanting more, feeling more, needing more.

Just then we hear the dock creak, the sound of thudded footsteps and we freeze, his hand still on my boob, my fingers practically in his pants. Then we hear voices, familiar voices. Voices that are going to be very close to the boat in two and half seconds. We quickly untangle and roll onto our backs, looking like two panting star gazers now, instead of the pulsing heap of hormones we were a moment ago.

I look at Edward as he crosses his hands over his lap, his eyes smiling as he gives me one last kiss on my lips. It's over. The kissing, the dry humping, the boob massaging. It's all over. This is our goodbye.

"I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm just saying that if Nessie really existed, they'd have found some kind of remains by now. It only makes sense that-" Rose's voice stops as she stares down at us from the dock. "What are you doing?"

"Star gazing," Edward and I say at the same time and Rose narrows her eyes. She's suspicious and smart, a terrifying combination. I sit up to find Emmett standing behind her, his hand quickly dropping hers the moment he sees my face.

"You're supposed to be at the store," Emmett says but I ignore him.

"Why are you holding hands?" I ask, standing up as Rose suddenly finds her feet fascinating. Emmett and Rose. Rose? But they have nothing in common. And the argue all the time and she's completely not his type.

And that's exactly why he likes her.

I wait, Emmett glaring at me, a sibling standoff as he decides what to do. He could rat me out, but not unless he wants to come clean too.

"I won't tell if you won't," Emmett offers.

"Deal," I say quickly before he can second-guess his decision. Emmett won't tell. He doesn't want to deal with my dad anymore than I do.

Rose climbs into the boat and pulls the remaining cans of beer from the ice chest, handing them to Emmett.

"You'd better get home, Bella. Dad's gonna know something's up if you don't get home on time." Emmett orders me around and I roll my eyes. Yeah, yeah, I know.

…

I feel like my soul's being torn from my body as I hug Edward outside his empty summer house. His arms crush me to his chest and I force myself not to cry. This is by far the hardest good-bye we've ever had and I can't stand the thought of not having him close. He writes down his phone number on a piece of paper and tells me to call, that we could talk over the phone and it'll almost be the same. I already know I'll never call him. He's already so busy with his real life, he said so himself and it's long distance. There's no way my dad will let me call Edward long distance. No, it's better this way. No obligations, no long distance bullshit. No expectations, until next summer.

"I want to kiss you so badly," Edward whispers into my ear.

"I know. Me too," I mumble into the collar of his polo shirt.

"I left your present in your room," Edward says as he walks back to his family waiting in the car.

"How…when did you…" I'm stumped as to how Edward got a present in my room without me knowing but he just slides into the car and gives me one last wave before they drive away.

I have to go back to work, but I run straight to my bedroom, looking for something that could constitute as a present. I inspect my dresser, my bookshelves, my bed, but I don't see anything out of the ordinary. My gaze falls upon my cassette player and I remember the night I let Edward climb in through my window. I press play, wanting to hold onto the memory, grasping to anything that will keep him with me.

"_Lady, from the moment I saw you, __standing all alone__. __You gave all the love that I needed__, __so shy like a child who had grown."_

What the hell? This isn't Rush. I stop the music and pull the cassette from the player, inspecting the tape. Written on the rectangular label in neat, tiny letters there's a message.

_Songs to remind Bella of her super awesome friend Edward. Happy Birthday._

The letters blur as the tears I've been fighting trail down my cheeks. All I want to do is curl up on my bed and listen to every song on this tape over and over again. And I want Edward curled up beside me. But that's not an option.

I trudge my way back to the store, the hot sun burning on my back when I hear Leah's voice boom out over the marina. She's irate and screaming and I run to the store to see what's going on.

They're all on the sidewalk in front of the store. Jacob's holding Leah's arms, holding her back from something and my eyes shift to Sam, his arms wrapped around Emily, restricting her arms.

No, he's not holding her back. There's no tension in their arms, unlike the panic evident in the flex of Jacob's bicep as he restrains Leah. He holds her like he's comforting her, gentle and protective.

Like he loves her.

"How could you do this?" Leah shouts, her eyes wide and furious.

"Leah, please," Emily begs, tears and snot pouring from her face.

"I knew something was going on, I fucking knew it! Expected it almost," Leah shouts. "How can you live with yourself? And for what, a fuck? To get off? You both disgust me."

"You don't understand, Leah. She's pregnant," Sam says quietly. Leah blinks, shrinking back from the confrontation as she covers her mouth with her hand. "I have to do what's right by her, be a man."

Holy Days of our Lives! Emily's pregnant? With Sam's baby? I thought she was dating Jared. She's going to be a senior in high school and here she is knocked up by her cousin's boyfriend. So much for being a free spirit. She'll be tied to another person now for the rest of her life.

"Be a man? A real man doesn't stick his dick in his girlfriend's cousin," Leah says bitterly.

"I'm so sorry, we never meant for any of this to happen," Emily sobs and Leah just laughs, a maniacal tremor from her lips.

"Bullshit! What, you tripped and fell on his dick, over and over and over again until he got you fucking pregnant? If you didn't mean for it to happen, then it wouldn't have." Leah's voice is yelling again.

"We love each other," Sam says.

"Fuck you, you bastard!" Leah screams, clawing at Jacob's arm, trying to squirm free and hell bent on attacking. She's going to kill him! I run over to help Jacob push her inside the store where she crumbles to the floor. I wrap my arms around her and let her cry into my shoulder for a long time and I can see in her face that she'll never be the same after this. He's destroyed her.

This situation is just completely shit. I know how much she loved Sam. And now all her plans have just been obliterated, everything she thought she understood had been a lie. And Emily! Barely eighteen and pregnant? Emily's my friend too, but I feel like I hate her right now for what she did to Leah.

All I know is I don't ever want to feel how Leah's feeling right now. She put her whole life's worth into one person and he betrayed her. I can't let that happen to me. I'm already too attached to Edward. He's the only happiness I have, the only part of the whole damn year that I look forward to. I trust him with my secrets, tell him things I'm embarrassed just thinking about and I know he would never hurt me on purpose. But I have to get myself in check or I'm just going to end up like Leah, betrayed by a boy I never really had.

I have to forget Edward. I have to forget his lips on mine, forget his hands and they way that they touch me. I have to forget it all, because I won't be able to function if I'm forced to remember. I file the summer away in the very deepest trench of my heart.

It's for the best, the only solution that makes any sense. I put up my wall and wrap my heart in a tiny cocoon, numb, hard, solid.

I detach.

…

**A/N**

With the hormones, comes le angst, it's just how it happens, I didn't make the rules.

The oh so lovely, **AngryBadgerGirl **started a thread on Twilighted for this story...link is on my profile :)

Big hugs to beta extrordinaire **SubtlePen **and prereader **miztrezboo**, I give you props sister! Thank you for all your help.

Thanks for reading bbs!


	7. That Time We Almost Got Arrested

**CH 6 – That Time We Almost Got Arrested **

_1988_

_A US Postage stamp costs 24 cents._

_Columbia records releases Journey's greatest hits album, which remains the band's best-selling record._

_George H. W. Bush becomes the first serving Vice President to be elected President of the US since Martin Van Buren in 1836._

_..._

"So Emmett said you have a boyfriend?" my mom asks as I slam on the brakes and come to a screeching halt on the corner of Tropicana and Las Vegas Blvd.

"When did you talk to Emmett?" I ask her. Emmett and I drive into Vegas one or two weekends a month to see my mom. She bought me a car for my sixteenth birthday, a black VW Rabbit. It's not new but it has air conditioning. We've never had a car with air conditioning before. The only problem is it's a stick. Jacob tried to teach me how to drive it, but I'm still a little jumpy off the clutch.

"He drove up after his finals last week." Emmett took a few finance classes at the Community College in Nevada last semester.

I adjust the radio, trying to find a song I don't despise but all I can find is stupid pop bullshit. Why can't one band on the radio write a decent fricking song?

"It's a green light, Bella," my mom says. I punch the gas as I let off the clutch causing the wheels to spin on the hot pavement. She inhales sharply and digs her manicured nails into the dashboard as I make a quick left and pull into the parking lot of the Tropicana. I park by the door but my mom refuses to leave the car.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me about this boyfriend." She pulls a cigarette from her purse and places it between her painted lips. She lights up, rolls down the window and looks at me expectantly.

"It was just one date. Leah's brother, Seth. We went bowling. Not my boyfriend. Not a big deal." I don't tell her how we made out and when he felt me up, he blew a load all over himself. Then he told everyone at school I was his girlfriend. I had to set him straight and now Leah's pissed at me. He didn't even act that upset, he was scamming on one of the Voltera sisters by lunch period. But Leah acts like I've committed crimes against humanity or something.

Ever since Sam broke her heart last summer, Leah's taken cynical to a whole new level. I think it's a good thing though. Leah had completely resigned herself to living in Willow Cove forever. She was going to marry Sam and help him run the business, but she had to reevaluate her whole life plan. She decided to go back to school and has been living on campus at UNLV. She didn't even come home for Christmas, but now she's back at the marina until school starts to make some extra cash. My dad's letting her stay in one of the motel rooms, which is going to cost him but she can't go home, not with Emily and the new baby living there and she can't afford to rent for four months so my dad's giving her a break.

"And what about Jacob? Is he still trying to woo you?" my mom teases, flicking the ash from her cigarette out the window. She knows I hate this topic.

I've been trying really hard not to think about Edward this year. I went on a couple dates, mostly guys from my photography class, but sometimes I see something on television or hear a song on the radio and it reminds me of him. Every time I think about Edward, I think about how I will never be able to do the silly high school shit with him. He'll never walk me to class or carry my books. He'll never ditch school with me to go get a soft serve at the Dairy Burger. He'll never take me on a first date or to a Friday football game, or let me wear his letterman jacket. And he'll never take me to prom.

So when Jacob asked me Junior prom, I said yes. I had heard Journey's _Don't Stop Believin'_ on the radio that morning, track number seven on my Songs That Remind Bella of her Super Awesome Friend Edward mixtape and I was missing Edward so much I couldn't breathe. I was mad at him for having this power over me and mad at myself for letting him. I don't know why I said yes. Maybe it was spite or fear or pain or to prove to myself that Edward doesn't control my life. Whatever the reason, I said yes to Jacob.

Jacob's actually pretty popular in school. The girls think he's hot, the guys think he's a badass. He rides a dirt bike and his brothers' reputation makes him look way cooler than he really is. Anyway, Jacob usually goes out with wastoids and stoners so I was shocked he asked me. I thought he hated me. Turns out I'm just completely clueless.

My mom bought me a dress with lace and satin and puffy sleeves. I curled and teased my hair, just like it said to do in Cosmo and contemplated cutting bangs for a millisecond. Jacob wore a tuxedo and brought me a corsage and I brought my Polaroid and snapped pictures of the crepe papered extravaganza in all its glory. Jacob smoked pot with his friends behind the gymnasium and drank whiskey from a flask he carried in his pocket and then he tried to teach me how to slow dance.

Everything was fine and then that song came on. That fricking Styx song, number three on my mixtape, _Lady_. I freaked out. I wanted it to be Edward so bad that I wrapped my arms around Jacob's neck and I buried my face in his shoulder and I pretended. I imagined it was Edward's shoulder my lips were pressed against, his hair I was running my fingers through, his hands sliding over the small of my back.

And then Jacob kissed me, a sloppy, wet kiss with tongue and not one tenth the care and tenderness that Edward's kisses contain. This shocked me back into reality, and then all I could feel were Jacob's big clumsy hands groping my ass and his hot breath on my ear as he slurred the lyrics, forever ruining the song for me. I hated myself. I was disappointed I said yes and disgusted that I pretended he was Edward. I shouldn't have done that. One little splinter in my shield and I was completely exposed and it hurt. I spent the next half hour in the bathroom falling apart and then putting myself back together. Luckily, Jacob had gone out to toke up again and didn't even notice I was gone.

He's asked me out three times since then and every time I make up some excuse. I have homework. I have to go to my mom's. I have to work. I just don't like Jacob like that. I barely like Jacob as a friend. And he doesn't like me, not really. He just thinks he should.

"Jacob's relentless," I mumble, collapsing onto the steering wheel. "I don't know what to do, Mom."

"Just be honest, honey. Jacob likes you because you're a wonderful person. It's nice that he cares so much." My mom runs her fingers through my hair and I want to argue with her. I don't want it to be nice. I don't want Jacob to like me because I can never return the gesture. I can never be what he wants me to be.

Because deep down, under the shell, blooming within the cocoon, no matter how much I try to deny it, I know in my heart I already belong to someone else. Someone who is waiting for me at the marina right now.

"Next time you should bring your friend, the one from Washington. I'd like to meet him," my mom hints. She takes another long draw from her cigarette and exhales out the window. "Is he in town yet?"

"Yeah, his family got here a couple hours ago," I say quietly. I saw the Cullens drive into the marina as I was leaving but I was already running late. I had to haul ass to get here in time for my mom's lunch break and I've been sitting in a stew of dread and anxiousness ever since. As much as I'm dying to see him, I am determined not to let Edward seduce me. We're friends and that's it. That's enough. No kissing, no dry humping, no boob massaging of any kind. I cannot let my wall down for one second unless I want a repeat of this past year's depraved existence. It's better this way, detached and guarded. No obligations, no expectations, no pain.

"You should drive up for the Fourth! We can have a barbeque and watch the fireworks. You can see the show on the strip from my backyard," my mom says before checking her watch. She flicks what remains of her cigarette out the window and grabs her purse in a hurry. "We'll talk later sweetheart, I'm gonna be late. Thanks for having lunch with me."

My mom kisses me on the cheek, her lipstick waxy on my skin before dashing into the glitzy building. I wipe my cheek and watch her leave, her helmet hair bobbing as she walks and I think about her invitation. I can't imagine bringing Edward to meet my mom in Vegas. The marina's like our little bubble of safety, where everything makes sense and is as it should be. I don't know what our relationship is outside of Willow Cove, and this makes me uncomfortable.

Oh hell, who am I kidding? I don't know what our relationship is _inside_ of Willow Cove.

I speed back to the marina, slowing to an unbearable 25 mph through town before zipping along the uneven pavement. The cops in town are real sticklers for speed limits. I guess that's what happens when you're a police officer in a town with a population of less than five hundred. You find shit to do.

I don't even bother going home first. I park my car beside the big black Mercedes and hurry up the steps to the front door. Three swift raps later, Edward's standing before me, his strong jaw covered in stubble, his hair scruffy around his ears and neck and he smiles. I feel my heart soften and I frown. This is going to be more difficult than I thought.

Edward slips his feet into a pair of thongs by the front door and I turn and start walking to the swings, to our spot where maybe things will feel better and I'll know what to say.

The minute Edward slides his hand into mine, I realize my whole plan is fucked. His hand is warm and gentle as our fingers twine. It's just holding hands. Friends can hold hands, right?

I let him lead. He doesn't say a word, just throws me sly glances over his shoulder every so often. He pulls me into the Laundromat, and then his mouth is on my mine and I drink him in eagerly, losing myself in the way he touches me and the way he tastes, a sweet relief to the nagging ache that's been plaguing me all year. His fingers slide beneath the hem of my tank top and I melt, my whole body exhaling as he wraps around my waist, his arms pressing into my bare skin. For one moment, everything makes sense.

And then I remember my wall and I pull away. That was not a friend kiss. That was an _oh my God my lady parts are pulsing_ kiss, exactly what I was trying to avoid. I hop onto the counter to put some space between us. Okay, so, touching is off limits. Besides, he's not going to really want to touch me after I tell him about Seth and Jacob. Especially Jacob.

Edward stares at the floor, his hand running through his hair, the fluorescent lights catching the red and making it glow against his pale skin. I focus on the tiny scatter of freckles across his nose, his eyelashes feathered on his cheekbones and it takes every ounce of strength I posses to not call him over to me.

I need to say something, the silence like thick cream in the hot room, curdled and stinking to high heaven.

"I went on a date with Leah's brother," I blurt out. Edward peers up at me and folds his arms across his chest before shifting his eyes back to the floor. "And I went to prom with Jacob. And he kissed me."

Edward doesn't move. He's quiet for a long time and I wait.

"I know," Edward says finally and I look at him, confused.

"Emmett. He writes Rose letters, calls her on the phone sometimes," he says quietly and I'm completely taken aback. And furious. I do not like my brother gossiping about my love life.

"What?" I ask, dumbfound.

This also means that Edward could have called me, could have written me letters, but he didn't.

I have to admit, the rejection stings.

"Wait, what?" I ask again and a smile spreads across Edward's face. The thought of them having a good laugh at my pathetic excuse for a love life is just maddening. Betrayed by my own brother? I'm going to kill him!

"It's okay, Bella. I'm not mad or anything," Edward says and I snort.

"Good, because you shouldn't be," I say, my voice snotty as all hell and I don't care. This hasn't even begun to make sense in my brain but all I can think of is how stupid I feel, thinking Edward would be upset, thinking what we have is anything more than just a fling.

"I just meant that I don't expect anything. I don't want you to feel restricted by me. You're allowed to be with other people. And so am I," he adds quietly.

"Oh, well, I'm glad I have your permission," I say sarcastically. I'm still irritated Edward knows everything and I know nothing. It's so not fair.

"I slept with this chick I go to school with, Lauren," Edward says suddenly. I blink, my mind completely numb.

"By slept with, you mean…" I trail off, confused.

Edward's eyes burn into mine, smoldering and oozing exactly what he means. _Sex_.

"Oh," I gasp, the wind knocked right out of me. My pulse races and I grip the counter. I can't fucking breathe! Oh God, I'm going to pass out.

No, Bella, box it up. Close it off. Detach.

"It was awful," Edward continues. "I was completely blitzed out of my mind and it was a total mistake."

"It's okay, I'm not mad or anything," I lie. I lie like a son-of-a-bitch.

"I wanted it to be you," he whispers and I inhale sharply as he walks towards me, conflicting emotions raging through my body. This is so wrong. I want to yell at him, tell him that it never will be, not now, not ever but I can't find my voice.

Besides, I'm not even sure I believe that one myself.

"I still want it to be you." Edward's voice is smooth and low and my wall crumbles, a mere pile of dust his declaration tramples and kicks into the air.

His hands grip my waist, his hips slide between my knees and he closes the space between us. And I let him.

_Just for the summer, just for the summer, just for the summer, _I chant in my head as his mouth closes over mine and pulls from me the last ounce of willpower I have left.

…

"Oh shit, you're a Republican?" Emmett says, exasperated as he leans back in his folding chair on the sandy cove. My dad's hunched over the small portable gas grill, poking at the meat patties sizzling over the flame. Like always, he insists on getting a cove for the Fourth of July. No fireworks again. I swear, one of these fricking days I'm going to see some damn fireworks. I point my camera at my brother and he sticks his tongue out at me as I snap the picture. The camera buzzes and spits out the soggy gray picture, the chemical smell I now equate with anticipation as I wait for the photo to appear. A couple minutes later, there he is, my brother against the backdrop of brush, his smart-ass face forever captured on the small rectangle of paper.

"No, I said I'd vote for Bush. I don't believe in political parties. A politician is a politician. They're all just puppets, their strings being pulled by the more substantial powers at hand," Rose says, pushing her glasses up off the tip of her nose. Alice rolls her eyes and turns over on her towel beside me. She pulls the straps off her shoulders, so she won't have tan lines before folding her arms under her chin.

"Oh no, I guess the wedding's off," Edward whispers in my ear, his hand on the small of my back and I stifle a giggle.

"And who might these substantial powers at hand be?" Emmett asks skeptically.

"Those who control the majority of the wealth," Rose answers as if it's completely obvious.

"So, you mean the Republicans," Emmett quips. "Face it, babe, you're sucked into their bipartisan brainwash just as much as the rest of us. Frankly, I don't trust the government."

"Emmett!" my dad scolds, pulling the cigarette from between his lips. "Don't say shit like that. It's Fourth of July, God damn it. It's unpatriotic."

"Actually, one could argue that at its root, his statement is very patriotic. I mean, isn't that what our founding fathers did over two hundred years ago? Questioned their government?" Rose challenges.

My dad squints at Rose lounging in her chair, her wide brimmed hat shading her face from the hot July sun. Rose is some sort of stunning. I mean, besides being wicked smart, she's got the body of a supermodel. Her golden hair tumbles across her shoulders in thick waves. Her legs are long and shapely, her thin waist offset by the voluptuous curve of her hips, and a rack that makes me blush. She's just so confident, lounging in her green halter one-piece swimsuit and challenging my dad on politics of all things. I can totally see why Emmett is so attracted to her.

"Yeah, Emmett's a regular Thomas Jefferson," my dad replies and motions to the ice chest. "Hey, hand me one of them beers there, Bells."

I dig around in the chest, looking for the red and white can, and take the Budweiser to him. I wipe the sweat from the back of my neck and forehead. Man, I am melting out here. The heat rolls off my body, my face and shoulders tight and itchy and it's time for a swim.

I wade out into the bay and dunk my head, the water meandering through my hair bringing sweet relief to my overheated scalp. I swim until I am surrounded by silence, calm, peaceful silence nestled between the walls of sediment and rock, the layers of reds and oranges and browns exposed from eons of erosion. This all started as a stream, a slow, persistent trickle of water forcing the hard, packed earth to crumble and soften into the silt beneath my toes.

"Beautiful." Edward's voice makes me jump. Water beads on the bridge of his nose, his wet hair dripping in his eyes and I'm overwhelmed by how handsome he is. I want this moment captured so I can keep him with me all year long.

"I know. Look at the rocks. You see that, the layers? Can you believe you are looking at something that has been here for literally millions of years? Can you imagine what those rocks have seen?" I float on my back, the bright sun forcing me to close my eyes. The water ripples around me, a ghost of a touch on my arm, my shoulder, caressing my face and pulling through my hair. A shadow hovers above me and I lift my lids to find Edward's fire hair and dancing eyes, his lips pulled into an astonished smile.

"Not the rocks, you goon," he laughs. "You. You're beautiful."

Beautiful. Full of beauty. Not just a pretty face, not just a physical appeal, but he thinks I'm full of beauty. It is the greatest compliment anyone has ever given me.

He licks his lips as his hand reaches through the water to wrap around my wrist. He pulls me into the deep water behind my father's boat. Weaving his arm around my waist, he pulls my body to his and kisses me gently. There's nothing but a thin layer of swimsuit separating our skin and the thought of my bare breasts against his chest prompts me to deepen the kiss, our tongues twisting in a soft and forceful connection. Edward's hands crawl across my back and I wrap my legs around his waist. His eyes widen, his lips still but I don't care. He can't call me beautiful and kiss me like that and expect me to behave myself.

"What? Is this not okay?" I ask, my heart pounding in my chest, my arms wrapped around his neck.

"It's okay. Shocking, a little, but it's definitely okay," he grins. I run my hands through his damp hair and I pull myself tighter to him, my lips pressed into the wet skin of his jaw, his neck, his shoulder. I don't like the way I need him, the way I want him here always. This is precisely my reasoning for the no touching rule, and now it's all gone straight to hell.

My brain won't shut up. I wonder if he thinks that Lauren girl is beautiful. I wonder if he kissed her like he kisses me. I wonder what it's like to have sex with Edward, it's all I can think about. I'm jealous someone else was close to him, closer than I've ever been. I want to be that close to him. I want to feel him like she did, so that I will once again be his number one, his favorite.

I kiss Edward again, hungry and determined as I run my hands over his chest, my finger grazing one of his nipples and I hear him moan a little in my mouth. He liked that. I do it again, the hardened flesh under my thumb and Edward gasps, his mouth moving to my chin and then to my neck, his lips nibbling on my earlobe and I squeeze my thighs tight around his waist. Pleasure and pain both begin to stir between my legs and I need the friction. Edward's mouth moves to my shoulder and then to my chest, his tongue grazing the ripple of bones there. His hand slides up to press into one of my breasts, pulling at the peak through my thin suit and I thank God I didn't get the suit with the padding. He stares into my eyes, his finger hook in the strap on my shoulder and he slowly lowers it, his eyes on mine the whole time. The water floods around my bare breasts and I press my forehead to his and try to focus on breathing.

"Fuck," Edward growls, his fingers tracing the tan lines over the swell of my chest and I'm panting. He lifts me out of the water, the air on my nipples causes them to tighten, and all I can think is please put it in your mouth, please, oh please oh please, lick my nipple. I never thought I would ever want a boy to put his mouth on my boob.

But this isn't just a boy, it's Edward. And he's everything.

His kisses my breast and I gasp, the sensation causing me to writhe against his waist. The sight of it is just so beautiful, his red lips moving across the pale white skin, skin that has never been exposed to the hot desert sun before. I watch his mouth move as he sucks and swirls his tongue around my nipple and I just can't get close enough. I tighten my legs and grind my hips against him but with every press, I need him more, harder, faster, more, whatever, I just need him.

"You're heart, it's pounding," Edward whispers and I try to catch my breath. His hands skim over my behind and down my thighs and I close my eyes as his fingers graze between my legs. I moan and my body trembles as a whole new wave of heat boils through my veins.

"Is this okay?" he asks.

"It's shocking," I say, mimicking his words. "But definitely okay."

"Can I touch you again?" Edward murmurs against my neck, his lips smoothing over my flushed, wet skin. I nod, finding his lips and pulling him into my mouth. I'm already gasping when his fingers press into the lyrca of my swimsuit. He presses into the sensitive flesh, his lips still moving with mine, his arm wrapped low around my waist and my head starts to get fuzzy.

I trail my hands down his chest and over the long lean muscles of his stomach. Edward's hand pauses for a millisecond as his eyes roll back in his head, and whispered profanities slip from his beautiful mouth against mine. His hand moves faster and harder and pressure begins to build deep in my belly, like an electric current reading to burst. My fingers glide just under his waistband and they're met with silky flesh, and I gasp. Holy shit, I just touched him. I just touched _it_ and it's soft and smooth and so warm.

"Bella!" he breathes. His fingers push aside the elastic of my swimsuit and he's rubbing me, and only me, circling the slick flesh as my hips squirm against his hand. It's almost unbearable, too sensitive in some spots and so unbelievably good in others.

"Oh, Holy fucking Moses!" I moan loudly, my legs quivering around his waist.

"Shhh," he whispers with a smile and I'm burning to feel more.

I slide my hand into his swim trunks and wrap my fingers around him as he gasps. He's so warm, and there's hair and it's soft and I revel in the contradiction of smooth and hard, like silk on marble. I stroke along the length over and over just feeling Edward, holding Edward, knowing Edward.

"Edward," I pant, unable to control my breathing and desperate for some kind of relief from the deep ache. "Put your fingers inside me."

"Bella, oh God, stop! I'm gonna come," Edward gasps into my neck as his body rolls and pitches, his hardness pulsing in my palm beneath the surface of the water. The way Edward's face looks as he falls apart in my hand is truly full of beauty. I'm about to kiss him again when we hear the buzz of a boat engine turn towards our cove. We instantly separate and try to compose ourselves as Dr. and Mrs. Cullen idle up to the shore. We swim over to catch the boat, pretending we weren't just fondling each other under the protective blanket of the water. Edward gives me a sly grin, and I roll my eyes but to be honest, I've never felt so powerful in all my life.

I make Edward feel good, I make him breathe my name. Even if it's just for the summer.

…

"Bella! Stop groping your boyfriend and get back to work!" I hear Leah yell from the front of the store and I freeze, trying to ignore Edward sucking on my lip. He pushes his hips into mine, pinning me against the concrete wall and I moan into his mouth before pushing him away, a coy smile on his lips.

"You're destroying my productivity," I say, grabbing a box of chip bags.

"Screw your productivity, you shouldn't even be here. You should be out on the water with me," Edward says as he takes the box from my arms. I sigh and grab two more boxes, before heading back out into the store.

Leah is perched behind the counter on a stool, a large novel in her hand, her leg bouncing as she reads.

"He's not my boyfriend," I mumble to her as I set the boxes on the floor and she snorts, the beginning of a loud laugh that she exaggerates on purpose.

"What's it like?" Leah asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask hesitantly. I'm almost positive this is a set-up, but my curiosity overrides my common sense.

"Living in denial. Is it really as blissful as they say?" Leah smirks.

"Get bent, Leah," I say in a hushed voice. I glance over my shoulder to see Edward haphazardly restocking the chips in the snack aisle, his focus on us instead. He quickly looks away and accidentally drops a bag of chips when I catch him eavesdropping. I bite my lip, suppressing a grin.

I look back at Leah and her face is stone, her gray eyes chilling as she stares at me. She doesn't say another word, just sets her book down and pulls a pack of cigarettes off the shelf behind the counter. She steps outside, pulling the wrapped tobacco from the carton and a lighter from her pocket and soon she's engulfed in haze. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest, her eyes focused on the sky as she smokes.

Emily had her baby in March, a little girl she named Claire. Claire Black. She dropped out of school and is working reception at the Black's storage place. Yesterday, Sam proposed. He's going to buy a mobile home in town and move Emily and the baby in as soon as possible. Leah's not taking it too well.

Edward's arms weave around my waist from behind and fold around my stomach as his lips press into my neck. "What were you arguing about?" he murmurs, his breath tickling my skin.

"Nothing, it's not important," I sigh and we watch Leah quickly light another cigarette.

"Hey! Emmett said something about checking out the Tracker's place? We should do that tonight," Edward says just as I see my dad walking up the sidewalk and instantly Edward's arms disappear from around my waist.

"Chicken shit," I laugh and he shrugs and leans against the counter. My dad pats Leah on the shoulder before walking into the store. His mustache twitches as he glances between the two of us.

"Hi Dad," I say as inconspicuously as possible. My dad's not an idiot. I'm pretty sure he knows there's something going on between us, but I think it's better if he thinks Edward and I are just friends. Really, really good friends. We're not dating, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend, we're not "seeing" each other. We just are. And that's really hard to explain to my old-fashioned dad.

"Hey kids, how's it goin'?" my dad mutters as he walks over to the cash register. He punches a couple buttons, checks the tape and pulls the bills from the tray, zipping them up in a black vinyl bag. All the while, his eyes are darting to Edward, then me, then back to the register.

"Edward, why don't you go take a swim," my dad says. Edward looks at me in confusion and I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't mind staying," Edward says confidently.

"Get out of here, kid. Go enjoy your vacation," my dad says in a cool voice and Edward hesitantly moves toward the door.

"I'll see you later, Bella," he mumbles before stepping outside and taking off down the sidewalk.

"What the hell, Dad?" I ask, exasperated.

"He doesn't need to be hanging around here all the time. This is a business, and you are my employee. You don't need any distractions." My dad's voice is matter-of-fact and cold, and this pisses me off to no end.

"I am not business," I argue. "I'm your daughter and Edward's practically family."

"Edward is a guest, a _Pay Check_, Bella. I know you've sort of adopted him and he's a nice kid, but he is not your family. You're family is here, at the marina." I start to argue but my dad doesn't give me the chance.

"Edward isn't to be hanging around at the store while you're working anymore." His tone of voice tells me this topic is not up for debate.

"But Dad, that's comp-" I try to explain but he cuts me off.

"This discussion is closed," he says definitively. "Look, I'm sorry honey, but it's for the best."

It's just so unfair! I hate this job. I hate this marina. I hate that my dad thinks he knows what's best for me and most of all, I hate that he called Edward a Pay Check. Tears stir beneath my lashes as I stare into his cold, hard gaze. _Do not cry, Bella. Don't you fucking dare._

He kisses me on the forehead as Leah walks back into the store. With a turn, he's gone and I'm left here alone. With Leah. For the rest of the stinking summer.

I spend the next hour breaking down boxes in the stockroom, visualizing my dad's face as I punch the boxes with my fist. I gather up the shreds of cardboard and haul them to the dumpster outside, tossing them into the bin with gusto.

"Hey." I spin around and see Edward grinning by the back door. "So I take it things didn't go well."

"You can't hang around the store anymore." I kick the side of the dumpster, my toe stinging a little at the impact.

"I figured. We can still hang out after and on days you don't have to work, right?" Edward asks and I nod. "Then it's okay."

"No it's not. He just cut our time together in half," I say bitterly. Edward ambles over to me deviously and kisses my cheek.

"Let's go do something," he says in a smooth voice and my heart flips in my chest.

"I'm working." This is how it's going to be for the rest of the summer: Edward wanting to do stuff, and me not being able to. Fricking suck-o-rama.

"Tell Leah you're sick. Meet me back here and we'll go on the lam, like mint jelly." Edward's eyes sparkle a deep, devious green.

"But my dad-"

"He won't be coming back to the store. And he won't expect you home for another two hours." It's true, my dad never comes back to the store once he's cleaned out the register. It's all the persuading I need.

I stumble into store, holding my gut as I use the counter for support. Leah eyes me suspiciously and I cringe, pretending I don't see her watching.

"What's the matter with you?" she asks.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I say, turning away from her.

"Cramps?" Leah asks and I freeze. Why didn't I think of that? It's the perfect cover! My dad isn't going to ask me about lady plumbing problems, even if he does come back.

"I just started. I feel like I'm being ripped in half." I clutch at my stomach again, probably a little too overdramatically but Leah just shrugs.

"Just go home," she orders me and I want to cheer, but I force myself to look crampy.

"I think I will," I say in a pitiful voice and Leah goes back to her cleaning. I slip out the door and meet Edward out back by the dumpster and we run towards the hiking trail that winds along the cliffs close to the marina. Once we're hidden from view, we hike down to the water to swim. We make out on the shore, a wet, muddy, writhing tangle of groping arms and legs and I'm just so happy to be free of the store, of the marina and my father. It's just me and Edward out here and for two hours, we're all that matters.

Eventually, we head back to Edward's place to see if Emmett's still planning on taking the girls to the old Tracker's place. The rundown Victorian mansion is a big white house with terraces and gables out in the middle of nowhere. Kids at school say the Trackers were serial killers and that there's an underground secret passageway that leads to the river, in case they had to get the hell out of dodge.

Mrs. Cullen is curled up on the couch and engulfed in a large novel, a pair of glasses perched on the tip of her nose. Dr. Cullen is seated at the small dinette set. The table's a scattered mess of documents, books and charts, and he's pecking away at an electric typewriter. She looks up at me and smiles as I walk in the door and I feel like I haven't seen them all summer.

"Hey kids! Bella, you just missed your brother. He took the girls for a cart ride," Mrs. Cullen says.

"Did they say where they were going?" I ask and Mrs. Cullen purses her lips.

"I think I overheard something about trackers? Does that sound familiar?" She pushes her glasses up her nose and I smile. Jackpot!

"Um, yeah. It's a historical site, a little ways up the road," I fudge, not wanting to get us in trouble.

"I'm gonna change and then we're going to go find them, is that okay?" Edward asks his dad but Dr. Cullen just keeps typing, obviously engrossed in his work. Mrs. Cullen looks nervously at her husband as Edward waits to be acknowledged by his father. "Dad? Is that okay?"

"Huh?" Dr. Cullen tilts his head, typing a few more letters before finally seeing his son. "What? Yeah, sure, have fun."

"Yeah, thanks," Edward mutters and walks down the small hall to a door that must be his room.

I sit awkwardly in the chair opposite the couch and wait as the clack, clack, clack of Dr. Cullen's typewriter fills the dead air. Mrs. Cullen returns to her book, her eyebrows creased and worried.

When Edward returns, he's wearing a pair of chino shorts and a polo shirt and there's a twist in my gut. These are Seattle clothes, not river clothes.

"Ready?" he asks quietly and I nod, following him out of the door. Once we're outside, Edward weaves his fingers with mine and for a minute, because apparently I hate myself, I pretend we're actually a couple. His white polo shirt gnaws at my fantasy and I can't help the frown that pulls at my lips when I see it. It's a reminder. Edward is not mine.

"Why do you hate this shirt?" he asks.

"I don't hate that shirt," I respond, irritated with myself for being so transparent.

"Yes you do. You always make that face when I wear it," he presses.

"What face? I do not make a face." I deny it. I deny it with all my heart.

"You totally make a face," Edward chuckles. "It's kind of like…" His lip curls up in a snarl, he crosses his eyes and pretends to puke.

"I never make that face," I laugh. "We have to get a cart. I don't want to risk going home to get my car and it's too far to walk. We can use one from the marina." I shake my wrist, the keys dangling from the cord and Edward smiles, sly mischief spreading across his face.

"You're quite the rebel tonight, Miss Swan," Edward remarks. "Ditching work, and stealing a cart."

"It's not stealing if I have the keys. It's borrowing without consent," I clarify as we approach the backside of my dad's office. The lights are out so I know my dad's already left. I unplug the cart and roll up the cord before turning the key. Edward gets in beside me and I put the electric cart in reverse, the wheels spinning in the gravel as I back away from the building.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Edward asks, clutching the roof of the cart.

"Relax, this cart only goes about twenty miles per hour. If you fall out, just tuck and roll," I respond and Edward laughs as we drive off to find my brother.

We drive along the dark, vacant road in silence, only a sliver of moon to light our way. It's eerily quiet, and the hum of the electric motor and the spinning of the rubber wheels on the cracked pavement keeps me distracted. The air is thick with moisture and it smells like a storm is coming. I'm starting to get a little creeped out, but I don't want to look like a wuss in front of Edward so I remain silent until we arrive at the old house. The front is a junk yard, old trucks and rusty shells of cars, tires, old mattresses, just a ton of shit littering the lot. I can see the other cart parked on the side and I sigh in relief, feeling more confident now that I know my brother's here.

Edward and I walk up to the front door. It's cracked open, a quiet murmur of voices inside and I motion to Edward to be quiet. He catches on and we sneak in through the door. The house is hot and musty and smells of mildew mixed with the remnants of parties past, the alcohol and cigarette smoke soaked into the walls. Edward slides his hand along my back and over my hip, trying to find my hand in the pitch black room and my heart races at his touch. If we're going to sneak up on Emmett, Edward's going to have to stop touching me. My heart rattling against my rib cage is totally going to give us away.

We inch towards the whispering voices, a skunky smell drifting through the house. They're smoking weed. It won't take much to freak them out. I see a beam of light flash in our direction and their voices silence. They've heard something.

I slowly drag my nails against the wall. No doubt Emmett's theatrics have gotten the girls good and antsy. I hear a panicked voice, probably Alice and then another. I can feel Edward laughing, his face falling into the back of my shoulder. I do it again, and this time Edward's hand thuds and drags against the hollow plaster.

"Let's get the fuck out of here, this isn't fun anymore," Alice says, her voice increasing in volume as she approaches the hallway where we're hiding.

"Alice, wait," I hear Rose now, her footsteps getting louder as well, followed by the heavy thudding of my brother, I'm sure.

"Oh, let her go." Jacob? Shit, what is Jacob doing here? And where's my brother?

Suddenly, a massive form grabs me from behind and I scream at the top of my lungs, my heart pounding in my chest and overwhelmed with panic. I clutch to Edward as he curses and tries to pull me away from whatever is trying to abduct me. I'm still screaming, my eyes clenched tightly when I realize someone is calling my name.

"Bella! Bella, open your eyes!"

"Maybe you should slap her."

"Fuck off, Rose."

It's Edward's voice that pulls me from my state of hysterics and I open one eye to find my brother gripping my shoulders and grinning at me like an idiot.

"Of all the stupid, fucking, asshole, shithead things you could do," I say bitterly as I smack at him with each insult. "I almost had a heart attack! How did you know it was us?"

"We heard you walking across the gravel," Emmett laughs and I try to hit him again but he grabs my wrist to block the blow. He's been drinking too, I can smell the beer on his breath. "Come on, Bella! That was classic."

"You're still an asshole," I mutter, irritated he made me scream like a banshee.

"You're still a wuss," Emmett remarks.

"So, what were you guys doing before you decided to try to kill me with bloodcurdling panic?" I ask, yanking my arm away from him and trying to change the subject.

"Summoning the dead," Alice says and I raise my eyebrows.

"What?" I ask her.

"She," Rose points accusingly at Alice, "brought a Ouija Board."

"It's just for fun," Alice defends, her hands on her hips. She must have seen Dirty Dancing this past year because she's dressed just like Baby in jean cut-offs and a white collared shirt knotted in the front and baring her tiny midriff. She's even wearing white Keds.

"Of course it is, it's a toy. It's made by Parker Brothers for Christ's sake," Edward remarks sarcastically.

"Where is it?" I ask, looking around and Alice grabs my hand and pulls me through the low doorway into the other room. There's a large stone fireplace on one of the walls and the light from the sliver of moon can barely get through the grimy windows. The board is on the floor next to an unopened six pack of beer. Alice sits on the floor by the board and I do the same. She hands me one of the unopened beers and I pop it open, but my brother snags it from my hand.

"I don't think so, sis," Emmett says, before taking a big swig. "You're underage."

"We're all underage," I contend but Emmett shakes his head and chugs the rest of my beer, crushing the can and tossing it in the corner with the others.

"Okay, everyone touch the pointer thing" Alice instructs and Rose is the first to comply, then Jacob and even Emmett sits down and folds his long legs. I look up at Edward, expecting him to play but he just stares out the window.

"Edward?" I ask but he shakes his head.

"No thanks," he scowls. Geez, what's got his feathers ruffled?

"Okay, then we ask it a question, and see where it goes. Don't put any pressure on your fingers. You're supposed to just let them rest on the plastic pointer thingy and see what it says," Alice finishes explaining. "Alright, ask it a question."

"Will I get laid this weekend?" Jacob asks obnoxiously and I abandon the game. I'd rather find out why Edward's upset.

"What? It's a legitimate question," Jacob scoffs at me for leaving.

"Yeah, one we all already know the answer to," I respond coolly.

"I know, how about, will Bella's dad find out she ditched work to go fool around with a boy?" Jacob sneers and I want to wring his stupid neck. Dammit! How the hell does he know that?

"You ditched the store?" Emmett asks and I shrug.

"So? What, like you've never ditched work before?" I accuse.

"No, I haven't," Emmett snaps.

"Kill the lights. It's the 5-O!" Edward interrupts frantically. "They look like they're slowing down in front of the house.

I peek out the window to see Officer Aro's police car slowly creeping past the house. We have to get out of here. We have to get out now. He's going to turn around and come back and my father is going to kill me!

"It's Aro," I panic. "Get out! Go out the back!"

We scatter, stumbling around in the dark and once outside we split up. Edward stays with me and we creep along the side of the house, looking for a hiding place. Suddenly, we hear the crunch of gravel under tires in the front drive. Shit, fuck, shit, son-of-a-bitch!

Edward motions to an old, rusty truck. Shit, he wants to hide there. I hear the slam of a car door, feet marching through gravel and we sneak towards the truck just as he opens the door and walks inside the house.

My heart races as I quickly climb into the back of the truck. I lay flat in the small space as Edward climbs in behind me. The bed is covered in a filthy tarp and my shirt saturates with warm, rusty mud. I hope to high heaven I won't need a tetanus shot when this night is through. I don't even want to think about the snakes or spiders or rodents that probably live here. My only solace is that maybe the hot sun has made the space uninhabitable.

Unless you're running from the cops, then it's perfectly inhabitable.

I look over at Edward beside me and I try not to laugh at the mess we're in. With any luck, Aro will see that no one is here and book it before any of us are found. Then I think of the empty beer cans and the house reeking of weed and I begin to panic, my chest heaving with frenzied gasps. Edward's hand smoothes over my stomach and comes to rest between my breasts, right over my heart.

"Shhhh," he whispers into my ear, his lips on my lobe and then my neck and I feel a surge of warmth seep through my body. Oh God, what a distraction.

I turn my head to catch his mouth, trying to remain as silent as possible as we kiss. His hand moves with slow, languid caresses over my breasts, stomach, hip and then between my legs.

"Well, what do we have here?" A bright light blinds as Edward's hand disappears and I squint to see the uniformed silhouette, a MAG light held high overhead as he grins, the white gleam of his teeth causing my stomach to roll.

"Fuck," Edward mutters beside me.

Yep, my sentiments exactly.

…

Dad paces as I sit on the couch, my thumb trying to erase a smudge of grease on my palm. He hasn't said anything since Officer Aro left. Aro didn't arrest us, thank God, and he didn't find any of the others. He assumed Edward and I were the only ones out there. He also assumed we were responsible for all the empty beer cans. But Officer Aro knows my dad so instead of taking us to the station, he dropped us off at the marina. He made Edward sit in the cruiser while he explained to my dad how he found us trespassing and now I am in trouble for so many reasons, I don't even know which one to explain first.

"Dad, I swear, we weren't drinking," I plead, hoping I sound convincing.

My dad runs his hand over his jaw before placing them on his hips, his eyes squint, like he's trying to figure this out. And then the mustache twitches.

"Do not lie to me, little girl. I know everything that goes on at my marina. Everything. I know you skipped out early from work. You stole a cart to do God-only-knows-what with that boy, and then you broke into an abandoned house to get drunk." My dad is furious and hot angry tears start to build behind my lids.

"That boy is my best friend," I say defensively. "And I left work early because I had been there all day and I was sick of it."

"It's work, of course you were sick of it. What the hell are you doing, Bella? I did not raise you to behave this way." My dad points his finger at me and I grit my teeth, the gesture so condescending I can hardly stand it.

"You raised me to do whatever _you_ want, to take orders. I don't want to work in the store. I don't care about the stupid marina," I yell but my dad just blows me off. No trial, no presenting my case, he just goes straight to the sentencing.

"No more Edward. You're on restriction and you're not to leave the marina," my dad lays down the law.

"What? Does that include the water, for ski rides and stuff?" I ask, flabbergasted.

"You don't leave the marina," my dad barks and I want to scream.

"For how long?" I'm going to freak out, like I want to break something. I can feel my hands shaking, and I'm dying to get to something I can destroy.

"For as long as it takes," Dad says, again the stupid finger taunting me as he jabs the air.

"This is such shit!" I shout.

"You watch your language, young lady!" my dad growls.

"Oh what, Emmett can cuss but I can't? Emmett can do whatever the hell he wants around here and you just ignore it. I hate living here!" I storm to my room and slam the door, looking for something to break. My eyes fall on my glass bottles and for a minute, I visualize myself heaving them at the wall and watching them shatter. Instead I crumble onto my bed, hiding my head in my pillow and letting my tears soak my sheets, gasping into the soft cotton that smells like my mom.

Emmett knocks on my door a little after midnight. I tell him what happened and he tries to make me feel better by offering to do all the laundry next week, but it's no use. I'm not allowed to see Edward and I'm devastated. By the time I'm free again, Edward will be gone and the summer will be over.

Edward visits me at the store in the morning, buying some gum so he can defend his stance as a customer. He didn't get into trouble at all. His dad gave him a lecture on alcohol consumption and what it does to the body and that was it. When I tell him I'm not allowed to see him, he's furious and wants to march down to my dad's office and confront him but I tell him not to. It'll just make things worse. My dad doesn't back down, _ever_.

Edward can't stand it. That night, he's at my window. Even though I know I shouldn't, I can't stop myself from popping out my screen and letting him in. We play Uno and Edward solves my Rubik's cube, and then does it three more times when I accuse him of cheating. Sometimes, he brings me ice cream or Pixie Stix. I tell him about my photography classes and he tells me about basketball. We argue and laugh and discuss the stupidest shit, whispering under the hum of INXS and Bon Jovi and the rest of the bands on my mixtape with my shoe shoved under the door in case my dad decides to barge in without knocking.

We do other stuff, too.

The first time Edward gives me an orgasm, I laugh uncontrollably. I read in Cosmo it's supposed to feel like an explosion and so I always pictured, a volcano erupting or like, fireworks shooting out of my who-ha. Cosmo didn't mention it would cause my whole body to seize like one of those flopping fish under the dock. Cosmo didn't mention the aftershocks or the severe sensitivity or the ridiculous sounds that would come out of my mouth. So when Edward uses his fingers to get me off, all the embarrassing things my body is doing combined with the image of crotch fireworks gives me a bad case of the giggles just seconds after the euphoric tingling subsides. Edward acts all mopey at first but I crawl into his lap and I explain and he laughs too.

I like fooling around with Edward. He's gentle and plays with my hair while we kiss, which makes my scalp shiver. The way he touches me is just really special, like he's handling something he wants to take care of. It's always slow and lingering and passionate and I can't ever remember feeling as cherished as I do when I'm with him.

This kinda scares the shit out of me.

Edward comes over the night before he's supposed to leave. He's wearing his river clothes, jean shorts and a tank top, and his hair is hidden under a Chicago Bulls cap. He's quiet and somber as he climbs in my window and I can tell this isn't going to be a night filled with giggles and groping.

He sits on my bed, a small gift bag in his hands and stares at the pale pink tissue paper. I smile because pink is so not my color. It's far too feminine and soft, and that's just not me. I am harsh, vibrant, bold reds and oranges, like the sky at dusk or the layers of sediment that cradle the river.

Edward doesn't say anything, just picks at the paper in his lap. I do not want to spend our last night together all pissy.

"Are you mad at me or something?" I ask, my tone sharp and accusing and not how I want to sound at all.

"Why didn't you call?" Edward asks and I look over at him, confused. "Last year, when I gave you my phone number, why didn't you call?"

"It's long distance," I mutter, keeping the other reasons to myself. He doesn't need to know how the mere mention of him makes my heart clench in my chest, and sends a fire burning through my veins and that I fall apart when I hear songs that remind me of him. It'll only make him feel obligated and that would be unfair to both of us.

"Emmett called, and he wrote letters. Letters are practically free." Edward's brow creases, forming two thin dents of frustration.

Even though I want to deny it, there's this little bug that keeps whispering in my ear to just be honest and explain why I have to tuck him away in a neat little box, why I can't call him and pretend everything is hunky dory. It's because it's not okay. I'm not okay. What if he's too busy to write me back? It's easy to ignore things that aren't right in front of your face.

"I really miss you when I'm at home," Edward says quietly. "When you didn't call, I thought maybe...you didn't want to be friends anymore."

"Friends?" I ask. I glance over at Edward to find him staring at me, his green familiar eyes holding a familiar pain.

"You know it's more than that."

I stare at my hands, forcing myself not to cry.

"Bella, I-" Edward starts and I don't want to hear him say it. If I hear him say it, then it's real and it'll just make everything so much worse when he leaves tomorrow, and he _will_ leave. That is a certainty.

"No!" I shout, clenching my eyes shut like a five year old throwing a fit. "Don't say it. It'll just make it unbearable."

"Unbearable?" His face crumbles and it just all comes pouring out.

"When you leave, it's unbearable. And if you say what I think you're going to say, it's just going to make things so much harder. I love our summers. It's all I can think about, it's all I live for, but it's not reality," I try to explain. I want Edward to know I care about him, and how happy this time with him makes me. But I'll deal with the realities on my own.

"Why is this so hard? Back home, when I like a girl, I ask her out and boom, it's done. But with you, it's so different. Everything is just so different," Edward says. My chest throbs and I bring my hand up to stop the swell, like I'm trying to hold my heart inside my body.

"You're right. This isn't like at home," I whisper, tears welling in my eyes. I turn to face him. His head leans against the back of my daybed, his eyes stuck to the ceiling as his dark lashes blink furiously. A tiny tear slides down his cheek, and then another and I just want to crawl into his lap and press my face into his neck and feel his arms around my waist. But it's too late for that now.

I smooth my thumb across the bridge of his nose, the little flakes of peeling skin rolling under my fingertip. He closes his eyes, his face turning into my touch, another tear slipping from his lids.

"I don't expect anything from you, Edward. I don't know what all this stuff between us means. I don't know what to do or how to feel about you. I just know that I like it when I'm with you. I like the way you make me feel. And I'll always be your friend. No matter what, okay? We'll be friends." Edward stares at me and I don't know what he's thinking.

He doesn't say a word as he hands me the present. I remove the tissue paper and pull out a bottle. It's tall with a thick neck and a capped lip, the white lettering splashed against the glass. It's filled with sand and pebbles, a twig of green pine, and a handful of coffee beans settled in murky water.

"Big Red, huh?" I read and Edward shrugs.

"It's what they call me, back at home," Edward says shyly. "You know, because of the red hair."

"I don't get it," I admit, holding up the bottle and feeling like a total idiot.

"It's Seattle. See, there's a twig and a rock from the forest, sand and water from Alki Beach, coffee beans because well, everyone in Seattle drinks coffee and it's all wrapped up in one bottle. Big Red. Me," Edward explains and I am speechless.

"Edward, I…I don't know what to say," I whisper, the thoughtfulness of the gift heavy in my chest. "I love it. It's perfect."

"I thought maybe you could put it with your collection," he says and I immediately settle it next to my jewelry box. I choke back a sob that's burning in my chest and hide my face from him. _Do not cry, Bella. Do not cry. _

"I'm sorry Bella. I'm sorry I live so far away. I'm sorry I can't take you to prom or on dates. I'm sorry you're sad. I'm just sorry," Edward says. I don't want Edward to feel sorry for me. The thought makes me sick, Edward in Seattle, surrounded by his girlfriends and his jock friends and feeling bad about the poor small town girl he fooled around with at the river.

"Don't be sorry," I say proudly, turning to face him finally. "I'll be fine, Edward. Don't feel sorry for me."

"That's not what I meant," Edward mutters. "Why does it feel like we're breaking up or something?"

His question stuns me, because while I never thought of Edward and I as a real couple, that's _exactly_ what this feels like.

"Edward, we're not breaking up. We were never together. You can't lose something you never had." I sit down on my bed and let my shoulder lean against him.

"You're still my friend, right? You promise we'll always be friends?" Edward whispers and I can't suppress the tears any more. I lick my thumb, tears silently rolling down my cheeks and hold out my trembling pinky.

"Pinky promise."

…

**A/N**

Holy son of a motherless goat! You readers are amazing, I'm seriously verklempt a la Linda Richman a la Mike Myers.

**Melissa228 **and **queenofgrey **thank you SO much for rec'ity rec's! I'm all a flutter, my sweeties!

And **misforMarisa**, this Journey's for you, love!

Wanna know what's on Edward's Mixtape? The Boo hooked me up with a blizzzogg! Link is on my profile :)

**SubtlePen **is beta and she's phenomenal. **miztrezboo **prereads and lets me yak at her. Love, bbs, love.

****Edit: **There seems to be some confusion as to how old Bella is and what year in school. The Chapter number coincides with Bella's age during the summer before her birthday in September. Chapter 1, she's 11, Chapter 2, she's 12 and so on...Edward's always a wee year older than her, because his b-day is in June.

I based Bella, Jacob and Edward's year in school on them all being born in 1971 and starting Kindergarten when they had turned 5, in 1976. So this chapter is the summer before their Senior year of high school. Class of 1989!

Thank you for reading!


	8. That Time You Brought Your Friends

**CH 7 – That Time You Brought Your Friends**

_1989_

_Massive protests in Germany bring about the collapse of the Berlin Wall._

_Nirvana releases their first album, Bleach, for the independent record label Sub Pop._

_Drew Barrymore and Corey Feldman have a brief affair after meeting on the set of CBS after school special "15 and Getting Straight."_

…

A dull red light glows in the dark space and illuminates the trays of chemicals. I can hear the gentle murmur of other students in my class. They're dicking around because no one really does work on the last day of high school. Well, no one except losers, like me, who have nothing else to do. Even my teacher, Mr. Banner was irritated I wanted to break out the materials today but I won't have another chance to process these prints.

I gently plunge the paper into the developer, agitating the tray to slosh the solution back and forth as the streaks of dark and light slowly appear on the page. Carefully handling my photo with a pair of tongs, I shake the solution from the page before placing it into the stop bath. Again, I gently swirl the chemical over the page. I repeat the process, the solution in the third tray fixing the image in place and then hold it up to expect my work. There in faded grays and black and white is the bend of the river, and I like the way the heat almost jumps off the page. I wash the chemicals from the photo and hang it up on the wire line next to the developing station of my school's darkroom, just as I hear a muffled cough behind me.

"That's really unique," a low, husky voice murmurs. I wipe my hands on my apron and glance over my shoulder. Garrett is inspecting my photo, his skin illuminated as he squints at the page. "I like how you overexposed the film, gives it that sun-bleached effect, like heat waves rolling off the pavement."

"Thanks," I smile shyly, but inside I'm ecstatic. That's exactly what I wanted it to look like!

"You could make this your career and shit." Garrett moves closer and he smells like cigarettes and aftershave and developing solution. He's tall and thin, one of those mopey, artsy-fartsy types, with long, shaggy brown hair and his wallet chained to his pants. We did a project together this year, a collage urging support for the destruction of the Berlin Wall for our photography class and it was picked to showcase at city hall in Boulder City.

"Yeah, right. I can totally see my dad letting me set up a darkroom at the marina," I mutter sarcastically. I slip my next photo into the developer, sloshing the chemicals over the page and watch the image appear. This time it's my dad, his cap pulled over his eyes, a cigarette between his lips and he's fiddling with the outdrive of our boat. His hands are smudged with grease and I want this one a little darker so I leave it in the solution a little bit longer.

"What about the community college? You can take a photography class and use the lab to develop your pictures and sell them to magazines and newspapers. Then, when you make enough cash, you can set up a darkroom at home. It's not that hard," Garrett persists.

"College costs money and why do you care so much?" I ask him, slightly annoyed by his persistence.

"I just hate to see such artistic talent go to waste. We can't allow ourselves to be limited by the capitalistic mockery our government uses to hide the blatant repression of its people." Garrett is right behind me now as I cycle the photo through the trays and hang my father's photo to dry. "Just because we weren't born into privilege, doesn't mean we don't deserve the same opportunities."

"Doesn't your dad work for the city? He's a lawyer, right?" I ask with a smirk. Garrett doesn't know anything about underprivileged. Neither do I, for the matter. I know there are people out there that have it far worse than I do.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I have to accept his ideals. I'm like you, Bella," Garrett's fingers graze over the top of my arm and I freeze.

"What do you mean, _like me_? What, poor? A river rat?" I say sharply.

"No, Bella. Wait, I guess that didn't come out right. I meant, real. You don't stand for all the superficial bullshit. You're just you and you're pretty cool," Garrett grins sheepishly. "Look, I'm just trying to tell you that I like you. I've been dying to ask you out all year."

"I don't date," I sigh. It's true. I don't date. I haven't been out with anyone all year, haven't kissed anyone, and haven't let anyone feel me up, not since last summer. Not since Edward.

"I know. I just thought we connected," Garrett brushes his hair out of his face and I consider him for a minute. He's cute, he looks like he'd be a good kisser. He's nice too, in an emotional kind of way. And he's passionate about things, goes on and on for hours about government conspiracies. I could like him, maybe.

But there's only one person on this planet I'm connected to.

"Garrett, you're a really nice guy," I start and Garrett's eyes drop to the floor. "But I'm just not dating. Right now." I add that last part because I can't stand that I've made him feel bad.

"Yeah, I knew you were going to say that. I just couldn't graduate without at least giving it a shot," Garrett mumbles and I feel awful. I'm so stupid! I should just go out with him. He's nice and he likes me.

And he's here.

"Do you want to get a soft serve at the Dairy Burger after school?" I ask and Garrett's eyes dart up to mine.

"Really?" he asks hopefully, and I cringe. Oh, geez. He really likes me.

"Yeah, really," I mumble, placing another photo into the developing solution. Before I even see the lines completely, I know whose picture this is. His coy lips are pulled into a taunting smirk, his cap hiding his messy hair and his eyes burning right off the paper.

I hate him. I hate that I can't forget him. I hate that I still want him. I hate that I dream of kissing him and that I've absentmindedly scribbled Bella Cullen in my journal dozens of times in varying scripts and arrangements. Bella Marie Cullen. Bella Swan Cullen. Isabella Cullen. Isabella Marie Swan Cullen. God, I make myself sick.

I hate how every boy pales in comparison to my best friend. I hate that he's not here and that he's not mine and that he never will be. I just hate.

I stare at his handsome face on the page, his square jaw and smiling eyes and I forget to agitate the solution. I leave him submerged, drowning him out and letting the image fade to black.

…

The Cullens arrive two weeks after I graduate from high school. I don't have a party. I don't participate in any of the normal celebration stuff. I have dinner with my mom at the Tropicana. She gives me a necklace, a silver horseshoe embedded with tiny diamonds and she says it's for good luck.

I go out with Garrett a couple of times, mostly for sundaes at the Dairy Burger in Boulder City and I kiss him on the cheek when I leave. He talks a lot and has a lot of interesting theories on life and the universe. I like him, just not enough.

I don't know what to expect when Edward gets here. I hope we can go back to being friends, and how things were when we were little, you know? Ice cream and silly jokes and just spend time together, as friends. Without touching.

I watch from my porch as the black Mercedes parks at the Cullen's unit around seven in the evening, followed by a shiny, silver Volvo. Rose and Alice step out of the Mercedes, along with Mrs. Cullen and then Dr. Cullen and I see my brother cross the campground towards them.

Edward slides out of the driver's seat of the silver Volvo, a graduation present I assume, and a flood of very pretty, perfect people exit the car. He's wearing his polo shirt and a pair of dark black sunglasses, his hand pulling through his reddish hair. They look like a fricking shampoo commercial, the two girls shaking out their long tresses and smoothing their pleated shorts, the two boys stretching and eyeing their surroundings and I want to puke, right there on my porch.

What the hell is going on here?

My brother jogs over to Rose and pulls her into a big bear hug, holding her for a good minute before shaking Dr. Cullen's hand. He hugs Alice and Mrs. Cullen and waves over to Edward. Edward saunters over to my brother, punching him in the arm, looking around, and then he stops. His eyes sear into mine, even across the distance and my stomach churns.

I am shaking, my hands trembling and then he looks away. This is worse than anything I could imagine. Why would he bring them here? This is our place, our summer and now I have to share it with his Seattle friends. I'm so pissed I can hardly see straight and then one of the girls, a tall blonde, jumps on Edward's back. He laughs sheepishly, and gently sets her down. He looks at me again, and I think there's an apology in his eyes. I only allow it for an instant because I'm too disgusted to continue to watch and I storm inside my house.

I try to think rationally as I pace the floor of my living room, trying to calm my racing heart, trying to not throw up, trying to not break things. I wanted this. I told him it was okay. It's for the best. He doesn't belong to me. He's not mine. This is what I wanted.

There's a rap on my door and I almost want to hide. It has to be him. I quickly wipe my face and smooth my cotton tank over my jean shorts, feeling a hundred percent insecure in my old, ratty river clothes. _Bella, get over yourself. Just open the door._

"Oh my God, Bella! He's here!" Alice barges into my living room, twisting her hands as I close the door behind her.

"Who's here?" I ask her, completely confused. My mind immediately skirts to Edward and I kind of want to smack myself in the face. _Snap out of it, Bella. It's so obviously over_.

"Jasper! I know I told you about him. I've been in love with him forever. He's here. Edward invited him to come and he's here!" Alice looks like she might explode from anxiety and a small flicker of a memory stirs. I remember vaguely a discussion a couple years ago. Alice also told me Edward was in love with me that summer.

"Well, that's a good thing, right?" I try to control the tremble in my voice but I am dangerously close to falling apart here.

Alice shakes her head no as she wrings her hands.

"No, it's not a good thing?"

"No, it's not! Now I'm going be paranoid the whole time he's here. He's going to see me without make up and in my swimsuit and first thing in the morning when I have crusties in my eyes and drool dried on my chin and oh, my God, Bella, what if I snore? What if I talk in my sleep?" Alice is on the verge of tears now. I've never seen her like this. She's always so calm and confident.

"Alice, relax!" I grab her hand and pull her to sit on the couch. "It'll be fine. If he doesn't like you with crusties and drool, what's the point? I mean, you can't hide that stuff forever."

"I know, I'm just really nervous. I like him a lot. I don't want to mess it up." Alice sighs.

"Just don't freak out like that again and you'll be fine. Chicken-shit Alice is not attractive," I tease and Alice's lips spread into a grin.

"Oh, shut up," she mutters.

"So, who are all those people?" I ask hesitantly.

"Edward's friends. Carlisle said he could bring his friends for graduation. They're only staying a couple weeks," Alice says.

"By they, you mean…" I trail off.

"Um, okay, the blonde guy wearing the hat and white t-shirt, looking like a cross between River Phoenix and Dean Martin, that's Jasper. He's wearing suspenders, Bella! Isn't that adorable?" Alice gushes.

"He's wearing suspenders? Here?" I snort and Alice just keeps talking.

"The other guy is Mike Newton, he plays basketball with Edward. The girl with the dark curly hair, that's Jessica Stanley, Mike's girlfriend." Alice pulls her ear, the diamond stud twinkling under the fluorescent lights.

"And the other girl?" I choke out, my heart filling with dread. It doesn't take a math genius to figure this out.

"I think her name is Lauren. She's Jessica's friend." Alice won't look at me. Yeah, Jessica's friend my ass. Lauren is the mistake, the girl Edward screwed in a drunken stupor. There's no way I'd forget that name.

"Alice, it's fine. I'm not jealous." Liar! Liar! Liar! "Edward isn't obligated to me in any way. We're just friends."

"Bella, I don't think you and Edward have ever been just friends," Alice says sadly and I hate the tone of her voice. Pity. It's all there, in her big sad blue eyes, in the turned down corners of her mouth, in the crease in her forehead. Pity. She thinks I'm pathetic.

"Well, we are," I snap, this whole situation grating on my nerves. "Besides, I'm kinda seeing someone. Kinda."

"Are you?" Alice asks deviously. Oh shit, I should have known better. Alice is going to ask questions, lots and lots of questions.

"Dish, Bella. What's his name? Wait, is it Jacob?" Alice asks with squinting eyes and I scowl. Why does everyone always think I like Jacob?

"No, it's so not Jacob. Garrett. His name's Garrett. He was in my photography class," I tell her.

"Do you have a picture? What's he like? Preppy? Jock? Oh wait, photography class, he's Punk or Gothic or something, huh? Oh hot, Bella!" Alice squeals.

"He's more like, left-wing liberal conspiracy theorist," I mutter. "I've only been out with him a couple of times. It's not really anything."

"It's enough," Alice says, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

"Enough for what?" I ask confused.

"A spark," Alice says knowingly with a wink. "Come on. Come say hi. I know Edward wants to see you."

I'm torn because while I really want to see Edward, but I don't actually want to _see_ Edward. I mean, things have obviously changed. People change too. What if he's rude to me? What if he kisses her in front of me? What if I have to punch her in the face?

This is what you wanted, Bella. Detach. Lock it up, put it away.

"Sure, okay. Let's go say hi." I force a smile and take a deep breath.

Alice leads me to her family's unit. They've dispersed, and the group is no longer congregating in front of the prefabricated home. Alice walks inside and I hesitate on the porch, my heart beating in my throat as I finally step through the door.

"Bella!" Mrs. Cullen wraps her arms around me, her floral perfume reminding me of the department stores in Vegas. Dr. Cullen is setting up his typewriter at the table, and he pauses a moment to give me a small wave and a big smile.

"Where'd everyone go?" Alice asks, her hands on her hips.

"I think they were heading down to the docks, to get an ice cream or something," Mrs. Cullen says, gathering up a few bags by the front door and walking them into the kitchen.

"Okay, we're going to go find them," Alice says, linking her arm through mine as I swallow the massive lump in my throat.

"Okay girls! Have fun!" Mrs. Cullen remarks absentmindedly from the other room as we walk back out into the heat.

"Are you okay Bella?" Alice asks me once we're outside and I nod. I'm fine. I have to be.

"So, how's school?" I ask, desperate for a distraction.

"It's school. I don't know, I'm not really cut out for the college scene. Rose is the brain, not me. I'm more of a people person, you know?" Alice pushes her bangs out of her face. Her hair is short, a sharp angular chin-length bob with bangs that cut straight across her forehead. "You know what I want to do? I want to go backpacking across Europe. Wouldn't that be so awesome?"

"Yeah," I answer half-heartedly. I haven't actually ever thought about leaving the marina. It's not really an option. I mean, sure, when I was little I always thought I could travel the world, but those are kid dreams, you know, shit you laugh about later. Backpacking across Europe is just so far out of the realm of possibility for me, I can hardly even form an opinion on the matter.

"I got a job at this coffee place downtown," Alice babbles. "I really love it. I get to talk to people and make things and it's a real laid back, organic organization. And they're really into the local music scene. We have bands play on weekends. I don't know, maybe I'll just own my own coffee shop."

I can't help but feel envious of Alice. She can, literally, do whatever she wants. Not once does it occur to her to worry about money or family obligation or even logistics. The way she talks, it's like every opportunity is right at her fingertips and she just has to decide which one to choose.

As we get closer to the docks, I can see the group hanging out by the swings and my stomach is in knots. I'm so conflicted because I know I shouldn't be feeling these things, I have no right to be jealous. Lots of people use these swings. Lots of people eat ice cream, but I can't ignore the bowling ball of dread rolling around in my gut as we get closer.

The sun is just beginning to set but I can see the girls sitting on the swings. One of the guys, I guess it must be Mike because I don't see any suspenders, is pushing them both, grabbing their swings and jerking them around, and they're laughing and shrieking. Jasper sticks out like a sore thumb, in his black, tapered pants and loafers. Yep, and suspenders pulled over a white button-up shirt. And then there's Edward, sucking the sherbet from a cardboard carton.

He looks up as we approach, his intense eyes contradicting the innocence of the red syrup trapped in the corner of his pink lips and I can't fight the smile spreading across my face. Oh God, he's the same. He's just the same as always. He's still beautiful. His hair is longer, messy and hanging in his face but shorter around his ears and neck. He's wearing his river clothes now, jean shorts and a blue tank top and I want to run and tackle him and I can't. I can't and it kills me.

"Hey guys!" Alice greets them cheerfully and the girls slow their swings. The dark haired one looks me up and down and she smiles. This one is Jessica, I think, according to Alice's descriptions. She's petite and pretty, her bangs poofy and sprayed into place. Her white pleated shorts are crisp, and her pink top clings to her curvy shape and I feel a little sick at the thought of her perfect figure in a bikini. I can't hardly look at the other girl, Lauren. I don't want to look at her. I don't want to see her. I hate her and I don't even know her and I hate myself for feeling this way.

Grow up, Bella! It's not her fault. She might be really nice.

"Is this the river girl you were talking about, Edward?" My cheeks flush and I finally look at her.

Lauren is tall and blonde, her hair teased and curled in long poufs. She looks just like Jessica. I mean, she's blond and freckled and super pale, but she looks just the same. Same pleated shorts, only in brown. Same top, only in lavender. They're so generic, like paper dolls and I suddenly have a whole new appreciation for Alice's eclectic style.

How could Edward like this girl and then like someone like me? We couldn't be more different if we tried. She's blonde and busty and just, so trendy. And I'm just not.

"This is Bella. She's my best friend," Edward says with a soft smile and internally I sigh. He's the same. It's still him and for a minute, all my yucky feelings subside.

"Hi Bella! Like, oh my God, you are so pretty. Like, isn't she so pretty, Laur? Seriously, your skin is so perfect. I bet you never get zits," Jessica says as she stands up and moves closer, to get a better look, I guess and I feel so ridiculous. It's true, bad acne is one thing I've never had to deal with.

"Um, thanks. You're pretty too?" I mutter, confused and feeling like a complete tool. How the hell am I supposed to respond to a comment like this?

"Aw, you're adorable!" Lauren gushes and I feel like I've entered the Twilight Zone. "Jess, she's totally pretty like in a sporty, outdoorsy natural way. You totally have one of those body types where you can eat whatever you want and never ever get fat, huh?" Okay, yeah, I eat tons of junk but it's not like I'm super skinny or anything, I'm just average, I guess. I don't know, I've never really thought about it before. What is wrong with these people? I don't have many girlfriends but people don't really act like this, right? I mean, this isn't normal, is it?

"Well, I believe Bella means beautiful. I think it's French or something." The one I'm assuming is Mike speaks and I see Edward's head drop as he laughs. Great, he thinks this is funny.

"It's not French, you idiot. It's Spanish." Jasper grins at me with a wink and I feel Alice's arm twitch. Edward's hand clasps over his mouth and I narrow my eyes at him.

"Well, we're going to get an ice cream," Alice says cheerfully. "We'll see you later."

"Later," Edward remarks through his muffled laugh and I'm disappointed. That's it. That's all the best friend gets, I guess. I have to remind myself about twelve times as we walk to the general store that I'm fine. Every step I take away from him I internally chant, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Liar.

Leah's at the cash register again this summer and I can see she's curious about Edward's little gang of country club protégés.

"Hey Bella, Alice." She watches me the whole time, her eyebrows creased, her lips pursed and I just shake my head at her, trying to tell her to forget it, to not worry but her face doesn't ease.

"Hi Leah! Nice to see you," Alice says politely. "Can I get a Strawberry Shortcake please? What do you want Bella? I'm buying you an ice cream. You deserve it."

"What do you mean by that?" I ask her as Leah turns around to dig in the freezer behind the counter. I'm a little bit sick of the patronizing bullshit. I'm fine.

"I just mean, this has to be hard for you. I know about your relationship with Edward. I know," she says pointedly and my mouth drops open.

"Edward told you?" I whisper and Alice shakes her head no.

"No, I saw you guys kissing last year. On the shore. And his hand was in your pants," Alice says matter-of-factly as Leah snorts and I want to die, my face flushing with embarrassment.

"Jesus, Alice, will you keep your voice down?" I whisper and Leah laughs out loud now.

"Oh, come on Bella, anyone within a foot of you two could tell you were fucking. It was so obvious," Leah says and my eyes pop out of my head.

"We never…we didn't." I close my eyes and try to pretend I'm invisible. This is like right out of a nightmare or something.

Just then the bell on the front door rings and Edward peeks his head into the store. Alice giggles, prompting me to sock her in the arm.

"Ow," Alice scowls and rubs her arm.

"Hey! Bella, can I talk to you for a sec?" Edward walks into the store and I shrug, trying to be cool. I nod towards the stockroom and I hear Leah chuckle behind me as Edward looks at her, then at me, confusion plain on his face. I just roll my eyes and grab his wrist, pulling him into the stockroom.

I drop his hand quickly, irritated and embarrassed and just feeling like a big pile of crap.

"What's up?" I ask him, my voice cool. Just be cool, Bella. Just relax.

"What's with Alice?" Edward asks suspiciously. He pulls his hand through his hair, his eyes peering down at mine. God, he's really tall. He must have grown like four inches or something.

"Why are you so tall?" I blurt out and he laughs.

"I don't know, genetics? My grandpa was like six five or something," Edward shrugs as he steps closer and my breath stops in my chest. He smells so good, like soap and sunblock and I can still see the little bit of sticky syrup caught in the corner of his lips and I want to kiss him. I lick at my lips absent-mindedly. _Box it up, Bella!_

"Um, what did you need to talk to me about?" I ask as I take a step back. Edward just looks at me, the expression on his face something I can't place. Like when you're searching for the perfect word to describe what you're thinking and you can't remember it. It's right there and you just can't grasp it.

"I missed you," he says quietly and I look down at the floor, my chipped purple nail polish peeking through the dust covering my feet. He's wearing sneakers, slip-on Vans and I smile because they remind me of a time when things were far less complicated.

"I know this is weird, with Lauren and everything but-" Edward starts and I can't stand the patronizing one minute longer.

"Edward, I'm fine. It's okay, I'm completely, fine. Everything is fine." God damn adjectives, don't fail me now!

Edward smiles and I know he can see right through me. "Good. I'm glad everything's so fine." He winks at me and without thinking, I playfully shove him hard in his chest, trying to fight his infectious grin.

"Hey!" he laughs. "What was that for?"

"You're such an ass," I roll my eyes, which just prompts another chuckle.

"So, I have a favor. Do you know a good cove for camping? We want to sleep out on the river for the Fourth, like in tents and I kind of hoped you'd help us find a good spot," he asks.

"Oh. Um, yeah, I know a spot," I mutter, a little dejected.

"You guys can come too. You and Emmett and whoever, everyone's invited," Edward says quickly and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Now I'm just lumped in with everyone.

"Sure, sounds great. I'll let Emmett and everyone know." I can't even look at him.

"Cool. Well, I'll see you around," Edward says quietly. But he doesn't move. I glance up slightly to find him staring at me, and I can just feel the intensity buzzing around him. I inhale sharply, my eyes connect with his and I can't look away.

And for one second, one tiny little moment of weakness, I let myself remember. I remember his hands on my hips, his mouth rolling with mine, his body pressed hard against me and I can see him remembering too. He smiles slowly, his hair falling over into his face and the distraction breaks the connection. Stop looking at him. Stop wishing, stop hoping. You can't have him. You're fine.

"I'm fine," I whisper.

"You certainly look…fine," Edward whispers back.

"You should probably get back to your…friends," I mumble and he nods. He walks out the back door and I can finally breathe.

I am _so_ not fine.

…

"Why do you insist on inviting him everywhere?" I hiss at my brother as we grab the last bags of camping supplies from the boat.

"What? Just because you're holding on to some grade school rivalry doesn't mean I have to. Jacob's dope," my brother says. Yep, Jacob is indeed a dope.

"Alright, but if he tries anything, I'm going to hold you personally responsible." I hold the chairs overhead, my sandaled feet sloshing through the water.

"Jacob's so over you, Bella. He's moved on. Don't be so conceited." Emmett scolds as he floats the ice chest to the shore.

"Like, it's so totally hot here. Is it going to be hot like this all night?" Jessica and Lauren are wearing matching two-toned pink bikinis. I think they went shopping together or something.

"Get used to it, sweetheart," Jacob smirks as he removes his t-shirt. "Make sure you lotion up, we wouldn't want that delicate skin of yours to get sunburned."

Oh God, Jacob makes my skin crawl. I don't care what my brother says, he's so inappropriate sometimes. I mean, she has a boyfriend.

I set the folded up chairs on the shore of the long rocky cove. This cove is pretty large, big enough for three tents and all our chairs and a bonfire pit. Rose is filling one of the tents with food as Emmett and Mike and Alice put up the canopy. I glance over to see Edward and Jasper digging a hole for the fire. Jasper finally changed, he's now wearing a pair of black swim trunks with his collared, button-up shirt. My eyes drift to Edward and I freeze. He's crouching down, lining the pit with rocks and he's shirtless. The long muscles of his back are carved and defined, his shoulders freckled and already browning. I fixate on the two little dents on either side of his lower spine, his shorts slung low and revealing the top of his ass crack, the pale white skin of his behind striking against the brown of his back. Oh, fricken frack. It's going to be a long three days.

Just then, another form steps into my line of sight. Creamy white skin, long slender legs leading up to a perfectly shaped figure in a bright pink bikini, her almost white hair flowing down her back. Lauren. She reaches down, her goddamn perfect ass now blocking my view, and pulls up Edward's shorts. He spins around, practically falling over, and his eyes lock with mine. I quickly look away, disgusted with myself for staring, and even angrier for getting caught.

Looking for an escape, I head out into the water without even bothering to remove my shirt and shorts. I duck under the surface, letting the calm surround my head. I close my eyes and block out sound and sight and smell, and allow myself to feel weightless for a minute. I hold my breath for as long as I can, my lungs screaming before I surface. I gasp for breath and feel the hot sun on my face and I force my eyes open. Detach Bella. You can handle this.

I can handle this.

We spend the rest of the day sitting around the campsite, eating sunflower seeds and beef jerky. Jasper and Mike break out the beer early, cracking open cans around lunch time and they spend the rest of the day in a drunken haze. Lauren and Jessica lounge in the sun, sipping wine coolers and reliving their senior year of high school and all the fantabulous shit they did. I listen to all of it, but I only pay attention to the parts about Edward.

I piece together that Edward and Lauren went to prom together and that he was valedictorian. He was the captain of his basketball team and he throws the most "bomb-ass" parties when his parents are out of town. Their conversations make me wonder about him. Does he party back home? I know he said he was wasted when he slept with Lauren, but what does that mean? It bothers me because it makes me question what I know about Edward. I don't know him like these people know him. I don't know him like Lauren knows him. And if I don't even really know him, how can I trust what I feel for him? It's all quite a mess in my brain and I feel sick as I stalk their conversation for clues.

"So, beautiful Bella, do you have a boyfriend?" Jessica asks me, a coy smile on her lips.

"Um…no. I don't really date," I mutter, hoping this excuse will quell their curiosity.

"Yes, you do. What about that left-wing hippie guy, Garrett?" Alice asks, as she props herself up on her elbows and I want to strangle her. I glare at her and she just mouths the word "spark" to me and I wonder what the hell she has up her sleeve.

"He's just a friend," I say without thinking and I hear Edward snort. All our eyes turn to him, his eyes on his notebook as he scribbles before he looks up.

"Oh, sorry, I just remembered something funny." His eyes burn and I stare at him in contempt. A least I hope it's contempt, because I'm feeling a little contemptuous.

"What like a friends with benefits kind of thing?" Lauren asks lazily and I can feel Edward's eyes on me, waiting for my answer.

"No, he was my partner in Photography class. We just go out for ice cream," I say, my eyes slowly reaching Edward's and he grits his teeth and I glare back. How dare he? He can fuck some chick and then bring her here, to our place, and I have to be completely cool. I can't even have ice cream with some dumb boy? This is exactly why we can't be more than friends.

"Like, oh my God, that's so romantic! How hot would it be to do it in a darkroom? Like so fucking hot, right? Right?" Jessica gets side tracked by sexual fantasies and I am so grateful the conversation is over. I try not to look at Edward again, but I can feel his eyes on me still.

I try to focus on my book, the sweltering heat heavy and making me tired. The boys throw around a football in the water for a while. Emmett pulls Rose, Alice and Jacob on inner tubes behind the boat but I can't dredge up the energy to ride along. Edward writes in his notebook, as Jasper strums lazily on a guitar. Mike and Jessica take off on various "nature hikes" and Lauren chomps her Bubblicious gum, blowing huge pink bubbles and then popping them loudly until eventually, I can't stand it anymore.

I toss my shirt and shorts into my chair, my sporty blue one-piece feeling awful matronly compared to the other girls and wade out into the water. I float on my back, longing for the comfort of summers past and thinking maybe I should just have Emmett take me back to the marina tonight. I mean, sleeping arrangements are going to be tricky. We have two tents for ten people and obviously, Edward is going to stick with his friends. That leaves me with my brother and Rose, Alice and Jacob. I can't stand the thought of Edward being in that tent with Lauren, their legs intertwined, touching, breathing, kissing just feet from me. Maybe I'll just sleep in the boat.

Why am I being such a horrible, jealous natured bitch? I hate the way I don't want Edward to be happy with Lauren. If he likes her, he should be with her. It's so unfair for me to push my issues on him, make him uncomfortable about wanting to be with someone. He doesn't owe me anything. This shouldn't be this complicated.

I hate this side of myself I'm discovering. I've never really been a jealous person but then again, I've never really cared enough about anything to warrant the jealousy. I'm used to accepting things as they are. It's like what my dad says, there's always someone better off than you, but there's always someone who's got it worse. And this is not that bad. I mean, Edward's still my friend. This is just how it has to be.

Emmett brings the boat back just in time to start barbequing hot dogs. He builds a roaring fire, piling on wood and brush and we grill hot dogs speared on wire hangers. Things are better in the evening, when it's dark, when I don't have to really see Edward's muscled chest and stomach and remember the way it felt when I touched him. It's still fricking hot out, and we take frequent swims to cool off. I tie my hair up in a bun on top of my head to keep it off my back.

"Hey Bella, do you want a beer?" Jasper asks me as I stare at the fire, the orange and red flames licking at the sides of the deep rock pit. I glance up, expecting my brother to tell him no, but Emmett's engrossed in making out with Rose. Oh, barf-o-rama.

"Bella doesn't like beer," Edward says, taking the can from Jasper's hand and cracking it open for himself, he polishes it off in a few massive gulps. For some reason this irritates me, like he knows all about me when I don't really know him.

"Yes, I do," I say indignantly and Jasper grins, tossing me a beer from the cooler. I pop the top, the fizzing foam spilling over the lip and onto my chest and lap and down my arm. "Shit!" I curse and lick my arm and hand.

A towel drops into my lap and I look up to find Edward staring at me, the fire making his eyes dance and I mumble a quick thanks and clean myself up. He sits back down in his chair, Lauren coming to sit at his feet, her back resting against his legs. And this hurts, seeing them together like this. It hurts bad. I bring the can back to my lips and I drink. I don't even let the liquid touch my taste buds, I just swallow until it's gone.

Jasper cheers and throws me another can and I just want to feel nothing. So I drink again, a little bit of the foam coming up my nose and this makes me laugh. Suddenly Alice is beside me on my towel, a fuzzy navel in one hand and a joint in the other as Jacob crashes into my other side, his hot, heavy arm falling across my shoulder. She puts the paper to my lips and I inhale like I've seen Jacob do so many times. The smoke burns in my lungs making me gag and choke and I cough. But I don't care because there's another beer in my hand and I can't see Edward anymore.

Emmett tells the story about the Trackers again and how he thinks they were abducted by aliens. It's always his topic of choice when he's been drinking.

"Are there really aliens?" Jessica whispers as she gazes into the sky and I snort. "Can they see us?"

"I'm sure they see everything. Their technology has got to be incredibly advanced," Emmett muses.

"And why would they come here, to our little Podunk shit town? To fish? Why the hell would they come here, Emmett?" I ask, my voice thick with sarcasm.

"You know we're just miles from where they test Nuclear Weapons. If you were an alien life form investigating a foreign planet, where would you go?" Emmett says persistently.

"Vegas. I'd go to fucking Vegas," I slur and Alice giggles.

A few more beers and I'm spinning. I pull the rolled weed to my lips, the crackling of burning paper and plant in my nostrils. The rocky cove and starry sky twirl around me, even when I close my eyes, and I can't tell which way is up. I lay on my back, the dirt and rocks sticking to my sweaty skin and Jacob hovers over me, the stars spinning around his head. They look so close, like I can reach up and grab the white specks right out of the darkness. I lift my heavy hand and try to grab the stars, opening and closing my fist next to Jacob's head.

"You are so high, little Swan," he says and I laugh because it's been like three years since anyone has called me that and the words sound funny coming out of Jacob's mouth. "What are you doing?"

"I just…I just…I want to hold the stars." I'm laughing so hard now. My words are even ridiculous to myself. I roll onto my side, vaguely aware of Jacob's head on my shoulder, his body shaking with laughter. I try to sit up. Alice is lying beside me, blowing smoke circles from her rosy mouth. Jasper strums his guitar, a cigarette between his lips as Mike softly croons a mournful, self-loathing song I've never heard before. My brother has disappeared, probably off somewhere with his Rose, basking in his part-time quasi-relationship. Jessica is puking in the shrubs, Lauren holding her long curly hair out of her face and I giggle. And then my eyes fall on Edward.

He's still seated in his chair. His feet planted on the dirt in front of him, his hands gripping the armrests and he's staring at me.

He just sitting there, burning his gaze into me. I stop laughing, I stop breathing. I freeze and stare into his green eyes that seem to glow red in the light of the fire. His teeth grind together, his whole face tense and he is _glaring_ at me.

"Bella, let's go for a walk, Bella," Jacob's lips are on my skin, his breath hot in my ear and I never thought I'd be nauseated at the sound of my own name. "Bella, has anyone ever kissed you under the stars?"

"Yes," I whisper, my eyes filling with tears as I stare into those fiery green eyes and I just can't take this anymore. Jacob's lips are still on my neck and I feel like I'm going to break, crumble right here in front of everyone and I can't do it. I have to get out of here.

"Stop, Jacob, knock it off." I shrug away from his arm and he grabs my wrist, his fingers digging into my skin.

"Bella, come on. You were feeling it, don't tell me you weren't feeling that just now," Jacob slurs and I look over at Edward murderously tense on the edge of his chair.

"All I'm feeling is sick. I need to cool off." My voice quivers as I pull my wrist away from him and wade out into the water. I clumsily climb into the boat, and pull one of the huge canvas covered inner tubes over the side. The rope is still attached from Emmett's earlier boat ride and I tether the tube to the front of the boat. I climb into the tube, my legs hanging over the edge as let myself float away from the cove. And I cry. I sit in the rubber inner tube, the canvas cover warm and water filling the bottom of my little sanctuary and I sob, the effects of the alcohol and pot still thick in my head. How did I get to this place, where some silly summer Pay Check can break me? Why do I let Edward Cullen have this effect on me?

"Bella?" I feel a warm, wet hand on my foot and I scramble to look over the edge.

"Can I sit in your tube?" Edward asks out of breath as he treads water. His wet hair drips into his eyes as he looks up at me through his dark eyelashes.

"No, go away," I mumble. I don't want anyone to see me like this, my eyes swollen and puffy and crying my heart out.

"Bella, just let me in the tube. I swam all the way out here, and I'm going to pass out and drown if you don't let me in the tube. Do you want that on your conscience?" He smiles, teasing, and I go back to hiding in my tube.

"Get your own tube," I reply stubbornly and I feel him grip the side, his foot popping up over the edge.

"Nope, I don't want my own tube. I want to share yours." His face appears, and then his shoulder and the rest of his leg as he rolls into the small space, his wet body pressed against me and I've lost my will to argue with him. We sit, hip to hip, his long legs under my arm, my knees bent, my feet tucked against the slick warm skin of his lower back. He traces the scar on my knee, his fingers tickling the damaged skin and I can't breathe.

"I'm not supposed to let you touch me," I mutter. "It was my rule for this summer. No touching."

"Well, that's a shitty rule," Edward says, his fingers now running circles around my knee.

"Stop, Edward. Just stop, please," I whisper, my eyes welling with tears again.

"I don't want to stop," Edward grumbles defiantly.

"Well, you have to," I say sharply as I gently nudge his hand away with my foot. "Jesus, Edward, your girlfriend is _right_ _over_ _there_."

"Lauren's not my girlfriend. She never was. It was just…the one time. She's only here because Jessica has a big mouth and invited her. There's nothing between us, Bella." Edward rests his hand on my knee again, the corner of his lips pulling up into an uneven grin.

I blink, Edward's words resonating in my head. He's wrong, there's everything between us.

"Could have fooled me." I remark as I absentmindedly pull at the hair on his legs. "I wasn't supposed to get jealous either. That was my other rule. Don't be jealous."

"Are you jealous?" Edward asks me, a little grin on his lips.

"Well, duh," I roll my eyes and Edward's hand traces my scar again, sending little shivers tingling in my legs.

"You don't hide it well," Edward teases and I kick his hand off my knee again.

"I just hate thinking that those people, your friends, they know this side of you that I don't. I mean, with me, what you see is what you get. I'm not anything more than what I show you, Edward," I try to explain.

"What are you talking about? You are the most confusing person on this planet. It's like you keep all your thoughts locked up in your head and I have to play twenty questions to figure out what the hell you're thinking. It annoys the shit out of me!" Edward says, exasperated.

I look up at the sky again, trying to make sense of these feelings and trying to find the words to explain them. It's just so hard because I don't even know what I want to explain.

"What do you want to be, Edward, when you grow up?" I ask him with a smile, because it seems we're grown. We look like adults, but there's a part of me that still wants to be that little girl swimming in the pool of the Tropicana and pretending to be a lounge singer.

"I'm going to be a doctor, like my father," he says quietly. "I'm starting college in September at the University of Washington and then I will go to medical school in Seattle. Like my father."

"No, I said what do you _want_ to be? I want to be a lounge singer in Vegas," I confess and he looks surprised. "Oh, is it really that hard to imagine?"

"Yeah, I can totally see you in a sequined dress, and spread out on a grand piano," Edward laughs and I dig into his ribs with my foot.

"That's not the point. The point is to look inside your heart. What does it really want for the future?" I press.

Edward doesn't say anything. He circles my knee again with his finger, his eyes focused on the patterns he's drawing into my skin.

"It doesn't matter. I can't have it," Edward mutters and I roll my eyes.

"Yes you can! You can have whatever you want. You don't have to worry about money or circumstance. You have every opportunity and all you have to do is just reach out and grab it," I argue.

"It's not that simple, Bella. Not everything I want can be bought." Edward looks at me through his hair, his eyes dark with intensity, his hand clenching my knee. "Not everything can be solved with a check."

"I know that, Edward. But pretend. If you could do anything, what would you do?"

He grins, mischief in his eyes as his grip on my knee eases into the delicate tracing again.

"I want to play the piano for your lounge act," he says and I inhale sharply. So wasn't expecting this response.

I want this to be true so badly, I can almost see it. Edward would look really sharp in a black tuxedo and poised behind a grand piano, his long fingers flying over the white keys. I would wear a beautiful sapphire blue sequined dress, my hair curled around my shoulders in big soft rings. For one minute I forget about reality and I pretend it's real. Edward and I live in a penthouse apartment in one of the fancy hotels in Vegas and we make love at night and wake up every morning together and eat ice cream for breakfast. It's all so ridiculous but I let my mind indulge in the fantasy just a minute, just one goddamn minute of pure happiness before I snuff it all out and push it away.

We're quiet for a long time, and I wonder if he's imagining it too, if he's letting himself indulge in the fantasy.

"I don't really want to be a doctor," Edward says quietly. "That's the first time I've ever said that out loud."

"You don't have to be, Edward. You can do anything," I tell him. "Write or play the piano or play basketball, you can do anything."

Edward snorts. "Tell that to my dad. You know, he never once saw me play. I led my team in scoring in the State Championships and he didn't show. He only lets me play because it looks good on a college application."

"I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck in this marina for the rest of my life," I offer, trying to let him into my head. "I don't even really need to go to college. I already know everything I need to know about running the marina. Paying for college would just be a waste."

"You should be a photographer, take pictures of the river and sell them. You could do it. Turn your talent into something that can make you cash and then you won't need the marina."

"It's not that I need the marina, Edward. The marina, my dad, my brother, they need me. I can't just leave, I can't just walk away from my family," I stress. Trust me, I could totally live without the marina.

"My mom made me take piano lessons when I was four. One year before she died. She wanted me to be well-rounded, have extracurricular activities and shit." His fingers circle my knee again and I don't bother to stop him anymore. I just listen, trying to hold on to every word.

"The first song I ever learned was Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. I played it for her right before she died. I don't remember it. My dad told me. My dad said my mom was so proud of me that day and that's all I want to do. I want to make my mom proud. I want to be the man she wanted me to be. It's why I still play piano, because she wanted me to. She wanted me to be a doctor too and I can't stand the thought of letting her down. I just always want to make her proud."

I've never heard Edward speak of his mother this way before. I've hardly heard him speak of her at all, to be honest. I can't believe he's sharing this with me, and letting me see him at his most vulnerable. I don't know what to say. I don't know if there is anything I can say. Everything I think to say sounds almost perverse in comparison.

"I've never told anyone that either." Edward runs his hand down my calf now, his arm wrapped tightly around my legs. He's hugging my legs. He just needs a hug. I can give him that. I shift in the small space and crawl into his lap and I hug him. I wrap my arms around his neck, my face pressed into his shoulder and I just hug him. I can feel his tense body relax, his arms wrap around my waist and he squeezes me tight. We don't move for a long time, just sit there wrapped together and floating on the calm, dark water.

…

Edward leaves two weeks later with his friends, his silver Volvo pulling out of the marina and it's only July. I'm frustrated and sad and sick to my stomach but the memory of what Edward shared with me on the river slightly fills the void. I work at the store and hang out with Alice when I have time, since Rose spends every waking hour with my brother.

I'm not sure exactly when Alice becomes my friend, but I now see that we have more in common than I initially thought. She feels displaced, stuck between Rose the brainiac and Edward the boy-wonder. She thinks college is a waste and can't stand the thought of spending the next four years of her life in school again. And she's infatuated with a guy she can't have.

"He doesn't even know I exist, Bella," Alice groans as we sit on the swings. She's still talking about Jasper. "I mean, if he wanted to be with me, he would have by now, right?"

"I don't know Alice, maybe he thinks you're out of his league. You're like the unattainable older woman type." I have no clue what I'm talking about. I just want to make her feel better.

"All that really means is he just doesn't like me _enough_," Alice says as she leans back in the swing, letting her head fall back as she turns upside down.

"That's not true, maybe he likes you too much and it's scares him," I suggest.

"Nope, if he really liked me, then nothing would be able to stand in his way, not even himself," Alice says from her upside down position, her hair fanning around her head. "You know inverted positions are supposed to stimulate your brain."

"You are so weird," I say and Alice laughs a great big, upside down giggle.

"But think about it. Love involves risk and sacrifice of pride and ego. Love is saying here I am, you might reject me but I'd rather deal with the pain and find out than pine in silence and never know. If Jasper isn't willing to take a risk, he doesn't really want me." Alice pulls herself upright to make her point.

"You aren't exactly throwing yourself on the altar of self-sacrifice there, now are you?" I snort.

"Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella. He has to do the sacrificing. I am a prize, and Jasper should have to do _something_ to win me." Alice has been reading Cosmo again. I'm beginning to think Cosmo should come with a disclaimer or something.

"Well, I don't want to be a prize. That makes me think of those shitty stuffed animals at the carnival. Shouldn't it go both ways? You know, like yin and yang, give and take, peas and carrots?" I argue.

"Drew and Corey," Alice says wistfully.

"Who?" I ask her confused and she looks at me in disbelief.

"Are you kidding me? What, do you like live in a media vacuum or something?" Alice asks sarcastically.

"Pretty much," I mutter.

"Oh! I forgot! I have your birthday present back at the house. Edward gave me strict instructions not to give it to you until right before we leave," Alice says with a wink and I look at her in surprise. I've kind of grown accustom to Edward's presents. They make the end of the summer seem not so dismal, but I just figured he'd forgotten this year.

"It's a book," Alice spills and I laugh. "I peeked after he left. Hey, do you have a CD player?"

"Nope, it's just trusty old cassettes for me," I say. My dad refuses to buy a CD player because then he'll have to replace all his cassettes with CD's and he thinks it's a waste. Maybe I can ask my mom to get me one for my birthday.

"Well, I'm going to leave you a tape then. There's this local band I want you to listen to. They have a totally unique sound, like if the Sex Pistols and Black Sabbath had a baby. I think they're going to be big." Alice gets up off the swing and we head back to their unit.

"What are they called?" I ask her, my feet crunching through the gravel.

"Nirvana."

The hot swells of moisture are rolling in and bringing the storms. The air smells of rain and I sigh. The summer is over and I'm beginning to settle into my lonely mindset again. I still have no clue what I'm going to do with myself for the next year. The thought of hanging around here every minute of every day makes me sick to my stomach and I can feel the anxiety budding in my chest. Maybe I will take a couple classes at the community college. Maybe I can go live with my mom, just to get away from the marina for a while.

I follow Alice through the door of the unit, the inside spotless and clear of any evidence of its inhabitants. Everything is packed up and put away. The Cullens are leaving in the morning.

Alice hands me a striped bag off the counter and I dig through the yellow tissue paper and pull out a large square book. It's bound in red leather and filled with thick black heavy parchment. The pages are blank and I look to Alice for answers.

"It's a portfolio. For your photographs." Alice beams and my eyes fill with tears. I don't even try to fight them, because I'm emotionally exhausted and this present, it's just exactly the breath of confidence I need right now. How did he know this is just what I needed?

"Oh no, what's wrong?" Alice asks and I wipe at my face with the back of my hand.

"It's great, Alice, really. I'm just confused. Why does he do stuff like this?" I ask her and she pulls me into a tight hug.

"Because he loves you," she says into my shoulder.

"Maybe." I whisper. "But we both know it's not enough."

…

**A/N**

Aw, who's gonna miss the 80's? ME ME ME! But I'm totally a grunge girl at heart. I still have my Doc's with the rainbow laces.

So a couple things I need to mention:

**FICTIONATORS**! (mount up...heeehee) This story was recommended on Fictionators! OMG. Thank you so much to these fuckawesome ladies and their kind words. Love bbs, love.

**Little Miss Whitlock (melsvfp on the twitter)** is hosting a read-a-long for this story Thursday, June 10th 9pm EST on twitter. FtS Bella will be tweeting along so if you want to smack some sense into her, now's the time! Details are on my blog (link is on my profile...Ridiculous amounts of links I know...lol)

For the Summer has been nominated for an **All Human Twilight Award** for the Class of 2010 in the category of "Fanfiction You Couldn't Stop Reading." Again, link is on my profile if you'd like to check out all the nominees.

Lastly, thank you to all you tweeters out there in twitterland for spreading the summer love! I'm not on twitter, but my Bella is, and she wants you all to come hang with her at the cove.

**SubtlePen **is wonderbeta and **Miztrezboo **prereads with amazing swiftness. I love you ladies!


	9. That Time I Wore the Bikini

**CH 8 – That Time I Wore the Bikini**

_1990_

_R.E.M. records their seventh album, "Out of Time."_

_The animated sitcom __"__The Simpsons" is aired on Fox for the first time._

_Operation __Desert Shield Begins __as the United States and UK send troops to Kuwait._

…

"I just feel like I can be myself around you. You know the real me," Garrett murmurs over the receiver.

"Uh-huh," I say into the phone pressed between my ear and shoulder, the cord tethering me to the kitchen. I flip to the last pages of my book and skim the end to see what happens. I can't stand reading through a whole book unless I'm going to like the ending. Actually, I already know the ending. Garrett made me go see _The Hunt for Red October_ in theaters a couple months ago and suggested I read the book. I wanted to see _Pretty Woman_, but we ro-sham-bo'd and I threw paper when I should have thrown rock. I should have known better. I always go with rock.

"When we're together, I just feel so connected to you. Like there's this electricity between us, something cosmic pulling us together," he says in a hushed whisper and I roll my eyes. Garrett's really passionate but electricity? I sound like a sock stuck to the back of his R.E.M. t-shirt or something. Maybe I should suggest dryer sheets.

"Bella? Are you there? Did you hear what I said?"

"Huh?" I ask, startling out of my Laundromat lament.

"I said, you should come over and we can drive out to the point. And maybe get to a point ourselves, if you know what I mean," he says in a low voice and I think he's trying to be seductive.

I don't know what he means. Garrett has never ever gotten me to _that_ point.

After my conversation with Alice last summer, I started going out with Garrett. We go to the movies and out for ice cream. We go for boat rides and I take pictures and Garrett talks about his classes. We fool around and have pretty much done everything aside from seal the deal. Bless his heart, but Garrett can't get me off to save his life.

Luckily, I have become quite skilled in the area of self-service, thank you very much Cosmo.

Trust me, I want Garrett to get me off, but I can't relax when I'm with him. My mind just won't stop thinking. I think about how all he talks about is the government and money and the future. I think about what I'm going to do with my life, how I feel like I'm swimming in circles, and how I hate working at the general store. I think about photography and how I'm going to get the money to pay for more developing chemicals. I asked Mr. Banner if I could use the school's enlarger once in a while, if I bring in my own materials and he said I could come in after classes got out but I have to do all the other developing at home. I think about how I want to try something out with my old Polaroid camera or what would happen if I tried a new toning technique. And I think about _him_.

I can't get him out of my head, especially when I'm being touched there. It's like my crotch has some Edward memory sensor and no matter what I try, every time Garrett puts his hand in my pants, I see red.

I don't see how this problem can be fixed with sex. I mean, really, why bother? I'm not delusional in thinking this relationship with Garrett is going anywhere. My heart's just not in it. He doesn't expect too much, he doesn't push for anything more than what I give and he doesn't smother me with attention. But I know this relationship isn't ever going to get to the point.

"Um, okay. I'll meet you in twenty minutes," I tell him and hang up. I change my clothes, putting on my favorite white eyelet camisole with my khaki shorts. I comb my hair out of my face, pulling it back into a thick braid. I even put on mascara and lip gloss before stepping out onto the porch, only to see the Cullen's unit is all lit up. They're here.

I know it would be wrong to blow off Garrett for Edward. I know this. And yet I crave it. Oh God, I am so pathetic! All I want is to run down to the swings to see if he's there. I have about five minutes. I could take a peek and still make it to Garrett's in time. If I run. And speed.

My sandaled feet slip a couple times in the graveled dirt as I jet down to the docks. I slow to a quick walk, my heart pounding in my chest and sweat saturating the back of my shirt. I'm sure my face is beet red, and I wipe the sweat from my cheeks with the back of my hand. I can see him on the swings from the sidewalk. He's alone, swaying slowly on the old swing set and he looks too big for it, his long legs crossed in front of him. He's still in his Seattle clothes, polo, jean shorts and sneakers and he's eating a rainbow sherbet Push-Up.

He looks up mid-slurp and freezes when he sees me. His eyes very obviously roam and I look down, thinking I'm exposing something I shouldn't be. But everything looks fine and I don't know why he's looking at me like that.

"What are you looking at, creeper?" I ask with a smile and sit on the swing beside him. He hands me a Big Otis and I look up at him. Not only am I pathetic, but I'm also completely predictable. Great.

"I almost thought you wouldn't come and I'd have to eat that myself," he says between slurps. "I was almost looking forward to it."

"The ice cream called to me," I say, ripping the plastic wrapper and taking a big bite of the chocolate covered cookie sandwich. "You look kind of creepy out here on the swings peddling ice cream to young girls."

"What about you? All dressed up and soliciting young boys on the playground." Edward gently crashes his swing into mine, his lips pink and syrup stained. "What's wrong with your eyes?"

"It's just mascara," I say defensively.

"I know, it's all smeared." His hand holds my face, his thumb wiping across my sweaty cheek and I try to pretend his fingers wiping mascara off my face is completely fine.

"Thanks," I mutter through another big bite and he chuckles. He finishes his ice cream and crumples the carton as a somewhat familiar face saunters out of the general store. Sporting a t-shirt with long black pants tucked into big black boots, a flannel shirt tied around his waist and a string of tiny round shells around his neck is Jasper.

"Hey beautiful," Jasper says to me, his long wavy hair falling across his face and I blush. He unwraps a Blow Pop and puts the sucker in his mouth. "Man, that chick in there is one angry bitch."

"Leah's not a bitch. She just has a low tolerance for bullshit. Were you feeding her bullshit, Jasper?" I ask, sarcastically. He doesn't even know her and thinks he can just say something like that?

"Of course not. I was a perfect gentleman." Jasper voice is low and smooth and I don't believe him for one second.

"So, anyway, Bella, where are you off to all dressed up?" Edward asks, turning the carton over in his fingers.

"Nowhere important," I respond and lick the last of the chocolate from my fingers.

…

"Please Leah? Please? I'll work two weeks for you," I plead and Leah just rolls her eyes. I'm trying to get her to work all week for me. Dr. Cullen rented a houseboat and Emmett and I were invited to spend the week with them. It's kind of a celebration for Rose's college graduation. She's going to be a lawyer, which means she's going back to school, but she completed the first degree or something.

My brother is now fully entrenched in running the marina. He's given up on college and over the winter, persuaded my dad to get rid of the paddle boats and kayaks and to get some WaveRunners we could rent out instead. Business has been kind of slow. The Blacks even dropped their prices, and Jacob's been looking for another job. There just isn't enough work for all the boys, even with Jared away at college and Embry moving to California. Anyway, my dad is stressing over the large purchase and is making Emmett spend the summer pushing WaveRunner rentals to make up for the blunder. It isn't really his fault, how was he supposed to know the economy was going to take a nose dive?

At any rate, he persuaded Dr. Cullen to rent two of them along with the houseboat and plans on coming out to the cove for a couple days. I really want to stay on the houseboat the whole week, like really, really bad. My dad said no at first. He told me I have to work, so I quit. Yep, I looked my dad in the face and said, "I quit then." And he laughed at me. After a couple hours of yelling and screaming in which I used the "I'm eighteen, I can leave if I want" card half a dozen times, my dad said I could go if I could get Leah to cover my schedule. He thinks this is impossible.

Leah looks at me and purses her lips. Now that Emily and Sam have their own place, Leah moved back home for good. I don't really know why she dropped out of school, but Seth enlisted in the army after he graduated and I'm pretty sure this may have something to do with it. She asked my dad if she can work in the store all year and he agreed. I have to say, I'm kind of happy she's back. At least now, I'm not alone here all the time.

"Alright, two weeks and," I sigh, because I really, really hate doing this. "I'll clean the restrooms for a month." It physically hurts to say the words.

"Deal," Leah grumbles and without thinking I throw my arms around her neck. "Now, get outta here, your cheerfulness is damn near suffocating."

A week later, I find myself lounging on the roof of the houseboat with Alice and Rose as Dr. Cullen looks for a cove. Jasper and Edward circle us on the WaveRunners, speeding off ahead and then circling back and waving at us. The boys wear these baggy canvas shorts in the water, forgoing the swim trunks this year and I figure it must be a new style or something. As predicted, Alice is wearing one of her stunning bikinis, this year it's a lavendar paisley print. Rose brings a black halter two piece and I bought a new swimsuit a couple days ago just for this trip.

I went shopping with my mom in Vegas and under the influence of parental pressure, I did something I never thought I'd do. I tried on a bikini and I liked it. Then, because I love putting myself in awkward situations, I bought it. I don't know what I was thinking. Alright, that's not exactly true, I know exactly what I was thinking and none of it was good. I was thinking about last year and how all the girls looked fabulous in their two pieces and I looked like a complete frump. I was thinking about how Edward liked Lauren and how she was so confident in her skimpy bathing suit and it made me angry that I couldn't be confident too. I was thinking about how the green of the suit matches the color of Edward's eyes when we're out on the water. I'm not saying I didn't have ulterior motives. I'm just saying I bought the damn thing.

The only problem is my stomach is so incredibly white. This skin has never before seen the light of day and I kind of look ridiculous. My arms and legs are golden brown and my stomach looks like I've been rolling in bleach. In a couple of weeks it won't even be noticeable but right now my belly shines like a beacon of pale.

"You'd better put on sunblock," Edward said when he first saw me in the small suit, the beaded strings tied at my hips, neck and back. "You're gonna fry to a crisp out here."

That was it. That was the only reaction I got out of him. He didn't even look at my boobs, and I quickly hid under my tank-top, feeling like a fool for even thinking I could pull off a bikini. Who am I kidding? I don't look confident in my new suit, because I'm _not_ confident in my new suit.

Dr. Cullen finds a nice, large cove about twenty miles up the river and anchors the houseboat. There's more than enough sleeping space. Alice, Rose and I camp out on the large couch that's also a bed in the living room, the boys take the bunk beds in the bedroom and Dr. and Mrs. Cullen post up in the suite. When I think about spending a whole week with Edward, I remember last year when Alice was freaking out about Jasper. I get it now, the anticipation of it all. Sleeping in cramped quarters, seeing him first thing in the morning with stinky breath and yes, the crusties all makes me a little nervous. Not that it matters. Edward and I are just friends.

We set up the cove and Emmett finds us in the afternoon. We take hikes and Edward collects rocks. We swim and Mrs. Cullen makes spaghetti and garlic bread with real garlic for dinner and it is the best spaghetti I've ever tasted. We dine in the comfort of the air conditioned houseboat and I eat until I am stuffed and then we have ice cream sundaes for dessert. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen retire to their suite at the end of the long, narrow hallway around nine and with a slide of their thin wooden door, we're left to fend for ourselves. Emmett and Rose make a beeline for the rooftop deck, and I make a mental note to not sit on any of the patio furniture up there without putting a towel down first.

Edward in pajamas is just confusing. The slinky basketball shorts and old ratty sleeveless Chicago Bulls jersey are like something in between his life in Seattle and his summers with me. It's just so much more personal to see him in pajamas, and I don't know why. I've seen Edward in far less clothing. I've _touched_ Edward in far less clothing but I notice everything about him in pajamas. I notice how the lean muscles stretch tight lines around his biceps and shoulders. I notice how when he shifts, his shirt creeps up and exposes his hip bones and the glorious indentions they make in his lower stomach. I notice the fine hair on his legs, his calves well defined from years of playing sports. Edward in pajamas is comfort and relaxed and it affects me in a whole new way. Pajamas are everyday, no matter where he is. Pajamas are routine. Pajamas are almost real life.

Once in the bathroom, I slip off my bikini and inspect the damage. I poke at the skin of my stomach. It's a little bit tender, the pasty white just a tad pink and I'm glad I decided to wear my tank top. I take a quick shower, wash my hair, and give my legs and underarms a half-ass shave, letting the hot water sting my slight sunburn. I slather on some aloe vera lotion after toweling off and pull on my undies and cotton shorts. I'm about to put on my sleep shirt when I realize I forgot my bra at home. Shit! I hardly wear it, I spend every day in a swimsuit, so I'm not really surprised I totally disregarded needing it here. I pull my shirt over my head and inspect. It's baggy enough, you can hardly tell. I can probably get a bra from Alice, but then I realize this is stupid. Who wears a bra to bed? Don't be such a prude, Bella. They're just boobs.

Jasper's leaning against the wall and a slow grin spreads across his lips as I duck out of the bathroom.

"It's all yours," I mumble.

"Thanks," Jasper says with a smirk. "Nice shirt, Wonder Woman. But you forgot your gold bracelets."

"Yeah." I guess I forgot a couple things.

"You know, you kind of look like her." His eyes don't leave my face.

"She's an Amazon," is the only thing I can think of to say. Jasper's mouth forms a wide Cheshire Cat grin and I spin around and leave him in the hallway. That was weird, right? That was just a weird conversation.

I plop down on the couch next to Alice. She's sitting cross legged in these tiny little shorts and a tank top. It's obvious she's not wearing a bra either and I kind of sigh in relief. The plan is to watch the first two Godfather movies because apparently, they're making a third. She has a huge bowl of popcorn beside her and there's a ton of candy spread out on the counter; licorice, Abba Zabba, Jelly Bellys, Fun Dips, and Pixie Stix. Edward's at the counter, pouring himself a Coke, still in his pajamas.

"Really, I don't know why they're even making a third one. It's redundant, like beating a dead horse," Edward says. He looks up at me for an instant and then his eyes are gone.

"More like beating a dead horse's head?" I chuckle. Edward rolls his eyes at my corny joke and Alice snorts beside me but I don't care. I'm just trying to pretend that I don't hate it that Edward can barely look at me. He must not think pajamas are as big of a deal as I do. He's probably seen lots of girls in their pajamas.

He walks over to the couch, the spot currently occupied with popcorn, and motions for Alice to move the bowl. Alice just stares at him, nudging her head in my direction and the meaning is obvious. He doesn't want to sit by me. I feel my stomach twist and I stare at him in disbelief. He doesn't want to sit by me. We're supposed to be friends, we pinky promised. Why doesn't he want to sit by me?

Just then Jasper comes out of the bathroom in his sweatpants and some band t-shirt and plops down next to me, like it's no big deal. Alice and I are both glaring at Edward now and he refuses to meet either of our stares. He pushes play on the VCR and sits on the floor next to Alice's feet and I feel like I want to kick him in the head.

"Do you want a soda, Bella?" Alice asks me as the mournful theme sounds.

"No thanks," I mutter as she nudges me and gives me a look. "Um, I think I'll have a Fun Dip though," I say, catching on and I start to get up from my seat so Alice can move over.

Jasper thwarts all our plans though, because he beats me off the couch. "I'll get it, I'm gonna get a soda anyway. You want anything else? Alice, do you want a Fun Dip?"

"You have no idea," Alice mutters under her breath and I try not to laugh. Jasper looks at her, confused and she just shakes her head no.

Jasper pours himself a soda and grabs two Fun Dips off the counter and Alice gives me a look again. I shrug, unsure as to what she wants me to do and I start to scoot over but she grabs my arm and shakes her head just as Jasper turns off the living room light and settles back in. He grins at me in the glow of the television set, handing me the candy and I mutter thanks.

"Someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me," Jasper says into my ear, his hot breath in the cool air conditioned room causing the hairs on the back of my neck to prickle. His lets his arm rest against my body, and his leg is pressed against mine. Holy canoli! Is Jasper hitting on me?

I look at Alice out of the corner of my eye. Her eyes are set on the screen and I'm positive she heard him. She's upset, I can see it in the thin line of her pursed lips. It's the same face Leah makes whenever anyone mentions the Black's boat storage place.

I rip open the candy, licking the sugar stick and dipping it into the sour powder and the moment the candy is on my tongue, my eyes shift to Edward. I stare at the side of his face. His sideburns are scruffy, his jaw covered in stubble. The way the light is landing on his profile is utterly breathtaking. I wish I had the nerve to get my camera and snap his photo. God, Edward looks amazing in black and white.

Suddenly, his profile disappears and his green eyes flood into mine. I startle out of my stare and try to focus on the television. I want to go to him. I want to sit on the floor with him and let him grope me under my shirt in the darkness, and I hate myself because of it. I don't know why this is so hard, why my ache for Edward hasn't subsided. It's always there, gnawing at me and I wonder if it will ever go away. Edward's so smart and beautiful and he has money, lots of money, and there's no way someone like me could ever be his equal, not really. Here we are the same, when he's in his river clothes, when he needs me to find him coves or show him how to ski or ride a WaveRunner. Here we balance. I have nothing to offer him outside the marina.

"I need a drink. Anyone else need anything while I'm up?" Alice says as she stands up and moves into the kitchen. The boys shake their heads but I follow her. I pick up a piece of licorice and dip it into my fun dip, craving the sweets. Alice pours me a Coke and I hesitate by the counter, drinking my soda and eating my licorice dipped in sour powder. I'm completely keyed up between Jasper's attention and Edward's lack thereof. Please, Alice, just sit next to Jasper. Please take a fricking risk and sit next to him.

She doesn't. She sits in her same spot and I sigh. Man, she is such a wuss. There's no way I'm sitting next to Jasper again, not after he breathed on my neck. I grab one of the blankets and pillows from the huge pile that is to become our bed later and curl up on the floor. I lay longways in front of the television with all three of them to my back.

Somewhere around Sonny getting shot, I fall asleep. When I wake up, the room is dark and Alice has crashed on the couch. The boys are gone and I don't see Rose so I imagine she's still on the roof with my brother which makes me want to gag a little. It's very, very quiet in the dead night of the desert and I'm wide awake. I start to think about Edward asleep in his room just feet from me. I could sneak into his room. I could climb into his bed. I could touch him and let him touch me and I would be happy.

And then he will leave at the end of the summer and I will be heartbroken. I feel the twist in my belly and I can't lay here anymore. I kick off my blanket and walk into the kitchen. Looking for confectionary comfort, I snag a licorice off the counter. I chew on the red vine and open the freezer, pulling out the small tub of cookies and cream. I almost feel bad for raiding the Cullen's kitchen, but I need the sugar. I need the distraction, I need something to steer my mind away from Edward and his pajamas. Edward and his girlfriends. Edward and his hip bones.

I take a large spoon from the drawer and dig in to the cold creamy relief. Jumping onto the counter, I drown my sorrows in the frozen treat in the pitch black dark of the kitchen.

A tall silhouette stumbles into the living room, and I freeze mid-bite, pulling the spoon from my mouth silently as Edward scratches his head, his hair tangled and sticking up in odd places. Rubbing his eyes, and still half asleep, he walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge. He pulls out the orange juice and drinks straight from the carton. He's illuminated by the light of the fridge, a slim beam highlighting his chest and abdomen while his face remains shrouded in darkness. I can faintly make out the lines of his jaw and neck, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows and I accidentally let my brain remember what his skin tastes like. I crave it, the need so strong it almost pulls me from my hidden position.

Instead, I stuff my face with ice cream, a big huge bite that almost makes me choke. Too much! Sharp pangs pound behind my eyes and I squeeze my temples. Brain freeze! Oh God, it hurts! I try not to cry out, and the spoon slips from my hand and clatters to the counter. Edward startles, orange juice dribbling down his chin and spilling onto his shirt.

"Bella?" Edward gasps. "You scared the shit out of me!"

"Fuck!" I squeeze my eyes shut. The brain freeze still clenches my head, and the single syllable is all I can get out. Finally it passes and I'm able to function again.

"What are you doing?" Edward asks as he wipes his mouth with the bottom of his shirt, exposing the planes of his sinewy stomach, his fricking hip bones and the trail of hair between them shining in the small fluorescent light of the fridge. Edward's belly button might be the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I stare shamelessly, picking up my cold spoon and taking another bite, the ice cream sweet on my tongue.

"Ice cream?" I offer him the tub and he closes the fridge. Surrounded in darkness now, he walks over to my knees and I inhale sharply as he places his hands on my thighs. Goosebumps spread like wildfire across my legs and there's a throbbing ache in my belly, in my chest, in my head. He gently nudges my knees out of the way so he can get a spoon from the drawer and then his hands are gone. I can barely see him, and he's not touching me anymore but I can feel him. Warmth radiates off his body, the sound of his breathing pounding in my ears, his soapy smell slightly tinted with sweat from sleeping and the hum, God the hum of the thick energy between us vibrates.

If Edward kisses me right now, I will not resist him. I will kiss him back, I will wrap my legs around his fucking waist and I will never let go. If he kisses me right now.

He dips into the carton, his lips wrapping around the spoon and I'm practically drooling as I watch him lick the back of the utensil. He grins at me, he knows what he's doing and I'm a fool for letting him.

"Are you trying to be sexy? Because you're failing miserably," I say and Edward takes another bite. He licks the spoon grotesquely now, closing his eyes and crudely pulling his lips and tongue over the metal. I groan, using my foot to push him away.

"You're so gross," I laugh. Edward chuckles and the easy comfort is back. He leans against the counter beside me, his side pressed against my leg, his arm resting on my thigh as we take spoonfuls of ice cream.

"How do you like college?" I ask him in between bites. I haven't had one minute to talk to him, every second occupied by our families. There hasn't been a second just for us.

"It's okay," Edward says, shrugging his shoulders. "Actually, I hate it."

"You hate it? Why? I thought you liked school," I ask confused.

"I never liked school. I liked basketball, I liked partying, I liked my friends," Edward mutters. I'm pretty sure by friends he means the girl ones too. "Luckily I still get to play ball, but college is like, I don't know, work. I listen to some old dude talk, and then I take a test. It's pretty much each man for himself. I'm more of a physical learner, like hands-on, you know? I can't just sit and listen and then get it. Do you know what I mean?"

"College isn't for everyone. Leah dropped out and moved back home. My brother quit taking classes too," I respond.

"Yeah, but I'm not like your brother or Leah," Edward says and I frown. What the hell does he mean by that? "I don't have any other options. I have to do well in school. There's no other choice for me."

"Do you think Leah and my brother _want_ to work in the marina forever? And me, do you honestly think I want to be stuck in this place? Do you think this is what I want for my life? What are my options, Edward? What choices do I have?" I ask him, trying to be quiet but I can't help the tone of my voice. He has every opportunity in the world and here he is whining about how he has no choices.

"You have choices. You choose to ignore them," Edward says sharply and suddenly, I don't think this is about the marina or college anymore.

"It's more like the choices are ignoring me," I snap and Edward turns his head to meet my eyes, his nose just inches from mine.

"Well, you're the one who wanted it this way," Edward says in a low voice and I'm stunned. I'm trying to find an argument, trying to find a way Edward isn't right, but I can't. It's true, this is what I wanted. This is what I asked for. But now I'm wondering if this is what Edward wants. Does he want me as a part-time girlfriend?

The sliding door opens and Rose creeps silently into the room. We hear the roar of my dad's boat and I know it's Emmett heading back to the marina. Edward turns his head, his arm leaves my leg and he puts his spoon in the sink. Rose looks at us with dreamy eyes and I envy her. How do they do it? How can she be happy seeing Emmett once a year, for only a couple of months?

If it were anyone else, I might be able to swing this. If it were Garrett or Seth, I wouldn't mind being a part-time girlfriend. I don't want Edward to be a summer fling. I don't want him to be part-time. I want him always. Maybe Rose and Emmett don't feel this way, maybe this is just a summer thing for them. Maybe I'm just too immature because right now I feel like a five year old, stomping my feet and pouting because I can't have what I want.

Rose walks into the kitchen to get herself a glass of water and the three of us hover in the dark silence, the half eaten tub of ice cream turning to sugary soup in my hand. Without another word, Edward leaves, heading back to his bed I guess and I slide down off the counter. I put the melted mess back in the freezer and resume my spot on the floor, covering my face with the blanket so Rose won't be tempted to ask me questions. Edward's words tumble in my head and I know there won't be any more sleeping for me tonight. Or this morning. Whatever.

…

Edward and I don't discuss our conversation. We don't really discuss much for the next couple days and we don't meet for midnight snacks again either. We take the WaveRunners back to the marina to gas up and then ride them all the way down to the dam. Alice rides with Jasper, claiming there's no way in hell she's straddling her brother. Edward lets me drive, his thighs pressed into my hips, his hands loosely gripping the sides of my vest, and his chin resting on my shoulder occasionally. Emmett comes back every night. I bet my dad's just pitching a fit and I'm glad I'm not home to witness the debacle. He takes us on the boat for night rides a few times and he sneaks us wine coolers and beer from the marina. Every night we watch movies or play Super Mario Bros on Edward's gaming system. We play cards and board games and Mrs. Cullen even makes us strawberry margaritas on the Fourth of July.

Jasper's flirting makes me uncomfortable. I can't tell if he's just a naturally flirty person or if he's really hitting on me. I try to assess the way her treats the other girls and it seems he steers clear of Rose altogether. He's flirty with Alice. He teases her, kicks sand on her when she unties her bikini to tan. I guess he's just friendly, and I'm relieved. I don't want to have any bad feelings with Alice. She's a good friend, even if I only get to see her once a year.

I start to feel more relaxed in my bikini. The other girls aren't shy, even Mrs. Cullen wears a two piece this year and none of them feel the need to cover up, so why should I? Sponging their confidence, I forgo the tank top and I have to admit, it's much more comfortable without the weighted wet shirt all the time. I'm paranoid about burning still and constantly apply lotion but despite my best efforts, by the fifth day on the water, I have a sunburn. And it's not even on my stomach. In all my haste to protect my tummy, I forget about my back, and the pale strip of skin right above my ass normally covered by my one-piece is now bright red and stings like a son-of-a-bitch. I rub aloe vera lotion into the sensitive skin after my shower but it's going to blister and peel, I can tell.

Everyone is sitting in the living room when I'm finished in the bathroom. Emmett and Rose are cuddling on the couch and it bothers me I can't see their hands at all times. Alice is seated next to them, cutting strips of paper into squares and Jasper's stretched out on the carpet.

"We're playing the hat game." Edward hands me a pen with a grin. I sit on the floor, my shirt annoyingly rubbing against my sunburned back. I can feel the heat pulsing and if I were at home, I'd put my swim suit top back on and just go shirtless. Yeah, so not going to happen here.

"What's the hat game?" I ask as Edward sits down next to me on the floor, his long legs stretched out in front of him as he leans back on his elbows.

"Everyone gets ten slips of paper. You write down ten famous things, it can be people, songs, movies, places, whatever. But they have to be well-known," Alice says as she looks up from her scissors. "There are two teams, and you have to try to get your team to guess what's on the paper by using clues. The key is to guess as many as possible in one minute."

"But you can't say shit like, "rhymes with", or "sounds like". Like if the paper says "The Simpsons" you can't say rhymes with blimpsons," Edward interjects and I look at him blankly.

"Who are The Simpsons?" I ask and he laughs, giving me a playful shove to the side and I wince, my sunburn throbbing at the contact. He looks at me, confused.

"Sunburn," I say sheepishly. He pulls up the back of my shirt to look at the burn and I swat at his hands. "Edward!"

"Oh relax, it's not like I haven't seen your back before," he murmurs, his hands still pulling at my shirt as my face flushes with heat, and I hold the fabric tightly in place over my chest. "Nice one, Bella! It's already blistering. Did you put lotion on it?"

"Of course," I respond as he gently lays the shirt over the stinging skin.

Alice hands us our slips of paper and for the next couple minutes the room in engulfed in contemplative thought. I can't think of anything to write, my head still baffled by the unsolicited sunburn surveying. I glance over at Edward, trying to see what he's writing but he's hiding his papers so I just scribble down the first names that come to my head. How do you spell _Labyrinth_?

"Okay, teams," Edward says and we all scribble our names on the slips. Jasper gets up and collects the papers in his Frank Sinatra hat, his eyes electric as he grins and I have to admit, Jasper's a little handsome, in a messy, disheveled rocker sort of way. I think he'd be perfect for Alice. I wish they'd just get their shit together and love each other already.

Edward pulls me, Jasper and his own name from the hat. The other team will be Rose, Emmett and Alice and I'm slightly nervous I'm going to suck at this game.

"Wait! We need drinkage," Emmett says and the boys go out to get the beer from the cooler on my dad's boat, setting the ice chest outside the slider on the deck. Alice grabs us some wine coolers and the boys start with the beer and I'm definitely thinking this is a bad idea. Beer and board games do not mix.

We ro-sham-bo to see which team goes first and Alice's scissors beats Edward's paper. I'm glad because this means I can watch a round before actually having to participate. Alice goes first, standing in the middle of the living room, the hat perched on the television. Edward uses the timer from the Yahtzee box to keep time and the moment he flips the plastic timer, the room is chaos.

"Okay, Rose, she has a rock star alter ego, and she pushes the earring and there's Synergy and-"

"Jem!" Rose shouts and Alice makes a motion with her hands indicating there's more.

"Full name," Alice says.

"Jem and the Holograms," Rose spits out and Alice tosses the slip of paper, choosing another one from the hat.

"This is a guy who sings a stupid song-"

"Really, Alice? Could you be a bit more vague?" Emmett says dryly.

"Let me finish! He stole the beat from Queen…" Alice adds.

"Vanilla Ice," Emmett blurts. Alice squeals and chooses the next name.

"She's a dancer. Used to be a cheerleader for the Lakers," Alice rushes.

"I know this!" Edward mumbles in my ear and I sigh. I have no idea who she's talking about.

Emmett and Rose look stumped and Alice grows more and more antsy.

"She's small, um, shit! Oh! She has a video with a cartoon cat!" Alice jumps up and down as Edward watches the time.

"Oh crap, what's her fucking name?" Rose says hitting the couch with her hand and Emmett just shrugs. "Um, Paula something…"

"Paula Abdul," I say. Edward and Jasper both glare at me and I clasp my hand over my mouth. "Shit! Sorry!"

Alice smiles and throws down the paper, taking another from the hat.

"Okay, these are little blue creatures that-"

"Smurfs!" my brother shouts and Alice moves on to the next name. She reads the slip, frowning before looking at her team.

"Um, okay, this one's hard. Um, the second word is a shape," she says, shrugging her shoulders.

"Circle, triangle, square…" Emmett rambles.

"Square! Okay, I think it's in India or Asia or somewhere?" She shakes her head clearly at a loss.

"Time!" Edward shouts and holds up the timer. "Time's up."

"Who fucking wrote Tiananmen Square?" Alice says, crumpling the paper and throwing it into the trash can in the kitchen.

"What? You should be ashamed of yourself for not knowing that one," Rose gripes as Alice collects the papers from the floor. "We got four."

"Okay, Bella. You're up," Jasper says with a wink and I down the rest of my Pina Colada.

Edward hands the timer to Alice and I stand up.

"And…go," Alice says. I pull a paper from the hat and it's an easy one – Ghostbusters.

"Okay, um, it's a movie with these scientists guys and there's this green thing and slime and-"

"Ghostbusters!" Jasper shouts and I'm stunned. He actually got it.

"Go, go, next, next," Edward says and I frantically toss the paper to the ground and fumble around in the hat for the next name. NKOTB. Shit, what the fuck is that.

"Um, I don't know this one. It's an acronym, I think.

"NKOTB!" Jasper blurts out and again I stand there blinking. It's like he can read my mind or something.

"Next!" Edward says, his voice irritated and I pick another slip of paper. Why is he so pissed? He's on our team!

"Okay, um, _thank you for being a friend_," I sing.

"Golden Girls," Jasper and Edward say at exactly the same time and they glare at each other. I hesitantly grab the next paper, my body suddenly tense as Jasper and Edward face off.

"Oh, I know this one! He's an alien and he eats cats," I say.

"Alf!" Edward shouts and stares at Jasper pointedly. I choose the next slip, trying to ignore Edward's attitude.

Legend of Zelda. Oh hell.

"I don't even know where to start. The first word is like an old tale that might be true."

"Legend of Zelda?" Jasper guesses and I just laugh. How did he guess that?

"You guys are fucking cheating!" Rose accuses just as Alice calls time.

"We are not. Bella and I just think alike. We must have twin minds," Jasper says, pulling me into a hug and kissing my cheek. Okay, this is getting weird. My eyes instantly move to Alice and she refuses to look at me.

I sit down on the floor next to Edward and I can feel him fuming beside me. He chugs his beer, crushing the can and shooting it into the trash can by the counter. He misses.

"I need a drink," Alice mutters as she walks into the kitchen and grabs the tequila from the cabinet by the fridge. She pours a round of shots, six tumblers on the counter splashed with alcohol and then she sets out a cup full of freshly cut lime wedges. "Come on, everyone's doing at least one."

"Alice, I'm not drinking tequila. You remember what happened last time," Edward mutters, his eyes glancing at me a couple times. I instantly wonder what happened last time.

"Yes, you are. Everyone's fucking drinking tequila. Now!" Alice says loudly.

"Will you keep it down? Our parents are going to hear you, dumbass," Edward says and Alice rolls her eyes.

"Whatever," she mutters. She holds up the glass and Jasper's the first to take one.

"I'm in," Jasper shrugs and Alice's eyes are like daggers. Oh dear, this is gonna be bad. Rose and Emmett mosey over to the counter and a reluctant Edward joins them. Fucking peer pressure!

"Fine," I say, walking to the counter and picking up the glass. I have no idea what I'm doing. I watch Alice lick her wrist and shake the salt on her skin. She licks the salt, downs the tequila and bites into a lime wedge in one swift, fluid motion. I get the impression she's well acquainted with Mr. Cuervo.

The others follow suit. They all grimace and groan, their faces contorted as they gag and the last thing I want to do now is drink this shit. Edward stares at me, his teeth grinding together, his eyes sharp and narrow, and I'm pissed because I didn't even do anything wrong. He's mad at me and I didn't even do anything

"What?" I snap.

"Man up, Bella," Edward says sarcastically, his eyes glassy and red.

"Don't you mean woman up?" I ask him in my best snotty voice and he snorts. I don't know what this laugh means, but it's infuriating. "You're such an ass."

Edward doesn't say anything. He grabs my wrist and licks my palm, his eyes on mine the whole time and I gasp. Oh my God. He just licked me. Edward just fricking licked me and I'm torn between the burning in my thighs and the clenching of my fist.

He lazily covers my hand in salt and holds the palm to my face, still staring right through me. He's challenging me, he thinks I won't do it and now he's mocking me. Well, he should know better than to challenge me.

_Maybe he does know better and this is his way of getting you to do what he wants._

Shut up, Bella, and lick your hand.

I lick the salt from my palm, and bring the cup to my lips, swallowing the tequila quickly and then Edward's shoving a lime in my mouth, the citrus bringing relief to the burning in the back of my throat. My face squishes up in disgust as I spit out the rind before sticking my tongue out at him in triumph.

"See? Easy as pie," he says. He drops my wrist and sits back down on the floor as the tequila seeps through my body.

"New rules," Alice says, throwing back another tumbler. "Losing team of each round takes a shot."

As the game progresses, the descriptions get more and more ridiculous. Our memories start fading, and since I'm already so stupid when it comes to media shit, I rely on Jasper's ability to read my mind. His hands get more and more liberal. He hugs me, he pushes and pinches and pokes and kisses my cheek half a dozen times. Alice drinks every round and now the tequila is gone and she's finishing off the wine coolers, but refuses to drink beer because it makes you fat. Rose and Emmett keep groping each other and Edward glowers on the floor, his knees pulled up under his elbows and if I look, I can see right up the leg of his basketball shorts. He's not wearing any underwear.

It's our turn and I squint, trying to read the words blurred onto the paper. I giggle, trying to stand in one place, the room swaying as Alice turns the timer. "Go fucker," she barks and I erupt into giggles.

"Oh! She's on my shirt!" I point to my chest and Edward glares. God, what the fuck is his problem?

"Wonder Woman," Jasper says easily and I grab another slip, almost knocking the hat off the television set.

"Um, she's…she's like…like a virgin," I giggle.

"Bella! It's you, right?" Emmett chokes out and they all burst into laughter. My face floods with heat, but I can't tell if I'm embarrassed or if it's just the tequila and then I decide it must be both.

"No asshole, it's not me," I scowl at my brother.

"No it's not you, or no you're not like a virgin?" Edward says. He's been virtually silent this whole last round and we all turn to stare at him.

"Not your business, Mr. Mopey," I say and make an exaggerated sad face.

"Madonna! Oh Jesus, gives us a fucking challenge, people!" Jasper replies and I pull the next slip.

"Oh! Edward you know this one. This is song number three on my Songs that Remind Bella of her Super Awesome Friend Edward mixtape," I look at him expectantly and he just stares. "You don't remember? Come on, I know you know this."

"I don't know, Bella," Edward says through clenched teeth and I've about had it with his crappy attitude. He's lying. I know he remembers. He remembers everything.

"Like ten seconds," Alice says.

"The name of the song is another word for woman," I grumble and Edward's eyes don't soften.

"Lady!" Jasper shouts as Alice calls time and I'm caught in Edward's hard stare. I don't even realize it when Jasper picks me up and spins me around. I don't even notice it when he grabs at my sunburned back, the sting lessened by the numbing alcohol coursing through my blood. I don't even notice when Jasper presses his lips to mine, giving me a full, hard, sloppy kiss that causes the room to freeze over.

"What the fuck, Jasper?" I say after I finally realize to push him away. I look for Edward and he's gone, the back of his fiery hair disappearing down the hall. Stupid, stupid Jasper!

"What? You've been coming on to me all week. I thought you liked me," Jasper says and my gaze darts to Alice. Her eyes are on her lap and I feel awful. I need to fix this before it gets out of hand.

Oh wait, it already is out of hand. It's out of hand and flopping all over the place.

"No! Alice, you should be with Alice," I struggle with the words as I try to turn his attention to her. The moment she looks at me, I know I've made a horrible mistake. I'm pretty sure if she could shoot laser beams out of her eyes, she would incinerate me right now. Instead she just storms out of the room, locking herself in the bathroom. Oh God, what have I done? How am I going to make this better?

"Alice? But I thought…" Jasper trails off and he looks dejected. He looks down, turning away from me and walking out onto the deck. I sigh, and look at my brother and Rose, who are just sitting there in stunned silence.

"Damn sis, maybe you shouldn't drink," Emmett says and I collapse on the couch. I feel horrible for what I've said. I've totally outed Alice, made Jasper look like a fool, and Edward, God! I let his friend kiss me. I was snotty to him and condescending and I let his friend kiss me, for shit's sake! I have to go to him. I have to apologize at least.

I stumble down the hall and open his bedroom door. "Edward?" I ask into the dark room and he doesn't answer. I step inside and close the door behind me. It's totally black in the room and I realize I am in dire shape here. I'm going to trip and break my neck for sure.

"Edward, where are you?" I say quietly and I hear him sigh. I hold my hands out in front of me and walk slowly through the dark room. I trip over a duffle bag, knocking my knee into the wooden bed frame.

"Shit!" I exclaim and rub my knee furiously. Edward suppresses a quiet chuckle and I feel along the bottom bunk but it's empty. I try to run my hand along the top mattress but it's too high so I use the frame as a guide and find the ladder. I clumsily climb the ladder and feel along the bed, my hand running over the soft hair of his leg and the slinky material of his basketball shorts. I slide my thumb in between my pointer and middle finger and pinch his leg.

"Ow! Bella!" he cries out, exasperated.

"Move over." I climb over his legs and squeeze between his warm body and the cold wall.

"You're gonna push me off the bed," Edward gripes and I feel the bed shift. I reach out in the darkness to feel his face, my fingers running over his cheek and lips, my thumb grazing the sharp stubble on his face. My hand slides down his neck and shoulder and along his chest. I just want to be close to him. I just want to feel him.

"Bella, don't," Edward whispers and I ignore him.

"You can't tell me what to do," I whisper back.

"Oh, believe me, I wouldn't think of telling _you_ what to do," he scoffs and I let my hand rest on his arm, pulling gently at the soft hair.

"I'm so sorry about Jasper."

"It wasn't really your fault. Jasper asked me about you on the ride here. I told him to go for it," Edward says. "I knew he didn't stand a chance."

"You do know Alice has been in love with him forever, right?"

"I didn't know that. I thought she hated him. She's always so weird when he's around," he remarks. We're silent for a few minutes and I'm looking for a way to close the distance between us.

"Yes," I say.

"Yes what?" he asks.

"Yes, I'm like a virgin," I mumble. "I'm kind of seeing this guy Garrett, although I'll be surprised if I ever hear from him again. I blew off plans with him that night you guys got here. And I forgot to tell him I would be gone all week."

"That's really shitty, Bella."

"I know." I pull up my shirt and let my sunburned back press against the cold wall. Oh, sweet relief! "Anyway, I've pretty much done all that I can do with him and I really don't want to sleep with him. But I think he's starting to expect it to happen soon."

"Why don't you want to sleep with him?" Edward asks, his hand finally reaching out for me. I feel his fingers graze my stomach and I close my eyes, memorizing the way his fingers feel on my skin. Nothing feels as good as Edward on my skin. Nothing.

"I don't know. He reads Tom Clancy novels," I giggle and I feel Edward shift, his legs rubbing against mine. Oh, thank God I shaved.

"I've had sex three times and all three times I barely remember," he says, his breath warm on my face. He smells like beer and tequila and I wonder if he tastes the same. The thought of kissing Edward is almost enough to distract me from the fact that there are three people out there now that know Edward in a way that I don't.

Almost.

I inch closer, my hand resting on his chest. "Who were they?" I ask, because once again, I must hate myself. "What were they like?"

"Um, well, you know Lauren," Edward starts, his fingers tracing figure eights around my belly button. "And there was this other girl from school, Kate. She reeked of weed. And then there was this girl at a party, she was really tall, and had these huge teeth. I don't even remember her name," Edward says as he moves closer, his chest pressed against mine now, his hand lightly resting on my hip. My heart feels like it's going to thump right out of my chest, and I know he can feel it pounding. "They don't mean anything to me. They just satisfied an itch."

"That doesn't sound very satisfying," I say, my lips now grazing his neck as I whisper.

"It wasn't," he whispers back, his lips moving against my forehead.

His hand slides across the sunburned skin of my back and I cringe away from his hand. There isn't a shred of space between us and I can feel all of him, every inch flush against me.

"Sorry," he murmurs against my skin, his hand skimming up my spine beneath my shirt and settling in the middle of my back. I'm starting to get sleepy, the alcohol making my limbs heavy. I yawn, snuggling into Edward's chest, and breathing him in.

It is very, very satisfying.

I wake up in the morning before he does, and I don't think we moved all night. This might be the most comfortable I've ever been, lying here with my sunburned back pressed against the air conditioned wall, Edward's hot breath in my hair, and his arm draped across my middle. The early morning light streams in through the window and everything seems different now. In the dark, I felt protected. It was easy to tell Edward all that stuff about Garrett, and it was easy to hear about those girls he screwed. It was easy to let him hold me but, now, in the light, everything seems more complicated.

I'm so conflicted. I want Edward. I want him so bad it hurts to breathe when I think of him going back to Seattle and fucking other people. What if I _can_ have him part-time? Is part-time better than not at all? Even this cuddling is better than not at all. We could write each other, we could maybe talk on the phone. It could almost be the same.

But what if things change? What if next year, he comes back a different person? And can I really see a future where Edward comes to live at the marina forever? Can I ask him to give up everything and leave his world behind? I refuse to ask that of him. If he made the choice, it would be different, but I won't ask him to sacrifice anything for me.

I want to stay here forever, tangled with Edward on the top bunk but I need to pee so I gently try to move his arm. He stirs, tightening his arm around me and I don't even try to fight him.

"No," he mumbles. "Too comfortable."

I grin into his t-shirt, inhaling his soapy smell tinged with beer and tequila when everything that happened last night comes flooding back to me. I groan, a gnawing grumble in my belly.

"What?" Edward asks lazily.

"Alice. She hates me. I kinda, maybe said something to Jasper. About her. About how he should be with her. And now she's going to be mad at me, huh?" I ask into his shirt so as not to assault him with tequila morning breath.

"Probably. I'd be mad at you," Edward says and I'm trying to wiggle out of his clutches, when I feel him hard against my leg.

"Do you have a boner?" I ask him, exacerbated and he laughs. "Jesus, Edward!"

"What? I can't control it! What do you expect? That's like being mad at me for farting," he chuckles, finally letting me loose.

"Oh God," I mumble and try to hide my smile as I crawl over his legs and down the ladder. Jasper's bed is still empty. I step silently into the hall, creeping into the bathroom so I can pee and brush my teeth. Once finished, I walk into the living room and my brother and Rose are asleep on the couch. Still no sign of Alice or Jasper and I'm afraid of what I will find if I go looking so I start cleaning the kitchen, unsure as to what I should do with all the empty bottles and cans. I throw them in my brother's cooler, letting the trash float in the melted ice and quickly rinse all the glasses and wipe down the counters.

Edward ventures into the living room, and his pajamas look especially nice after spending the night cuddled up to them and he smiles shyly. God, he's so adorable. He helps me clean up, gathering up all the scattered slips of paper and dumping them in the trash. I wake up Emmett because it's well past dawn and he's probably going to be in big trouble once he gets back to the marina. Plus, he needs to get that cooler out of here. He and Edward carry the cooler of trash to my dad's boat while I finish cleaning the kitchen. I hear the boat roar to life and take off down the river just as a stunned Edward walks back in through the slider.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," I laugh and Edward sits down at one of the barstools by the counter.

"Worse. I just saw Jasper's naked white ass. On top of my sister," Edward shudders. "I'm scarred for life."

"Maybe Alice won't be too angry with me after all," I grin.

As it turns out, Alice forgets to be mad at me. She's too busy sucking face and groping Jasper to be angry. It's downright revolting. If this is what happens when you start having sex, I'm going to stay a virgin forever. I can hardly look them in the eye on the rare occasion I get to hang out with the Cullens. After working my two weeks straight for Leah and then resuming my normal shift, I rarely get to see them. Edward comes into the store at least once a day to buy an ice cream and we sit on the swings and talk during my breaks. We don't cuddle again, we don't talk about it, but I call Garrett and break things off with him completely. We resume our normal friendship but I still wonder if Edward would want to be my quasi-serious, part-time boyfriend.

When the storm season starts to roll in the Cullens start to pack up. I know they're leaving when Edward shows up at the store with a brown paper bag. He's wearing a plaid button up shirt over his white tee and I'm so glad he didn't wear a polo. Leah takes her smoke break when she sees him come in.

Edward hands me the bag and I pull out a thick gray sweatshirt, the word Washington across the front and underneath the purple and gold lettering is a dog, a husky. My fingers graze over the embroidered letters as Edward explains.

"It's from my school," he says, scratching the peeling skin from his nose and I smile.

"There aren't a lot of opportunities for me to wear a sweatshirt around here," I murmur, putting the soft cotton against my face.

"Then you'll just have to fly out to Seattle," Edward says quietly. "Seriously, you should come visit me. You'd love it. The forests are full of stuff you can take pictures of."

"I can't afford a plane ticket to Seattle," I say, feeling the familiar sob in my chest and it seems as if my body knows it's supposed to be sad.

"I know and your dad probably won't let you leave," he says.

"No, my dad won't let me leave," I repeat and something about this statement resonates in my chest and I'm crying, a few fat tears spilling over onto the soft cotton sweatshirt.

"Well, in case anything ever changes, now you at least have something you can wear," Edward says. He wraps his arms around me and I smother myself in his shirt. I inhale, committing his smell, his touch, his voice to memory as he kisses my forehead.

"Bye, Bella. I'll see you next summer."

…

**A/N: **

So, I'm posting early...Why, you might ask. Well I'll tell you, I'm just so fucking excited that the LAKERS are now the NBA CHAMPS! WOOOOHOOOO! And also because I'm in love with you.

Oh, you twitterly beauties you! Thank you for all the rec's and tweets and kind words.

I've joined the Fandom Gives Back soirée and there are now TWO EPOV outtakes up for auction.

Link to Team Summerward is on my profile. Thank you **ilsuocantante **for your divine organizational skills! Love you long time!

Beta **SubtlePen **and prereader **Miztrezboo**, I love you madly. Thank you so much for your help, my darlings!


	10. That Time You Brought the Skank

**CH 9 – That Time You Brought the Skank**

_1991_

_Thelma and Louise, a movie about two women fleeing their caged lives, is released in May._

_Perry Farrell organizes the first Lollapalooza as a farwell tour for his band Jane's Addiction._

_The Chicago Bulls win the first of six NBA championships achieved during the 1990's._

_..._

It seems to me that epiphanies always happen at the worst possible time. Like, how I didn't realize bikinis weren't for water skiing until I almost lost my bottoms. Or like at prom when I figured out that Jacob liked me just seconds before he kissed me. Or like when I realize I love Edward.

I wear my sweatshirt all winter long, even when it's seventy degrees out, even when I'm sweating bullets in the stockroom. If I'm the least bit chilled, I pull that soft cotton reminder over my head and imagine what it feels like to be a college girl. I pretend I go to school with him and that I'm the girl he goes to parties with. I pretend I'm the one who satisfies his itch.

The moment I actually admit to myself that I love him isn't a big deal. It's actually really stupid. I'm in the shower, cursing because I have to shave and as I move the razor over my scarred knee, I instantly think of Edward. I think of how when I fell, he wanted to take me to his dad so he could bandage the cut. I think about how he brought me ice cream and how he knows my feet are ticklish. I think about how he knows everything; how I don't like to be told what to do, how I'm competitive and snotty and stubborn and how still, for some reason, when he puts his arms around me, I crumble. I think about how every year he brings me a gift and I have nothing for him. Not once has he asked for anything in return. Not once has he pushed or prodded or complained. He just gives.

And I say it out loud, in the shower, half my leg still hairy and soapy. "Oh, my God, I love him."

I smile the whole way to work. I sit at the counter while Leah does crossword puzzles and I'm content, just in knowing that I love Edward. I feel light and relieved, like I just sat down heavy groceries. I hum along with the songs on the radio, I think about how I can earn money for a plane ticket and I count the days until the start of the season on the calendar twice. I decide I'm going to call him. I want to hear his voice and it won't be weird because a long time ago he gave me his phone number. He wants me to call, he wants me to visit, even. I don't care if it's only for a second, I can call him. So after we close the store, I run home and search my jewelry box for his phone number.

I decide to use the office phone so my dad won't notice the long distance charges and because there's no way in hell I'm going to have a conversation with Edward in the kitchen. My dad drove into town to play poker with Harry Clearwater and Billy Black and my brother's currently flat on his back watching another episode of Quantum Leap. So I take my keys and run down to the office, creeping into the small dark room and I dial the number. It rings and rings until finally, he answers the phone.

"Hello?" he says and I freeze a moment. Say something you idiot!

"Hi, um, this is Bella, Bella Swan. From Willow Cove." Why did I call him? This is so stupid, so unbelievably stupid! He's not even going to know who I am!

"Bella? This Carlisle, Dr. Cullen. How are you, sweetheart? Is everything okay?" Oh, Jesus. Thank God, I did not call him Edward!

"Hi, Dr. Cullen. Everything's fine. Is Edward around?" I ask in my calmest, non-idiotical voice.

"Edward lives on campus at the University during the school year. Let me give you his number." He rattles off the number and says that he can't wait for the summer and hangs up. But I'm shaken. I had no idea Edward was living on campus. I automatically assumed because he lives in Seattle and his school's in Seattle that he would just live at home. Financially, it seems like such a waste to pay to live on campus, when you can live at home for free.

I check the clock. It's now after nine-thirty, but I dial the number anyway. It's Friday night, for crying out loud, if he's in bed at nine-thirty, the least I can do is tease him about it a little.

The phone is answered by some dude, and I hope to God it isn't Edward because this guy is completely shitfaced. He sounds just like Jacob does on the phone and Jacob only calls me when he's stoned.

"You've reached the Head Foundation, would you like to make a donation?" he tries to say in a serious tone and then bursts into laughter, the sound of dozens of voices laughing in the background.

"Can I speak with Edward Cullen, please?" I ask.

"Who?" Oh, pull it together man.

"Edward, Edward Cullen," I shout. Fricking potheads are useless.

"Oh! Big C. Naw, he's not here, baby. Is this Tanya?" he asks and I cringe away from the phone.

"No, can-"

"Irina?"

"No, just-"

"Wait, is this Angela?" I don't like the way he says this girl's name, like she's different from the various skanks Edward's hooking up with. His voice is almost reverent like. I don't like this. I don't like this one fricking bit.

Without another word, I hang up the phone. Apparently Edward's been awfully itchy this year. I sit in my dad's chair at his desk and I'm shaking, my hands are literally shaking and I realize I'm breathing very heavily. I close my eyes, trying to regulate my breathing, trying to not throw up.

It's fine, Bella. He's not yours, he has no loyalties to you, he can date whoever he wants. It's fine.

Actually, I expected this. Of course, Edward has girlfriends. Of course, he's not home at nine-thirty on a Friday night. I am such a fricking fool!

So I'm not really surprised when Emmett corners me at the store to tell me Edward's bringing a girlfriend to Willow Cove this year. I knew this day would come. Ever since that time he brought his friends from Seattle, I knew someday he would show up with one of his girlfriends. I'm not shocked. I'm not sad. I'm not even feeling sorry for myself.

I am livid.

Thank God Rose called before they left to warn my brother. I'm sure I would have made a complete ass of myself. I'm just furious he would bring her here. This is our place, and now he's going to parade his happiness around in front of my face. Look how well I'm doing without you, Bella. Look how easy you are to replace.

I know everything I'm feeling is wrong. But I still feel it. I still want to hate her. I still want to hate _him_. But I can't. It's not his fault. It's just how it goes, epiphanies always happen at the worst possible time.

Of course! Of course when I figure out I love Edward, he decides to be with someone else. Of course, when I decide I maybe want to try this quasi-serious, part-time relationship thing with him, he's already in a relationship, and a real one at that. It's so fucking typical I almost want to laugh. You hear that universe? You're fucking typical! No, I will not be jealous. I will not hate her. I am a rock, cool stone, like marble or something of equal hardness. I will pretend like a son-of-a-bitch that this does not affect me in any way.

The Cullens arrive three days later and I'm fully prepared to plaster on my game face. Edward parks his Volvo by the big black Mercedes and I strain to see them from my bedroom window. A willowy brunette slides out of the front seat of the silver car, followed by Alice and Jasper from the back. Great. They've all been road trip bonding for the last two days and now I am odd man out. Seems like a running theme in my fricking disaster of a life.

Emmett knocks on my door. He's worried, his face strained as he comes to deliver the bad news. Edward and his skinny-ass skank of a girlfriend are here.

No, Bella. No jealousy and no name calling. Calm. Cool. Under control. Great, now my life's a fricking deodorant commercial.

"Hey, they're here. Come say hi," Emmett urges and I give him a scowl. I hate the look on my brother's face. I hate that he feels the need to come warn me and look so damn concerned. I can handle this. I'm fucking rock, remember?

"Rose and I are totally on your side, by the way," he says.

"What, are we gonna rumble?" I snort and Emmett rolls his eyes.

"You know what I mean, Bella. We all know you and Edward have this…thing. I don't understand it and I don't pretend to, but that doesn't mean it isn't there." He fiddles with the knickknacks on my dresser. "I just thought you'd like to know that Rose and I…we just understand, okay?"

Rose and I, he says it like it defines him, like it's his identity or something.

"Thanks," I mutter, tears filling my eyes. God, I hate crying in front of my brother.

"Hey, sis. It's fine. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to," Emmett says as he sits on my bed beside me.

"What do you mean, supposed to?" I ask, the tears spilling down my cheeks. "Like fate? Well, fate is an asshole. Besides, I don't even believe in fate. If you want something, you should just go out there and get it."

"Bella…" my brother trails off cautiously and I roll my eyes.

"Oh relax, I'm not going to make a scene," I say and he chuckles. "I'll be good, I promise."

"You realize this is just one summer, right? He'll be back again next year. And chances are, she probably won't," my brother says and I stare at him now. No, that didn't occur to me at all but he's right. Edward has had girlfriends before, he's never brought them here, but maybe he didn't have a choice. Maybe there's some excuse, some reason she had to come along.

Maybe he loves her.

Maybe she's a distraction.

Maybe she's just pushy as all hell.

I secretly hope it's the last one.

Emmett and I walk down to the Cullen's unit and Rose is out the door and in my brother's arms in a heartbeat. She hugs him tight around his middle, her figure tucking perfectly into his tall frame. He whispers something into her ear before giving her a very meaningful kiss. Hi, how are you, I missed you, I love you, it's all conveyed in this one lovely kiss.

Jasper and Alice stand in the doorway and I can see the stress on Alice's face. It matches my brother's expression just moments ago and she rushes to give me a hug.

"Don't be mad at him, okay?" she says into my ear and I nod. Of course not. This isn't his fault. I've had my chance. I've had dozens of chances and I passed them all up.

Edward appears in the door frame, his lips spreading into a sly grin when he sees me and I can't help but smile back. It's like a compulsion now. His hair is long, really long, like almost to his chin and he's wearing baggy shorts and a plain white t-shirt. His girlfriend stands beside him now and before I know it, Edward pulls me into a big hug, lifting me off the ground and kissing my cheek.

"I missed you," he whispers into my ear. He smells like soap and cigarettes and I wonder if he's been smoking. I also wonder if he's on something because he's way too giddy giving me a hug and kiss in front of his girlfriend, who just smiles and waits on the porch patiently.

"Um, Bella, this is Angela," Edward says as she rushes forward and wraps her arms around my neck. What the hell? Welcome to awkwardville, population me. I just stand there with my arms hanging at my side because I don't know why this crazy bitch is hugging me.

"I've heard so much about you! The infamous Bella," she says as she pulls away and I finally get a good look at her. Her face is thin and pointy and long, her brown eyes large and dark. She not overly pretty but she's not ugly either. Her face is just interesting, I guess. Her hair is pulled back in a French braid and she's wearing a black tank top with jean shorts. Nothing extravagant, just typical river clothes. She's very average. Everything about her is just average.

"Angela goes to school with me. She's an art major, Bella," Edward says beside her. How is he so natural about this? He's acting so normal, like this is no big deal and I swear, I'm starting to think I imagined there was something between us, something more than just friendship. How can this be so easy for him? Oh yeah, because he's the one with a girl on his arm. He's the one with a distraction, I guess.

"Edward tells me you're a photographer?" Angela asks and I shrug.

"Not really, I just mess around," I say and shove my hands in my pockets, trying to pretend it's not the weirdest thing on the planet to be having a conversation with Edward's girlfriend about photography.

"No, she doesn't. She's really good. Bella, you have to show her your dam pictures," Edward says and I bite my lip, suppressing a grin.

Angela catches on. "Yeah, Bella, you'll have to show me your dam pictures. I'm sure your dam pictures are great."

"Yeah, my dam pictures are some of my best dam work," I add, and I can't hide the grin any longer.

Edward rolls his eyes and laughs and I find myself laughing too. Oh Jesus, this is worse than I thought. Edward's girlfriend isn't a dumb skank or a pretentious bitch. She's just a girl, like me and she's actually kind of cool. And out of all the things I'm feeling; anger, jealousy, disappointment, sadness, sick to my stomach, not once do I feel hate. This is bad. This is really, really bad.

"I was just going to show Angela the docks," Edward says. "I'm going to take some bread down there and feed the fish."

"Those fish are so gross," I shudder.

"You know the first time I met Bella, she threw a bag of bread at me," he laughs and I grin. "And then, later that summer she punched me in the gut."

"You said my hair looked like a deflector shield!" I defend. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Yeah, well, you love me now, so it's all good," Edward says casually and I let me smile falter for an instant, my eyes flashing up to Angela's. Get it together Bella! But Angela just smiles, warm and confident and accepting. God, I can practically see the kindness glowing around her.

This summer just might kill me.

…

For once in my life, I'm glad I have to work in the store. Here, with Leah, I can talk shit all I want. That's what work has become this year, a megabitch purging session.

"God, she's just so fucking nice. There must be something wrong with her, no one's really that nice. Maybe she's a crack whore," Leah suggests and I giggle. The snarky bitch in me likes Leah making fun of Angela. Yeah, yeah, it's not gracious behavior on my part, but whatever. I've been gracious all summer.

I was gracious when we barbecued on the Fourth and I had to drive into town to get veggie patties for her because she's doesn't eat meat. I was gracious when she couldn't get up on skis and made me keep pulling the boat around because she's ridiculously stubborn and refused to give up until she finally did it. I was gracious when she wanted the last Big Otis yesterday and I gave it to her, knowing we weren't getting a delivery for two more days. I have been gracious, dammit, and now, for one second, I just want to be mean. It makes me feel just a teensy bit better and I know it's ugly, but Leah doesn't care if I'm ugly. She's on my side no matter what, like Thelma and Louise.

"Maybe she has a sixth toe on her right foot," I say as I glance out the window, noticing a familiar reddish head on the swings outside. It's Edward, and he's alone and I'm intrigued. Where oh where is the girl wonder? "Hey, I'm taking a break okay?"

I'm out the door and I barely catch Leah's sarcastic remark about Angela's probable third nipple.

Edward glances up as I walk down the sidewalk, the heat causing goosebumps on my arms and legs. I wore my hair loose today and already I'm wishing I had a band so I could tie it back. God, the sun is so intense, almost as intense as Edward's green eyes on me.

"Hey," I say as I pull my shorts down to cover the back of my legs and sit on the plastic seat. I dig my toe into the dirt. I've done a really good job of rock impersonating so far. I'm pretty sure Edward has no idea that I've cried myself to sleep at least once a week since he's been here.

"Hey," he says and I make the mistake of peeking at him through my hair. He's upset, sad, I think and immediately my rock wall starts to splinter.

"Where's you posse?" I ask him and he sighs.

"I needed a break, you know. I just wanted to be alone for a second." Edward pushes his hair out of his eyes and behind his ears.

"Oh, sorry, I'll go, I just wanted to say hi," I get up and Edward grabs my hand and my heart stops.

"No, not you. I just meant I need to be away from them," he says and I stand there, letting him hold my hand. I let the boy that I love who already has a girlfriend hold my hand. Nice one, Bella. Going for bitch of the year?

"Don't leave, please?" Edward asks and of course, I sit my ass right back down on that swing because refusing Edward's just one of those things I can't seem to do.

"So, Angela's nice," I say, trying to make small talk.

"Yeah," Edward says and I hate this silence.

"Your hair's really long," I comment and Edward just nods.

"How's school?" I try.

"It sucks," he says, as he hangs his head and I sigh. This is really fricking ridiculous. He's acting like a big baby!

"So, um, why do you have a stick up your ass?" I ask him and his head snaps up. He smiles and lightly bumps his swing into mine.

"I don't have a stick up my ass," he responds. "Why do you have a stick up your ass?"

"I don't. I have been perfectly pleasant," I say proudly and Edward chuckles.

"You have. You've been polite and quiet and very nice," Edward says as he nudges my foot. "And I kinda hate it."

I stare at our feet, his expensive basketball sneakers gently kicking the side of my knockoff Keds and I don't understand. I've done everything in my power to make sure I don't ruin this trip for him, so I won't look like a fool and he hates it?

"How can you just act like this doesn't bother you?" He asks and I'm furious now. He couldn't just leave it be. He couldn't just let me be a rock, take a fricking clue and let me deal with this. He wants to talk about it. God, that's so like him! Forcing the most uncomfortable situation and making it even more unbearable. And hello, hypocrite city!

"What do you want me to do, Edward? Storm around here making a spectacle of myself?" I ask him and I'm not even being sarcastic. Does he really expect that of me? Do they all expect that of me? Is that why Rose called, why my brother suddenly felt the need for a heart to heart, why Alice had to whisper in my ear to play nice?

"That's not what I meant," he mutters and something in his voice just makes me deflate. I take a deep breath and just decide to be honest.

"It does bother me. But it's just the way it is, you know?" I answer to the ground. He pushes my hair behind my ear, his fingers lightly trailing down my neck and sending shivers across my skin.

"Yeah, I know," Edward says and I look up to see my dad walking into the store. Shit! He's gonna be pissed if he sees me out here with Edward when I'm supposed to be working.

"I gotta go," I say in a hurry and stand up. "Listen, I don't have to work tomorrow. We can go out on the water, if you want. We can take my dad's boat."

"Yeah, that would be fun. Hey, can we go to Australia?" he asks and I nod. I jog back to the store and sneak in the back door, hoping my dad's not in the stockroom.

I grab a flat of canned goods and make my way into the store. My dad's at the register, checking the tape and counting the cash. He looks up as I walk in, his mustache twitching a little as he gives me a warm smile. I smile back, internally sighing in relief.

Setting the flat on the floor, I glance out the window and Edward's still out there. Fricking frick! What did I just get myself into? Not only do I have to convince my dad to let me take the boat, but now I have to spend the whole day with Angela and I have to be gracious again, dammit.

"Hey, Dad? Do you think I can take the Cullens on the boat tomorrow?" I ask.

"The Cullens, huh?" my dad says as he closes the register. He pulls the cigarette from behind his ear and puts it between lips.

"Emmett can't take us because he's working and I've hardly been out on the water this summer," I plead and my dad just walks out the door. I follow him outside, my eyes darting to the swings but Edward's gone. He stops to light his cigarette and takes a long drag before squinting at me from beneath his cap.

"Yeah, okay, you can take the boat. But you make sure you use the flag and you watch the prop," my dad exhales. "And you mind the clouds tomorrow. There's supposed to be a storm rolling in the next couple days. If those clouds get dark, you head into the marina, no questions asked, got it?"

I nod, and my dad takes another puff on his cigarette. "You know, Jacob Black's been begging me for a job all summer."

"He already has a job, Dad. And we can't afford to hire anyone else, you said so yourself," I say pointedly. Oh God, if Jacob works here I will die, my life will literally be over. As it is, I have to deal with him poking his nose around here once a week.

"Apparently, Billy's hurting for business. With the economy the way it is and the war and everything, people have been taking their boats home. Everyone's hurting, Bella. It's just a thought. You know Marcus is moving to Colorado in a couple weeks and your brother could use some help up at the office." Marcus is the maintenance guy. He cleans up the docks and does repairs and stuff. Jacob would actually be good for this job. If he wasn't _Jacob_, of course.

"Dad, please don't hire Jake," I plead and my dad flicks his cigarette butt to the ground.

"I thought you and Jake were friends?" he asks and I sigh, I don't really want to talk about this, but I don't want Dad to take back boat privileges either.

"Jacob is Emmett's friend. Not mine," I say shortly. "And he smokes weed. He has a plant growing in his closet."

My dad chuckles, dismissing my claim, and kissing my forehead. "I'm not saying I'm gonna hire him right now, but if we need help, he's the next one in line for the job."

…

"So Bella, I was wondering if I could talk to you about Edward."

I inhale a jelly belly, a cinnamon one and it's hot and stuck in my throat. Oh, God, I'm going to die on this stupid cove, choking on candy in front of Edward's girlfriend. I cough, clutching at my chest, the beads of my green bikini smacking against my neck as Angela pounds on my back.

"Are you okay? Bella? Do you need the Heimlich?" Oh yes, that's exactly what I need. Please save my life, because I'm not pathetic enough as it is.

I gag up the hard candy and spit it out, coughing and then laughing at my own stupidity.

"Fricking jelly beans," I laugh and Angela smiles softly. "It's like a sign I should stop eating sweets, huh?"

"No way, I don't think I could survive without chocolate," Angela says and I nod.

"Oh my God, me too. Sugar is like my nemesis. I know it's out there to destroy me, but without it I'm virtually useless," I say, popping another jelly belly in my mouth as Angela laughs.

"Edward's right, you are funny," she says. I don't know what to say, so we just sit in silence for a few minutes that feel like hours. Jasper and Edward took Rose and Alice out on the WaveRunners, leaving me to entertain Angela. It's surprisingly easy to talk to her, she's friendly and laughs at my jokes. We talk about art, she specializes in ceramics and pottery and I immediately imagine her and Edward reenacting that scene from Ghost and I feel sick. I do not want to talk to her about Edward. I hardly want to think about her and Edward.

"I tried to talk to Alice about this, but she and Rose said that you know him best," Angela starts out of nowhere and without any distractions, I'm a millisecond away from a heart to heart with my best friend's girlfriend.

"I'm just a summer friend. Maybe Jasper? I know he's really close with Jasper," I say, trying to deflect the conversation.

"No, this is definitely girl talk," Angela says as she leans back in her chair and grabs her sunblock. She slathers the lotion over her flat stomach and on her chest and arms. She's not as pale as the other Seattle inhabitants and her skin has soaked up the sun, leaving her with a dark tan that looks nice against her black sporty two-piece. She's almost as tan as I am.

"Well, I'm not much of a girl. I mean, I'm a girl, like I have the anatomy, or whatever, but everyone always tells me I think like a guy," I ramble nervously.

"Yeah, Edward said that too," Angela laughs and I frown. "He said you think like him."

"I guess he would know," I mutter.

"Anyway, I also know about your past. You guys kind of had a thing when you were teenagers," she says and I'm sure my face is beet red. Technically, I still am a teenager. I won't be twenty for another month. A thing, huh? That's what Edward said, we had a thing? I guess there's really no other way to describe it, especially to your new girlfriend.

"This trip is kind of a huge deal in our relationship. I mean, I…Edward's really special to me but it's like he's stuck in this mopey mindset and nothing I do makes it any better. I thought maybe he was just getting sick of me or something but then he told me about this trip and I don't know…I just feel like we connect, you know? Like our connection is more than just chemical reactions in our brains, like it's cosmic. Like, there's this spark between us…" she trails off and I want to kill Alice. She did this on purpose. She sent this poor girl to me to talk about sparks and connections and Edward. What the hell does she think this will accomplish?

"I'm not sure what you are asking," I say helplessly.

"I'm getting to it, I promise. Anyway, we get along pretty well, we have the same ideals, we both like to do outdoorsy things, we both like basketball and the arts, so all in all, I'm pretty satisfied. With that aspect of our relationship." Oh God, I can see where this is going, like it's a lit up billboard on the Las Vegas strip. Sex. She's going to talk about their sex life.

Really universe? Really?

"Um, I don't know if-" I start but Angela's in the zone. She's decided she's talking to me about this and there's nothing I can do to stop her.

"Edward won't have sex with me," she blurts out and then erupts into tears. Oh, holy emotional outburst, what the hell do I say to this? _Me neither?_

"I've tried everything, Bella. I've bought sexy lingerie, a wide variety of sex toys, booked hotel rooms, but every time he has a chance to seal the deal, he diverts. Don't get me wrong, the boy's got skills, I mean, have you seen his fingers? And trust me, musicians have phenomenal dexterity, you know?" Oh for the love of Jesus, just shut up. Why did she have to bring up those fingers? Please, please, please, just stop talking. But she doesn't, of course not, that would be far too easy.

"I'm starting to think there's something wrong with him, like maybe he's depressed or something. Or maybe it's me? I just don't know what to do," Angela wipes her face with her towel and now I'm thinking about his fingers, in my bedroom and that summer when we were seventeen that we spent getting each other off while INXS played in the background.

"Have you talked to Edward about this?" I try to say in a calm voice. I sound like my mom.

"Yeah, he just says he's not ready. What does that mean, Bella?" Angela pleads and I scratch at an itchy spot on my back. She looks down at her hands. "Do you think maybe you could ask him about it?"

Yes, that is _exactly_ what I would like to spend my very tense, very limited time with Edward talking about. Oh geez, why does she have to be so nice? I'd have no problem telling a bitch to fuck off. But she's not a bitch, she seems genuinely upset.

"Yeah, I'll try," I mutter and once again, the queen of unsolicited public displays of affection wraps her arms around my neck. I awkwardly pat her back, her skin sticky from the recently applied sunblock before she sits back in her chair, and a hopeful grin takes the place of her tears.

This information is a bit unsettling. If Angela's just a flash in the pan, like those other girls, Edward would have no problem sleeping with her. Then again, I pulled this same shit with Garrett. Every time he started talking about sex, I'd give him a blow job. No guy's gonna say no to head, it's like one of those unwritten laws, like _be kind rewind_. Garrett's a nice guy, I just didn't want to have sex with him because I knew it wouldn't mean anything.

And just like that I'm anticipating Edward's answers just as much as Angela is.

When everyone gets back to the cove, we have lunch and plan to go for a tube ride afterward. We tie two of the big tubes to the back of the boat and they take turns trying to knock each other off while I drive, sitting on a couple life vests so I can see over the windshield.

"Hey, I want to drive your boat," Edward leans over from the seat beside me as we wait for Alice to climb back into one of the tubes. He's wearing his dark sunglasses, his hair falling in his face and his freckled nose and cheeks are tinted pink. I've been avoiding looking at him all summer. I mean, really, why does he have to go shirtless all the time? It's like he's rubbing those stinking hip bones in my face.

Actually, I'd be more than thrilled if he were rubbing those hip bones in my face.

Get a fricking grip, he has a girlfriend! Think deodorant. Cool, marble, deodorant.

"I don't know if you can handle it," I say doubtfully and he smirks.

"You can barely see over the windshield! Come on, Bella. Teach me how to drive your boat," he pleads and I want to smack him for being so suggestive.

"Fine," I mutter and he crouches between the seats. "It's really easy. You push the throttle forward to go, pull it back to stop."

Just then Angela yells _hit it_ from one of the tubes, and I push the throttle forward. Edward's not ready for the acceleration and he flies back, gripping my knee to steady himself. Heat floods through my body and he quickly removes his hand and mouths an apology that I can't hear as he slides back into his chair.

I snake across the river to create a good sized wake as I pull Angela and Alice on the tubes. Angela is bigger and delivers more of a punch but Alice can sink lower into the tube which helps her stay afloat. Her tube's practically flying at this point, but God help her, Alice is a fighter. She's holding on for dear life and her persistence pays off, because Angela hits the wake and goes flying. Rose laughs as Jasper and Edward cheer simply because they love to see anyone eat it and hit the water. I turn the wheel and pull the boat around to pick her up.

The girls climb into the boat, and we pull in the tubes. I motion to Edward to take a seat behind the steering wheel and he grins as he pushes my life vest booster seat out of the way.

I show him how to steer and turn, standing beside him with my hand on the back of his chair. Angela sits in the seat next to us and I feel horribly awkward situated in the space between them.

Around four in the afternoon, the clouds start to hover low and I'm reminded of what my dad said yesterday about the storms. Rose wants to take the WaveRunners out one last time so we jet up the river, Edward and Angela on one, Rose and I take the other, leaving Alice and Jasper back at the cove to do God only knows what. The hot sun is covered in clouds, and the humidity of the pending summer storm hangs thick in the air.

I grip the handlebars and Rose clutches onto my vest. We're racing Edward and Angela to the next mile marker, the reflective posts stuck in the bank signaling the finish line. I can see Angela's arms wrapped around his waist, her lips pressed into the back of his neck and I grit my teeth. I gun it and peek over my shoulder. Edward lowers his head in determination and I smile. I knew he wouldn't back down from a challenge.

I weave in front of him just as a large speedboat races down the opposite side of the river. I wave to the boat, a common courtesy out here on the water and I'm not prepared for the wake. I almost lose control as I hit the frothy wave, the water spraying my face as Rose shouts profanities and hangs onto my vest for dear life.

I steady the WaveRunner and turn around. Edward's alone on his watercraft and I can see what I assume to be Angela in the water a good thirty feet behind him. I head over and pull alongside them. Angela starts swimming over to us and Edward's trying to start the ignition.

"What happened?" I ask and Edward shakes his head.

"We hit that wake and Angela went flying. I must have pulled the kill switch accidentally and now it won't start," he says.

"It's probably just flooded." I unhook the switch from my vest. "Hey, Rose can you go pick up Angela?"

"Sure," she says and clips the switch to her vest. I jump in the water and swim over to Edward as she turns around and heads off towards Angela. I climb onto the back of the WaveRunner, Edward's coy grin beaming down at me from under his long wet hair.

"Move over," I say, fighting a smile. I crawl over his leg, trying not to focus on our wet legs sliding against each other, or his hand lightly touching my vest in an attempt to steady the balancing act as we switch places.

He hands me the kill switch and I plug in. I turn the key and the engine just turns. No spark.

"Yep, it's flooded. We're going to have to wait until it dries out. Stand up real quick. I want to check if there's a tow rope in there." Edward balances on the back of the WaveRunner and lifts the seat as I stand. Nothing. Shit!

Rose pulls alongside us. Angela's sitting on the back and she keeps running her finger along the lower lid of her eye.

"Everything okay?" Rose asks and I shake my head.

"Naw, the engine's flooded. We're stuck for at least a half hour or so." I look up at the sky, the clouds darkening as we speak. We're going to need to get off the water soon.

"I need to go back to the marina," Angela says. "I lost a contact when I hit the water."

"O-kay," I say and Angela gives me a pointed glance. Oh crap! The sex talk. She wants me to have the talk out here on the water, with his hair all dripping wet in his eyes. Is she insane?

"Rose, can you take me back to the marina?" Angela asks and Rose gives me an exasperated look.

"We gotta get off the water anyway," I say quickly. "Those clouds are going to dump soon."

"Fine," Rose grumbles.

"You might want to send Emmett back for us, just in case I can't get it started and we need a tow. Oh, and maybe give Alice and Jasper a heads up," I say and Rose nods. Angela's hopeful face is the last thing I see as they speed off.

It's just me and Edward floating silently on the WaveRunner. All I've wanted all summer is to be alone with him and now that I am, I don't know what to say. He's been quiet this whole time and I nudge his calf with my heel. We sit back to back, our vests bumping together as we rock on the gentle waves and I try to find a discreet way to bring up his sex life.

The words out of my mouth, however pick a whole different fight.

I'm not sure what prompted the outburst. Maybe it was the god-awful silence, or the fact I couldn't see his face but I knew he is listening, or the fat rain drops that began to dot across my legs and arms. I don't know but in that moment, I lost all communication with my brain filters. _All systems have been disconnected, mayday, mayday. I'm going down._

"How could you bring her here? To _our_ place? To share _our_ summer? How could you do that to me?" I blurt out. I feel him shift, his body nudging me forward a little.

"What? What are you talking about?" Edward responds.

"You knew this would hurt me and you did it anyway. Why would you do that to me?" I accuse.

"Not everything is about you, you know? God, you're so selfish sometimes. Why couldn't this be about me? Why couldn't this be about me trying to have a vacation with my girlfriend?" he asks, his voice sharp.

"Is that what this is? Because if that's true, I will leave it alone, Edward. If it's truly about you trying to have a wonderful vacation with your lovely girlfriend, I will leave it the fuck alone. Is that what this is _really_ about?" I challenge. I almost don't really want his answer.

He leans into my back and is quiet for a long time, the sound of the storm thudding against the water the backdrop to his silence.

"I'm not sleeping with her," Edward confesses. I guess it's been on his mind too. "I don't want to hurt her like that."

"Well, you already are hurting her. She thinks it's her fault." Edward turns quickly, causing the small watercraft to rock. "She wants me to ask you about it. She thinks you're depressed. Or that you don't find her attractive, I guess."

"It's not her fault. I just…I know, this thing between us isn't going anywhere. She's nice, you know. She's really smart and funny, but I don't want to, I don't know, go there, when I know I don't love her."

"But you sleep with other girls, ones far less desirable," I argue.

"I know. That's the whole point. Those other girls, I'm not myself when I'm with them. I'm drunk or stoned or whatever, it's not me and half the time I don't even remember. But with Angela, God, I don't even know how it happened. One minute she's hanging out sometimes at our dorm, then she's there everyday and she's just really nice, you know, like too nice. And then she's kissing me and making dates and plans and shit. She bought me tickets to Lollapalooza for my birthday.

Then she asked me about summer vacation and I told her about the marina. I think I said something like, you should see the sky out there, it's amazing and she took it as an invitation. And I knew it would hurt you, I did. But you've got that guy, Garrett or whatever his name is. We're both with other people, you know." He pulls his leg over the seat, sitting sideways on the bench, his hand picking at the thread on the back of my life vest.

"I'm not with other people, Edward. I broke up with Garrett last summer. After the houseboat," I tell him. I mirror his position, balancing his weight by pulling my legs over the opposite side of the bench. I'm facing him now, my hip against his thigh, but I can't bring myself to look at his face.

"But Alice said you…" Edward doesn't finish his sentence and I hear a crack of thunder somewhere over the desert, and the sky opens up.

"What did Alice say?" I ask him.

"She said you were in love." He pulls his leg across the bench to straddle the seat completely now. He's facing me and there they are, dancing fiery green burning into me and my chest feels like it's going to burst. It's raining hard now and streaming down his face and in his long hair. The water's starting to get choppy and I brace myself against the handlebars.

"Well, maybe I am," I whisper and he moves his face closer, the hot rain running off my nose and into my stunned gaping mouth.

"I don't like it that you don't call or write me. It's like you forget about me during the year," Edward says quietly, his breath on my face, his hand on the back of my vest.

"I don't like it that you get drunk and sleep with skanks," I breathe. "And I did try to call you. Your roommate answered and called me half a dozen girl names when I asked for you and I hung up."

"I don't like it either. I hate myself for it. They're nothing, you know? And I don't mean anything to them either. I don't mean anything to anyone." His rain soaked cheek presses against mine and I close my eyes trying to fight back tears.

"You're wrong," I whisper, my chest heaving as I try to breathe. Before I know what I'm doing, my lips have found his and my tongue forces its way into his mouth and it is the sweetest relief I've ever felt. He's frantic and greedy, sucking on my lip, his fingers clutching the back of my neck and squeezing my thigh. There's another crack of thunder, the electricity humming through the air as the rain falls in sheets now. I can't stop kissing him, his tongue rolling and pulsing with mine. He tastes like sunblock and rain water and a tiny hint of jelly bellies. His hands are desperate to find my skin but the life vests cause too much space between us. I run my fingers through his long, rain slicked hair and his mouth moves to my neck, his hand running the length of my thigh and the sky alights with flashes of energy.

"We need to get off," I pant and Edward snorts, the slip causing my ears to burn.

"The water, I mean. We're sitting ducks out here on the water. We need to get to the shore," I clarify and this causes Edward to just laugh harder.

"You're such an ass," I roll my eyes and push him away. He grabs my hand, pulling it to his face and kissing my fingers, my palm, my wrist.

"Come to Seattle with me," Edward says softly and I freeze, unsure if I heard him correctly.

"What?" I ask, closing my eyes. The rain is pummeling us, the light wind causing it to fly in sideways.

"It's not like you have anything going on here, come with me to Seattle," he pleads and I frown.

"I can't leave Edward, I have a job," I say indignantly. I know what he means, but his words sting, like I have nothing here that's important, like what I do here during the year means nothing.

"Your dad could hire someone else," Edward argues and I shake my head.

"No, he can't. He can't afford to hire anyone right now. As it is, I work for peanuts, gas money and shit. I can't do that to him, not right now." Edward looks down and I see the emotion invading his beautiful features. Rejection.

"Hey," I say, pushing his hair behind his ear. "I'm not saying no, just not now."

He closes his eyes, his hand clutching mine to his lips again and he nods. Acceptance.

Just then I hear the roar of a boat and I can see my brother standing up at the helm and fighting the choppy water. I wave over to him and he pulls alongside us, throwing me the rope and I tie it off to the front of the WaveRunner when I realize, I haven't even tried to start it again. I was distracted.

Edward and I climb into the boat and my brother takes us back to the marina. We sit on the back bench, my hip against his calf, his legs stretching a lot farther than they used to. We hold towels up in front of our faces to block the rain and wake water and I can't see him but he uses his toes to pull at the strings of my bikini bottoms. I can't even return the pestering because the tips of my toes barely reach his thigh now. I give him a turtle bite instead, pulling the hair on his leg and he yelps.

It isn't until we pull into the marina, when I see Angela standing on the dock in the rain, her shorts and tank top soaked through, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes wrought with panic that I realize what I've done. I kissed another girl's boyfriend.

But he was mine first, I try to rationalize.

He's not yours now.

Oh God, I'm going to be sick. I swing my legs away from Edward, and hold the towel to my face as I let the tears spill from my lids. Angela is going to hurt because of this, because of me and she, of all people, does not deserve this. This is wrong, this is so very, very wrong.

I climb onto the bow and jump onto the dock as Emmett pulls the boat into the slip. I wrap the rope around the cleat and watch out of the corner of my eye as Edward steps off the side of the boat and walks over to her. He keeps looking over at me and I wish he'd stop being so fricking obvious, at least until I can get the hell out of here. And then, there it is. Confirmation. She tries to kiss him and he backs away. Then like a dumbass idiot, he glances over at me again. I immediately look down, my face burning red, the rain beating on my back, but I'm far too nosy for my own good. I sneak a look and watch as Angela's eyes dart between us, her face changing from worry to fear and then disgust. I catch her eyes searing into mine and I crumble. I can't tell if it's the tears or the rain blurring my vision, but I watch as she lifts her chin. She knows. And she's not going to wait for an explanation.

Without another glance, Angela turns and walks away.

She walks away from Edward.

Something I know I'll never be able to do.

Edward and Angela leave the next day in the Volvo. He doesn't say good bye, he sends my present over with Alice, a Chicago Bulls Championship tank top and I can't even enjoy the gift. I don't deserve it, I don't deserve anything. I hate myself for what I've done. Alice tries to make me feel better but I still know in my heart what I am.

"I'm a cheater, Alice. The other woman. I'm disgusting. I should have one of those big red A's sewn onto all my tank tops," I cry into her lap as we sit on my bed. She smoothes her hand through my hair and I like the way my scalp tingles.

"It was just a kiss, Bella. Yeah, it was not exactly ideal, but still, it was just a kiss," she says and I think she's being too easy on me.

"It was a really good kiss too! It was like I couldn't even stop myself. That damn storm, with all the electricity in the air, made me feel all wily. I didn't think, I just acted," I blubber. I sit up wiping the tears from my face, a whole new wave of guilt soaking me through and flooding me out

"You took a risk. It's what people do when they're in love," Alice says.

"But I shouldn't be in love with him! It's so unfair of me to expect this of him. Who knows, maybe in a couple of months, he could have been happy with Angela. She could have been perfect for him and I ruined that. I'm a monster! I'm a wretched horrible monster!"

"Oh Jesus, now you're just being overdramatic. You're not a monster. Sometimes you just can fight it anymore."

"Like Emily and Sam? They couldn't fight it and look what they did to Leah. I'm like Emily. I'm a fucking slut."

"Yep, Bella Swan, virgin slut," Alice laughs and I sock her in the arm. "Ow! Stop it, with the hitting thing!"

"I still have no idea where this leaves us. I mean, I basically told him I love him and he asked me to come to Seattle and I had to say no. I kissed him and ruined his relationship and then said no to him. Do you know how hard it is to say no to him? It's like we're right back where we started!" I throw my hands in the air.

"Oh, Bella. Sometimes you have to go back so you can move forward."

…

**A/N:**

SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER! I'm officially on vacation! I've been a madwoman this week and I missed responding to your messages. Thank you so much for notes and recs and alerts and love. I just want to smoosh all your faces.

I was interviewed by Sue from So You Think You Can Write. She's wonderful and we share a love of sequins. I'm a complete nerd and don't know when to shut up. Have a looksy! Link is on my profile.

A 90's Playlist has been added to my blog. If you likey the 90's tunes, check it out. Many of the songs may be making cameos in future chapters, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

**SubtlePen **is beta4realz and **Miztrezboo **is prereader2theXtreme. I love you fine ladies.


	11. That Time We Went to Vegas

**CH 10 – That Time We Went to Vegas **

_1992_

_Wayne's World, a film adapted from a sketch on NBC's Saturday Night Live, is released in theaters. _

_Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen are the first NBA players to win a Championship and an Olympic Gold Medal in the same year. _

_William J. Clinton is elected the 42__nd__ President of the United States._

…

Edward skis behind my boat and he's flopping all over the place wearing a tall green hat on his head. He tumbles across the water, except he never falls in. He's in the back of the boat now, frantic because he lost his hat.

"Bella, I need my hat. We have to go back!" I shake my head. I have no idea why, but we can't go back. We can only go forward.

"We can only go forward, Edward," I try to say but can't because there's a huge wad of Bubblicious in my mouth. I pull the gum out and it sticks to my fingers, my hands tangled in sticky pink.

"But I need my hat!" Edward shouts. The boat drives itself and Edward is kissing me on the bench, his lips on my neck and my chest and I can't touch him back because of the damn gum. I want to hold him and I can't. His lips move over my stomach his tongue licking at my belly button and I can't breathe but it feels so good, I don't care.

He pulls at the strings of my bikini bottoms but he can't get them loose. There's a knot and he yanks at the stretchy green fabric in frustration.

"Here, let me get that," Jacob says and my eyes flash over to him. We're not on the boat anymore. We're in my bedroom. All of us.

"Jacob, get the hell out of here!" I scream. Alice is pushing Jacob out of the way.

"No, you're doing it all wrong." Alice's fingers quickly untangle the knots and she yanks the bottoms out of the way, pointing to my who-ha and shouting, "Ta da!"

It's about now that I vaguely realize I'm dreaming, but I don't wake up. Because now Edward's going down on me and Alice is giving him pointers while Jacob smokes pot with Joey from Blossom and all he keeps saying is "Whoa!" All I can feel is Edward's tongue and I don't want to wake up for all the ice cream in the world. The gum on my hands has disappeared and I'm wearing Edward's green hat.

My body is doing things, wonderful, tingling, exploding fireworks things, and I don't know if it's the dream or if it's real, but there's a rhythmic pounding between my legs and it's enough to jolt me out of my deep sleep.

I open my eyes. I'm alone in my room and I'm panting, my chest and forehead covered in sweat. What the fuck was that? Three seconds later I hear a low rap on my window. I'm so confused, my legs still quivering as I stumble out of bed and pull the blinds out of the way.

Edward. Oh, that's fricking weird.

He grins at me expectantly as I force open the window and pop out the screen. I'm disoriented, that dream fucking with my mind and I rub my eyes as he climbs in my window and closes it behind him. He licks his lips, and his fingers pull through his hair as he stands awkwardly in my room.

"Best pajamas ever," he says and I look down. I haven't done laundry in days and fell asleep in my Chicago Bulls championship tank top and my underwear. I roll my eyes and sit on my bed. There's really no point in being modest. My bikini covers far less and Edward's already seen my boobs.

"Did you just get here?" I yawn and he sits across from me on my bed. His hair is still long, and he's wearing a gray t-shirt and baggy cargo shorts. I wonder if he wears river clothes all year long, now.

"Yeah," he nods.

"You're late," I say, pulling the rubber band from my wrist and wrapping my hair back into a pony tail.

"We had to wait for Rose. She's waiting to hear about this internship thing in Washington D.C.," Edward says as his fingers connect the three freckles on my thigh that form a perfect equilateral triangle. Every time he touches me it's like this flooding sensation of warmth and familiarity. It's comfort and care and natural, like turkey on Thanksgiving, or peanut butter and jelly.

"How's school?" I ask and he shrugs.

"I'm just stoked this semester is finally over. I have one more year and then I apply for medical school. I still have to take the MCAT. I've been putting it off. Four more years, Bella. I have to do this shit for four more years," Edward says loudly and I crawl over him to push play on my cassette player. The last thing I need is my dad catching me in my underwear with a boy in my room.

"You don't _have_ to do anything. If you hate it so much, you should do something else," I say as I sit cross legged beside him.

"It's not a choice," he murmurs and I sigh. I understand. I guess he's obligated to medical school just like I'm obligated to the marina. He leans against the bed frame, and closes his eyes as Nirvana fills the silence.

"So…" I say after a long while. He opens one eye and looks over at me, the corner of his mouth pulled up in a grin. I'm dying to find out what happened with Angela, but I don't know how to ask. I think Edward knows it and is making this hard on purpose.

"So I was thinking, we need to go out," Edward says mischievously and I raise my eyebrows.

"In case you haven't noticed, we're kind of in the middle of nowhere. Where exactly did you want to go?" I ask.

"Somewhere we can dress up." His fingers play connect the freckles again and I frown. God, why does he always have to touch me? I would be just fine if he didn't touch me all the time.

"I don't know, Edward," I say hesitantly. I don't really do dressed up.

"Angela dumped me," he interrupts. "The moment we got in the car last summer. We didn't even stop to sleep in Reno, drove the whole nineteen hours straight through." He pauses, waiting for my reaction, but I can't speak.

"So, are you seeing anyone, Bella?"

"No," I whisper as I watch his fingers on my skin. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Nope," he says quietly and I can't look at his eyes because I'm sure they're doing all kinds of dazzling things. "I haven't been out in months."

I don't know what he means by out. I assume when he goes out, he drinks and when he drinks he fucks random chicks. And this makes me sick. It shouldn't, though. I have no claim on him, he can date whoever he wants. I should just be satisfied that right now, he's available, he's in my bedroom and I'm already in my underwear.

But of course, I'm not.

"What do you mean by out?" I ask.

"Out, you know, out," he says and I shake my head.

"No, I don't know. I don't go out. _Ever_."

"Then we are definitely going out," Edward smiles and I'm frustrated.

"Are you still sleeping around?" I blurt out. He chooses his words carefully and my stomach twists the longer he's silent.

"I go out Bella, and sometimes I go out with girls. But I'm not looking for a hook up anymore. I'm kind of over it." My heart sighs in relief.

"Then what are you looking for?" I already know the answer. Love. He's looking for someone to love him. Someone in Seattle. Someone who's not me.

"I don't know. Just looking, I guess," he mutters.

"I don't want you to look," I say stubbornly and I realize I sound like a pouty five year old.

"What do you expect, Bella? I mean, I thought that kiss last year was pretty fucking stellar and then I don't hear from you all year and I'm left thinking I made a mistake, that I basically broke this nice girl's heart for nothing. Why shouldn't I look? Do I have a reason not to look?" Edward asks me desperately and I'm at a loss as to what to say.

All year long I contemplated contacting Edward. I don't even have his address, but I guess I could have asked Emmett to ask Rose. I don't know. I didn't feel like it was my place to pursue anything, not after I wrecked his relationship with Angela. I still feel sick when I think about the look on her face at the dock. I didn't know if he was going to try and salvage that relationship and in the effort to preserve my weary little heart, I didn't call.

He didn't either, for the record, and I don't care what he says, he should have contacted me. He was the one with the girlfriend, he was the one that left without saying goodbye, he was the one who knew where to find me. He should have made a move. And he didn't.

"I guess not," I say bitterly as Edward throws his hands up in the air.

"You are so fucking stubborn, you know that?" he says incredulously and now I'm angry. I kick my legs underneath my quilt, kicking him in the process, and he glares at me. He yanks the blanket from my lap and I grit my teeth and try to yank it back but he won't let go. A coy grin plays on his lips and I'm shaking with anger now. He's laughing at me.

"Give me my fucking blanket," I growl and he refuses to concede. I crawl onto my knees and attempt to push him off my bed and now he's full on chuckling. "Get out of my room."

"No," he says, his body squirming between me and the white iron railing of my daybed. "Not until you admit it."

"Admit what?" I ask.

"Admit that you don't want me to look at other girls because you like me," he says confidently, his hands behind his head on my pillow, his feet crossed and hanging off the edge of my small bed. His shirt pulls up as he stretches and all I can see is the small span of skin and hair and muscle beneath his belly button. The top of his boxers stick out from under the waistband of his baggy shorts and my whole body flushes with heat. And I hate him for it.

"I really, really don't like you right now," I grumble and he just laughs.

"Yes you do. You just don't like that you have a weakness," Edward yawns, his eyes closing and I'm stunned. I feel exposed, totally transparent and I'm speechless. I hate that he knows me so well, I hate that he can read my brain. I especially hate that all I want to do is climb on top of him.

"We're going to Vegas for the Fourth," he says definitively, his eyes still closed and I feel my shoulders slump, my stomach knot and twist. Vegas? With Edward? I guess we'll finally be able to see some damn fireworks.

"And I want to meet your mom."

…

"So, Edward, Bella tells me you play basketball?" My mom takes another bite of her hot fudge sundae, the chocolate dripping onto her chin. Her boyfriend, Phil wipes the smudge from her skin and I almost puke up my lemon meringue pie all over the table of the small café. Emmett rolls his eyes and sticks his finger down his throat. Rose smacks at his hand and I try not to laugh.

"Alright, stop making fun of me, Emmett, or I'm going to bring up Mr. Blankie." Mr. Blankie was Emmett's favorite blanket when he was a kid. He slept with it until he was twelve.

The twinkle in my mom's eye and the smile invading her red lips is all the evidence I need. She's happy, happier than I've ever seen her. She's never introduced us to a guy. I might even be so naïve to suggest she didn't date. But I know better. Everyone dates. Everyone has sex. Everyone but me.

Anyway, this Phil guy must be pretty special. I think he's living with her. They seem connected, attached at the hip and while it's nice to see her so happy, the constant PDA is kinda grossing me out.

"Sorry, Edward, my children are so disrespectful," my mom says.

"Hey! I didn't even say anything!" I respond.

"Yeah, but you were thinking it," she grins and I laugh.

"I used to play basketball. I had to quit the team this year because I couldn't keep up with practice and classes," Edward answers and I look at him perplexed. I didn't know he wasn't playing basketball anymore.

"Yeah," he answers my unspoken question quietly and I want to talk to him about this but I know now's not the time or place. I check Edward's watch and the big, shiny silver face tells me it's almost time to go. We're supposed to meet Alice and Jasper at Caesars Palace in ten minutes and traffic on the strip is a bitch.

Dr. Cullen booked two rooms for the Fourth of July at Caesars as a gift for Edward's twenty-first birthday. He made dinner reservations, scoped out clubs and even rented a limousine to cart us around the whole night. The news is both awesome and kind of sucks royally because guess who's not twenty-one yet. Me and only me. Luckily, I was able to persuade Leah to give me her driver's license. I could maybe pass for twenty-five, if I wear make-up.

I'm a little bit intimidated by how much money the Cullens actually have. There's no way Emmett and I can afford dinner at these restaurants or even pay for our share of the hotel room but Edward insists it's all taken care of. When I ask him about it he kind of gets irritated with me.

"Look, my dad likes to buy my love. And I like to let him. It's how he makes up for being gone all the time," he mutters. "Besides, it's for my birthday. Are you going to say no to my birthday, Bella?"

How can I argue with that?

I do, however, have to argue with my dad. After assuring him there will be no coed cohabitation, no drinking, and no bare midriffs, he finally agrees to let me go. It's all a lie, of course. Emmett doesn't even need to ask. I shouldn't need his permission anymore either, but something tells me there'd be hell to pay if I just up and left for a night in Vegas with Edward.

Then there's this thing with my mom. It's not that I'm embarrassed by her or anything, it's just that she's kind of pushy. She asks lots of questions and I don't want her bringing up the relationship stuff. I keep imagining her asking about our plans for the future and that would just be disastrous.

It's not that I haven't thought about my future with Edward. I admit it, I've fantasized about marrying him and you know the kids and the house and everything. I've also seen him moving on, marrying someone else, someone like Angela, and the two of them bringing their kids to the river on vacation. Or worse, he stops showing up all together. He's already given up basketball and like he said, he has four more years of school. There may be a time when he has to give up the long vacation. There may be a time when he has to give _me _up.

That's why I'm here right now, suffering through lunch with my mom and her new boyfriend, and introducing her to Edward. I might never have the chance to let my mom know Edward again, and well, I think it's kind of important for her to know the greatest love of my life, even though he's not really mine at all.

"Time to go?" he asks and I nod. Edward pays with a green credit card and my mom gushes.

"Hold on to this one," she whispers in my ear when I kiss her goodbye and I don't know what she likes more, Edward or his credit card.

Emmett takes the side streets, avoiding the main strip and parks in the general parking of the large, extravagant casino. Edward leads as we walk into the most beautiful, ornate lobby I've ever seen. I've never actually been to any of the other hotels on the strip. I've never really had a reason to.

Everything is just so enormous and grand and I fumble around in my backpack until I find my camera. I feel like such a tourist as I snap pictures of everything, from the glittering chandeliers to the faux marble statues and I'm overwhelmed by the colors and lights. Even the smell is intoxicating, like new carpet and cigarettes and perfume, and as I inhale I realize I fricking love Vegas. Here I am, right smack dab in the middle of a perfectly replicated ancient Italy and all it took was an hour long car ride filled with reenactments of the Bohemian Rhapsody scene from _Wayne's World_ and four games of Who Would You Do. I could come here every day!

"Hey you guys!" I hear Alice screeching from across the massive lobby. She's followed by a grinning Jasper and I'm beginning to get excited too. She gives us hugs and we're laughing and talking loudly, and the giddiness of being away from parents, and in Vegas, radiates from our group.

"We're getting dressed up tonight, Bella! I'm talking heels and glitter and sexy dresses. We are going all out, baby!" Alice says and I'm petrified. I didn't even bring any heels.

Edward checks into the rooms and we haul our bags through the dark, winding casino. The chime of coins and beeps and horns is distracting as we weave through the maze of slot machines and blinking lights. Alice squeals when she sees the rows of expensive shops and I stare up at the ceiling that looks like a cloudy sky, and I almost get lost in the magnificence of it all. Edward's walking really fast and I grab onto his arm so I can keep up. He smiles down at me, his eyes alive and vibrant as he throws his arm over my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. It's almost like we're in a different world, like we can forget everything here and just be. It's incredibly liberating.

We finally get to the adjoined rooms and I'm stunned. The room is warm and decorated in neutral tones with splashes of rich reds and greens and golds. The furniture is modern and offsets the ancient Roman architecture. It's just so unreal, like my lounge singer fantasy. It almost makes me want to break out a sequined dress.

I'm not sure where to put my stuff so I just toss it into the first corner I see. Jasper drags Alice's large, rolling suitcase to one of the beds and I'm glad. I don't think I could survive sleeping in the same room as my fornicating brother and his girlfriend.

Edward stretches out on the mattress and I sit cross legged in the chair, awkwardly wondering if he's planning on sharing my bed, and if I should shave my legs again. And then I want to smack myself for even thinking about this. What is wrong with me? What kind of person puts themselves through this torture? Bella Swan: sexually repressed virgin slut, that's who.

"Oh my God, look at this bathtub!" Alice says as she peeks her head out from inside the bathroom. "You can fit, like, eight people in this thing!"

"This is the hotel where they filmed Rain Man, you know," Jasper says as he flops next to Alice's monstrous suitcase. Geez, how much shit could she need for one night in Vegas?

As soon as I see the contents of Alice's suitcase exposed, I'm seriously stressing. She piles dozens of dark fabrics onto the bed, slinky, shimmering satins and sequined lace with ruffles and stretchy bands and I cringe. It's not that I hate dressing up, I just don't know how to do it. The nicest shirt I brought is my white eyelet camisole but there's no way I'm going out with them looking like fricking Gidget when they look like supermodels. Maybe I'll just stay here.

"Bella Swan, you get that look off your face right now! I can see you making excuses," Alice says as she folds probably the smallest skirt I've ever seen in my life and I swallow. Edward chuckles, throwing open the window shades to display a magnificent view of the strip. We'll totally be able to see the fireworks, even if it's just from the room.

"I didn't bring anything nice, Alice," I say.

"Well, we did. You can borrow whatever you want from us. I always bring at least two back-up outfits, in case I change my mind. What size shoe do you wear?" Alice asks and I look at her tiny feet.

"Not your size, that's for sure," I laugh. "My feet are huge."

Alice shrugs, "What size? I bet Rose has something you can wear."

I really don't want to tell everyone my shoe size. It's completely stupid, but my feet are big, like too big for my body. I'm just glad Emmett's in the other room, because I'm absolutely positive he'd make his trusty, old, "Bella's feet are as big as skis" joke.

"I think, like an eight," I fudge. Yeah, I really wear a size nine. Eight and a half is probably the smallest I could go without losing feeling in my toes.

"Rose is the same! Oh! She has these gorgeous silver stilettos that would look amazing with your skin tone," she squeals and I try to fake my enthusiasm. The thought of squeezing my feet into heels that are a size too small for an evening of romping around Las Vegas is kind of making me nauseous and I'm already planning on sneaking my sandals into my purse.

I glance over at Edward on the windowsill, a sarcastic smirk on his face and I just know he's got a joke running through his head.

"What?" I ask, my eyes narrowing and he just laughs.

"Nothing!" he defends. "I didn't even say anything."

"You didn't even need to, I can see it all over your face," I respond.

"Why do you always think I'm trying to make fun of you?"

"Because you are! Come on, what's the joke?"

"No joke," he shrugs. "Just now I know why you're so good on skis."

"Hardy-har-har. What about you, Goofy? Your huge feet didn't seem to help you much," I smirk and Edward scowls.

"Yeah, well guys are supposed to have big feet. You know what they say about guys with big feet," Edward winks at me.

"What, they have really big shoes?" I ask innocently.

"You're never gonna live that down, you know? Goofy on skis was the funniest thing I'd seen in years," Alice says as she pulls a gigantic bottle of tequila from her suitcase and sets it among a half a dozen other bottles of various hard liquors she's already lined up along the counter.

"Geez, Alice! We're only gonna be here one night!" I laugh. Here I thought she was just a clothes horse. More than half her suitcase is filled with booze!

"Yep, one night of gross indulgence and debauchery," Alice announces as she pulls a stack of shot glasses and a little bag of limes from her purse. She doesn't hesitate to pour six shots of tequila, using Jasper's pocket knife to slice one of the limes into wedges.

"I forgot the salt," Alice says with a smile. "But I snagged these from the burger place we stopped at on the way here." She pulls out a handful of individualized salt packets and I laugh at Alice's makeshift bar.

"Rose! Where for art thou, sweet Rose!" Alice shouts as she pounds on the door joining our rooms. Rose swings open the door, Emmett behind her as they walk into our room, and prop open the door with a trash can.

"Toast!" Alice says as she waves us all over to the counter. I glance at Edward and the corner of his lips curl up as he saunters over to me. Gripping the back of my chair, he leans in close behind me, his lips at my ear.

"Hold on," he says in a low voice and with a surge that throws me back against the chair, he pushes me over to the counter and I can't help but giggle.

Alice hands us each a shot glass, and a single serving salt packet. We each take a lime as she raises her glass into the air.

"To Edward, you're not only a great brother, but you're a great friend too. Happy Birthday!" she says as she licks the salt from her wrist and empties her shot glass. We all drink and the tequila goes down smooth. Before I can even remove the lime from my mouth, Alice is pouring another round. Oh Christ, this is gonna get ugly.

"One more, one more, because I forgot something in the toast," Alice argues as we all collectively grumble.

"To old friends," she says, her wide blue eyes twinkling and staring right at me. "To risks and sparks and connections forged. Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there."

She throws back her second shot in five minutes and the rest of the group just shrugs at her cryptic toast as they down their drinks but I know better. I understand exactly what she's talking about. Tonight, she's saying. Take a risk, tonight.

Well, fuck, if there was ever a time to throw caution to the wind, it would be tonight. One night. Everything could change in this one night.

I'm gonna need more tequila.

I quickly pour the liquid down my throat, forgetting the salt, forgetting the lime and just letting the liquor burn.

Alice orders a jug of orange juice from room service and makes a big batch of screwdrivers that we take down to the pool in large sports bottles she brought in her suitcase of sin. Jasper brings a handful of cigars and we spend a couple hours lounging in the hot sun, drinking and smoking and playing Marco Polo in the pool. It's probably not a great idea to play a childish underwater touching game in a public pool whilst intoxicated because now I've been felt up by Edward twice and I'm pretty familiar with Alice's left boob. We just keep getting louder and more hilarious and Emmett and Rose are sitting way too close. I'm thinking at any moment hotel security is going to escort us off the premises for obscene behavior.

Eventually it's time to get ready for dinner and my head is fuzzy from the smoke and the alcohol and all I had to eat was that lemon meringue pie earlier. I don't bother with a towel as we walk back to the hotel room, and it's in this moment that I fully understand the term sloppy drunk. The elevator ride is unbearable. Edward stands behind me, playing with my bikini ties and threatening to untie my top and I lazily slap at his hand.

"Knock it off, ass!" I say as the elevator doors open and Edward nudges me into the hall. I stumble forward, my flip flop catching on the lip of the elevator door, and Edward's arms wrap around my waist to try to keep me from falling. Alice can hardly stand, she's laughing so hard.

I'm using the f-word excessively, trying to break free from Edward's grasp and everyone just keeps laughing.

"Bella, stop fighting me! Shit! Why are you constantly fighting me?" Edward says. His arms hold my arms to my body, his bare chest pressed against my back and I don't want to fight him. But I cannot surrender. I can't bring myself to do it. I don't even know why I'm fighting him at this point, all I know is I can't let Edward Cullen get the best of me.

"Why are you constantly messing with me?" I try to turn my head to look at him and his nose is so close to mine, I can smell his breath. "Vodka breath."

His eyes flicker as he licks his lips and for a moment, I'm flooded with trepidation.

"Vodka breath?" he questions, his tone menacing. "_Vodka breath?_" Before I know what is happening, he picks me up, and I scream. He hoists my almost bare ass over his shoulder and takes off running down the hall, my stomach bouncing against his back and this situation just went volatile.

"I'm gonna puke all down your back," I struggle to say.

"Do it, I dare you," Edward antagonizes and now I'm wishing I could make myself vomit just to teach him a lesson. But in the next few seconds we're in the room and he's throwing me on the bed, my head bouncing on the mattress and I'm dizzy and out of breath. He hovers over me, his long hair falling in his face, his lips pursed and I focus on the scatter of freckles across his nose. God damn, I want him to kiss me.

Whoa, I am way too drunk. I need some French fries, and a cold shower. Preferably not at the same time.

Edward leans in closer just as Alice and Jasper stumble through the door, followed by my brother and Rose.

"I call shower," he says, the intensity of his green eyes burning into mine. He winks at me, fucking _winks_, then grabs his bag and disappears into the bathroom. Jasper flicks on the television, turning to some music television channel as Alice collapses onto my bed, her head turning to face me and all she says is one word.

"Spark," she giggles and I give her a push. She just laughs as she rolls off the bed, opening up her suitcase and I close my eyes, my lids heavy and wanting a rest.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, Edward is shaking my shoulder and I roll over onto my stomach, trying to ignore him and the absolutely mouthwatering smell of soap and cologne wafting around me.

"Bella? Wake up, we're leaving for dinner in like forty-five minutes," Edward says and I jump up. Forty-five minutes! I'm still in my fricking swimsuit! I rub my eyes as they adjust and see Rose putting in her contacts and Alice finishing up her makeup at the vanity. I can hear Jasper and Emmett in the other room, a thudding drum beat emanating through the wall. And then there's Edward.

He's standing by the bed, wearing a tight faded green t-shirt over a pair of dark, slim jeans with black boots. I swear he looks like four inches taller in pants. He's wearing this belt, his shirt haphazardly tucked into the front of his pants, and all I can stare at is this fricking silver belt buckle. His hair is messy, the reddish brown tangles hiding his face and I just want to push them away for the injustice. He looks amazing, beyond beautiful.

And then he smiles, like he's embarrassed he looks nice and my heart just softens at this vulnerability. I should tell him he looks nice. Because he does. He looks nice. Really, really deliciously nice.

"You look good," I mange to blurt out and Edward chuckles, his fingers pushing his hair behind his ears. I fight it, damn it, but I just can't help but smile at this boy. But he's not a boy. He's a man, I guess. Oh my God, when did Edward become a man?

"Bella, shower, now!" Alice barks and I don't dispute. I shower off quickly, running a razor over my legs and armpits and wash my hair. I towel off and wrap a ridiculously small towel tight around my chest and peek out the door.

"Alice, I need my bag," I say. She's sitting cross legged on the counter in her sweatpants, smudging black liner along her lids.

"Edward, get Bella her bag," Alice orders and I throw her a dirty look. She just grins as Edward carries my bag over to me, that damn smirk on his beautiful face as he shamelessly looks me up and down. I'd be offended if I wasn't so turned on right now. He hooks the bag on his finger and I snatch it from him and his smile widens.

"You look good," he says. I just roll my eyes and shut the door but I can hear him laughing and I'll be damned if I can't stop the fricking giggles myself. Curse him and his blatant flirting!

I put on my underwear and bra and pull my white eyelet tank from my bag. I have no idea what the girls are wearing but there's no way I'm going to stack up in this. I open the door a crack and peek out to see Rose now stunning in a knee length red spaghetti strap baby-doll dress and a pair of platform sandals that strap around her ankle and I'm sunk.

"Alice! I need help," I ask pitifully and she laughs, motioning to her open suitcase.

"Go hunting," she says and I peek further into the room to find it empty of boys. I quickly dash over to shut the door that joins the two rooms.

"Bella! Are you wearing _boy_ underwear?" Alice asks exasperated and I look down at my Underoos.

"They have She-ra on them, too," I say indignantly. "She's the princess of power."

Alice just rolls her eyes and goes back to her makeup. I wade through the myriad of clothing and feel utterly ridiculous. Alice's clothes are very small and very stylish. Nothing is going to look right on me. My boobs are definitely too big for any of her shirts, all her skirts are way too short and I feel like utter shit.

"I have something you should wear," Rose says and slips into the other room. She returns with a turquoise dress, the material flowing over her manicured hand and a pair of silver stilettos. I'm guessing these are the shoes Alice was talking about earlier.

"Try this," she says and hands me the soft fabric with a quick smile and I'm a little bit surprised she offered. I pull the silky material over my head, the top fastening around my neck and I zip up the side. It's just a little too big, but it's definitely better than any of the micro-clothing I see in Alice's suitcase. The dress is short but comfortable, with a high waist covered in dozens of tiny pleats.

"Looks good, but you cannot wear Underoos with chiffon," Alice says. "Here, wear these. And take your bra off."

I hold up the ridiculous excuse for underwear Alice gave me, the tags still attached. "Holy mother of rip-offs, thirty dollars for a slingshot? Is this in case we get attacked? Should I put a couple rocks in my purse, just in case?"

"No, smart ass, it's a thong. Just put it on," Alice says.

"I'm not wearing anything that goes up my ass cheeks on purpose. I'm already wearing heels. That's enough torture for one night," I say and attempt to slingshot a wadded up sock at Alice.

"Fine!" Alice scowls and hands me a pair of briefs. "Wear these instead, but trust me, some people like it."

"You like having a piece of elastic between your cheeks?" I ask her, sarcastically.

"You get used to it, but that's not what I meant. Some people think they're sexy," she hints again and I still have no idea what she's talking about.

"Who thinks they're sexy?"

"I don't know, people! Jasper likes them. I bet Edward does too," Alice says and I blush. I wait until she's not looking and then slip off my Underoos and put on the damn thong. It's uncomfortable, just like I expected, but kinda surprisingly sexy. I'll never tell Alice that, though.

I unhook my bra and pull the straps off my arms, yanking the thing out from under the dress and check to make sure it's not totally obvious I'm braless. It's not really, unless there's a gust of chilly air, then the girls will be at full attention, and nipple-age will definitely be visible. The odds of chilly air are about as high as me winning the progressive jackpot so I'm really not worried. Then I remember a small black slinky sweater thing Alice had in her suitcase.

"Can I take this, just in case?" I ask Alice and she nods, her blue eyes extraordinarily vibrant under the glittery shadows and liner. She slinks into a pale pink sheath, knotting a gold chain belt around her waist and slipping on a pair of gold open-toe pumps. Her wrists are covered in bangles, her short black hair clipped off her face and I swear, she looks like she stepped off the pages of Cosmo.

She helps me with my make-up and smoothes some slimy crap in my hair. She has me bend over and scrunch my hair up in my hands while she sprays me with something else. I don't really care about my hair, actually. Odds are, I'll just end up tying it back anyway. When she's all finished, she points me to the mirror and says, "Ta-da" just like in my dream and that, in combination with the odd person I see, kind of freaks me out a little.

I mean, I don't look bad, I just look strange. My hair looks good, falling around my bare shoulders in long loose waves. My normally boring brown eyes seem to sparkle and yeah, there's glitter all over my eyelids in soft, subtle greens and golds. My eyelashes are long and black and perfectly separated, my cheeks are flushed and a soft golden pink tints my lips. The turquoise of the dress does look nice against my tanned skin and I have to say, if the person in the mirror were anyone else, I'd think she looks pretty. But since it's supposed to be me, I just look strange. I turn around to check out my butt, to make sure you can't tell I'm wearing a piece of elastic up my rear but you can't see anything. Great, now it looks like I'm not wearing any underwear at all. How embarrassing!

Finally we're ready to go and we file out of the hotel room, but not before Alice pours us all a celebratory shot of tequila. My brother is wearing these jeans and an untucked white button-up shirt and he looks really sharp. I didn't even know he had dress-up clothes. And he's wearing dress shoes. I've never seen my brother wear dress shoes, ever. Jasper looks especially Frank Sinatra-esque tonight, with the hat and the short sleeved pin striped shirt. I don't put on the heels until the very last moment, slipping Leah's ID, my flip flops, a bra and a pair of Princess Leia Underoos into my purse. Just in case.

Edward holds his arm out to me as we walk down the hallway to the elevator and well, I take it. He smells so good, I can hardly stop myself from smushing my face right into his thin t-shirt. I hold on for dear life, because I'm having a little trouble walking in these confounded shoes.

"You look amazing," Edward breathes into my neck and I sigh, trying to focus on walking. Every so often I skim my hand over my butt to make sure the dress is still there. I don't want to accidentally flash everyone my ass. Without the coverage of regular underwear, I feel a little paranoid.

Luckily, the restaurant we're eating at is inside the Casino because I'm starving. I order a hamburger and French fries, and Edward laughs at me but I don't want anything else. Except, ice cream. I order a hot fudge sundae and we all share and it is the best thirteen dollar ice cream I've ever tasted.

I lay off the drinks because I'm a little hesitant to use Leah's ID, but the others have no problem indulging. Especially, Edward. First, he orders beer with dinner, opting for a dark, thick brew in a large glass cup. After about three of those, he moves on to the hard liquor, ordering a couple Jack and cokes for dessert. He gives me sips and his hand is on my knee, or draped over my shoulder and he's whispering things into my ear and by the time we all load into the Limo, I'm sure he's drunk. He just keeps saying, "You only turn twenty-one once, right?"

On the ride to some jazz club that Edward picked, he pops a bottle of champagne and we all have a glass. I'm starting to feel a little tipsy, not drunk or anything, but definitely happy, so when Emmett pulls out the weed, I have no reservations about joining in. I share a joint with Edward and he does his "I did not inhale" impression and we laugh. Then Jasper gives him a cigar and I swear, it feels like I'm on Melrose Place or some shit. Like, this whole night is a fantasy, and Edward is my fantasy boyfriend and I'm wearing a thong and make-up and it's just so unreal.

And I don't know if it's the alcohol or the weed or Edward's intoxicating cologne, but I let myself believe the fantasy. It's only for one night and Edward's right, I don't have to fight him. God, I'm so tired of fighting, so very, very tired.

So I cross my legs towards Edward, letting my skirt ride up high on my leg. I touch his chest and his thigh and I smoke his cigar and he laughs and kisses me and it's fun. Probably the most fun I've ever had in all my life.

We get to the jazz bar and now I'm starting to get a little worried, because I'm going to have to pretend to be Leah, the twenty-five year old that was born April 9th, 1967, residing at 714 Searchlight Avenue, Willow Cove, Arizona. Edward can tell that I'm nervous so he pulls me in close to his body. His cologne takes over and it's like a soothing, euphoric, wonder drug or something because when we all hand the big burly bouncer our ID's, I'm completely calm. Edward nuzzles my ear and then we're inside the club and I'm being ushered into a booth. The loud, calming rhythms of the bass and the saxophone are pulsing in my chest, the enticing plink of the piano vibrating off my skin.

I'm squeezed in between Alice and Edward and I'm starting to feel very warm. Edward's body is still glued to my side and I'm glad I left the cardigan in the limo. I can't feel my toes anymore and I slip my feet out of Rose's shoes and I put my lips to Edward's ear.

"Remind me not to forget Rose's shoes," I say and he just laughs, his hands cradling my face as he kisses me, a slow, sensual kiss on the mouth and I relish in the fantasy. A waitress comes to the table and Jasper orders something for all of us. I don't even know what it is, but I drink it. It's fruity and good and I could probably drink like eight more but my head is starting to get fuzzy and I have to pee. I grudgingly squeeze my feet into the silver torture devices and nudge Edward out of the way so Alice and I can use the restroom. The bartender directs us to a narrow hallway and of course, there's a fucking line. We're waiting and Alice is talking a mile a minute.

"You know, he moved out of the dorm. Moved in with Jasper and his buddy Mike, you remember Mike?" she asks and I nod. How could I forget him? I remember everything about that year. "Anyway, they all got an apartment downtown. I stay there a lot, especially when I work."

"Jasper's gonna graduate next year, and then I'm hoping we can get our own place, just the two of us. God, I am so sick of living with my mom," Alice rambles.

"What's Jasper want to do?" I ask and Alice laughs.

"He's majoring in accounting," she says and I can't hide my surprise. "He wants to be a CPA. I know, it's hilarious."

Finally, it's our turn to use the restroom and Alice notices I wore the thong. She giggles like a twelve year old and I just roll my eyes. We're making our way back to the booth, a charming classical piece being played on the piano when, suddenly, it morphs into a familiar, simple song, the easy melody made complex with chords and scales and the voice crooning over the microphone shocks me right out of my fading buzz.

It's Edward. Singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. On stage.

I grab Alice's hand and I drag her over to the booth where my brother and Rose and Jasper are laughing at Edward making a fool of himself.

"How did he even get up there?" I ask and my brother just shrugs as Alice slides into the booth next to Jasper.

"I don't know. He said he was going to go talk to the piano player because he was really good and then, he's on stage playing like fucking Mozart and shit." My brother is totally wasted. "I didn't even know he could play."

"Yeah, since he was little," I mutter.

"What?" he asks and I shake my head.

"Nevermind, we have to get him off the stage. He's going to get kicked out of here," I tell him and my brother just takes another swig of his beer, his arm tightening around Rose.

"No way, they love him. He's one hilarious motherfucker when he's drunk," my brother laughs as I hear my name over the sound system.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," Edward's voice crackles, the microphone making a high-pitched screech. "Isn't she beautiful, everyone? That's my best friend, Bella. Bella, remember when you said you wanted to be a lounge singer? Now's your chance!"

There's a collective _aww_ from the crowd and I want to die.

"I want to play a song for her. I know the song, the perfect song," he says and I'm watching him on stage, poised behind the large black shiny piano. He leans over to the guitarist, mumbling into his ear and then says something to the rest of the band before the piano sounds. There's an intro, a slow, evenly paced rhythm heavy in bass.

And then Edward sings and my fantasy implodes around me.

"_Said I remember when we used to sit,_

_On the swings at the marina," _

The audience laughs at his lyric replacement but I can't.

"_Oba-serving those fat and ugly fish,_

_As they eat up all the bread,"_

He's staring at me now, his fiery hair a disheveled mess, his nose and cheeks red.

"_Blah, blah, blah, I can't remember the words,_

_La something along the way,_

_In this bright future, you can't forget the past, _

_La la something tears I say,_

_No woman, no cry, no wo-man, no cry,_

_Said little darlin', don't shed no tears, _

_No woman, no cry…_and she doesn't everyone. She never cries, this one, she's a rock._"_

He's fucking singing Bob Marley. His piano work is spot-on, but his singing is awful. And I don't cry. I just stand there watching Edward play the piano, a part of him I thought I'd never be able to see, the real Edward, completely plastered and playing the piano in a fucking Las Vegas lounge, just like he said he wanted to years ago. I don't cry until he gets to the end of the song, when he sings the last refrain over and over again until I almost believe him.

"_Everything's gonna be alright."_

And then the tears fall.

Eventually, Edward is escorted off the stage and we are asked, very politely of course, to get the fuck out. Edward can barely stand, he is really drunk and I offer to take him back to the hotel. I'm more or less sober at this point so Emmett helps us into a cab and I leave the Limo with them.

Once at the hotel, I use Edward's credit card to pay for the cab. I feel really horrible about it too, but I don't have the cash. He numbly signs the receipt and I carry Rose's shoes in my hand, walking barefoot through the lobby as Edward leans on me. In the elevator, he tries to kiss me but it's more like he just crashes into my face and I'm afraid he's going to pass out before we get to the room and I'll have to drag his ass to bed.

We finally make it to the room and before I can even turn on a light, I lay Edward on the bed, pulling off his shoes and his belt. His eyes are glassy and filmed over and I'm just praying he's doesn't puke. He watches me take off his socks and undo his pants. I scoot the jeans off his legs and then he's just in his boxers and a t-shirt and he's still watching me.

"I love you, Bella," he slurs and my eyes are the size of dinner plates, I'm sure. Did Edward just say _I love you_ in a drunken stupor? It must be the alcohol talking. Good old liquid courage.

Or in this case, liquid delusions.

"No you don't. You love the fantasy. You love the thought of me. You love who I am two months out of the year. You love what you see in a pretty dress right now. You don't really love me. You don't even really know me," I whisper.

"How do you know what I feel," Edward says as he tries to sit up, his body swaying on the bed. "You think you know everything, Bella. You think you've got everything all figured out. I do love you. I love when you look at me with those big huge fucking doe eyes and I love it when they get all squinty, when I say something that pisses you off. I love the way you eat ice cream, like it the last goddamn time you're ever going to eat it. Do you know how hard it is for me to watch you lick chocolate ice cream off your fingers, year after year?"

I feel the tears welling in my eyes and I pull the rubber band from my wrist, wrapping it around my loose hair. "I don't have doe eyes. That's just make-up," I say getting a tissue from the bathroom and wiping the glitter from my face. God, I feel like such a fraud.

"I love your big fat braid hanging down your back and how you think you're so tough. I love your hips in that dress and your shoulders. You have really pretty shoulders." He sits on the edge of the bed.

"It's just a dress," I say, and I want to get out of it, the halter around my neck choking me. I unfasten the latch behind my neck, holding the dress across my chest as I search the corner for my back pack in the dark. Edward catches my wrist as I walk past him, his eyes intent as he glides his hand along the outside of my arm and up to my shoulder, my skin peppered in goose bumps. He feels so good. When he touches me it's magic.

I should leave, grab my shit and go into the other room. And I know Edward's drunk and that this may be a mistake and that I shouldn't be giving in to something like this, but I want him. I want him to hold me and make love to me and order room service in the morning for breakfast so we can stay in bed and cuddle.

I want the fantasy.

And it seems so does Edward. At least right now he does. So I release my grip on Rose's dress, letting the loose chiffon drop to the floor and I stand before him, completely exposed in Alice's stupid thong underwear.

"Oh God, you're just…" Edward says in a hushed voice as his hands wrap around my hips, the tips of his fingers pressed into my skin and I sigh at the contact. He guides his hands up my belly and over my ribs, his palms pressing roughly into my breasts and I gasp as he rolls his thumbs over my nipples. His hands smooth down my back and over my bare ass, his fingers hooked in the elastic of the underwear and he slides them down my legs. His eyes roam every inch of my body, needy, wanting eyes as he guides my hips to straddle his lap, and I can feel him hard beneath me. I rock against his length, my hands guiding his shirt over his head and then everything just starts going so fast.

I hear a series of loud blasts and pops and Edward kisses me, a rough, hungry kiss that consumes me. His fingers push into me and I gasp in shock, not ready for the penetration. He pumps his fingers into me over and over and the sensation is intense, the stretching of skin, the pulling of the hair there and I feel building pressure deep between my legs, almost like I have to pee and it's too much, too fast. So I try to slow things down.

I run my hands over his chest and I bring his mouth to mine, rolling my tongue with his and sucking at his lip and this feels better. I grind myself onto his hand, his thumb rubbing everywhere and the pressure mounts again, his hand moving faster and faster and I tremble against him. His mouth leaves mine and travels down my neck and he squeezes my breast in his hand, his tongue licking and sucking at the rosy, tightened flesh. I moan loudly against his forehead, my hands pulling through his long hair. Suddenly, Edward stands up, his hands gripping my behind as he lays me on the bed. He hovers over me and I slide down his boxers as he settles between my legs and I can feel his hard shaft against the inside of my thigh. I want him inside me and I writhe my hips against him so that he'll know it's okay, that I surrender to him, that I don't want to fight him anymore. His eyes gaze into mine, his hands push the hair from my face and he kisses my cheeks, my eyelids, my shoulder.

Edward cradles my head in his hands, his eyes worried and I see it there, pain and sadness and I see him hesitating so I wrap my legs around his waist, holding me to him.

"No," he says. "This is wrong. It can't be like this. It's not supposed to be like this."

He tries to pull away from me and tighten my legs, my arms wrapped around his neck.

"I want this, Edward. It's okay, it's fine," I say and he shakes his head.

"No, no, no, this is not okay," his head collapses into my shoulder. "God, I'm such an asshole. I can't believe I almost…I won't Bella, not like this."

I shake my head. What is he talking about, not like this, not like what? And I feel my heart crumble at his words. Rejection. It fucking hurts. I unwind my legs and he rolls off of me and I suddenly feel very foolish as I crawl underneath the fluffy down comforter and curl up on my side. How could I be so stupid? How could I believe I could have the fantasy? Edward just figured it out first, that's all. He just realized what I should have known. None of this is real. It can't be.

"I'm not rejecting you." I hear him say drowsily behind me. I feel his body shift so that he's under the comforter too. His arms wrap around my belly, his chest presses into my back, his lips on the back of my shoulder and my neck.

"Please, Bella, understand. I don't want it to be like this, not with you," he says, his lips pressing into my shoulder a dozen more times. "Please, don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," I say, my body relaxing against his chest and I feel him heavy on my back, his hot breath on my skin and I know he's completely gone, passed out and asleep and I sigh. I wiggle out from underneath him, and find my backpack. I pull on my soft cotton Underoos and my t-shirt and I instantly feel better, more like myself and less like the girl who almost had sex with Edward just minutes ago.

I crawl back under the comforter, and squirm my way into his arms. I let him hold me and I cry into the pillow, unsure of everything and wishing I would have just remained within my rock fortress.

…

I don't know what time the others get in that night, or morning or whatever. I only know that once again, we missed the fireworks. Edward and I were in here, having quasi almost sex during the fireworks show. How fucking ironic is that?

Alice and Jasper are asleep in the other bed and I silently creep into the restroom and brush my teeth. I quietly find my sleep shorts and pull them over my undies and crawl behind the curtain to sit in the windowsill. I'm not sure what time it is but I watch the tiny cars drive along the strip, the people that look like ants meandering down the sidewalk and I try not to think.

"Hey." Edward's head peeks through the closed curtain, his eyes squinting as he scratches at his stubbly chin. "Coffee?"

"Sure," I murmur. We're going to have to talk about it eventually, I guess. Might as well get it out and over with.

We get dressed and walk down to the coffee shop in the lobby. Edward wears dark sunglasses, even though we stay indoors. It's safe to say he's hungover. I can't help but smile at how ridiculous he looks.

"Don't laugh at me," he says, a small grin on his lips as he sips his coffee.

"Hey, you only turn twenty-one once, right? And you definitely had a night to remember," I say and then wish I could shove my foot in my mouth because his face crumbles.

"Bella, I'm so sorry about last night. I was completely wasted and I was out of line. We didn't…did we?" he asks and I deflate. He doesn't even remember, which makes me wonder what else he doesn't remember. Does he remember singing Bob Marley or Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star? Does he remember that he loves me?

"No, we didn't. Don't worry about it, it's fine," I try to blow it off, my voice terse and tight.

"That's not what I meant, damn it! God, I keep fucking this up." Frustrated he pushes his hair from his face. "I just…you mean a lot to me, like, a lot. And I don't ever want to have that with you, you know, a drunken fuck I can't remember. You deserve so much better."

I nod, taking a slow sip of my hot coffee, and it's sweet and creamy. I try to make sense of what he's telling me. So he doesn't want to fuck me in a drunken stupor. Got it.

"What _do_ you want to have with me?" I ask and Edward smiles, his lips soft as they sip at his cup.

"Coffee? Sundaes? Bowling? Anything, Bella," he murmurs, his eyes dancing across my face.

"You want to go on a date?" I ask him, confused and he shrugs. "I like that. We can start slow, start over."

"No, not start over. Start again," Edward says, his fingers pushing my hair behind my ear and I smile. I can do that.

We talk about the Olympics as we finish our coffee and Edward tells me about the Dream Team. His favorite players are playing on the US basketball team and we make plans to watch it at my house. He holds my hand as we walk back to the room to find everyone awake, an odd silence hovering in the air. Alice looks worried, frantic almost as she cleans up her stuff. Jasper's tossing the empty liquor bottles into the trash can. He won't look at me.

"What's going on?" I ask and Alice smiles at me nervously.

"Emmett, Rose, she's back," Alice calls, and Emmett walks cautiously into the room. I'm starting to panic.

"Bella, can you come here for a sec," Emmett says and I pull Edward along. I sit on the bed, the one that looks undefiled and Edward sits at my side. Rose and Emmett stand linked before me and I feel very small, like a child, as they exchange odd glances.

"Oh for the love of awkward silences, just spit it out!" I say finally and Emmett takes a deep breath.

"Bella, I'm moving to Washington," Emmett says and I freeze.

"What? You're leaving?" I whisper after a long pause, the initial shock turning into anger and I grit my teeth. Edward wraps his arm around my shoulders but I barely feel him. All I can feel is this huge hole in my chest.

"Rose got an internship in Washington D.C. She's going to be there for at least the next two years, maybe longer. And I want to be where she is. I don't want to be without her anymore. Come on, Bella. You had to have seen this coming."

"But the marina, Dad and Mom? We need you Emmett, Dad needs you. What are we going to do?" I ask him and Rose won't meet my eyes.

"Dad will be fine," Emmett says in a cool voice and I wonder if they've already discussed this. I wonder if I'm the last one to know. And now I'm furious because my own brother couldn't give me a heads up.

"Why are you telling me this now? Does everybody know? Does Dad know you're abandoning your family for some part-time girlfriend?" I ask sarcastically, Rose's eyes sharp as she glares into mine. I don't care. She can hate me all she wants. I'll hate her right back. She's stealing my brother.

"Nobody knows. Except Alice and Jasper, because we needed witnesses," Emmett mumbles and I'm confused.

"Witnesses?" I ask, the tears spilling over my cheeks now.

"Rose isn't my part-time girlfriend, Bella." Emmett smiles shyly at Rose beside him and I already know what he's going to say. It doesn't stop the words from slamming into my chest like a fucking semi-truck.

"She's my wife."

…

**A/N:**

I'll post a teaser for next chapter on my blog on Monday. Thank you for song rec's! I've added them to the For the Summer playlist. Thank you for sharing stories and lovely comments and venting frustrations…I love you all.

**Fandom Gives Back**: You can still join Team Summerward! You have until 3:00 pm PST on Friday to join. I'm incredibly overwhelmed by the generosity of this fandom, you guys are beautiful, and I'm now offering 5 EPOV outtakes if the bid reaches $1500. Many thanks to ilsuocantante for her supreme organizational skills!

**In the Closet **Anonymous Slash contest is now accepting entries. I get to judge! Link is on my profile.

Special thanks to **SubtlePen for **beta'ing and **Miztrezboo **for prereading. I want to snuggle them.


	12. That Time You Didn't Show

**CH 11 – That Time You Didn't Show **

_1993_

_Sleepless in Seattle, starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan is released in theaters._

_Pearl Jam releases their second album, Vs., and in it's first week, it outperforms all other entries in the Billboard top ten combined._

_Average price of a movie ticket in the US is $4.14._

...

"It still says I'm off by almost a thousand dollars," I complain into the receiver. I pound on the enter button incessantly, but the stupid machine just keeps beeping at me.

"Bella, stop pushing buttons. Did you read the directions I left?" my brother asks impatiently and I pull the phone away from my ear and shake it, pretending it's Emmett's stupid neck. Of course I read the fricking directions! Does he really think I'm that dense?

"Yes," I try to remain calm. "I did everything you said to do and it still won't balance."

"I don't know what to tell you. You're just going to have to go through and verify each deposit," he says and I want to ram my head against the wall repeatedly. And then ram Emmett's head against the wall for leaving me to deal with this shit.

"Thanks for nothing, douchebag," I mutter and Emmett laughs. He's been exceptionally forgiving of my foul attitude.

"I miss you, Sis," he says and I clench my eyes shut, trying not to cry.

"I miss you, too. Are you coming home for the summer?" I ask and I hear Emmett sigh.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea. I think I should just give Dad some space for a while."

Yeah, I figured. After we got home from Vegas last summer, Emmett quit his job. He told my dad he got married in Vegas and that he was moving to Washington, D.C. in August and, well, shit sort of went flying. God, it was so awful.

Emmett and Rose drove back separately and I rode with Edward, Alice and Jasper in the Volvo. Edward parked at his family's unit and was walking me back to my house when all of a sudden my brother came flying out the screen door. I mean like, literally, breaking through the screen and tumbling onto the porch. My dad was behind him, his face red with rage as he yelled.

I ran towards them, dropping my backpack and yelling at them to stop. I don't know what I was planning to do. It's not like I could have stopped either one of them. Luckily, Edward's faster. He ran ahead while I watched, like a slow motion sequence in a movie or something. Emmett got up and slammed his shoulder into my dad's chest, forcing him against the wall. Then they were hitting each other and cursing, with Rose screaming in the doorway. They stumbled off the steps and into the gravel drive. Edward grabbed my brother, and my dad finally backed off.

"That's right," my dad shouted. "Abandon this family, just like your mother!" And this was when I began to hyperventilate.

Rose ran to Emmett and I'm crying and Edward's holding me and it was just the biggest clusterfuck ever. Emmett packed his shit and before he left, I begged him to stay. "Please don't leave me," I said and he cried. My brother fricking cried. I realized this was hard for him too, so I let him go. I let him go with his Rose.

They left that night to drive back to Seattle. I was so mad, and hurt, and envious, and disappointed I could hardly stand it. My dad spent that night in his office and Edward spent that night in my bedroom. I was devastated. All the responsibility now falls on me. Emmett is supposed to help my dad learn how to use the computer. Emmett knows stuff about finance and investing and making the customers happy. Emmett is supposed to take over the marina so my dad can retire. And now that's all on me.

When I tried to explain this to Edward he didn't understand.

"If Emmett and Rose can make this long distance thing work, so can we," he said and I shook my head.

"For the next four years? And then what about your residency? Then what are you going to do? Move here? I can't ever leave now. I'm stuck."

"We don't have to know all the answers right now. I thought we were going to take it slow," he said and I felt like a goddamn idiot. Here I was, practically telling him I want to be with him forever and all he wants is to talk on the phone once in a while.

We hung out the rest of the summer and we took it slow. We went for boat rides and kissed and touched, but we didn't go any further than making out, not after the almost-sex in Vegas. We watched the Dream Team win the Gold medal and I loved seeing Edward and my dad watch basketball together. They shouted at the refs, and cheered, and drank beer and it was like Edward was family. It distracted me from the fact that my brother was gone. I think it distracted my dad, too.

Before Edward left, he gave me a phone number to this pager thing that he has. All I have to do is call it, punch in my number and wait for him to call me back. This is good because I can't really call Edward from home unless I want my dad listening in on my conversation. I have to call him from the office and I'm only able to do this at certain times. It's all very choreographed. Also, Edward says the bulk of the long distance charges will be on his tab. This makes me feel like a complete moocher. I don't know. I don't know how this is going to work.

But I'm willing to try.

Edward also gave me a CD for my birthday, a red cover with clasped hands and the words _Pearl Jam_ in bold across the front. I was confused. I didn't even have a CD player. But he insisted it will play. I thought he was crazy until I noticed he had replaced my tape player with a brand new CD player.

"I do not accept that gift," I said, folding my arms across my chest as he put the CD into the player and skipped to a specific song, a slow, lulling melody accompanied by a throaty baritone, emotive voice.

"You have to, it's a gift. You can't say no to a gift," he said as he collapsed onto my bed. He pulled me back to lay against him but I resisted.

"This is an expensive present. I can't accept it."

"Why not? You've never had a problem accepting my gifts before." He tried to pull me to the bed but I pulled back.

"Because I can't give you anything in return."

"Alright fine, I'm loaning you my CD player so you can listen to my favorite song," he smirked as I finally let him pull me to the bed. I rested easily beside him, his arm under my neck, his hand pulling through my hair, his lips on my temple and he quietly sang.

"_I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,_

_I know you'll be the star in somebody else's sky,_

_But, why, why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?"_

Edward slept in my bed all night, kissed me good bye in the morning and then he was gone.

And I was alone.

The months fly by, and I muddle through one day after the next trying just to exist until the summer, when I can live. I visit my mom a couple times but our meetings have dropped to bimonthly. I miss her, but I hardly even know her anymore. She's like this new person with a new life, and that life is wrapped around Phil.

I page Edward when the Bulls win the Championship again and he calls me back and we talk about the game. I've talked to him a couple of times. It's hard to have any kind of real conversation. He's busy with school and I rarely have time to talk without my father's greedy ears hanging on every word. We don't talk often but this is how our relationship has always been. We've never talked on the phone. We've never written letters. I should just be confident that this year will be just like any other. This is how I keep my unease at bay. Don't jump to conclusions. Just wait until he gets here.

"How's Jacob working out?" Emmett drags me from my momentary lapse in consciousness by bringing up one thing that's worse than Edward leaving.

After Emmett left, I took over working in the office. My dad realized we needed some help, so guess who he hired? Yep, Jacob pain-in-my-ass Black. I don't even know why Jacob wants to work here. I mean, I don't want to be so conceited to say it's because of me, but it's really no secret Jacob's got a thing for me. Part of me thinks this is why my dad hired him in the first place. I think my dad wants me to date him.

I'd rather give myself a thousand paper cuts with cardboard soaked in rubbing alcohol than date Jacob Black.

"Oh, just peachy," I mutter. The truth is, Jacob's doing a fine job. He's a hard worker, he's pretty knowledgeable about boats, and he knows this river better than I do; not that I'd tell him that. He's just so damn persistent. I don't even think he really likes me, but rather that it hurts his pride when I reject him. I know I'm not exactly nice about it, but the dude will just not give up.

"How's Rose?" I say as I stare at the computer screen.

"She's great, a little stressed, but she's handling it well. She loves her job and she's really happy being right in the middle of the political scene. She was very pleased with how the campaign went." Rose had a chance to work on the Clinton campaign this past election.

"Oh, so she's a democrat now?" I joke.

"She walks the line," Emmett laughs. "You should see our apartment. It looks like Captain America exploded."

"So maybe Thanksgiving?" I ask my brother and it's quiet for a long time.

"Yeah, Sis, maybe Thanksgiving," he says. I grit my teeth and clench my eyes, fighting back the tears and the tone that I know will just make him feel worse.

"Okay, I can wait. I'll be fine then," I say and I hear my brother sigh.

"Check your decimals," he says suddenly. "Sometimes I would put the decimal place in the wrong spot and it would mess everything up."

As soon as I'm off the phone with Emmett, Jacob barges through the office door, sweaty and stinking up the place, to hand me an invoice. We had some of the docks re-padded and Jacob's been overseeing the project.

"Hey, I need a check," he says and I look at the slip of paper.

"Tell them we'll send one out. I'm not paying them until my dad checks their work. What if they did a shitty job?" I squint at the computer screen, looking for a rogue decimal.

"I told them you'd write a check. Come on Bella, I got these guys to come in here and do this for a killer price. You don't want to piss them off, in case you need more work done in the future." He wipes the sweat off his almost bald, knobby head. He shaved it last week when I told him I liked long hair. I swear he did it just to be a dick.

"I'm doing something here and my dad needs to okay the job first, Jacob," I say through clenched teeth, as I scroll through the entries. Fricking decimal, where are you? Jacob leans over my back, his hand on my chair, and he lets his chest lean against my shoulder as he stares at the screen. I scoff, turning to give him a pointed glance. "Look, personal-space-invader, don't you have something to do?"

"You forgot a decimal," he murmurs into my ear, his filthy finger on the screen and my faces flushes. The phone rings and before I can answer it, Jacob reaches across me and grabs the reciever.

"Willow Cove Resort and Marina," he says. I scowl as I fix the decimal problem. Enter. Balanced. Finally! I sigh in relief as Jacob hands the receiver to me without a word.

"Hello?" I say into the phone.

"Bella?" Edward's voice is muffled and distant but it's familiar just the same.

"Hey," I say as Jacob messes with some paperclips on my desk. "Knock it off, Jacob"

"What?" Edward asks and I shoo Jacob out of the room. Of course, he refuses to leave.

"Nothing. Jacob's an infant," I mutter as he waves the invoice in front of my face.

"Oh." _Long awkward silence_. "Is this a bad time?"

Just then my dad walks into the office, and I go mute. Jacob shakes my dad's hand and holds up the invoice for him to inspect.

"Um, kinda, yeah," I say quietly, swiveling in my chair so that I'm facing the wall. "The office is full, if you know what I mean."

"Okay." I can barely hear Edward's quiet voice.

"What's wrong?" I ask and plug my ear.

"Nothing, I'll talk to you later." Silence. And I feel horrible.

My dad pulls off his hat and sets the invoice on the desk.

"We need a check," he says as Jacob sneers beside him. I want to punch both of them in the face.

"Don't you think you should at least check out the job?" I argue and my dad's mustache twitches.

"I trust Jacob's judgment," he says as he pulls out his cigarettes from his back pocket. He offers one to Jacob and the room fills with smoke.

It takes me at least twenty minutes to figure out how to print the check, the sawing sound of the machine grating on every nerve. I thrust the check into Jacob's hand and storm out of the office.

"I'm taking a break," I yell back at my dad as he sits at his desk. The sun scorches and makes my eyes water after being in the dimly lit office all day. The general store is empty. Snagging a Big Otis from the freezer, I walk into the stock room to find Leah scribbling down quantities on a clipboard.

"These people eat a ridiculous amount of chili," she says and I laugh, licking the chocolate from my fingers and basking in the sweet sugary reprieve. "How are things up in the big house?"

"Miserable. I miss the store and I suck at computers," I say and Leah gives me a tight, apologetic grin.

"You'll get the hang of it."

"Hopefully I won't take down the entire marina in the process."

"Yeah, please don't, because then I'd be out of a job," Leah harps, her pencil jabbing the air at me. "How's your photography class?"

"I had to drop it. I kept missing classes and I wanted to get the full refund. Maybe next year." I took a photography class last semester at the community college in Boulder City, but this semester, I've just been swamped. I missed the first two classes and turned in one of my labs late. I didn't want to fail so I just dropped the class, but not before using the darkroom to print a dozen Vegas pictures.

I wad up the plastic wrapping and shove it in the pocket of my jeans as I watch Leah swiftly take inventory. "Hey, why'd you quit school?"

She looks over at me, her features darkening as she brushes her short dark hair from her face. "I needed money," she shrugs. "When Seth joined the army, I figured it was kind of selfish for me to be spending money on school when my mom's at home struggling just to pay her rent. She needed help and since my deadbeat dad can't do shit, I had to step up to the plate."

God, I hate money. I hate that my life has been dictated by this piece of paper. A stupid piece of paper that some old dudes decided is worth something. It's just so disgusting what it does to our society, how it dictates everything. Everything in this world it seems is in pursuit of the almighty dollar, a stupid, ugly green piece of paper.

"So did you talk to lover boy today?" Leah asks, catching me off guard.

"Yeah, I did actually. For a second," I grumble. "We just can't seem to get it together and it's weird. We don't have a lot to talk about. I mean, I seriously doubt he wants to hear about the new padding on the docks or how many cans of chili we had to order this month. And he's been so distant lately, like I'm bugging him. It's just hard to bridge the distance. It's like there's this huge gap between us."

"Well, he'll be here in a week and then your life will be complete," she says sarcastically and I give her a glare.

"You don't think this will work, do you?"

"I don't try to pretend like I know anything about relationships. I haven't been in a relationship for years. But I think you might be setting yourself up for major heartache. Then again, I'm a spiteful bitch and I don't trust anything with a dick."

My heart just breaks for Leah. She's so jaded and she pretends that she doesn't get lonely, but I know better. I see it in her face when Jacob talks about his niece, Claire, starting kindergarten or when someone comes in the store saying that Sam Black sent him over this way for bait. She's built this brick wall around her, holding that lost love hostage inside and there's no way she's negotiating.

"Just be careful, Bella. Don't give your whole heart away. Keep a little for yourself," Leah says, her gray eyes proud and I sigh. Too late, my wise, bitter friend. Too fricking late.

I spend the rest of the week trying to get as much work done as possible so that when Edward gets here, I'll be able to spend some time with him. I need reassurance. Our awkward phone conversations make me nervous. Maybe our connection only works at the river, like maybe we're only good for each other on a part-time basis. I don't know and it makes me anxious for him to get here. It was just so much easier when I didn't know, when I could put him out of my mind during the year and then just pick up our relationship during the summer, like our relationship had been frozen and then thawed the moment we met again.

So when the Cullen's big, black Mercedes pulls in to park at their unit, I'm eager to see Edward's Volvo.

But I don't.

I'm expecting to find him on the swings.

But I don't.

I'm expecting to see him walk through the door of the store or knock on my bedroom window or even on the bridge feeding the fish.

But I don't.

Dr. and Mrs. Cullen check in at the office. They're pleasant and they hug me and comment on how well I look and then they leave. I'm halfway hyperventilating when Jacob saunters into the office to see if I have his paycheck ready. I want to puke.

"The Cullens are here," he says cynically.

"I know."

But _he_ isn't.

I have to get out of here, I have to get away from Jacob and the black Mercedes. I have to go home to the safety of my room so I can fall apart. I jet out the door and run right smack into a small dark-haired frame. Her hands steady my shoulders, her eyebrows creased and worried.

"Alice?" I practically assault her. I'm asking so much in this one word. Where is he? Why isn't he here? Is it my fault? Is he okay? I want her to tell me he's coming later, that I'm just overreacting, that this year will be just like every other year. But I already know what she's going to say.

"He's not coming," she says, her eyes filled with pity. Poor, pitiful, pathetic Bella.

"Why not?" I ask bitterly. What's his excuse? What could be more important that our summer, than getting to spend time with me? And then I realize exactly what this means. Maybe these summers are only this important to _me_. Maybe I'm the only one who sits around waiting for him to get here. Maybe I'm the only one still fixated on the fantasy.

"He didn't say really. He's been stressed with school and he's totally avoiding us. Jasper and I moved out, you know. We got our own place and he's been really standoffish. He said he has to figure some stuff out, that he needed some time alone. We didn't even talk to him on his birthday. Did you?" Alice's eyes look like big blue crystals.

His birthday. Oh my God. Last week, when he called. Oh, no, no, no! _He_ called _me_ on his birthday, and I blew him off. Double fuck shit!

"Oh Alice, I fucked up!" I gasp. "He called last week and I couldn't talk. I didn't even know it was his birthday. It's not like something we do, call each other on birthdays and stuff."

"No, there's something else going on with him," she mutters. "He's being a complete dick."

"Is it _someone_ else?" I ask, my ears burning because I have to know. Even if it kills me, I have to know.

"I don't know," she says. "I don't think so, but I… I just don't know."

"It's okay. Things change. People do too." I've been waiting for this to happen. Edward always leaves and I always knew one day he wouldn't come back. "Did he…did he send a present?"

"No," she whispers and it's in this moment that I know exactly why Edward's not here. Edward doesn't want me. This long distance thing is too hard. He was wrong and he's too much of a big, fat fucking chicken-shit to tell me himself.

"I knew it. I knew this wouldn't work. I went against my better judgment and I let-" I stop myself from saying it out loud. If I say it then it's real and I will surely be unable to breathe ever again. I clutch my chest, the sidewalk spinning, spinning and I have to sit down. Ten years. This would have been his tenth summer at the marina.

"I am going to fucking kick his ass for this shit." Alice kneels and pulls me into a tight hug. My whole body shakes, my stomach twisting, and I feel like Goldie Hawn in _Death Becomes Her_, a big fucking shotgun blast right through the middle of my chest.

…

"Bella?" I hear a muffled voice outside my bedroom door. Ugh, why won't they just leave me alone?

"Bella, turn off Smashing Pumpkins and open the door." It's Alice, and probably Jasper. I've been avoiding them all summer. I shut myself in the office when I have to work and go straight home afterward. I don't go on the water, I don't eat ice cream, I don't go to Laughlin for the Fourth. I become a stone statue and refuse to let myself think about him. I hide his pictures, his presents, and his music. I break out my old radio and I take his stupid CD player and shove it in my closet. I pretend he never existed, that the last ten years of my life have been just the same as this one. It's the only way I can function.

I'm just such a mess. I don't know what to feel. I want to be angry with him for letting this romance thing come before friendship. Friends would _not _just blow each other off. Friends do _not _ignore each other's pages. Friends do _not _keep secrets. I can't believe I let this happen. I did exactly what I told myself not to do and then, like an idiot, I rationalized it. I'm still rationalizing it. I'm still hoping, like an idiot, that there's some explanation, that he'll show up, that he'll call. Every day that he doesn't, I feel like a damn fool.

Everything running through my head is a contradiction. I'm not stupid. I know it's not all his fault and that I'm just as much to blame for this. Alice said there's something else, something he can't tell me, something he can't tell anyone and this scares me. This is the only fact that stops me from hating him completely. He might be hurting, and there's nothing I can do about it.

The worst part of all of this is that I've lost my friend. No, my best friend. The greatest friend I've ever known. That is my regret. I don't have that comfort any more, I don't have that soul that knows me best, the one person I've bared everything to, inside and out. He's gone.

I have to get out of this room, out of this house, this life.

Oh God, I miss him.

I can't stay like this forever. I don't know if I'll see him next year. I don't know if he'll ever be back again. All I know is I hate the way I feel right now, like an anxious tidal wave is crashing down on me, over and over, pulling and pushing and twisting and turning my body until I'm bruised and broken. I need to get out of my skin.

I want to go cliff diving and get a tattoo.

I want to get drunk off my ass and fuck a stranger.

I want to take the ATV's off-roading in the middle of a storm and get all muddy and maybe break a limb or get stitches or something equally badass.

I want to do something. Anything. All I know is that if I think about Edward again, I'm going to die. Like not literally, but my soul, it will surely fester and die a slow and painful death. I need a distraction. I need it bad.

I bolt off my bed, throwing open the door and find Alice, Jasper and even Leah looking at me like I'm about to explode or something, all hesitant and meek. I roll my eyes. Yeah, I'm hurting. Yeah, I feel like my insides are being carved out with a spoon, like a fricking jack-o-lantern or something, but I'm not going to freak out. I am going to be fine. I am going to be okay. I am going to get Edward out of my head.

Because it's obvious I'm out of his.

I don't say a word. I grab my keys from the dresser and walk past them, linking my arm in Alice's and pulling them out the front door.

"Where are we going?" Alice asks as we drudge to the docks, the hot sun soaks into my skin and goosebumps spread over my arms and scalp.

"Jasper, have you ever been cliff diving?" I ask him and he chuckles.

"Yeah, once me and Edw-" Alice elbows him in the ribs and I swallow. I really, really want to pretend that hearing his name isn't going to bother me, but that's a lie. It rips me up, like I'm some outdated newspaper being shredded for kindling.

It won't feel like this forever. It can't, can it?

"He can say his name, for fuck's sake!" I spit and Alice looks ashamed and I feel awful. I take a deep breath and try to level with them. "I'm sorry. Okay, yeah, this is hard and I'm in a funk. But I can't stand the 'poor Bella' bullshit. It makes me want to break things."

"Fair enough," Alice says. "No more poor Bella."

"For the record, I have never once thought poor Bella," Leah remarks with a smirk and I laugh for the first time in weeks.

"Wait. Who's at the store?" I ask and Leah grins.

"Jacob. I told him he has to clean the bathrooms, too."

"That is probably the best thing I've heard all year." We walk past the swing set and I close my eyes, forcing myself to ignore the two small children giggling as they fly through the air. Shit, I need a drink.

I lead them into the store to find Jacob and Leah's little brother, Seth, at the counter. Seth just finished a nine-month tour in the Middle East, and looks nothing like the nerdy kid that I made out with once years ago. He's tall, his shoulders are well-defined beneath his tank top and his skin is brown and coppery. He wears his hair short, just like Jacob's, his square jaw set, his eyes are deep and dark, and his thin lips curl over large, white teeth when he sees me.

"Oh my! Well, if it isn't little Swan," he says in a throaty voice and I frown. I am not in the mood for small talk.

"Hey, Seth. How's the army treating you? How's Saudi Arabia?" I ask as I pull a six pack of Budweiser from the fridge. Alice clears her throat beside me and I roll my eyes and grab a box of wine too.

"Hot," he laughs and I smile.

"Really? Hotter than here?" I grab a paper bag from behind the counter and bag up the alcohol.

"Yeah, but it's not bad. Lots of sand, lots of bugs." He grins and I smile.

"Aw, just like home then," I say sarcastically and he laughs, a loud booming laugh that might be fake. Or nervous.

"Who are your friends?" he asks.

"This is Alice and Jasper. They're from Washington. State, not D.C."

"Ah, Pay Checks," Seth nods knowingly and I scowl.

"No, they're my friends," I snap, my snotty attitude making a comeback. Seth's face falls and I feel guilty. Here he's been at war, defending our country and all I can do is make him feel bad. Nice one, Bella "Hey, do you want to go out on the water with us? We're going cliff diving."

Jacob thumps on the counter with his fist and I smirk. He's pissed he can't go, which makes me want Seth to come along even more.

"Fuck yeah! I haven't jumped from the cliffs in years," Seth beams. He's kind of cute, I decide.

"No, you're not invited," Leah says as she glares at me and I glare right back.

"Bella just invited me!" he says, exasperated.

"Well, you're not coming with us. Go home and see Mom," she tries to push him out the door but he's like a mountain.

"Mom's not even home, she's working. And I am so coming with you guys," Seth says, pushing her back.

I grab the bag of alcohol and Jacob grabs my wrist. "You can't take that. You didn't pay for it."

Rolling my eyes, I try to shrug from his grip but his fingers hold strong around my arm. "I'm serious."

"Let go of me," I growl, my irritation quickly shifting to anger.

"No worries," Seth says as he pulls out his wallet. "I got it." Seth throws a couple bills onto the counter and Jacob drops my wrist. Seth grabs the bag as we leave the store but not before Jacob flips me off, like a fucking fourteen year old or something.

We climb aboard my father's boat, Seth poised at the bow and waiting to push us out as I start the engine.

"Bella, do not fuck with my brother," Leah whispers in my ear after she climbs into the boat. What does she mean by that? I watch her as she sits down on the bench next to Alice and Jasper. I stare at the vinyl upholstery of the seat, and the memory hits me like a shot-gun blast. I see _us_ stretched across the space, his thigh against my calf.

"Hey! We goin' or what?" Seth shouts and the vision fades. I nod and pull back on the throttle, steering the boat out of the slip. Seth jumps onto the bow, his dark eyes shining like multicolored river rocks.

I didn't ask my dad if I could use the boat and I don't even care. The hills surrounding the marina burn under the glow of the sinking sun, the sky streaked with red and orange. The dark green of the water glitters like shards of glass. _He's_ everywhere here. And all I want to do is jump from the cliffs.

I head out to Australia, twilight quickly fading as I steer into the cove. Seth jumps into the water and ties off the anchor and we all wade to shore. I keep marching up the cliff, determined to soften the pounding in my chest and the air tastes like dust. I can hear the others behind me. If I don't get up this hill before dark, I will surely chicken out. I need to feel something. Even the sweat sliding down my back, the strain in my leg muscles and the heavy breathing in my lungs feels better than the horrible dead vacancy I've been wrapped up in.

Seth catches up to me, his rough hand on my shoulder sparking my attention. I like the way he feels. It's different; calloused and clumsy, very much unlike the gentle hands I'm used to. He smiles sheepishly as he pants from the quick uphill jaunt but I can't return the grin. The muscles in my cheeks fail to cooperate.

"So, Bella, what have you been up to?" he asks and I don't want to tell him. I haven't done one thing with my life since I graduated high school four years ago. I've been waiting on a boy.

"Not much, just working at the marina. My brother got married. He's living in Washington, D. C. now," I say, steering the conversation away from me.

"That's what Leah said. She said you're taking photography classes and that you're working in the office now. She didn't say if you were seeing anyone," he hints with a sly wink and I snort.

"No, I am definitely not seeing anyone."

"Maybe you could see me sometime," he says boldly and for some reason this makes me laugh. Ah, poor Seth. He's adorable, like a big floppy puppy, from his cheesy smile to his lame pick-up lines. I could go out with him. He might be a good distraction.

"Maybe." I say quietly and he beams.

We reach the summit just as it gets dark, the moon our only lantern and I stand over the edge. We're at the highest cliff, the dark, black water below hauntingly still. There isn't a lick of wind and it's hot, and eerily quiet and I'm wondering if I should just have them walk back down.

"There's no way in hell I'm jumping," Alice says and Jasper gives her a nudge.

"Oh, come on. I'll hold your hand," he says in a low sultry voice and I feel my rocky heart crumble. I remember the time Edward held my hand and we jumped together, when he tricked me so he could pinch my leg and I cried. He kissed me, here on this beach. He hurt me and then he kissed me. Oh God, what am I doing here? What am I doing with my life? Why can't I just hate him already? If I hate him this won't hurt as much.

"I'll go first," Leah says, her stone gray eyes reflecting the pale of the full moon. She looks down at the dark water and without a second thought, drops over the edge. She plunges silently into the water and then surfaces, a huge satisfied smile on her face. It's all the encouragement we need. Alice and Jasper go next and then Seth and I follow dead last, the impact sending my shorts right up my rear. I laugh as I surface and we climb onto the boat, popping open cans of beer and drinking wine from paper cups. For the first time in weeks, I don't want to drown. I surface, I smile and I kiss Seth on the mouth while Leah glares at me out of the corner of her eye. She doesn't drink and I'm glad because I am way too drunk to drive the boat back to the marina. She shares her cigarettes with me and I draw the tobacco in and I feel very much like my mom.

I spend the next few weeks with Seth and Alice and Jasper. We swim and ride the WaveRunners up to the dam and I let Seth kiss me and hold my hand. We have bonfires and barbeque out on the cove. We go hiking behind the cliffs and I slip in the mud, coating my whole left side with gunk. Seth picks me up and runs me to the water and I laugh as we both submerge, his hands moving over my body as he washes the mud from my skin, and his mouth moves with mine. It's easy to be happy with him, because he does all the work. He plans dates and picks me up. He calls me and he brings me dinner when I'm working late at the office. He kisses me and touches me and he'd probably even have sex with me. All I have to do is say yes to him. It's a nice distraction.

Sometime around the beginning of August, Alice and Jasper and I drive in to Vegas to see my mom. We meet her at the Tropicana and we have lunch at the brand new In-and-Out on the strip. I order a hamburger and a chocolate milkshake and my mom loves Alice. She asks her all about Seattle and my head pulses. After lunch, we walk the strip to see the new casinos they're building and I notice this little tattoo shop just off the street. I pull them into the shop and immediately pick one out, a small red and brown spiraling sun, using the money my mom gave me to buy gas to pay for it. I absorb the stinging pain, inhaling sharply through the buzzing of the inked needle digging into the middle of my back. I try to pretend it's the same color as the red rocks but I know what this color reminds me of. I won't admit it to anyone, but in my heart I know. Alice gets a bright blue butterfly right below her belly button, and Jasper holds her hand while she winces.

Seth invites us to the movies in Boulder City and after much debate, we end up seeing the worst movie in the history of movies, Sleepless in Seattle. Fucking Alice. I want to see Jurassic Park, dinosaurs and blood and dumb people getting ripped in half, I want the carnage. But we ro-sham-bo and she wins fair and square.

Seth buys me popcorn, a Cherry Coke Icee and Sour Patch Kids and we settle into our seats. By the time the previews are through, I've figured out this movie is a fricking romantic comedy. Seth puts up the armrest between us but I can't relax.

I'm clenching my teeth, my arms folded against the shotgun blast in my chest, from the moment they show Tom Hanks on a houseboat. I'm able to hold it together until the part when Meg what's-her-face flies to Seattle to meet him and she thinks his sister is his girlfriend and I just can't take it anymore. I hate this stupid movie and I hate Alice for making me watch it.

Seth follows me out of the theater, his hand on my back as he guides me outside into the heat. He doesn't ask me any questions, just leads me to the nearest Baskin Robbins and we split a hot fudge sundae. He tells me about the army, about the war. He's killed people, he's almost been killed and here he is, sharing a sundae beside me. We sit on the bench outside and we kiss and he's very much a gentleman about it.

"I've always liked you," he says, his fingers on my face and in my hair as he tugs at my lips. Not the same. It's okay, it's good, but it's not the same and it's frustrating, the hot tears threatening to finally show themselves. "You're so beautiful, like the sunset."

Seth's mouth moves to my neck, his hands on my lower back and he presses me to his chest. I'm not beautiful, I'm ugly. This whole thing is so ugly, what I'm doing to Seth, how I know I can't be whole for him, I can't be what he deserves. I want to. I'm willing it with all my heart, begging myself to like him more, for fiery hair and green eyes to disappear from my head. God, I just want so badly to feel nothing, I wish I could just turn it off. But it's always there, that stinking persistent what-if.

What if he comes back? What if he calls? I know I will still love him. I know I will forgive him. I will accept whatever excuse he offers and I hate myself for it.

I pull away and Seth sighs, his hands leaving my body, his eyes fixated on the street and I let the tears fall. It's the worst possible thing I can think of to do, to allow this sweet boy to comfort me and not give him anything in return.

"I'm sorry," I blubber and I pull my shirt up to hide my face. "I'm going through this thing right now and I just, I can't do this Seth. You're a really nice guy. You're too nice for me."

"What are you talking about? I'm not that nice," he tries to pull the t-shirt from my face. "Come on, give me a chance. I'll treat you like shit, I promise." And this makes me laugh and cry even more furiously.

"I really, really want to. You have no idea," I stress. "But I just can't."

"Why not? I thought we were having a good time. Aren't you having a good time?" he says and I hate the way his voice sounds.

"Yeah, I am. You're a really good friend." I wipe the snot from my nose, the tears from my cheeks.

"Friend? Do you kiss all your friends like you kiss me?" he replies sarcastically and his words sting.

"I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me," I sob, great big heaving gasps and then I laugh because I never let anyone see me cry like this and here I am, on a fricking bench on the busiest street in all of Boulder City, blubbering like a fricking baby.

"I could tell your hearts not in it. You seem like you're holding back all the time. Or maybe holding on?" Seth pushes my hair behind my ear.

"I'm sorry," I whisper and he kisses my forehead. And it's done.

I don't see Seth around the marina anymore after that and I'm starting to think I may have made a mistake. I kind of miss him, but then Leah tells me that he's signed up for another tour and will be shipping out at the end of August. It seems as if everyone leaves all at once; the Cullens, Seth, the majority of the motorhomes, all pulling out as the storms roll in. Another year is over and I'm stuck in the same place I've been for the last ten years. Alone.

I'm sitting in the office and it's after ten at night. I'm finishing some paperwork I should have finished yesterday but I've been kind of blowing off work the last couple of weeks. Jacob leans against my desk, gossiping about some people from school that he saw in town.

"Gianna, you know her, she was in your American Government class," he says. "Remember, she gave Ben Cheney a blow job behind the library during the disaster drill sophomore year? I think Seth dated her too."

"Why would I remember that?" I ask him, irritated. He shrugs.

"Anyway, she married Eric Yorkie. My brother's fucking her." Jacob acts like it's no big deal his brother is sleeping with someone else's wife and I just shake my head.

"Wow, classy. Which brother?"

"Paul. He's working at Safeway now and she always asks him to help take her groceries out to her car. Guess she needs help loading her trunk," he winks and I scowl. Ugh, Paul is disgusting.

"That is really disturbing, you know that right?"

"Hey, who am I to judge?" He fiddles with the stapler on my desk and I snatch it from his hand. "You know, Pearl Jam is playing in November at the Aladdin in Vegas. I think I'm going to buy tickets. Do you want to go with me? Do you know Pearl Jam?"

"Yeah, I know them," I mutter and close my eyes. Everything is now tainted by memories of him. Vegas, Pearl Jam, even ice cream, it all reminds me of him and I hate it.

"Well, do you want to go with me?"

"Do you even like Pearl Jam? I thought you listened to rap music, Snoop Doggy Dogg and shit," I ask him as I punch the numbers into the computer.

"I don't know, maybe it's time for a change," Jacob stares down at me in my chair, his dark eyes pulling me in. I hate it when he looks at me like this.

"You know, he's never going to be with you for good," he says quietly and I freeze. "Come on, you know just as well as I do, he'll always leave. He's not one of us, Bella."

We both know exactly who he's talking about. I glare at him, the tears brimming in my eyelids and I force them to not spill over. Not in front of Jacob, oh, please not in front of Jacob.

"Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me he's coming back to stay or that he'll sweep you away from here and you'll live happily ever after," Jacob challenges. "It's what you want, isn't it? It's what you keep waiting around for."

I'm completely still, a single tear slides down my cheek. God, I want to argue with him. I want to prove to him all the ways he's wrong but I haven't one shred of evidence to suggest anything other than what he claims. I hate him. I want to hurt him. I want to punch him in the face.

"It's time to move on. You'll never be more than just a summer to him," he tells me.

And I almost believe him. He stares into my eyes, his face lingering close to mine and I breathe him in. He smells like weed and beef jerky and cinnamon gum and I feel sick.

Really, what am I waiting around for? Why do I keep holding back? I'm still a virgin, for fuck's sake. While I'd never openly admit it, I think I've been saving myself for him. I could have had Garrett or Seth and I could have been happy. Shit, I could have Jacob. I could have him right now. All I have to do is say yes. All I have to do is let go of the greatest love of my life and the best friend I've ever known. All I have to do is deny every need, every want, every fantasy that has kept me sane year after year. He hasn't called since his birthday, but I've been waiting for him for ten years. I can't waste my life waiting for him anymore.

Just then, like an electric shock straight to my heart, a sound jolts through my entire body and causes my hair to stand on end.

The phone. It's ringing. It's late. It's him. I just know it is.

"Don't answer it," Jacob murmurs, his hand folding over mine and I just stare at the ringing telephone on the desk, the red light flashing in the dimly lit room.

"I have to," I whisper and Jacob pulls his touch away.

My hand shakes as I pick up the receiver.

"Hello?"

…

**A/N: **

WAIT! Before you call me a whore for this cliffie, let it be known, I will be posting CH 12 on Monday instead of the teaser and then CH 13 next Friday. Oh and also, I love you. Okay, let the whoring commence.

I'm floored by this fandom's contributions to **FGB**. You're all gorgeous souls, and I thank you for your care, your cash, your time. It's a beautiful thing, my friends.

Why the early update, Cam? Well, mainly because I have a **Disappear Here** update in my inbox that I'll be obsessing over for the next couple days and I'm anxious to read it.

**In the Closet Anonymous Slash Contest** is accepting entries until September 1st. Gimme, gimme, gimme the gay!

**LSD**, this Snoop's for you cuz we likes to rock up on the mic.

**SubtlePen **is one badass beta. **Miztrezboo **rocks the prereading. They're the hot fudge and whipped cream to this ice cream sundae. I'm the chopped nuts.


	13. That Time I Ran You Over

**CH 12 – That Time I Ran You Over**

_1994_

_Kurt Cobain is found dead in his home in Seattle, WA._

_Forrest Gump is released in theaters in July._

_The X-Files wraps up it's first season on Fox._

...

When I think of my parents, the two people who are supposed to teach me how to handle life and what's been thrown at me, I've always had two contrasting viewpoints. My dad has always been matter-of-fact. There are no secrets with him. He tells it like it is and sees no point in bullshitting. My dad is a realist. It's what makes him such a good salesman. He's honest. He levels with people and they respect him for it.

My mom is the complete opposite. My mom is a fantasy. She lives in a pretty, soft world, with silk pajamas and fuzzy comforters. She gets a new car every two years even though she only drives fifteen minutes to work. She has her hair and her nails done and she speaks in clichés. Her advice is always light and fluffy and is never really helpful in dealing with a situation. Somehow it always makes me feel better, even if it's just a fantasy.

I think it's fair to say I've led a sheltered life. I've always been taken care of, always felt loved. I've spent the majority of my time wondering, observing, judging for myself how the world works, why some people are offered opportunities and others have to fight for everything they've got. While none of it is ever equal, it's often the first thing we think when bad shit happens, that it's not fair.

My mom and her boyfriend Phil were killed in a head-on collision coming home from a weekend trip to California. I didn't even know she was on vacation. They were speeding and veered into the oncoming traffic lane to pass a slow truck. Phil must have misjudged the distance, or maybe didn't see the other car heading straight for them. My mom was killed instantly. Phil lived a short while at the hospital but didn't make it through the night. It happens all the time on the long stretch of Highway 15 between California and Las Vegas. Not a year goes by that we don't read about some poor family destroyed by a fatal accident, and we talk about how the traffic will be clogged up for hours.

Well, this year, it's my family that's destroyed.

I was so sure it was Edward on the phone that night, so very sure that I didn't even stop to think how it made no sense for him to be calling the office so late. It never dawned on me that it might be the California State Highway Patrol looking for my mother's next of kin.

I was in disbelief. Stunned, really, but mostly I just didn't believe she was gone. I didn't even cry because it just didn't seem possible. She's always been _gone_, you know? I'd see her from time to time, talk to her once in a while on the phone. I kept thinking she was at the Tropicana and I'd go pick her up on her lunch break. She'd tell me about some drama going down at work and I'd tell her about Leah and Seth and Edward and it'd be just like normal.

My brother and Rose flew in for the week. We don't have any other family. My mom was an only child and my grandparents have been dead for years. We had the service at a little church in Vegas, packed with her friends from the casino and our friends from the marina. I stood with my family: Dad, Emmett and Rose. My dad held onto me the whole time, his arm around my shoulders, his thin frame sturdy and tough next to my soft one. He gripped my arm, holding onto me like he wished he could have held onto her.

A young woman with two small children approached me and introduced herself as Phil's daughter. Her eyes were red from crying and she hugged me tightly and told me she'd heard so much about me and she was sorry for my loss. I didn't know her at all. I didn't know anything about that woman. And I realized, I don't really know anything about my mom. All her friends are strangers to me. She's a stranger to me and it didn't make me sad or wistful or depressed.

It made me furious.

It's not fair. Why does this lady get to cry over my mom? Why does she know my mom and I don't? Why don't I know this lady? How much time did she get to spend with my mom, time that I'll never get to make up for now? I couldn't even empathize with this woman. I mean, she had lost her father too and maybe that makes me a horribly selfish person but I was just so jealous I could hardly breathe.

I questioned everything. Why did my mom have to leave us? Why didn't she take us to live with her, why didn't she demand we spend more time with her? If she really wanted us, she would have done everything within her power to have us, right? I began to view my relationship with my mom the same way I look at my photographs, as snapshots in time. That time she let us swim in the Tropicana pool. That time I wore her pajamas. That time she took us to see Star Wars. That time she bought me a bikini. That time she met Edward. It was all a fantasy, only the good, none of the grit, a pretty postcard from a vacation, and not much else. While I ached for my mom, and I missed her more than I could bear, I was struck with a deep and peaceful appreciation of my father. Everything he did was for us, for our family. He was tough because he had to be, because he was raising two young children on his own, and trying to run a business. My mom never stepped up to the plate to tackle this responsibility. She was a part-time mother. I loved her, loved every single moment I spent with her, but she never put herself out there for us. She never had to get her hands dirty.

I was very calm through all this. I kept my cool throughout the investigation, the parade of visitors offering their condolences and the endless amount of cards and flowers. I managed to keep it together until we have to go to her house. Emmett and Rose went with me and we spent the day boxing up her stuff. I had never been inside that house without my mother. We looked at her photo albums and rifled through her drawers. I poked around in her medicine cabinet and went through her makeup. I inhaled every perfume, tried on every lipstick. I pressed her soft silk pajamas to my face and I breathed her in and I sobbed until I felt sick, locking myself in the bathroom so my brother and Rose couldn't see. That didn't stop them from knowing, of course, and my brother broke down the door to get to me. I was so embarrassed, her red lipstick smeared on my face, my eyes swollen and snot pouring from my nose but they didn't say anything. My big brother just held me while I muttered, "It's not fair" over and over again. "I know Sis, I know" was all he said.

I took her photo albums and her red lipstick and perfume and the silk pajamas and a sapphire ring she always wore and we gave the rest of her stuff to her friends from the casino and to the Goodwill. She didn't have a will or a life insurance policy but her car was paid for and Emmett let me have it since my old VW was on the outs. It's a Beamer. It turns out she was upside-down on her house so Emmett decided we should keep the property and rent it out instead of selling it. The property, he called it, like it was nothing to us. It's not home. It's not comfort. It's just a snapshot.

All I wanted was Edward, but I hadn't spoken to him in months. I couldn't bring myself to page him when he obviously couldn't be bothered to call me back. The Cullens sent a card and a beautiful bouquet of white lilies and I wondered if he knew my mom was dead, if he knew what kind of hell I was going through. I wondered if maybe he would call or come see me but I got nothing from him.

Rose and Emmett left at the end of the week and everything went straight to hell. I was working in the office because working was at least a distraction, but I couldn't escape the gnawing reality. I was a twenty-two year old virgin, still living with my father and in love with a person that could care less if I existed. Worst of all, I had no aspirations for any of that to change. I had totally forgotten about my own birthday, until I got an envelope in the mail. I quickly tore through the paper to discover a birthday card.

I stared at it. It had a drawing of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the front on the inside it said, "Without you I'm just jelly." Written in neat handwriting across the bottom of the card were the words, "Happy Birthday Bella. I miss you. Love your friend, Edward." Inside the envelope were two concert tickets to see Pearl Jam in Vegas.

I just lost it. I mean, I was raging. I couldn't even think rationally what this meant I just knew in that moment that I was furious. No apology, no explanation, nothing but fucking concert tickets. I didn't need fucking concert tickets. I needed my friend. I was done, done with the whole shitty ordeal! Why did he even bother?

I started throwing things. I threw my stapler right through the window. I ripped the concert tickets to shreds. I ran out of the office and looked desperately for something, something to break, something I could hurt, something to take away the horrible gut wrenching cloud of disaster that I couldn't seem to get away from. I ran home and changed into my white eyelet camisole and the slim black skirt I bought for my mom's funeral. I combed my hair and left it loose and carefully painted my lips red. I coated my lashes with black mascara and sprayed myself with floral perfume. I was done waiting around for him. I was done with the fantasy. Edward was just like my mom, a snapshot in time, a friend when it was convenient and I was just done.

I knew exactly where I wanted to go. There's little bar in town where a lot of people I went to school with hang out. Once in a while, they get out-of-towners and Pay Checks in there. That's what I needed, no strings, no attachments. I wanted to scratch an itch.

In a last minute decision, I pulled my hair up off my shoulders and knotted it at the nape of my neck. Edward said I had nice shoulders.

Walking into the bar, I recognized a couple of people. Peter was bartending that night and I immediately lost my nerve the moment I sat down at the barstool. I had Peter in my Algebra class and he looked exactly the same and all of a sudden I was just little Swan again.

"Bella? I never see you in here. You look…great," he stumbled and I grinned shyly. Peter used to drive a Pontiac Grand Am. "What are you drinking, babe?"

"Whatever," I said and he poured me a drink and I didn't even know what it was but by the time Jacob showed up, I was completely wasted and pulling up my shirt to show Peter my tattoo.

I don't even know how it happened. One minute Jacob was sitting next to me at the bar and the next we were making out in his bedroom and his hands are up my skirt. I was mean to him, too. I told him that it was nothing more than a one-time thing, that I didn't want to go out with him, that I didn't love him, and that I never would. I told him I didn't want to talk about it ever again and then he told me that he hated me. He called me a stuck-up bitch and said it was just about sex, and he thought he'd won. Everything between us has always been a competition. He never wanted to win me, he wanted to beat me. He thought he finally broke me and I laughed at him because I knew the truth. _You didn't break me, he did. I'm just using you, idiot. I'm using you to make me feel better, just because I can._

I didn't even have to take my clothes off and I could barely remember the sex when I woke up beside him. I didn't feel sore or bleed, like Cosmo said I would. I wasn't even sure if it really happened until I saw the condom in the trash and I wanted to vomit. I left before Jacob woke up. The sun was just beginning to show itself as I stumbled the two blocks back to my car.

I fell apart the minute I sat down in the driver's seat because I wanted to drive so far away from there. I wanted to drive to my mom's. I wanted to tell her what happened with Jacob and have her spout some trite cliché about how we learn from our mistakes or something, but she was gone and I missed her. I missed her ability to make everything so simple.

I wanted to drive to Seattle and punch Edward in the face and then kiss him and make love to him and never let him go. I wanted to drive to Washington, D.C. and hug my brother and let him protect me, like he always did when we were kids. I sat there at the intersection thinking of all the places I could go. If I turned left, I could drive away and never look back.

At that moment, the gas light in my mom's car came on, a little ding telling me that I needed to fill up, but it said so much more.

Ding! You don't have any gas money.

Ding! You're not going anywhere.

Ding! You're completely pathetic. And kind of slutty.

Ding! Go home, Bella.

I sighed and wiped my face with the back of my hand before driving the mile of cracked and uneven pavement back to my house. To the marina. To my home.

God, how could I have been so stupid? I didn't remember much about that night and the uncertainty of it all made me paranoid. Every day that month I didn't get my period I wanted to shoot myself. I had never been so happy to bleed in all my life. The day I started cramping, it was the most wonderful agony in the entire world. I swore I would never curse my period again and that next week, I went straight to the clinic in town and got on the pill. I avoided Jacob at all costs. He didn't seem to mind. He didn't call, didn't try to talk to me about it. It was like it never happened, and I was more than willing to pretend it hadn't.

I didn't tell anyone about Jacob, not even Leah. I was too embarrassed. I was so ashamed, I could hardly stand myself and Leah has no tolerance for stupidity. I didn't tell her, but Leah figured out something was up.

"Haven't see Jacob around here much. How'd you get him to leave you alone?" She shared her cigarettes with me as we stood on the bridge, the November air blowing in off the water. I thought about my sweatshirt, tucked away in my closet, and I wanted it. I wanted _him_, and then I remembered how he didn't show and I hated him all over again. Then I thought about how I would have to tell him about Jacob and I felt sick to my stomach with guilt, even though I knew I shouldn't. I didn't owe him anything.

"I don't know," I said, unable to meet her eyes and quickly occupied my lips by taking a long drag from her cigarette. She's too keen for her own good or, rather, for my good. She narrowed her eyes and pinched my cheeks in her hand and looked me square in the eye.

"You fucked him!" she hissed and released my face. I covered my eyes with my forearm, my tears smeared on my skin. I didn't want to hear what she had to say because it was going to be bad and it was all going to be true.

"Oh babe." Leah held me up, and I sank into her side. "God, I hate them, the whole family. They should be castrated."

"No, it's not his fault. I mean, yeah, he's an asshole, but I used him too. I told him I didn't really want him and then he told me he hated me. I was drunk."

"Damn, Bella. That is some depressing-ass shit."

"I know. Please don't hate me."

"Why would I hate you? You're stupid. You're lost. You made a mistake, but who hasn't? Oh God, my first time was awful! I was at this bonfire out on the cove and I wasn't even wasted. There was sand everywhere. It was like getting fucked with sandpaper. Luckily, it only lasted two minutes." Leah pulled my arm away from my face.

"I hate myself," I muttered and Leah rolled her eyes.

"Look, pity party of one, it's done. There's nothing you can do to take it back. Get over it and move on." Leah said, a fresh cigarette bobbing between her lips. "Besides, it's not your first experiences that should be the best, it's your last."

"Easier said than done. You of all people should know that," I snapped. Like I could just get over losing my virginity to a guy I hate. Like I could just get over the fact that my mom was dead and I would never see her again. Like I could just get over the fact that I had been completely abandoned by my greatest love.

"Yeah, I do know. I know all too well where you're going to end up if you continue to make excuses and feel sorry for yourself. Doesn't mean it's not true," she said quietly and I felt awful for snapping.

"I miss my mom. She'd tell me everything is fine. I'm so far from fine right now, and it's so stupid but just hearing her say it almost made it true." She hands me the cigarette and I take a long pull, letting the warm burn fill my chest.

"Bella, you're going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine," Leah said into my face. Her eyes were determined stone, and I wasn't the only one she was trying to convince.

Over the next several months I force myself to be fine. I don't complain about work, I submerge myself in taking pictures and fill my top dresser drawer with rolls of undeveloped film. I take smoke breaks with Leah and I force myself to freeze over. I harden and things that used to bother me don't. I'm not surprised when Jacob brings around his new girlfriend, Bree, and keeps his hand on her ass the whole time, like it's going to disappear if he's not touching it. I'm not upset when Edward doesn't call. I don't cry when Kurt Cobain is found dead. I watch America's Funniest Home Videos when I want to laugh and think of things I can videotape so I can win ten thousand dollars. Things that used to make me happy don't, but I'm not sad anymore either. The cocoon is back and I feel empty and void, but it's better than the hurt. I almost forget about him too, but as the summer months approach, I can feel myself starting to thaw. I fight it, but it's like my whole being knows he supposed to be here soon and it's preparing itself. I hate this feeling, the anticipation, the dread, the nausea. Oh God, what if he doesn't show?

Fuck, what if he does?

When the Cullens pull into the marina late in June, I'm a nervous wreck. It's dusk and I'm hauling my laundry in one of the utility carts down to the Laundromat when the big black Mercedes slowly pulls onto the gravel road in front of me. No Volvo. My insides deflate, my heart sinks right into the soles of my feet. The Mercedes stops and Dr. Cullen rolls down his window.

Alice peeks her head forward from the back seat and shouts a hello and then the back door is opening and Edward steps out into the evening heat. His fiery hair is short and looks darker, more brown than red, and is neat and trimmed around his ears and neck. His face is cleanly shaven and he's wearing a short sleeved button-up shirt over a white tee and khaki shorts. He stares me down and I don't know him. It's been so long since I've seen him and I wonder if I look different, I wonder if he recognizes me. I mean, of course he knows who I am, but does he _see_ me? Does he see how I have changed? Can he tell just by looking at me? Can he see my thick heart? Can he see my broken spirit? Does he know how everything is so different now?

I grit my teeth as he looks at me warily. The black Mercedes disappears down the gravel road and Edward's left standing in front of me.

I want to hurt him, I'm so livid. I'm angry he's decided to show his face, I'm angry he doesn't know me, that I don't know him. I'm furious I was so easy to ignore. The concert tickets come flooding back to me and my hands are trembling on the steering wheel.

"Bella." His voice wavers. He sounds the same and I soften, which pisses me off. Damn him! God damn his hold on me, God damn my own soul for being so easily swayed by him, God damn his fucking beautiful face.

I ignore him and slam my foot down on the pedal, swerving around him as my wheels spin in the gravel. A cloud of dirt explodes around his feet and he jumps out of the way.

"Bella!" I hear him yelling behind me but I'm determined to get away from him. I don't look back. I drive as fast as the stupid electric cart can go. The gravel crunches beneath my tires, and I taste dirt in my mouth as my heart pounds in my chest.

I'm so focused on getting away from him that I'm caught off-guard when he jumps in front of the cart outside the Laundromat. I turn the wheel and slam on the brake and it locks, the back end fishtailing in the loose gravel and knocking him to the ground.

"Edward!" I screech and stumble from the cart. I fall to the ground, my hands roaming his face and neck and chest, my eyes frantically searching for damage before I realize he's laughing.

"You fucking hit me!" he gasps and I scoff in disgust. I leave him on the ground but he grabs my arm, his fingers on my skin like a familiar song I've forgotten the words to.

"Whoops," I say sarcastically and yank my hand away. I grab the heavy sack of laundry from the back of the cart and storm into the humid room, and toss the bag on the table. Edward is right on my heels.

"Bella, look, I know you're pissed at me," he starts and I spin around and shove him in the chest.

"Don't act like you know how I feel. You don't know anything about me."

"You're not even gonna give me a chance to explain?"

"You had a whole year to explain! You didn't want to explain shit. And now it's convenient for you, now you wanna talk? Now? I needed you this year. I needed my best friend. And you were gone," I shout, my hands flying through the air.

"I know. I'm not going to argue with you."

"Well, good." I pace the length of the Laundromat, my heart racing. I stop in front of him. "Why not?"

He frowns, his lips soft and sad. "Because you're right. Oh God, Bella, I'm so sorry about your mom."

My chest is heaving as I stand before him, my hands on my hips, my forehead creased. Tears well in my eyes as I try to make sense of his words.

"You know then, they told you," I nod and it's like another stab in the back and I don't let those tears fall. He knew and let me suffer this whole time without him. Prick!

"Not until later, after the funeral, after I sent your birthday card, I promise. I wanted to fly down here right away but I had school and I thought maybe you wouldn't want to see me," he says quietly. "Besides, you have that other guy, Seth, or whatever."

"Seth's in Saudi Arabia," I mutter. "And you completely blew me off last summer, so what's it to you which guys I have?"

"You're right, you're allowed to date whoever you want. That's not what this is about."

"What is this about then, Edward? After everything that happened with my brother, shit, after Vegas, how could you just not show?" It's a guilt trip, I know, passive-aggressive bullshit. Alright, maybe it's aggressive-aggressive, but I want answers, dammit!

"I failed a class, okay? Cellular and Molecular Biology of Human Disease," Edward shouts back at me, like the name's been festering inside him. "I had to go summer school. That's why I wasn't here. I had to make that class up, Bella and the summer session was the only time it was offered. I didn't have a choice."

"You could have told me," I argue. "I would have understood."

"I didn't tell anyone. I didn't want my dad to find out. I told him I was staying home to study for the MCAT and taking an extra course over the summer so I'd have an edge on the competition. Do you know the Medical Center on average has over four thousand applicants? Do you know how many they accept? Two hundred. Do you know how many of those students fail fucking Biology? Zero. As it is, I'm a whole semester behind and my application is due in November but I won't find out if I even get into medical school until like April or something, so basically I've lost a whole year."

"Well, that makes two of us," I bite and he narrows his eyes.

"You don't understand. My dad expects so much. I mean, it's humiliating when your dad's name is on the fucking text book and you can't pass the class."

"I don't see what the big deal is. So you have to wait a year, who cares?"

"I'm tired of waiting for my life to start. There are things I want to do and I can't do them until this is done. It's incredibly frustrating," he says and I frown.

"You still should have told me," I say, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"I know. I fucked up and I'm really, really sorry," he says, drawing out every word. "I didn't realize it until it was too late. Then I sent the card and you didn't respond and I knew it was too late. Is it too late?"

"You broke my heart, Edward." His face crumbles. "I can't-"

"Please," he whispers, his hand reaching for mine. I take a step back and he shifts forward and it feels like dancing. "I was wrong, okay? You win, you're right, whatever you want, please. Just don't say you can't. Please?"

"It's not good enough. Your excuse. It's shit," I say, my voice falters and he hears it.

His hands are in his hair, and I know he's hurting inside. "I know I was wrong, I know I hurt you and I hate myself because of it. Just tell me what I need to do. What do I need to do to fix this?" I find his eyes and they are helpless. Abandoned and pleading circles of green. It's like a fricking slasher flick, seeing that pain in his eyes. I'm Freddy Krueger and he's the dumb boy I'm murdering.

"You pinky promised. You said we'd always be friends, no matter what." He's leaning in, his finger digging into my heart. "Please Bella, I need you to be my friend. You can't not be my friend."

"You can't do that, ignore me for so many months and then just come back and expect everything to be fine. It's not like everything freezes here when you're gone. You can't treat people like that." I look down at that floor so I don't see the tears in his pleading eyes.

"Is it too late?" he whispers again, his face so close to mine and I want to tell him yes. It's too late. I'm hurt, I'm bitter and angry. I'm torn between wanting to hate him and feeling guilty because of how much he's hurting over this school thing.

We shouldn't want each other. All we end up with is miscommunication and hurt and pain and it really is so damn frustrating. I don't even know what we could have at this point but all I want to do is hug my friend that I haven't seen in such a long time.

"Fuck it, it doesn't matter," he says and pulls me into him. I cling to his shirt and bury my face in his chest. His lips press into the top of my head and I cry from sheer relief. Everything is shitty but he's here and I let him hold me. It's just a hug but I've never felt such comfort in all my life.

"It's okay, Bella. Everything's going to be fine." And for one second, I almost feel like it's true.

Just then Leah comes rushing into the Laundromat.

"Oh! Um, some guests told me some crazy lady in a cart hit somebody," she says and Edward steps away from me and I quickly wipe my eyes. "Yep, they had the crazy part right."

"Hey Leah," Edward says and she stares right through him, her eyes sharp as daggers.

"Uh-huh," is all she mutters and folds her arms across her chest. "I'm taking a smoke break, Bella."

"Okay, I'll be right there," I say as I hurriedly pull the dirty clothes from the sack and shove them into one of the washers and add the soap. I spin the dial and turn to find Edward staring at me.

"What?" I ask and he shakes his head. "I'm going to have a cigarette with Leah. Do you want to come?"

"So you smoke now?" he asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"Not really, just with Leah."

"Is there anything else you do that I don't know about?" he asks and my stomach sinks. I'm going to have to tell him about Jacob. As much as I don't want to, I can't stand having secrets from him.

"You were gone for a long time, Edward."

…

"And then he says, well, is that what you want? A break? And I said, I don't know, maybe, and the next thing I know, I'm packing up my shit to come here and I tell him not to bother," Alice says from her spot next to Leah in the back seat of my mom's Beamer. We're driving into Laughlin for the Fourth of July. They put on a big fireworks show every year, right over the water. I've never seen it, but Jacob says it's amazing.

I still haven't had a chance to tell Edward about Jacob. We've been hanging out this week, he meets me at the office for lunch or he brings me ice cream from the store and we talk. He lets me talk about my mom and he tells me about school and the hoops he has to jump to become a doctor and I can feel the stress rolling off him. We're friends, and it's comfortable and easy, like slipping into pajamas after a long hard day. But I just haven't found the right time to tell him.

Not that I have to tell him anything. He has no claim on me. I don't owe him a thing.

"I don't know, maybe I'm being too demanding, but come on, I'm twenty-four years old. I shouldn't be waiting around for him to decide what he wants. I mean, shit or get off the pot already." Alice has been on a rampage ever since she got here. Apparently, she told Jasper she wanted a break before she left. Not a break-up, just a break, so they can figure out what they really want. Personally, I think Alice wants a ring and that's why she's throwing a stink. She's used the phrase long term commitment more times than a psychiatrist in a mental institution.

"Fuck him!" Leah says. "It's not you, it's them. Men think their dick's gonna shrivel up and fall off the moment they commit to somebody."

I glance over at Edward seated beside me. He rolls his eyes and I suppress a low giggle.

"Not all men think like that," Edward says and Leah and Alice wear matching scowls. They're bonding over their hate of the male gender.

"Careful! They've joined their forces for evil," I say in a low voice from the driver's seat. "They'll obliterate you."

Edward laughs as I drive along the curving two lane highway. A song comes on the radio and I sing along, messing up the lyrics and hoping no one notices.

"Hey Bella, who sings this song?" Edward asks me and I look over at him, confused because I'm pretty sure he knows.

"Radiohead," I tell him.

"Well, let's keep it that way." He's fighting a smile and I smack at him with the back of my hand.

"They wrote this song about you, you know," I smirk.

"Whatever," Edward scoffs, dejected.

"He makes a valid point," Alice quips sarcastically from the back seat and Edward gives her a glare.

The sun begins to sink beneath the hills that shimmer like topaz and the sky ignites. I pull my sunglasses out of the center console and put them on to ease my squinting.

Suddenly, Edward rolls down the window and sticks his entire head out just as a foul smelling gas drifts from the backseat.

"Jesus!" he groans and I roll down my window too, gasping in the fresh air.

"Oh God, it's in my mouth," I gag.

"It was me," Alice says proudly. "And I don't even care. Just one more thing I can't do when I'm with Jasper."

"Alright, now you're crossing the line," Leah says and I can't help it, I laugh uncontrollably until tears are streaming down my face. I look over at Edward, and he's watching me laugh, his soft eyes creased in the corners and I feel better than I've felt in all year.

I exit the highway and drive the street lined with casinos. I pull into the Pioneer parking lot, the casino with the best spot to see the fireworks. It also has fishbowl margaritas and a little ice cream shop in the lobby, because nothing says God Bless America like a glass the size of your head filled with strawberry margarita.

I drive around the parking lot, looking for a spot closer to the front, but the place is packed. We end up parking out by the RV's and boats, and my flip flops feel like they're going to melt on the hot blacktop. We carry our folded up camping chairs and Leah and Alice walk ahead, engrossed in their man-hating conversation.

"Nice toes," Edward smirks as he takes my chair and slings it over his shoulder. I look down at the black nail polish.

"Don't look at my toes," I grumble. He brushes the loose hair from my neck before tugging on my ponytail, his fingers grazing my skin and causing goosebumps all down my spine.

"Why, because they look like ET's fingers?" Edward says and I scoff.

"They do not look like alien fingers!"

"They do too! Look how long they are!" he laughs and I look down to inspect.

"Whatever," I mutter. I should have worn sneakers.

"What, that's it? No sarcastic comment? No roll of the eyes?" he asks as he walks beside me.

"I guess I'm all out," I shrug.

"Oh come on, I know you have an eye roll in there somewhere," he grabs my arm and whips me around to face him, his arms pinning mine to my sides, the chairs hanging on his shoulders almost smacking me in the face.

"Let me go, you goon!"

"Nope, not until you roll your eyes at me."

I try to wiggle free but he's much stronger than I am and I finally just stop moving.

"Oh come on Bella, look deep into my eyes and give me what I want," Edward says in a sultry voice and through sheer instinct alone, I roll my eyes before I can stop myself. His lips curl into a sly grin and there they roll again.

"Fuck!" I say, causing Edward to laugh and kiss me on the forehead before letting me go.

"Nice! A twofer. Must be my lucky day." He winks at me and I fight the urge to roll my eyes for the third time in thirty seconds. He throws his arm around my shoulder and we catch up to Alice and Leah. The place is crammed with people. Families, couples, and groups of teenagers are all sporting their red, white and blue, just bursting at the seams with patriotism. A couple of kids run past us, shooting each other with squirt guns and the spray feels heavenly on my ankles.

We wade through the mass of people until we find a spot on the grass beside the River Walk, the three mile stretch of walkway that runs along the river. We squeeze in between a large family and a group of tormented teenagers. The teens are covered from head to toe in black, torn stockings and big heavy boots and I'm slightly worried one of them might pass out from heat exhaustion. Leah keeps giving them dirty looks.

"Hey!" Alice shouts as a woman in glittery sunglasses shaped like stars walks past us carrying a gigantic glass filled with red slush. "What is that and why don't I have one?"

"It's a fishbowl margarita," I say and Alice watches the woman intently.

"I want. I need!" she gasps and grabs my hand.

"Okay," I laugh and we all drudge through the crowd to join to the longest line I've ever seen at the bar inside the casino. Edward's standing behind me and he pulls the neckline of my shirt down, practically choking me in the process.

"Told you," Alice says.

"Told you what?" I spin around to look at them and he grins shyly.

"She told me about the tattoos. She said you didn't even cry."

"I didn't," I say proudly and whip my head back around.

"It's like the exact same color as the cliffs in Australia," he says as he looks down the back of my shirt again and I feel my face blush. The cliffs. Yeah, right.

We finally get to the front of the line and order three of the massive drinks. It's already fairly dark, but the area is lit with the glow of the casinos and streetlamps all along the River Walk. We're walking back to the chairs when I hear a grotesque sound behind me.

"Well, look who decided to grace us with his presence. I thought you were too cool for us now, college boy."

I keep walking but Edward turns around. Jacob's lips are pulled into a nasty smirk and I fight the urge to run and hide in my car for the rest of the night. He's with Sam, who looks so incredibly uncomfortable, especially because Leah's murderous gaze looks like a voodoo hex or something.

"Jacob, good to see you, man." Edward, being the more mature of the two, offers his hand. Jacob looks at it and then at me before finally smirking to himself.

"She hasn't told you yet," he says and I want to kill him, like I'm contemplating how bad prison would really be when Edward looks at me confused.

Leah comes to my rescue.

"Hi Sam," she says and we all turn our heads in complete shock. Sam looks like he might throw up, like a scared puppy unsure if he's being scolded.

"Leah," he nods. "You look good."

Her eyes narrow. "You still look like a douchebag," she says and Alice starts laughing mid-slurp.

"Haven't changed a bit then," Sam says with a wink and Leah's caught in his stare. Oh what a fucker!

Just then, Bree and Emily find us in the crowd. They're swinging Claire between them and I see Leah's face shift when she sees her cousin.

Leah just stands there, her huge margarita in her hands while Emily walks right up to her and gives her a hug. A small splash of margarita splatters onto the concrete. Before anyone can say anything else, they're walking away, the little dark-haired girl turning and watching us curiously over her shoulder.

Leah is dazed as we walk back to our chairs. She gulps her drink, and pauses only to fight off a horrendous brain freeze. Edward is silent in his chair beside me. He doesn't drink from his large bowl, and the icy slush is turning to lukewarm soup so it's quickly commandeered by Alice and Leah. They're pretty much wasted at this point. Alice keeps barking at couples who are making out on the River Walk.

"Oh get a room! That's just indecent," she yells at these two fifteen year olds holding hands.

"Look at those freaks next to us. Do you think they're throwing off the earth's magnetic field with all that metal in their faces?" Leah says loudly and a big muscular dude with a spiked collar turns to glare at us.

"What's the matter?" I ask Edward even though I'm pretty sure I know what's on his mind.

He just shakes his head, his knee bouncing up and down in the chair and I can't sit in this mess any longer.

"I need an ice cream." I stand up and Edward instantly stands beside me.

"Me too," he says dryly and I know he's going to ask me about Jacob. I take a few deep breaths and start off towards the little ice cream shop inside the casino. Edward's hand gently slides along the small of my back as he guides me through the crowd. We're not even through the door before he's murmuring in my ear.

"What was he talking about, Bella? What haven't you told me?"

I feel like I'm preparing for battle or something and it's not even that big of a deal. He's slept with lots of girls. I don't owe him anything and he has no right to be angry. Right?

I didn't do anything wrong. Right?

He's not going to see it that way. Even if he should.

Shit, maybe he'll be completely cool about this. He might not even care.

And that would be a whole other world of heartache.

"Bella, what was he talking about," Edward persists and I don't want to do this in front of everyone in the ice cream shop so I leave the line. He follows me and I grab his hand and pull him into a hallway next to the restrooms where it's not so crowded and sort of quiet.

"Look, I was a mess when you didn't show last summer. All this shit had been piling up and then my mom and you sent those fucking concert tickets. I ripped them up, you know. I was so angry with you."

"Is that it? You ripped up concert tickets?" Edward interrupts and I shake my head.

"Just, let me talk for a second, okay?" I take a deep breath. "I went to a bar. I was looking for… sex, I guess. I mean, I didn't consciously make the decision, or maybe I did. I can't remember but all I know is I hated you and I wanted… something."

I swallow. I can't say it, it grosses me out to even think it but Edward waits for the words.

"Jacob showed up." Edward closes his eyes, his fingers squeezing his temples and rubbing deep lines into his forehead. He knows. He's a smart guy. I'm sure he's figured it out. "I was already completely wasted."

"Just say it, Bella. Just say the fucking words," Edward snarls and his anger pisses me off. He has no right to be upset with me. I haven't done anything he hasn't.

"It was just one time. It didn't mean anything. I was just satisfying an itch," I snap at him and his eyes dart up to mine and they are blazing.

"Say it. Say the words, Bella. I want to hear you say it," Edward says and he's trying not to yell. "You can't even say it to my face. How can you say it doesn't mean anything when you can't even say it to my face?"

"Fine! I fucked him, okay?" I shout bitterly and Edward startles. "I was drunk and sad about my mom and disappointed because you let me down and I fucked him. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Why him? You could have anyone you want, Bella. Why Jacob Black?" He practically whispers it.

"I can't have _anyone I want_. You wouldn't have me, remember? You said no to me. I wanted you so bad and you said no." He pulls at his hair before sliding down the wall to sit on the carpeted floor. A dude with an abnormally huge foam cowboy hat comes out of the men's restroom. He glances between us as he passes us in the hall.

I sigh, and sit down beside him on the floor. I can hear the boom of the fireworks outside, the patriotic music blaring over the loudspeakers. We've missed them again. He leans his head against my shoulder.

"I don't owe you anything, Edward. You don't have any claim on me. I don't belong to you and I can date, or sleep with, whoever I want," I say proudly. I want him to argue. I want him to tell me I belong to him, that he doesn't want me dating or sleeping with anyone else. He could claim me now. He could whisper the words and I'd be his, even if it were part-time. Even if it were just for the summer.

But he doesn't.

"I know," he says. "I know I have no reason to be mad. Doesn't stop it from hurting."

"I know," I say as I lean my head against his and he traces the lines of my open palm resting on my leg.

"But if I ever see that fucker again, I'm going to rip his head off."

…

"No, everything's fine. We worked it out," I say over the receiver as I quickly print out a batch of checks.

"Really? You forgave him, just like that?" Emmett says and I frown. Yeah, rub it in. Rub it in how I have no balls when it comes to Edward.

Everything has been kinda wonderful since the Fourth. Edward spends every day with me. He brings his books and studies while I work and my dad sits at his desk and gives us dirty looks. My dad doesn't say anything though, he really can't at this point and I think he knows it. We all go see _Forrest Gump_ in Boulder City and I cry when the mom dies and I think Edward does too. We listen to music and swim when we get antsy from sitting around all day. Sometimes Alice comes along but lately she's been at the pay phone eight times a day calling Jasper. She's been a depressed, mopey mess the last couple of weeks and joins me sometimes when I take my smoke breaks with Leah. Edward never comes along. He doesn't approve.

Leah doesn't approve either. Of Edward. She thinks I'm an idiot and that I need to demand a commitment or something from him but I know that's just not realistic. Having expectations sets you up for disappointment. If I don't expect anything, Edward can't disappoint me. If he wants to climb in my window and sleep next to me, I let him. If he wants to kiss me and feel me up a little, I let him do that, too, and it's like we're fifteen again. He's more hesitant to pursue a physical relationship than I am and I think it's because of everything's that's happened, but I take whatever he's willing to give.

We're in my room and I'm telling him about my mom, how she was always looking for something better, how she was never happy with what she had, when the realization smacks me in the face like a ton of bricks. I do this. Not in the same way, but I spend my days waiting for tomorrow. In that moment, I make a decision. I need to live today, for right now. All we have is this short time together and I'm not holding back anymore. I don't want to spend it mad at Edward or making him suffer, because that would just make me suffer and I don't want that any more. I just want to feel good for a little while and Edward makes me feel good.

"Well, it's not like he could help it, he-" I stop myself because I'm sure Edward doesn't want everyone to know he failed.

"He what?" Emmett asks and I sigh.

"He had to take an extra class. It was only offered during the summer," I fudge. It's not really a lie.

"He should have called you," Emmett says knowingly and I sigh. "He could have called about Mom at least."

"I know Emmett," I say through clenched teeth and Emmett is quiet for a few minutes.

"Look, Sis, I'm just trying to help," he says.

"It would help if you came home. It's almost been a year. Can you come home at least for my birthday? Please? For the anniversary?" I ask quietly.

"I think we can swing that," Emmett says and I beam.

"Thanks Emmett."

"Hey! I've been meaning to ask you. Have you watched that show, X-Files? Bella, it's an entire show based on alien abductions. Freaks me the fuck out!" Emmett says and I laugh, just as Jacob walks into the office.

"Emmett, hold on," I say and wordlessly hand him his check. He give me a salute and stalks out the screen door and like a minute later Edward walks in, his face red with anger.

"Is there anything you can do to get him fired?" Edward asks, motioning out the door to Jacob I assume.

"Believe me, I've tried," I mutter.

"What happened?" Emmett asks over the phone.

"Oh nothing-" I say into the receiver. Edward leans against my desk, his legs intertwined with mine. He picks up a pad of post-its and a black sharpie. "Um, I haven't seen that show, sounds interesting."

"It is! Dude! It's like these writers are stealing thoughts from my brain." Edward scribbles onto one of the post-its and I wrinkle my nose at the chemical marker smell. He sticks the note to my shirt and I pull it from my shoulder.

_You me, boat now. _

"On the season finale, they found evidence that the government is experimenting with alien DNA," Emmett continues and Edward's motioning to the door, nodding his head and wiggling his eyebrows and I almost giggle.

"Whoa, that's just like that theory you had in eighth grade," I say and Edward scribbles onto another post-it. This time he sticks it to my cheek and I snatch it off my face. There's a picture of two stick figures with big smiles on a pathetic excuse for a boat under a crudely drawn replica of my sun tattoo.

"Are those boobs?" I laugh and Edward shrugs and draws another picture.

"What are you talking about?" Emmett asks.

"Nothing, Edward's drawing cartoons," I say and he sticks another post-it to my head. This time the stick figure with boobs is swooning over the much larger stick figure with huge biceps, I roll my eyes and crumple the paper into a ball and throw it at him. He swipes at my arm with the sharpie and I quickly use my foot to push him away. He makes a mark on my bare leg instead, a thick black line on my shin.

"Okay Sis, we're going out to dinner. I'll talk to you soon," Emmett says and I hang up the phone. Edward smiles at me mischievously and I frown, craving retaliation.

"Ass!" I say and rub at the black line but it's no use. His mark is permanent.

"Come on, let's go for a boat ride," he says, capping the marker and setting it back on my desk. He grabs my arm and pulls me from the chair and I don't resist. It's August and Edward will be leaving soon.

He twines his fingers with mine as we walk down the sidewalk to the docks, and the sun heats my body. Edward bends down and kisses my shoulder, his lips pressing into the warming skin and I look over at him and smile. He just feels so good and I know he's going to leave soon but I can't bring myself to feel sad.

We reach the bridge and Jacob's working on the dock, and I instantly go rigid. I avoid his eyes as we walk past him and we've almost made it without an altercation when Jacob has to open his big fucking mouth.

"Aw, how cute, you guys playing house?" Jacob sneers. "Hey Bella, give me a call when he goes to work. I'll be your milkman."

Edward drops my hand and spins around, charging towards Jacob and for a split-second I see fear in Jacob's face.

"Don't talk to her, don't look at her, you just stay the fuck away from her!" Edward bellows and I'm shocked at his tone. Jacob looks amused.

"What bothers you more, Pay Check? The fact that you're playing sloppy seconds, or that no matter how many times you fuck her, I'll always be her first?"

I can't breathe I'm so irate, his statement like a slap in my face. There aren't even words to describe how much I hate Jacob right now, but I hate myself even more, because it's true. I'm afraid this is one of those mistakes that will never leave me.

"You'll never be anything to her," Edward spits and turns to walk away.

"She was tight too," Jacob says and I gasp at his vulgarity.

"Motherfucker," Edward growls and I watch as his fist collides square with Jacob's big ugly nose. Jacob's head snaps back and his knees buckle as he crumples to the ground. Edward shakes out his hand and inspects his knuckles. He opens and closes it as he walks towards me and I look at Jacob holding his nose on the ground. He's bleeding and he stumbles to his feet, wiping his face with his shirt before spitting the blood from his mouth.

"Are you okay?" Edward asks me and I'm stunned.

"Yeah, of course I'm okay. Are you okay? Oh my God, you hit him," I say and he pulls me towards the Cullen's boat.

"Yeah," he chuckles.

"How's your hand?" I ask as we climb into the boat and he goes straight to the ice chest on the back bench. It's still filled with halfway melted ice from their excursion on the water earlier. He shoves his hand in the cold water and sighs.

"It hurts like a bitch," he winces and I laugh.

"Here, let me see it," I say and he bites his lip and shakes his head.

"Come on, you big baby, I'll be gentle, I promise."

He pulls his hand out of the water and I grab a towel and gently dry off his hand. Oh, how I love these fingers. His knuckles are bloodied and bruised, the abrasions pink and peeling and I look up to find his glowing green eyes peering into mine.

"Can you wiggle your fingers?" I ask and the corner of his mouth twitches up into a smirk. "What? I'm trying to be nurturing and shit!"

He laughs and I kiss him on his lips because I can't believe he punched Jacob and while I'm sure it was partly to make himself feel better, it made me feel better too.

"You didn't have to hit him, you know," I say, still holding his injured hand in mine.

"Hey, eventually, somebody was gonna do it. That douche doesn't know when to shut his trap," Edward shrugs. "I'm kinda glad it got to be me."

"For the record, I could have punched him too, but I was frozen in shock," I say indignantly and Edward pushes my hair behind my ear with his good hand, his thumb on my cheek as he grins.

"I know." Edward looks down at his hand. "So, I was thinking. I brought you a present for your birthday. But I really just wish I could go back in time and change everything about last summer. So I'm giving you a mulligan instead."

"A mulligan?" I ask, confused.

"Yeah, like in golf when you hit a bad shot and you get to try again. A do over," he explains.

"A do over? I don't understand," I say and he purses his lips.

"I know I let you down and I want to make it up to you. You get one do over of your choice. You want to redo prom, we can go to prom. You want to redo our first kiss, I'll make it happen. You want to redo Vegas, we can do that too," he says quietly, and I blush when I think of that night. "I just want you to be happy, Bella. In every memory you have of me, I want you to look back and be happy."

"I'm happy right now," I say.

"Are you?" he asks, skeptically.

"I'm happier," I admit. "And it gets easier every day. It gets easier to miss my mom. It gets easier to accept that the marina is my life now. It gets easier to let down my walls once in a while."

"It gets easier to say good bye?" he asks and my eyes well with tears.

"No. That'll never be easy," I sigh and he nods in agreement.

"So what happens now?" he asks and I shrug.

"I don't know. You have a lot going on this year so why don't we just meet back here next summer and we'll see where we are," I say. It's the only course that makes sense. "At the very least, we'll be friends."

"And I still owe you a do over," he says and I smile. I kiss his swollen fingers gently and he wraps his arm around my neck, my face presses into his skin and I clench my eyes shut as he squeezes me tight.

"It's a date then."

…

**A/N:**

I love you all madly. Thank you so much for reading and for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate them all.

I will update on Friday, just like normal :)

**SubtlePen **is beta queen and **Miztrezboo **is the princess of prereading. I'm the court jester.


	14. That Time You Didn't Get Into Med School

**CH 13 – That Time You Didn't Get Into Medical School**

_1995_

_A truck bomb __devastates __the __Oklahoma City Federal Building __killing 168 people__._

_The Dow Jones closes above 5,000 for the first time._

_The Smashing Pumpkins release their third album, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness._

…

"Bella, can you get Dad on the line too? We have some news," my brother says.

"Dad, pick up the phone." I sit at my desk across from him in the cave-like office. It's the beginning of May and already stifling outside. The office is cool though, the windows covered and insulated to keep out the heat.

"Hell-o," my dad says, giving me a questioning glance. I shrug my shoulders.

"So, we're moving to Seattle. Rose has been offered a position in a law firm and she's decided to take it," Emmett says. This is great news! At least he'll be in this time zone now and maybe they'll come with the Cullens this summer.

"Congrats Rose! How exciting!" I say.

"Thanks. It's a really great spot in the District Attorney's office as an assistant. I'll be specializing in sex-offense crimes, which might be emotionally exhausting but I think I can handle it," Rose adds from the other line.

"That's great hon, I'm real proud of you," my dad remarks and I smile at him across the room. He rolls his eyes and his mustache twitches.

"Why Seattle?" Dad asks.

"Well, Rose kind of wants to be closer to her mom and sister. We're going to need their help," my brother hints and I can tell he's smiling. I can hear it in his voice.

"Help with what?" I've got a sneaking suspicion as to what he's talking about.

"Well, that's the other news. Um, we're going to have a baby," Emmett says and I scream and bounce in my seat. I'm so excited for them I can hardly sit still.

"Shit, Emmett, are you kidding me?" my dad chokes and I swear he's got tears in his eyes. I've never seen my dad cry before, not even at my mom's funeral and the sight of it causes my heart to swell. This is just what we need, some happiness to fill the void left by my mom's death. I know it's been hard on him too.

"Nope," Rose says and she might be crying too. "I'm due in November."

"So when are you guys moving?" I ask. I haven't seen them since my birthday last year. They flew out for a week, just after the Cullens left. It almost lessened the sting of having to say good bye to Edward. He called on my birthday and I called him at Christmas and then just a couple days ago when the Oklahoma City Federal Building was bombed, but I'm being very careful to make sure it doesn't feel like an obligation. We have an understanding and I can handle that just fine. Leah thinks I'm selling myself short by not making him call me but I don't think so. I don't feel rejected when I call and he can't talk. I'm not disappointed when he doesn't call me back. It's not expected and on the off chance that it does happen, it's almost like a gift. It's amazing how much more gifts are valued when they're not expected.

I've even gone out a couple of times. Leah's decided it's time for her to start dating again and she's dragged me along on every single one. She makes us double and I spend the making awkward conversation with an overeager wingman who can't keep his hands to himself. They're all so much older than me, like they have careers and 401k's and I feel like such a child compared to them. It's not that I'm holding out for Edward or anything. I meant what I said last summer, I'm going to live for today, and Edward isn't here today. But I haven't found someone that I can see myself willingly spending time with.

"Our lease is up at the end of this month and we're planning on heading out as soon as we pack up all our stuff." Rose says.

"We're moving in with Esme and Carlisle for a while, until we find our own place. They have a really big house and it's just the two of them living there. This way we can save money too. I'm not going back to work when Rose has the baby. I'm going to be a stay at home dad," Emmett says, hesitantly. Emmett's been working construction in D.C. They have really good benefits.

"That is really cool," I say and he chuckles in relief. I'm sure he's thinking my dad's going to say something about Rose wearing the pants in the household, but I think it's great my brother isn't a macho asshole. They're doing what works for their family and it might seem weird to my old fashioned dad, but who cares? Emmett will be a great father.

"Well, it only makes sense to do it this way. Rose makes way more cash than I do," Emmett says.

"But that's not why he wants to stay home," Rose interjects.

"Well, it's part of it. Also, daycare is expensive!" Emmett says.

"He wants to take care of the baby. My mom's going to help and Alice, when she's not working. Oh, my God! Did you hear? Jasper proposed. They're planning a December wedding and everyone's invited," Rose says.

"I didn't hear," I say quietly. Wow, Alice and Jasper are getting married. I'm a little shocked, to be honest. Last I talked to Alice, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to be with Jasper and now they're getting married.

"Yeah, he bought her a ring while she was there last summer and proposed as soon as she got home."

"I'll have to call and congratulate them," I say.

"Okay, kids, I have to get back to work. Good news, son. So will we see you two this summer?" Dad asks.

"We'll be there for a couple weeks. Rose can't take the whole summer off because of her new job, but we'll be there for the Fourth at least," Emmett says.

After we hang up, I walk to the store to tell Leah the news and get an ice cream, even though the waistband of my jean shorts is cutting into my hips. Ugh, I'm going to have to start buying a size up, I guess. I already had to buy a bigger bra. I don't mind the extra weight, actually because now Leah and I can share clothes. I just hate having to spend the money.

Actually, the money thing has been pretty good. We've been booked since December and my dad took out a loan so he could repave the launch ramp at the end of the season. He also put a ton of money into redoing the electrical hook-ups for RV camping spots and new lighting on the docks. Emmett suggested we see if we can get internet service on one of our computers, but this part of the desert is a dead zone. No cable television, no cellular towers, no internet. Not yet, at least.

"My brother's having a baby," I say as I burst into the store.

"Well, thanks for that mental shithole. I'll be burning the image of pregnant Emmett from my brain later, in case you can't find me."

"You know what I mean, dorkus," I smile and Leah shrugs.

"I can't say I'm surprised. Rose is what, twenty-seven, her biological clock is a tick, tick, ticking," Leah says and I frown.

"What do you mean? Twenty-seven's not old. Women can have babies in their forties now, you know," I say and Leah nods.

"Yeah, but after thirty-five you have to get this test done and they stick a needle in your belly button and shit. It's insane, like science fiction."

"What? Why? Why would they do that?" I ask mortified.

"To check for genetic diseases and stuff. As you get older, your little eggs do, too," Leah says and I purse my lips and narrow my eyes, wondering why Leah knows all this stuff about pregnancy.

"Stop looking at me like that. I saw it on Oprah, okay?" she says.

"Why were you watching tips for baby-making on Oprah?" I ask her cautiously and she looks at me for a long time, like she's fighting with herself in her head. "What? Oh my God, what aren't you telling me?"

"I'm kind of seeing someone," Leah says slowly. Her lips curl into a grin and my chin drops. "And we had sex."

"Are you trying to get pregnant?" I shout, beyond disbelief.

"No, you idiot, I'm not trying to get pregnant. But I might want to get pregnant someday," she shrugs.

"Wait a minute, you had sex? Who is this person that you maybe want to have a baby with someday?" I want to shake her because she's not giving me the information fast enough.

"He works at the bank, in Boulder City. His name is Jason Scott, but everyone calls him Jenks."

I stare at her in shock. When the hell did this happen? When did she go on a date without me?

"I went in to cash my check. He was there and he asked me if I needed anything. I told him I needed him to get the fuck away from me and he laughed. He laughed in my face, Bella. I wanted to hit him so bad." A sly smile creeps across her face and I recognize it at once. She likes him. It might even be love. I mean, shit, she wants to maybe have his baby someday.

"So you went out? When?" I ask.

"I don't know, a couple weeks ago."

"WEEKS!" I shout. "You've been keeping this a secret for weeks? Who the fuck are you?"

"Oh, get bent," Leah grins and I cross my arms in front of my chest. She thinks I'm joking, but this is so not a joke. "Are you really mad?"

"Yes, I'm mad. I can't believe you didn't tell me," I say dejected and her face softens.

"Look, I wasn't sure if it was going anywhere. I didn't want you to make a big deal out of it or anything so I kept it to myself," she says. "Besides, you're the only person I've told now. I haven't even told my mom."

"How many times have you gone out?" I ask her and she shrugs.

"I don't know, like a handful."

"How many is a handful?" I ask her, irritated and she rolls her eyes.

"Fuck, Bella, I don't know, like seven?"

I sigh. Seven! Seven dates with the same guy and then sex. Leah's not 'seeing someone.' Leah has a _boyfriend_. It just seems like everyone is moving up and moving on and here I am, stuck in the same old spot I've been in forever. Rose and Emmett are having a baby, Alice and Jasper are getting married, Edward's going to medical school, and now Leah's dating a potential baby's daddy. And then there's me, with my drawer of undeveloped film.

"He's just really interesting and frustrating as all hell. He's short too and completely bald but no matter how hard I try, it's like I can't insult him. He's not afraid of me and I can't tell if I like it yet. But Jesus, it makes for some pretty electrifying sex, that's for sure." Leah winks at me and I scrunch my face up. Sex is a topic I generally like to avoid and she knows it.

"Okay, that's when I get the hell out and leave you to your bald lusting," I say and she laughs as I grab a Big Otis, which are now called a Big Kahuna even though it's the same damn ice cream sandwich, and walk back to the office.

I'm in my chair, ready to bite into the chocolaty goodness when the office phone rings. My dad picks it up and looks over at me.

"Hold on a minute, kid," my dad says and then motions to me to pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Bella? It's Edward." His voice is muffled and raspy and he sounds like he's been crying.

"What's wrong?" I ask, panicked and he just breathes.

"It's over. I'm done."

"Done with what? What's going on?"

"I didn't get in. I wasn't accepted. They rejected me, Bella."

Edward explains how he didn't get into medical school and he's taking it pretty rough. He had a big fight with his dad about it but I'm not sure why he's so upset, he could apply again next year, but he doesn't want to wait. He's very cryptic on the phone, talking in song lyrics and mentioning his mom and it all just really freaks me out. Over the next month, he's kind of a mess. He's calls me pretty regularly and I've gotten in the habit of staying late at the office, sometimes well into the morning because that seems to be his favorite time to call. I'm pretty worried about him and the moment I see the Volvo pull onto the gravel road, I'm at their unit before they even park.

"We're getting married!" Alice screeches as she bounds out of the back seat and practically jumps into my arms. I hug her small frame as a very tired Jasper and a disheveled Edward slam their doors. God, Edward looks horrible, like he's been through the wringer. His hair is messy, tangled on top and curled along his neck, and like it hasn't been brushed in days and he practically has a beard hiding his square jaw. He's thin and pale, and I frown at the dark circles under his eyes. He just looks broken and all I want to do is put him back together.

"I know, that's awesome. I can't wait until December," I say, my eyes fixated on his and he gives me a small smile that I can barely see. He has to shave that thing on his face. I'm not going to go an entire summer without seeing his lips.

"No. We're getting married here. On the Fourth," Alice says and I look at her confused.

"But Rose said December."

"I know, but you know what I decided? I hate weddings. You know what I hate even more than weddings? Wedding dresses. Wedding Flowers. Wedding Invitations. You put the word wedding in front of something, and it instantly costs a bazillion times more. It's disgusting. So I fired my coordinator and we decided to elope!"

"Oh wow, Alice, that is very cool," I say and Edward rolls his weary eyes and makes a talking motion with his hand. I bite my lip to stop myself from smiling.

"Since this is the place we fell in love, we want to do it here. We'll get one of those Elvis impersonators to perform the ceremony on the cliffs, and then we'll dive into the water together, like we're diving into life together!" Oh my God, has _everyone_ been watching Oprah?

"Um, that's kind of amazing," I nod and Edward is shaking with laughter behind her. "Oh! I know! You guys can tie stuff to the back of a WaveRunner and ride off into the sunset!"

"Oh my God, I'm doing that," Alice says seriously and I can't help but laugh now. "And we're having hot dogs and hamburgers and beer and wine coolers. Oh! Will you be my wedding photographer?"

"I would love nothing more that to photograph your wedding, Alice." And I mean it. I really do want to do this. The minute she asks, my head starts thinking of her white dress or swimsuit, whatever she's going to wear to this thing, against the red and browns of the hills and the bluish green of the water and I'm swimming in the multitude of images I could get. This is actually going to be quite gorgeous.

"Where are your parents?" I ask as Alice finally lets me go.

"They'll be here soon. They had to stop a bunch of times because Rose has to pee every half hour," Edward says as he finally pulls me into a hug, his scratchy chin rubs against my forehead and I don't like how thin he feels. He just feels empty, like all his insides have disappeared.

"Come on," I say, pulling him towards the store as Alice and Jasper start unloading the car. "You need sugar."

The heat forms waves on the gravel road as we walk to the store in silence and I wipe the sweat from my forehead. I look over at Edward and he watches the ground, his hands shoved in the pockets of his black cargo shorts. His eyes are flat, like the smooth surface of the lake in the early morning, before it's been disturbed by the churning of propellers and engines.

I stare at him because while he's right here next to me, he's somewhere else. I'm not paying attention to where my feet are walking and I trip, my toe catching a large rock in the road. I stumble forward and Edward grabs my hand. His fingers are tight on my wrist and I laugh because I almost fell but then I catch his eyes and there's pain there and I don't understand it.

We keep walking and he keeps my hand. His fingers inch up my arm, over my elbow, across my back, pressing into the muscles all the way up my spine until he's gently massaging the back of my neck. I melt, my whole body feeling like liquid.

"Mmm..." I say and then cross my eyes and stick out my tongue and pretend to drool. Edward laughs and gives my ponytail a gentle tug before removing his touch altogether. I don't like the distance between us. I reach out and tangle my fingers with his. He looks down at me and I see it, there, in the green. I know this sounds crazy, and maybe I'm just imagining it, but I swear I see it. A flicker. A jolt. A spark.

We sit on the swings, and Edward chuckles at my newly renamed ice cream sandwich while he slurps his rainbow sherbet Push-Up.

"Ice cream really does make everything seem better. For like two whole minutes, things are perfect," Edward says and I grin because that's exactly how I feel. We swing quietly indulging in the sweet treat and I like the way the sun soaks into the skin of my legs and shoulders. Edward sighs. The two minutes of perfection have dissolved and he's back to moping. I don't want to be insensitive, but I don't understand why this is such a distressing thing for him.

"Alright, why the sighs?" I ask, because it seems the thing a friend should do.

"You know why," Edward retorts. He's irritated and I try not to take it personally.

"Well, do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," he mumbles. I search for a subject change and I'm about to tell him about Leah's boyfriend when the flood gates open.

"I've completely fucked myself over. You realize this, don't you?" he asks, his eyes blazing as he grips the plastic chain of my swing. "I can't apply again, I'm too humiliated. What if I get rejected again? I mean, if I wasn't good enough for them now, why would I be good enough next year?"

"There's nothing you can do? You can't like, go down there and plead your case?"

"What should I say? I'm an idiot and got shit scores on the MCAT? My GPA is crap and I failed a class that my dad wrote the textbook for? Please, put your patient's lives in my very incapable hands," he says sarcastically and again I have to remember that he's not mad at me, he's just mad. It's not personal.

"Can you retake the test? Maybe if you get a better score, you'll have a better chance at getting in next year? Or you can try to get in somewhere else, somewhere not so competitive?" I try.

"I already took the test twice. I took extra classes last year to try to boost my GPA but it didn't help. I sucked at my interview too. They said I lack communication skills. I mean, I am great at communicating. God, Bella, you just don't get it!" Now I'm pissed. I'm just trying to help and he's acting like an asshole. And his communication skills are shit.

"I know, why don't you just go throw yourself in front of a train then you big fucking baby? Shit, Edward, if I didn't know any better, I might think you didn't really want to get into medical school with the way you're making excuses. And I'm not the one who rejected you, okay? So stop insulting me," I say fiercely and Edward's face crumbles.

"I know," he groans. "I'm sorry. I'm just a complete fuck up. I can't do anything right."

"Look, maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe you needed this to happen so you can go on to do something that you really love."

"There is no other option, Bella. I have to become a doctor. You don't know what I'd be walking away from if I fail at this," he says in a low voice. For the first time, I start to think that maybe there's more to this than just pride and obligation.

"Tell me. What would you be giving up? Money? Social status? A perfect little spot on your daddy's pedestal? I don't understand, Edward."

"I don't expect you too."

"Why? Am I'm too stupid to understand, or something?" I ask him, irritated as all shit.

"That's not what I meant," he groans and I feel my insides soften. God, why can't I control my snotty attitude? Here he is, feeling crappy and I'm just making it worse.

"Look, if I let you touch my boob, will it make you feel better?" I ask him and for a split second, there's shock on his face.

"It depends. Over or under your bra?" he replies, his eyes mischievous as he licks his lips and my whole body flushes when I think of his hands on me. He knows what he's doing, and I don't even care because for one minute, he's back, and he's smiling and happy.

"Silly boy, you know I'm not wearing a bra," I say as he pulls my swing to face his and slides his knee between mine.

"Yep, I can see that," he quietly hums and I can't breathe.

"I'd kiss you right now, but you have a woodland creature stuck to your face." I can't even say the words before I burst into laughter. He drops his head and pushes me away, my swing swaying in the heat and we laugh together.

...

"Don't think I forgot about the mulligan," Edward whispers in my ear as we watch a very classy Elvis impersonator deliver Alice and Jasper's wedding vows on top on the highest cliff in Australia. The sun is low on the horizon, the air tastes like dirt and orange blossoms and lilac and my lavender dress is uncomfortable and sticking to my sweaty skin. Man, I wish I could have worn my swimsuit but that just would have been tacky. I only know because Alice told me so. I know, swimsuits at a wedding are tacky, but Elvis is not. I don't understand it, either.

The last week has been insane but Edward's been too busy to be depressed. We drove into Vegas so Alice and Jasper could get a marriage license at the hall of records and we had to commandeer some fresh flowers for a couple of last minute bouquets. We also had to track down an Elvis who would be willing to drive out to Willow Cove on the Fourth of July at sunset to perform the ceremony. It's amazing what you can get Elvis to do when you throw a huge wad of cash at him.

A few of Alice and Jasper's friends from Seattle, including Mike Newton and his girlfriend, Jasper's parents, Mrs. Cullen's sister and her two kids all flew in yesterday. Jasper's parents are a trip. They're total hippies. His mom wears flowers in her hair and everything. They didn't wear swimsuits either and I guarantee they weren't expecting such extreme temperatures. Luckily, Alice told them to wear light clothing and we used a couple of Billy Black's big trucks to drive them out to the cliff so they wouldn't have to hike. Dr. Cullen rented a houseboat, in case anyone needed to use the restroom and him and my dad set up four canopies and lined the beach with tiki torches. My dad let them borrow some tables and chairs from the restaurant, and is currently down on the cove, lighting up the grill.

Rose insisted on hiking up the hill, claiming some women run miles while pregnant. You can't even tell, her belly just barely shows a little bump and she looks beautiful standing next to my brother in her deep purple slinky dress. Every so often I see my brother rest his hand on her belly and I capture the gesture on film. It just means so many things. Are you okay, hi there baby, I love you, this is my life now.

"I haven't forgotten either," I whisper back to Edward as I fill the frame now with the bride and groom.

Alice found this beautiful Ivory satin and lace slipdress to wear and her short, dark hair is naturally wavy around her face. She's not wearing much makeup, just mascara and lip gloss. I love how easy she stands beside Jasper in his linen shorts and pinstriped shirt, both of them barefoot and ready to take the plunge. I watch them from behind my camera lens, frantically snapping shots as the bright blue sky starts to catch on fire, the streaks of gold and red and purple offering a spectacular backdrop to their declarations. I get tears in my eyes when I remember how she was so afraid of Jasper seeing her without any makeup or with crusties. The memories swirl around me and Edward lets his hand rest on the small of my back, his cleanly shaven chin sometimes resting on my bare shoulder.

I capture Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, standing linked beside Alice and Jasper. Mrs. Cullen dots her eyes with her tissue as Dr. Cullen remains stoic beside her. My camera shifts to Jasper's parents enveloping each other in a tight embrace, the two of them crying and mumbling I love you's and I almost giggle. Then I think how my mom won't be there when I get married, if I get married, and I feel my chest ache. _It's okay, Bella_, I hear her say. _Everything's going to be fine_.

I catch Leah squirming out of Jenks' arms and I almost full on laugh. So does he, actually, his small eyes creased in the corners and his bald head glistening. He's so not her type and totally not what I expected she'd like in a partner, but he doesn't let her go. He holds onto her while she grumbles and I see her succumb. Her shoulders relax as he kisses her cheek and she smiles right as I capture the moment with a click. Then Leah's glaring at me and I snap the shutter again. She rolls her eyes and leans against Jenks and my heart feels so happy for her.

"Any idea as to what you want to do over yet?" Edward whispers into my ear, his mouth practically on my skin and my arms are covered with goose bumps.

This is a trick question. I want to redo everything and nothing at the same time. The first memory Edward has of me, I threw bread at him and now he's my best friend. Our first kiss was terrible but then we got to practice for a week. We almost got arrested and my dad grounded me, but then Edward snuck into my room and we got to spend all that time alone. We almost had drunken sex in Vegas, and at first I was hurt, but it would have been forever tainted by that stigma and I'd never have known if Edward wanted me or just wanted someone. I still don't know that, actually.

Then there was that summer he didn't show. The year of mass communication failure. So many mistakes were made by both of us but I don't know who I'd be if he would have showed. I learned a lot about myself that summer. I learned that Edward is indeed my weakness but I learned I can be strong without him as well.

Either way, I'd be in the same exact position I'm in now. It wouldn't have changed a thing. I'd still love Edward, and we'd still be living worlds apart. I don't think that's ever going to change.

"I don't want a do over," I say over my shoulder to him and he leans down so that my mouth is at his ear. "I just want to do." I press my lips into the soft skin of his cheek and his arms wrap around my waist as Alice and Jasper are declared Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock.

Jasper dips his bride, giving her an old fashioned swoony kiss and I quickly capture the moment with my camera and I cry because it's so absolutely perfect. I run up to the front, quickly trying to get every moment on film as Alice hands her bouquet to her sister and kisses her before taking Jasper's hand. Her face is glowing and she's hiking up her skirt and they run together, flinging themselves off the cliff and plunging into the deep glittering blue while we cheer. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed.

I look at Edward as the rest of the party files down the trail and he watches me intently with a small half smile. I smile back, because I can't help it and bring the camera to snap his portrait. His hair is dark in the twilight sky, there's no hint of the red without the sun, and the lines of his face are all angles and curves from his pointed lips to his feathery lashes.

"What exactly do you want to do?" he asks as he walks towards me and I snap his picture the whole time. He rolls his eyes and makes a grab for my camera just as I click the shutter.

"Everything," I say confidently as I turn and march down the hill, Edward's hand reaching for mine.

The party stretches late into the night. We eat burgers and drink beer and talk about old times and how Jasper and Alice met. We laugh about the time we played the Hat Game and when Jasper kissed me. Even though it was years ago, I still cringe. Sinatra and Dino echo off the walls of the cove, pouring from the speakers on the houseboat and we dance in the sand and I'm barefoot and tipsy and feeling high as a kite. I take pictures of everything and everyone and I don't want it to end. Emmett and my dad start hauling people back to the marina in the boats. I want to stay out on the water a little while longer and I persuade Emmett to ride back with the Cullens. He leaves my dad's boat for Edward and I because Alice and Jasper are going to be spending their wedding night on the houseboat.

"That was just perfect," Alice sighs as she rests her head against my shoulder. We're sitting at the tables on the cove. It's still so hot out and I'm itching for a swim.

"I can't believe you kissed Elvis," Edward says and Alice and Jasper shrug. They _both_ kissed him. It was hilarious. I got a picture.

"I can't believe you really put together a wedding in a week," I say and Alice smiles proudly.

"That was the best decision of my life. I think we're going to backpack through Europe for our honeymoon. Shit, with the money we didn't spend on a wedding we could go on a honeymoon every summer for the next five years."

"Just as long as you stop here first," I say and Alice wraps her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek.

"Of course we will," she says and I can't breathe she's hugging me so tight.

"It's fucking hot, I'm going swimming," Alice says suddenly and, quick as lightening, she's stripped to her underwear and strapless bra, running into the water. Jasper follows her, kicking off his shorts as he runs, his shirt thrown to the ground. I look at Edward and he shrugs and stands, dropping his khakis to reveal these tight short-like undies and I can't stop staring. He steps out of his loafers and smirks as he unbuttons his shirt and I can see the faint outline of his ribs. God, he's lost like ten pounds, I bet. And I'm ten pounds heavier. Oh, the irony.

"Come on, Bella, get naked. Everyone's doing it," he jokes and I blush. It's kind of ridiculous to be self-conscious about my body in front of Edward, but I just can't help but feel insecure stripping to my undies. My one-size-larger undies, at that.

Geez, it's just Edward. Stop being such a baby and take your damn dress off.

I fumble with the zipper in the back and then Edward's fingers are there, grazing my skin and pulling the zipper down my back. I let the dress fall and Edward's hands caress my sides and, God, he feels so good on my skin. He leans in and kisses my shoulder and then my neck and I close my eyes and relish in the sweet tingles erupting throughout my body.

"Last one to the water is a rotten egg," he whispers and then he's gone and I chase him. I almost pass him too but then I fall, knocking into him from behind as we crash into the cool blue shimmering glass. The moon is full and low and looks huge out here in the vast darkness of the cove. Alice and Jasper are sucking face a little ways from us and I don't want to know what's going on below the surface so I swim away from them.

Edward follows me, his intense eyes taunting as I swim backwards. He swims a little faster, stalking me like a shark and I feel a surge of playful panic jolt through my brain. I turn and try to swim away from him but he grabs my foot and I'm afraid he's going to tickle it. I scream and try to kick him away and he laughs out into the quiet cove.

He pulls me to him and I let him. I'm breathing heavily when his hands slip over my hips and his arms wrap around my waist.

"I got you," he says cockily and I wrap my arms around his neck, letting my fingers wind into his hair.

"I let you," I respond and he laughs and I'm just so happy to see him smiling. He's been distracted by the wedding and everything that's been going on, and I'm worried about how he's going to come down from the evening's emotional high. I know it's going to hurt.

"Do I get to touch your boobs now?" he asks and I snort.

"Maybe. You did shave," I respond and run my hand across his cheek and over his chin, patting his face with my hands and he scrunches up his nose against the light taps.

"Well, I didn't want you to get rabies from any woodland creatures or anything," he says.

"Yeah, because I do not look pretty frothing at the mouth."

"You look pretty always," he says and I feel my ears burn. God, why does a compliment from this boy affect me so much? "You always look the same but different, you know? Every year, I expect you to change and every year it's always you."

He leans in and gently kisses my lips and I think of so long ago when we first kissed here, at this cove, when I told him I hated him and he cried and then kissed me and it was horrible. I think he's remembering it too because suddenly his grip on me is tight and my body is pressed against his and he's shaking.

"I don't know what to do with my life, Bella," he mumbles into my shoulder. "I just feel so hopeless. I've disappointed everyone, I've let them all down. I've let you down and I'm so sorry."

"Edward, stop it!" I say fiercely. "Stop beating yourself up over this. I'm sure it happens to a lot of people. You said it yourself, only two hundred out of four thousand applicants get accepted? That means like, ninety-five percent of the people that apply don't get in. Ninety-five percent. That's a lot of people that are sitting in your shoes right now."

"It wasn't supposed to happen to me. I had a plan, Bella and now it's all shot to shit," he mumbles and I sigh.

"Then you make a new plan," I say and Edward closes his eyes. I stretch up to kiss his eyelids and I feel his hands move over my back, his face pressing into my neck and I wish he'd stop being so overdramatic. He's acting like it's the end of the world but his frustration is exactly how I felt when my mom died, when I questioned everything and nothing made sense. It's how he feels now and I just long to take the hurt away.

He's sad and hopeless and I know he might be using me right now to make himself feel better, like I used Jacob, but I'd rather it be me than some other girl. _This_ is my do over. I will let my walls down. I will let him win, I will surrender and he will get the very best of me. I will give myself to him, like I should have done so long ago.

I reach behind me and unlatch my bra, letting the uncomfortable underwire float away and eliminating the material between us. Edward inhales sharply as I press my chest against his, his eyes roaming my face, his arms crossed over my back and gripping my sides. I press my mouth to his and gently pull at his lips, the quiet water lapping at our naked skin.

His tongue glides along mine, his hand slipping across my chest. He moans into my mouth as he gently cups my breast, his thumb rolling over my nipple, his lips moving to my neck. Oh God, how I've missed his hands on me. He feels like no one else, like nothing else, just pure pleasure and tingles and fire and just everything that means anything is right here in my arms. I wrap my legs around his waist and he pulls away.

"Wait," he says and I roll my eyes.

"No, I'm done waiting. We're doing this," I say insistently and he smiles and kisses my nose.

"I don't have anything," he says.

"It's okay, I'm on the pill," I pull his mouth back to mine and then stop. "Wait. You don't have an STD, do you?"

"No, I do not have an STD," he responds exasperated.

"Well, shit, how am I supposed to know? You do have a torrid past," I tease but only kind of. Shit, what if he does have an STD? And then I want to punch reality in the face for fucking up the completely beautiful thing we have going on here.

"Bella, I've only had sex like five times," he says. "Hardly torrid."

"Have you been tested?" I ask, because all it takes is one.

"Actually, yes, I have. When Magic Johnson said he had HIV, I went and got tested. I haven't had sex since. Have you been tested?" Edward asks and I scoff.

"I've only had sex once and they test you for everything when you start birth control."

"Well, shit, how am I supposed to know?" he repeats my words and I frown.

"Well, now you do," I say and he smiles.

"Yep and so do you and now we can enjoy being together and not have to worry," he says as he plays with the elastic waistband of my panties. He pushes my undies off my hips and I kick them away, letting them sink to the bottom of the river.

"That sounds nice, the enjoying part," I breathe and Edward's hands graze over my behind. I'm completely bare now and his hands are everywhere, on my hips, on my stomach, my shoulders, pulling across my chest.

"You're so beautiful, Bella. Every part of you, it's just beautiful," he whispers and I feel his fingers grazing between my legs and I push my lips on his, my tongue thrusting into his mouth as I feel his fingers push into me and I whimper. Oh God, it just feels so incredible and I'm afraid I'm being too noisy because fuck, shit echoes in these canyons so I keep my mouth occupied with his as his fingers curl inside me.

I need him, all of him, and I quickly rid him of his underwear. He's hard and smooth, and I run my hands all over him, feeling every part, while he bites and sucks at my lip.

His fingers leave me and dig into my hips as I wrap my legs around his waist again. I can feel him, his hardness between my legs and I writhe and slip against him until he reaches down to better position himself, just barely pressing into me and then he stops. I pull away from his mouth and lose myself in his eyes as his hands weave through my wet hair spiraling down my back. I try to convey everything in this one look, it's okay, I want you, I love you, please. I tighten my thighs and pull him inside me, my eyes rolling back as I let him fill me up and I stop breathing for a second. I can feel the slow stretch and it burns a little but he's mostly warm and wet and quite literally taking my breath away. And then that fucking song from Top Gun is flashing through my head and I want to sing out loud but I'm afraid that would be weird so I bite my lip and focus on how amazing Edward feels. His head falls to my shoulder, his arms clutching me tighter as we move together. All I can feel is him, all I hear, all I see, all I want to sing now is his name, over and over but I can't because somewhere is this river there are two other people and that makes this all just a little bit more exciting.

It isn't long before Edward's shaking in my arms and I'm pretty sure he's coming. He's holding me so incredibly tight, I'm almost afraid I'll have bruises from his fingers digging into my back, and then it's over. He's panting into my neck and I kiss his forehead and then his eyelids and then his lips and he apologizes.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs. "You didn't..."

"No, but I did enjoy it," I say softly, my hands pulling through his wet hair.

"Well, most women don't, you know, climax from intercourse alone," he says and I laugh. "Well, it's true! Most women need some clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. Vaginal orgasm is very rare."

"Okay, Doogie Howser," I tease but Edward doesn't laugh. "Oh come on, it's okay."

"It usually lasts longer, but I just haven't had sex in a long time," Edward explains and I can tell he feels embarrassed. It's not even his fault. I read in Cosmo that a woman should be in charge of her own orgasm, and trust me, my orgasm and I are well acquainted. I'm sure it would happen, if we tried again.

_When_ we try again.

"Well, we could practice all summer, if you want."

...

Edward mopes around the marina for the rest of the summer. He doesn't want to go out on the cove or race the WaveRunners. He doesn't want to go for ski rides or play bumper tubes. We lounge in the sun on the private beach on my days off and swim when it's unbearably hot. He sneaks into my bedroom at night, just like he did when we were seventeen and it's silly but it's us. Sometimes he wants to cuddle, and he falls asleep wrapped around me. I lay there while he softly snores and think about how hard it's going to be when he leaves this year. I admit, there's a tiny part of me that thinks for a second that he might stay. If he's not going to medical school, he could stay, but I know in my heart that's not really going to happen. His life is in Seattle. It always will be, and he just doesn't know what he wants to do with it yet.

Sometimes we make love and it really is just that, _love_. We don't ever call it that but it's truly amazing. It's not perfect and sometimes it's downright funny. Like when Edward said he'd kiss me, you know, down there, but that my crotch looked like a woodland creature. I think I laughed for an hour. After I got over being ticked off, of course. But then he made up for it and I learned that musicians have talented tongues, too.

Sometimes we talk all night, whispering conversations under the cover of old familiar songs and I make him listen The Smashing Pumpkins. We talk about life and the universe and why ours are so confusing. We talk about our moms and most of our discussions have to do with obligations to our family. I sense there's something about his obligations that he's not telling me.

"I mean, who the hell do they think they are? Who are they to decide what I should do with my life? If I ever have kids, I'm never going to put them through something like this," he rants as he sits across from me on my bedroom floor. We're playing Mancala, and Edward's not even paying attention. I've won five times in a row.

"I know. I wouldn't want my children to grow up at the marina. I would definitely move to Vegas or Laughlin or something, even Boulder City. They need a more worldly experience, you know?" I say as I drop the crystal beads around the board.

"Growing up at the marina isn't that bad, Bella. I mean, yeah, so you're kind of naive, but you're not all obsessed with social status and money like every other person I've ever met in my life. You're just you and real. It's all my dad cares about. Getting paid, writing his books, doing his research. He's so incredibly selfish and it's just shit."

"Your dad already has money, I can't believe that's the only reason he still works so much. There has to be something else," I argue.

"My dad's a control freak, Bella. He wants me to be just like him. He didn't even know me, and he already wanted me to be just like him. My mom's just as much to blame for it as he is." Edward says and I'm confused.

"What do you mean, he didn't even know you?"

"Him and my mom wrote this thing... about how they wanted me to be a doctor," he shakes his head. "It doesn't matter, it's over. It's never gonna happen now, and my life is over."

"Your life is not over, Edward. Your mom's life, it's over. My mom's life is over. Yours is just starting. You have got to stop doing this to yourself. Listen, you are in control of your life. You're twenty-four years old. What are you afraid of?"

He stares at me for so long I think he's gone catatonic and I snap my fingers in front of his face to see if he's still aware. I expect him to think it's funny but he doesn't. He doesn't answer me either and I'm not sure what to think.

The night before he leaves he sneaks into my room and his eyes are flat and dull. He doesn't say anything, just climbs in my bed when I lift the sheets and I roll on top of him. I straddle his lap as he pushes up my tank top and pulls it over my head. My hair is loose and falls long against my shoulders and down my back and Edward runs his fingers through it and then trails his hands down my spine. This is how I've made him feel better, how we made each other feel better all summer long and I don't know how I'm going to survive without him this time.

He kisses me, deep and sensual, and he tastes like rainbow sherbet. I'm sad he had an ice cream without me. He clumsily pushes my undies off my hips and down my legs and his hands are everywhere, rubbing everywhere. I quickly strip off his shirt, kissing his chest and his neck and his chin, my lips moving haphazardly all over his body because I know I won't be able to feel him tomorrow.

His hands are greedy as they massage into my breasts. He rolls his tongue and moves his lips over the perked flesh and I close my eyes and memorize what it feels like to have his mouth on me. My hands quickly unbutton his pants and I pull them down and he's inside me and I rock against him. His hands dig into my hips and then slide up my belly and over my breasts and his intense fiery eyes are all over my body with his hands. I want to feel what he feels and I run my hands over his as they roam and I watch him. I want to see what he feels, I want to see the pleasure on his face and know I put it there. I make him feel this way, I make him lose control, let go and release. Even if it's just for this moment, even if it never happens again, I want to see how I make him feel. I want to know that I'm not alone in this, that he feels this too, this connection, the stupid fucking spark. He shows me. And I show him too.

Later, we lie bare together, our legs tangled in the sheets and he draws pictures on my back and I guess what they are. I'm terrible at it and Edward surmises it's because I have a limited imagination and I'm thinking it's because he's a sucky artist.

"What happens now?" he asks and my chest _hurts_.

"I don't know," I say and he kisses my back, his fingers tracing the outline of my tattoo.

"I have to go back to Seattle tomorrow," he says and he peels a bit of sunburned skin from shoulder. "I have to figure out what I'm going to do with my life."

I want so badly to ask him to stay. I want to beg and plead and hold him here forever, but I know I can't. I would never ask him to give up his life in Seattle. He could end up just like my mom, regretting and resentful and dreaming of everything he gave up. No. It has to be his decision.

"I know." I turn over so I can look at his beautiful face and I run my fingers through his hair. "It's okay. No obligations, no expectations."

His fingers trail across my cheek and I nuzzle into his bare chest, and he smells like sweat and sunblock and I can taste the salty tears running down my face. What if he can't come back next summer? What will happen when he gets a real job? What will happen when we have to grow up? We can't do this forever. It hurts so incredibly bad that he's going to leave, but it hurts more to know he'll never be anything more than what he is to me right now. I want more, but I can't leave and he won't stay. And I have to let him go.

I wake up in the morning and I'm still naked, the sheet draped over my body and I reach out for him and I feel nothing. My eyes fly open and he's sitting on the edge of my bed, and he's holding a set of books.

"I thought you were gone," I say as I sit up and rub my eyes, quickly removing any crusties that may have deposited overnight. I pull the sheet tight across my chest and push my hair out of my face and I don't want to look at him. It will surely rip my heart out if I have to look at him.

"Not yet." He hands me the books and there's a black and white photo of a mountain of rock on the cover. "They're photography books. This guy, Ansel Adams, he took pictures of things in nature, like you do. Mostly in California, Yosemite National Park. But I thought these might be interesting to you. You shouldn't give up on your photography. I saw Alice's pictures. They're amazing."

"I didn't even develop those. She took them to Safeway in Boulder City and had them printed," I retort.

"I know. But it's like you see something right before it happens and you never miss it. You never miss those important moments and most people do. Most people get, like, right before or right after. I don't know how but you just always know right when to push that button." I run my hands over the paperback books, _The Camera, The Negative _and _The Print._

"Thank you," I whisper and Edward gets up to leave. He leans down and kisses my forehead and then he's gone.

...

**A/N:**

I have to say, this story has the most phenomenal readers ever. Thank you for all your notes and messages and tweets. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and frustrations. I appreciate every bit of them.

**SubtlePen **is Beta, **Miztrezboo **prereads and I make them send me femmeslash. You should write some for the **In the Closet Anonymous Slash Contest.**


	15. That Time You Said I Love & Meant It

**CH 14 – That Time You Said I Love You and Meant It**

_1996_

_Hootie and the Blowfish wins a Grammy for "Best New Artist."_

_In 12 months, the number of Internet host computers goes from 1 million to 10 million._

_Interest Rates at Year End reach __8.25%._

**_..._**

"Look, I sent you that invoice three weeks ago and I still haven't received any kind of verification. Well, I realize that, but that doesn't mean you can't fax it over. Not everyone has internet you know!" I close my eyes and try to take deep breaths but I can't focus on anything but the pounding in my brain.

"Fine. That will be fine." My dad slams down the phone exasperated.

"Jesus Christ, there's not one competent person at that company. A bunch of half-wit teenagers running the place." Dad rubs his eyes and smoothes his mustache streaked with gray and he looks weary and tired. Leah's dad, Harry had a heart attack a couple weeks ago. He's okay, but it really hit me how stressed my dad's been. I've already lost my mom. I don't know what I'd do if anything like that were to happen to my dad. He needs help.

Jacob up and quit on us right after Halloween. He and his girlfriend Bree moved to California to live with his brother Jared. I think they're going to start a band or some shit. Dad's been trying to take care of the maintenance issues and deal with this new launch ramp, but everyday there's some problem. This new ramp is a pain in the ass and I had no idea how much work it was going to be. We went with this company that looked good on paper, Crowley Concrete, but we've been given nothing but the runaround with these assholes. We thought they'd be good to work with because it's a family business, a father and son team out of Laughlin. Then again, the Black's are a family business and they specialize in screwing people over. Now, I feel like an idiot because this is the first big decision I've helped my dad make, without my brother or Jacob, and now it's all a mess.

I can only do so much. I take care of reservations and the bookkeeping and make sure we're still floating but the two of us can't do it all. My dad's getting old and his body isn't what it used to be. He can't crawl or climb and heavy lifting hurts his back. He's going to have to break down and hire someone. We can afford it. The books haven't been this good in years, but my dad's really particular, and he's stubborn. I think he feels like admitting he needs help is like admitting he's getting old.

"I'm going out for a smoke," I say and he just looks up at me for a millisecond, his mustache twitching as he rifles through the mound of blueprints, estimates, notes and messages on his desk. I make a mental note to clean it later when he goes home.

I walk to the store to meet Leah. It's January and the weather is nice, still cool enough for pants but the sky is sunny and bright. She's already smoking on the sidewalk, her eyes fixated on the dozen or so construction workers pounding the old cracked blacktop that used to be our launch ramp with jackhammers

"Not a bad view, huh?" she says as she hands me a cigarette from her pack. I look more carefully at the sweaty men in their dirty t-shirts, and a couple of them are really, um, developed.

"Wow, look at his arms," I say as I eye a particularly fit blonde. "They're like as big as my thighs."

"I know," Leah sighs. "Jenks can barely lift my ass onto the kitchen counter. Last week, we were trying-"

"Et, blah, la, la, rutabaga, rutabaga," I mutter the string of nonsense and plug my ears. Leah grins mischievously while I suppress the urge to vomit. I don't want to hear about her sexcapades. I think her and Jenks are going for some kind of world record or something.

We stare and smoke together in silence until one of them looks up and catches us gawking. He doesn't look like he's doing much of the work. He's standing by a big blue van and chit chatting with some of the other guys and I want to bark at them to get back to work. We're not paying them to socialize. He smiles slyly and winks and I blush, like a fricking twelve year old.

"Looks like you have an admirer," Leah laughs and I toss my spent cigarette to the ground.

"Hardly," I roll my eyes. "He thinks I'm checking him out."

"You are," Leah says.

"I am not," I protest and then proceed to shamelessly check him out. He's not very tall and he's tan, probably lives around here. His shoulders are very wide, like he works out or something. His face is friendly, and his dark hair is short and neat. He's wearing a tight gray t-shirt and jeans with a silver belt buckle that I've seen before, and my heart stutters.

"Edward has that belt," I murmur and Leah glances at me from the corner of her eye.

Edward's in Seattle figuring out what he wants to do with his life and I haven't heard from him all year. I think he tried to call once, there was a message on the office phone but it was just background noise that sounded like a party or something. I don't know for sure if it was him. I actually don't know anything but I can't hold it against him because these are the terms that we decided. No expectations, no obligations.

Year after year he expects me to wait and he's never once had to fight for me. I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed. I know Edward cares about me, but I'm not stupid. He's trying to fill a void in his life and last summer he used me. This is what I anticipated, it's how it's always been between us but I can't keep waiting around for him. I neatly wrapped up my love and secured it in a beautiful box inside my heart. It's the only way I can handle this, the only way I'm not hurting. It's the only way I can get unstuck. I feel like everyone is passing me by, _life_ is passing me by. I can't live like this, frozen, never moving forward, waiting for Edward who may or may not decide he wants me.

Rose gave birth to a beautiful baby girl with dimples and fuzzy golden hair that she named Vanessa Renee. Vanessa was born on Thanksgiving, two days after Emmett's birthday. He sent us pictures and called us from the hospital when Rose went into labor. I asked if Edward was there and my brother said he wasn't. Then I felt horrible for taking the spotlight away from his good news, so I didn't ask anything else.

"You should go talk to him," Leah urges and I give her a scowl. Leah thinks Edward's a douchebag. That's what she called him. She said he needs to get his head out of his ass, and I'm inclined to agree, but I know it's not all his fault. I know all too well what it's like to feel lost and hopeless.

"I am not going to talk to him," I say. I've been on a couple dates but nothing serious. I went out with Peter from the bar in town and he's nice, but dumb as dirt. I have nothing in common with him and he listens to Hootie and the Blowfish. I could never be with someone who likes Hootie and the Blowfish.

"This is why you'll never get over Edward, because you never _try_ to get over him. You're comfortable basking alone on your little island of delusion, aren't you?" she asks and her words fester. "What are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid," I say with a glare and she snorts.

"Right, and I'm not a chain smoker." She rolls her eyes and I hate the look on her face, like she's got me all figured out. I'm not afraid. I'm _not_, and I'm going to prove it.

I spin on my heel and march right over to the blue van, anger fueling my confidence. I set my gaze on the dark haired pectoral muscles with the belt buckle who is now enjoying his lunch. He's seated on the inside of the sliding door and I know I shouldn't bother him while he's eating, but I'm determined and angry. I see the man's face change as he notices I'm walking over towards him. In a matter of seconds, he's right in front of my face and has the oddest eyes I've ever seen. They're hazel, but more like honey and they catch me off guard the minute they meet mine.

"Hi," I say in a rigid voice and his lips curl into the sly smile again.

"Uh, hi," he says mid bite and, oh my God, I feel like a complete moron.

"What are you eating?" I ask and he looks down at his sandwich.

"Peanut butter and jelly," he smirks.

"Good choice." What am I doing? _Turn around, Bella, and stop humiliating yourself_. I am so bad at this.

"You know, I had initially doubted my decision," he says and I try not to smile. "Can I help you with something?"

"I doubt it. I'm just trying to prove a point," I say, the willingness to bullshit completely evading me.

"Do you want to split my sandwich?" he asks and I can't help it, my lips crack and I'm grinning.

"Did you just offer to share your lunch with me?" I ask in disbelief and he shrugs. He has freckles scattered across his nose and cheeks and they're really cute. In fact, he's really cute and those eyes… they're just the weirdest color.

"No thanks, I've got a licorice in there with my name on it," I say as I motion to the store behind me. "Don't want to spoil my lunch."

He chuckles and his laugh is nice. "I'm Tyler," he says as he holds out his hand and I take it.

"Nice to meet you, Tyler."

"And you're Bella," he says. "You work in the office, right?"

"Yeah," I say hesitantly and he grins sheepishly.

"I'm Tyler Crowley. You know, Crowley Concrete."

"Wait, are you the one who's been dicking me around?" I say and he's taken aback.

"Uh, no, I don't think I've been _dicking_ around." He says the word like he's going to get a time out for swearing. "We just had a misunderstanding, that's all."

"Weren't you the one who said we wouldn't be having a misunderstanding if we cleaned up our 'clerical issues?'" I ask, my hands on my hips.

"Ah, yes, and you're assuming I meant _you're_ the clerical issue," he says and I squint.

"Okay. I'm gonna go now," I say as I back away from him and his face falls.

"Hey, Bella, come on, let's start over," he says as he gets up.

"No can do, Tyleroni. I'm done with starting over. Time to move on," I say with a terse wave and I turn and walk away.

Tyler Crowley brings me peanut butter and jelly every day for the rest of the month of January, long after the launch ramp is finished, which we magically have no more issues with. He's charming and sweet, and I don't even like peanut butter and jelly but I let him sit with me and share my sandwich. He asks me out on Valentine's day and I have never had a date on Valentine's day, not even when I was dating Garrett. He thought the holiday was a ploy by the government to get the American public to buy black market blood diamonds.

I try to keep things casual, but by June, Tyler and I have gone out dozens of times and I like him, a lot. He's funny and he lets me win when we play cards. He drives in from Laughlin every weekend to see me, and he sleeps over. The first time Tyler stayed over, my dad almost shit a brick. He didn't say anything, thank God, but he did stay at Billy's that night. He's gotten used to it, and now they actually get along quite fabulously. I mean, there's really no reason not to like Tyler. He lives close, but not too close. He goes out of his way to kiss my dad's ass, but still holds firm to his convictions. He fishes, he boats, and helps my dad out with things at the marina. I think he sees a possibility in Tyler that even I haven't fathomed.

The closer it gets to the end of the month, the anxiety starts to invade. I didn't plan on liking Tyler, not even a little. I didn't plan on going out with him, or kissing him or sleeping with him. It just all happened so effortlessly and now I don't know what I'm going to say to Edward when he gets here. If he gets here, that is.

I speak with Emmett before they leave Seattle and he's unsure if Edward's coming this year. If he is, he'll be making the drive alone. I'm sure Emmett's told him about Tyler and I wonder if that's the reason he's not coming. I also wonder if he's figured out what he's going to do with his life. I wonder if he has a girlfriend, what his hair looks like, if he's seen any good movies lately and what new bands he likes.

I miss him.

I miss him so much it makes me cry. I'm sitting across from Tyler in a really nice Italian restaurant in Laughlin and I'm wearing a pretty summer dress and eating tiramisu and I'm sobbing. Tyler looks worried because I haven't ever cried in front of him before. I run to the bathroom because I'm so embarrassed.

Things with Tyler are good, the conversation is good, the sex is good, the dates are good, but the truth is, it just doesn't compare with Edward and it makes me angry. I don't want to love Edward anymore. I don't want to hurt when I think of him because it ruins all the good that he is. It ruins all the things that we've shared and what we've shared is beautiful. It's just not permanent. Edward's life is in Seattle and I can't see a reality where our worlds can be one. I think Edward knows this too and that's why he hasn't called.

Tyler waits outside the women's restroom and I decide I'm going to tell him about Edward. I have to be honest, because Tyler has to know what he's gotten himself into. He has to know that someone else holds my heart and always will, and I'll let him make the choice if he wants what's left over. It's a shitty deal, and he might walk away, but it's only fair that he knows what to expect.

We drive in silence. Tyler doesn't even turn on the radio and all I can hear is the sound of his truck's noisy exhaust. He's waiting for me to explain and I'm thinking about chickening out.

He parks next to my car outside his apartment and I know I need to tell him now because I'm not going to be coming up to sleep with him tonight. I just want to go home and curl up on my bed and maybe listen to my mixtape.

"So, I have to tell you something," I start and Tyler turns to face me and I take a deep breath. "I have this friend who visits the marina every year. And he might be coming into town for the summer."

Tyler just sits there, waiting and unfazed. I'm going to have to spell this out. Boy, this is harder than I thought it was going to be. I'm going to look like a total asshole.

_That's because you are a total asshole._

"He's like my best friend and I care about him a lot. Um, we kind of had a thing," I say and I can't help the smile twitching on my lips because it reminds me of that year Edward brought that girlfriend. God, that was like five years ago. It seems like decades.

"What kind of thing? Like, a friends with benefits thing?" Tyler says and it wipes the smile from my face.

"It's hard to explain," I whisper.

"Is he one of the two?" he asks and I nod.

"You love him." It's not a question and I nod.

"Then, geez, Bella, what the hell are you doing with me?" And I start to cry. "Right. I'm the rebound guy. God damn it." His hands pull through his hair and I can see the frustration in his tense jaw and neck.

"I really like you, more than I expected and this thing with Edward is just…I'll always love him but I can't be with him. And I want to be with you, I really do, but I thought you should know what you're dealing with."

Tyler's quiet for a long while and I think he's going to tell me to fuck off. I wipe my face and gather my purse and I'm about to get out of the car when he grabs my hand.

"Wait. You want to be with me?" he asks.

"I want to try," I say. He leans over and gives me a slow, lulling kiss.

"I can handle that."

I hope to hell that I can, too.

…

My brother and Rose drive into the marina in a brand new red Ford Windstar. It doesn't even have license plates yet. The Cullens also got a new car, a sleek silver Mercedes and Alice and Jasper are in the back seat. Edward's not with them, but this is expected.

I run straight into my brother's arms and I cry into his chest. He lifts me off the ground in a huge bear hug and he laughs.

"Since when are you such a softy?" he says and I scrunch my nose at his comment.

"Shut up, I'm never going to meet my niece for the first time again and you are not going to ruin it for me." I give him a shove and he ruffles my hair, like he used to do when we were little. My brother is a dad. This is just amazing to me and I haven't even seen the kid yet.

Rose reaches into the back seat and pulls the baby from her seat and I instantly see my brother in her chubby, cherub face. Her cheeks are pink and full and her ears are huge and she's flashing me a big drooling, toothy grin. Her golden hair is curly and tied in a tiny barrette on the top of her head. I immediately pull her against my chest and kiss the soft skin of her face. I hold her tight because without my permission, all the ways I could drop her go running through my head and I feel sick with worry. She smells so good and feels so warm and soft. I just want to hold her little body forever.

"Hi baby girl," I whisper and give her a raspberry on her cheek. She pinches my face, her little nails digging into my nose and lip and I laugh. "Ow, chick! That hurts!"

She just giggles and drools and I laugh at the silly sounds she makes as I balance her on my hip. I play peek-a-boo and mimic her sounds and it feels like we've known each other forever.

"Yep, she loves me already," I say as Rose finally takes her from my arms. I can see my dad walking up the gravel road and Emmett grabs Vanessa and carries her down to meet him. I watch from a distance as my dad pats him on the back before taking the small hand of the little girl in my brother's arms. Rose brings her hand to her mouth and I look over at her and there are tears in her eyes. I wrap my arm around my sister and I wish my mom were here.

Rose, Jasper and Alice can only stay a couple weeks because of their work schedules. They'll be leaving after the Fourth, but Emmett's planning on keeping Vanessa and staying the rest of the summer. It's amazing how Emmett just knows how to be a dad but, then again, I guess he had a good example.

It's really strange seeing my friends and family without Edward. I'm not devastated like last time, because I was kind of prepared. Still, it hurts. I watch the road from time to time, like any second his car's just going to appear on the gravel and everything will be as it should. God, I miss him. I miss my friend and I can't stand them being here without him. It just brings back all those memories I've fought all year to repress.

Everything feels off, and I can't relax. I need to talk to him. I feel uneasy, like he's upset with me and his absence is his way of telling me off. I wish he would have just had the guts to come and yell at me to my face.

We decide to stay in the marina for the Fourth because Rose doesn't want to take Vanessa out on the water, even though my dad says that both Emmett and I were out on the boat before we could crawl. I invite Tyler, and Leah and Jenks come too and we barbeque on the private beach in one of the fire pits.

Dr. Cullen and my dad play horseshoes and Jenks and Jasper talk about inflation. Mrs. Cullen, Alice and I play with Vanessa, dipping her toes into the water. Leah assaults Rose with all kinds of grossly inappropriate placenta and uterus questions while I try to tune them out. All Emmett talks about is some alien invasion movie that came out yesterday and we make plans to drive into Boulder City to see it. Tyler is a perfect gentleman, of course, and limits PDA to hand holding and I'm quietly grateful. I told him that this was Edward's family and I could see the stress leave his body when I told him Edward wasn't here. I felt guilty because I was angry with him for being happy about that. It's killing me that Edward's not here and Tyler is happy about it.

When it gets dark, Rose and Emmett take the baby back to our house to put her to bed. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen say goodnight and take off. My dad kisses me on the forehead before saying goodnight. The rest of us sit around the campfire and talk until the wood has all burned up. All that's left is meandering red and orange lines that slowly burn in the darkness.

"So we bought a house!" Alice announces, her dark hair layered and bouncy around her face and she looks like Rachel from Friends. "It's adorable. It's not in the city, but in a little suburb, kinda close to the house Rose and Emmett just bought."

"Wow, congratulations!" I say and Alice beams.

"Well, we figured we should do it now, before interest rates get too high," she says and already my mind is wandering. Oh my God, interest rates? I don't even have a checking account and they're talking about interest rates. I feel like an infant.

I'm sitting between Tyler's knees, leaning against his chest and I'm almost falling asleep when Alice murmurs something beside me that makes me jolt out of my drowsiness.

"Edward. He's here." She gets up from her chair next to Jasper and I turn around to see his silhouette heading down the sidewalk by the store. My stomach drops and I feel like I might throw up. Shit, shit, shit!

Tyler's arm snakes around my waist and I feel like I can't breathe. The heat is suffocating and I don't like his arm around me. It feels like a vice but I know what he's trying to do. He's claiming me, attaching himself to send a very clear message. _She's mine._

His possessiveness is not endearing.

I want to push him away but I know that is the wrong thing to do. So I let his arm rest against my stomach but my whole body is tense and awkward.

"Edward!" Alice calls him over. He's on the sand now by the swings and I see his gait falter. This is going to bother him, like it bothers me to think of him with someone else, but it's just the way it is.

"Hey, kids," he says, cool as a cucumber as he approaches. His eyes are on me, burning, flickering eyes alight with a soft glow from the dying fire. I can hardly make out the features of his face, but I can see his eyes, his long lashes interrupting their glow. I don't care, I have to hug him. It's okay to hug your friends, even in front of your boyfriend.

_Not friends you sleep with._ Slept with. Whatever.

I detach from Tyler's heavy arm. Edward's surprised as I approach him. It's plain on his face and his cool façade falters for a moment. He smiles sadly, but then it's gone and a cynical grin replaces it. I hug him nonetheless. I know he's disappointed, but I want him to know that I stand by my pinky promise. Best friends, no matter what.

Edward doesn't return the hug. I feel his body cold against mine and everything feels wrong.

"Glad you could make it," I say and he snorts and I glare at him. No one says a word and I hate this feeling so much, like we're dancing on shards of glass and with one wrong move, we're slicing open an artery and bleeding out.

Edward's eyes shift to Tyler on the sand and he stands, a whole head shorter than Edward and I see a cocky grin. I just know Edward's eating this up and it makes me grind me teeth.

"You're new," Edward says and I swallow.

"Tyler Crowley," he says and holds out his hand and Edward stares at his rough, calloused hand.

"I'm Eddie," he says and accepts the handshake. It's my turn to snort. This is so not fair, that I'm meant to feel guilty about this, like I've betrayed him or something. I get that he's upset, but he doesn't have to be such an ass and I'm torn between punching him and buying him an ice cream.

"Nice to meet you, Eddie," Tyler says and I cringe.

"No one calls him Eddie," I interrupt and they both turn to glare at me. "Well, except vampire monster witches."

Tyler looks confused but I see Edward's lips twitch into an almost smile, and I'll take it.

"So, what deep, philosophical topic are we discussing tonight? Time travel?" Edward says as he settles to the ground and I exhale with relief. I sit down next to him and Tyler hesitates before seating himself at my side, his arm around my waist again and I let him leave it there.

"Interest rates," I say, and the conversation resumes. Edward glances out of the corner of his eye, his eyes drifting to Tyler's arm and back up to my face and I'm just itching to explain. I need to talk to him, alone. I try to convey it all in this one silent look: I'm sorry, I need to explain, I missed you.

Edward just looks away and my stomach knots. At least he came. That must mean something. If he really hated me, he would have just stayed away.

Or, maybe he would have showed up last minute and acted like an ass in front of my boyfriend.

I sigh, my eyes fixated on the glowing embers in the fire pit. Once I explain, he'll understand.

_Be real Bella, what's there to understand? You've moved on and now you've hurt him. _

He hurt me, too.

God, who am I kidding? It's not a competition.

In this situation, neither of us will win.

Tyler doesn't sleep over. He has to work in the morning, but I make it known that I don't really want company tonight. He's worried, I can tell, but this is why I had to tell him about Edward. As much as I like being with Tyler, Edward was my friend first and I owe him an explanation. I can't deny that I'm far more worried about Edward. Maybe it's because I know how secretly vulnerable he is, or because I know he's been going through this quarter-life crisis thing, but I know Edward needs me.

I'm just falling asleep when I hear a light tap on my window, and my heart is pounding. I'm shocked he's even here, knowing I have a boyfriend. He knows I shouldn't let him in. It's a test, and it's going to hurt him if I don't. It's going to hurt me, too. But it's going to hurt Tyler if I do. I open my blinds and there he is, his eyes are sullen and downcast and I don't know what to do. He looks up at me, swirling fiery green, and I sigh. I can't refuse him and he knows it. I'm pathetic.

I open my window but I don't pop out the screen.

"You can come in the front door, you know," I say and he licks his lips.

"What about your dad?" he asks. Oh my God, what are we twelve?

"Just go around to the front door."

"I like climbing in your window," he smirks and I have to admit, I like it too. It reminds me of old times, when things were so much simpler. Now it just seems sneaky and deceitful.

"Just go to the door, Edward," I say quietly and he nods. I shut my window and pull on my sleep shorts. And then put on my bra. And then I change out of my tank top and put on a bigger t-shirt.

Oh for fuck's sake, this is ridiculous.

Edward's sitting on the porch and I sit down next to him on the step. He looks over at me and my stomach flutters. He looks just the same, except for the short hair. I don't like it.

"Do you love him?" he asks me and I'm momentarily stunned. Geez, no warm up or anything. I didn't even get to stretch my explanation muscles. He's going straight for the kill.

"I don't think so." Edward stares into my eyes and I think my response has him confused. It has me confused, too, because up until this moment my answer would have been a definite no. I don't love Tyler. Although, this feeling that's overwhelming me right now, this consideration I'm harboring for Tyler, has me thinking maybe I do love him, or maybe partly love him. I know I love Edward; that will never change. Is it possible to love two people at the same time?

"I'm going back to school. I have to get my Ph.D., that's not an option, but I'm not cut out for medical school. I'm thinking science teacher, biology. You know, inspire the masses," he shrugs and I smile.

"You'd be a really good teacher. You're very patient and you'd be great with kids. But you don't need a Ph.D. to be a teacher," I say and his eyes soften.

"I know. But it's what my mom wanted. She wanted me to be a doctor, and this way I can still…" he stops and looks away, his gaze finding his fingernails.

"Still what?" I ask and he sighs.

"I can still make her proud, at least."

"Edward, I'm sure she'd be proud of you no matter what. You're an amazing person and a really loyal son. And it's brave of you to go back to school. _I'm_ proud of you," I say and he holds his head in his hands. I see a tear slip down his cheek and land on his khaki shorts.

"Hey," I say and place my hand on the back of his neck but he refuses to look at me. "Edward?"

"No, forget it. I'm proud of me too. Or I will be. When this is all done," he shrugs away from my touch and I fold my hands in my lap, my chest throbbing at his rejection. "I gotta go."

"Really? You have to go? Where would you possibly have to go?" I ask, incredulous.

"I don't know. I just want to go." He picks at a scab on his elbow and I wonder how he got hurt.

"Okay," I say and I'm helpless. He stands but he hesitates.

"You could ask me to stay, you know."

"No, I can't. I have a boyfriend."

"That's not what I meant." He takes off running and I call after him, but he's gone, the darkness of the desert swallowing him up. The gentle thud of his feet is replaced by the quiet hum of generators and the rhythmic chirp of cicadas.

…

The next month is the most awkward month of my life. Tyler drives into the marina every weekend and he sleeps over and we have sex and it feels empty. I fake it half a dozen times because Tyler's a hard worker and won't give up until he thinks I'm good. That's what he asks me, "You good?" and I nod and he comes inside me. I feel like such a liar.

Rose, Jasper and Alice leave shortly after the Fourth of July. Edward sticks around but I don't know why. I don't know if he's waiting for me to change my mind or come to my senses or what, but he doesn't leave. I see him outside on the docks, feeding the fish or taking off on the boat all alone. He keeps his distance and I'm irritated because of all the times he brought various people to our place, I never once treated him poorly for it. At the very least I maintained our friendship, even when it killed me. I always put Edward, my best friend, first, because I promised him that I would. No matter what.

Leah's living vicariously in what she perceives to be sweet vindication. She thinks it's great that Edward's so upset about this. "Give him a taste of his own medicine," she told me, but it's different now. This would be okay if we were nineteen and talking about some stupid, insignificant crush, but we're not. It's so much more than that and the importance of my relationship with Tyler weighs heavily on my choices. I know if it were any other guy, I'd be able to walk away, even if it was just for the summer, to be with Edward. I can't do that to Tyler. He loves me. He's a part of my world here at the marina and he's a good second choice, maybe the best second choice I'm ever going to get.

I play with my niece and help Emmett change her diapers and feed her and put her to sleep. My heart pulses when I think of how she's going to leave in just a few weeks. I want to go with them. I've actually thought about it, packing my shit and moving with Emmett to Seattle. I would be in their world, in Edward's world and I would do it in an instant if it weren't for the fact that my dad needs me here now more than ever.

It's not just my dad anymore. I have friends here too. Leah is like my sister, and the thought of not seeing her every day sends me into a panic. Even Jenks has gotten under my skin. He's like a permanent fixture around the store on the weekends. Then, there's Tyler. I just don't know if I could give up the certainty of what I have here for a possibility of what I could have in Seattle. Tyler is a sure thing. Edward is just confusing. I know close to nothing about Edward's life in Seattle. What if I don't fit in there? What if I move and everything falls apart? What if all Edward wants in me is someone to make him feel better during the summer? I used to think that Edward would be my friend no matter what but now look? I tried to live and he won't speak to me.

I'm on the dock, having a smoke with Leah when I see him on the swings. He's watching me and I've had enough. This isn't fair, the way he can just disregard our friendship because his ego is bruised. He's acting like a spoiled brat. I'm going to talk to him, get it all out, and I can't think of a better time than right now.

I toss my spent cigarette to the ground and Leah looks at me warily as I march over to the swings. He watches me the whole time and he can tell I'm coming over to fight with him. I can see him gearing up for it, his face changing from sad to slate as I grab the chains of his swing and look him square in the eye, our noses bumping as his swing sways.

"You pinky promised," is all I say. I walk away and he's following me. I head into the Laundromat because really, it's the only place I can think of that's secluded enough for a raging argument. And believe me, I plan on yelling.

"What do you mean by that?" he snipes and I turn around and slam the door shut once he's inside.

"You know what I mean. You pinky promised. You said we'd be friends no matter what. You are such a hypocrite," I yell, poking him in the chest and he's furious.

"_I'm_ a hypocrite. Oh Christ, Bella!" Edward walks away from me and he paces in the small room. "You...you have no idea what this is like for me, you have no fucking clue. To see you with that guy. He's...he's short and his hands were all over you-"

"He's not that short," I interrupt and Edward just glares at me.

"What are you doing with him?" Edward trembles, his lips sneer and I stammer.

"I'm trying to have a real relationship. My life doesn't just stop when you leave. I'm tired of waiting for you to maybe show up or to maybe want me. I can't do it anymore."

"Bullshit! It's all bullshit, Bella." His voice booms through the small room and sounds amplified against the metal casings of the machines. "You're with him because he's here, because he's easy and safe. You're with him because he fits into your world, because he can help you run the marina, because he's who your dad approves of. You're with him because you don't want to be alone anymore, because someone, anyone, is better than having nothing. You're with him because you're scared."

"I'm not scared," I say through clenched teeth, my eyes blurred, my skin prickling at his words.

"I know what you're doing. I used to do it, too. I used to search frantically for someone who could take you off my mind, someone who could fill that emptiness. I've only ever felt full, whole, complete here, with you."

"You're just mad because I'm not sitting around waiting anymore. I'm sorry, but things change, people change." I can barely get the words out as I try to remember my argument. All my reasons, all my rationalizing seems ridiculous now.

"Nothing ever changes! Every year I come here, I will it to change. Every year I think I won't want you, that I won't feel it, that I'll be able to resist, and every year it's still there. I pray that you'll ask me to stay, that you'll let me inside your head, that you'll chase me and want me enough to take a risk and nothing ever changes. Every year it's still there, this unbearable ache that I can't get rid of. Persistent, gnawing, and gouging out the inside of my chest. It never changes. It's been thirteen years. And nothing's changed." His face is very close to mine, and I can feel the frustration vibrating in the room.

"You break me, year after year and still, I come back to you. Still, I spend every fucking day, ten months, 304 days, waiting for the summer. It's all I live for. It's all I worry about. How can I get back here, how can I get to you. And every year, you push me away. And you pull me back in. You keep me at a distance, even when you let me get close. Every year, I want to give up. And every year, I can't." His voice is soft now and my head swims with his declarations.

"You didn't call me. You had sex with me and then you ignored me for months, Edward. We've been through this before. If you wanted to get to me so bad, you should have found a way," I spit back.

"Look, I was a little freaked out when I left here last summer. I've had sex, but I've never had love," he says. "And I've never had sex, or made love, with the same person more than once. I didn't know how to do this with you. I didn't know how to deal with all the things I was feeling, it was just too much. I shut down. And you moved on." It's an accusation.

"We don't make sense. All we ever do is hurt each other. We're just from two different worlds, we're too different. We don't understand each other," I mumble as the tears stream down my cheeks. I break him. I hurt him. Every year I've hurt him, and I feel sick. This whole time I thought it so easy for him to leave me behind. I thought I was making things easier for him and this whole time, he's been hurting, just like me.

"I love you, Bella." He grabs my shoulders and I watch the words leave his full lips, his tongue dancing around his teeth. "I've loved you since I first saw you on that dock, with your bread and your braid and your big snotty attitude. I agree, we're not the same, but together we balance. Can't you see how well we balance each other? You've always said no obligations, no expectations but I want to be obligated to you. I want you to expect me to call and then get all shitty pissed when I forget. I want to have to make it up to you by bringing you flowers and ice cream and then I want to make love to you until you forget anything wrong I've ever done and just love how much I love you."

I inhale as he drags his thumb across my cheek, his fingers pushing my hair away from my face. Tears fall and his face is blurry. All I see is green and red and it's so quiet now, like a vacuum in space. I almost don't want to interrupt it with breathing. He loves me. Edward wants to be obligated to me.

"I love you, too," I whisper, and the room wakes up. I hear the hum of washing machines around me, the buzz of the light, the soft whisper of Edward breathing. His hands still pull through my hair and over my face, and then over my shoulders and back to my arms. "But what are you going to do, Edward? Are you going to stay here? Give up school and move to some Podunk shit town to run a marina and be with a river girl?" I pull away. It doesn't make a bit of difference if we love each other. Edward was right, nothing changes. He can't move here. We both know it, and I can't leave.

"All you ever had to do was ask and I would have given it all up, everything." He's pleading with me. He wants me to ask him to stay, but I can't. It has to be his choice.

"I could never make you do something like that for me. I could never ask you to give up everything. What kind of person would that make me? It's what my dad did to my mom and she left us. She changed her mind and she hated my dad for it. You'd resent me. Maybe not at first, but later, when we're middle aged and you think of what your life could have been. I…I could never be responsible for ruining your life."

"Why do you think that would ruin my life? You think you're at such a disadvantage here. You think the whole world is against you when, truthfully, you've never tried to be anything other than 'just a river girl.' Don't even take that the wrong way because I know what you're thinking." He catches my eye and I look away. Damn him for knowing my brain.

"All I'm saying is, if you don't like it, fucking man up and change it. Stop bitching about your life and start living it, Bella! You could do so much, you could fucking publish a whole goddamn book with all the pictures you've taken, but you never will. You're afraid. You're afraid to leave, you're afraid to live, you're afraid to love. You're afraid to love me. Shit, you're afraid to love yourself."

I can't even retort because everything he says is true. I _am_ afraid. I'm afraid to try because if I try and fail then there really is no hope for my future. What if I try to be with Edward and it doesn't work out, and I lose him forever? I keep him at a distance not because I'm afraid to love him, but because I'm afraid that it won't be enough. I've seen too many failed relationships to know love isn't enough.

"You could have left with me. We could have gotten in my car and I would have driven you anywhere you wanted to go but you'll never leave here."

"My dad…"

"Is an excuse. He'd be fine. He'd hire someone else."

"It's not reality Edward. When you're here, you're on vacation. It's temporary. You don't have to worry about work or school or…laundry. We have ice cream and boat rides and naps on the cove. What we have, it isn't real…"

"Bella, you're the only real thing that I have. Why don't you understand that?"

"I can't."

"I know. And I know what's going to happen. I'm going to leave and you're going to marry this guy and have his babies, and take care of the marina and your dad and Leah and everyone else. And it'll be a second-choice life. Won't it? Because I know your first choice. I know it includes me and Vegas and I play the piano and you wear a sequined dress and you sing. You sing, Bella, and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard." I'm sobbing. My heart is wrenched open and it's bleeding. Gushing. And it's just pain, so much pain I wonder if I'll ever breathe again. I've always told him no and now, I've obligated myself to someone else.

"And you know what shits me? You know what makes me really pathetic? When it happens, on the day you get married or when you have your first kid, I'll still be here. I'll still be your best friend, no matter what." He whispers the words and he kisses my forehead and I grapple onto him. I hug him so tight, I'm afraid I might be hurting him and I kiss his face as the tears stream down my cheeks. He pulls away, his hands fold over my arms and he wrenches free from my hold.

"Edward, please? I just need time, to figure this out," I murmur and he just shakes his head and kisses my cheek.

"We've had time." He lets his lips graze against my skin, he inhales once and then he's out the door. I'm yelling for him but it's like I'm underwater, my voice isn't strong enough, isn't loud enough, my legs can't move fast enough. It's not enough, too little, too late and I stand at the swings and watch the tail lights of his old Volvo disappear down the uneven road. I've lost him.

How many years are we going to do this? How many times am I going to push him away and pull him back, a great tidal force of hurt, a constant beating and rolling and pummeling of monumental rock until all that's left is little tiny grains of what we used to have. I'm confused and trembling and all I can see right now is Edward and I in a church only he's not the one I'm binding myself to and I feel sick to my stomach.

I stumble home, a hysterical mess of a human being. My dad is seated on the couch, watching Seinfeld and he's laughing but he immediately jumps up when I burst through the door.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asks me and my lower lip trembles when I try to speak.

"Daddy," I sob and I'm in his arms in an instant. I cling to his t-shirt and he smoothes my hair and I can barely stand. Everything is just so messed up and I don't even know how to go about starting to fix it. "I don't know what to do."

"It's okay, honey. Everything's gonna be fine," he shushes me and I breathe him in great heaping lung-fulls, all cigarettes and beer. And I know he's right, everything will be fine eventually. It just really, really sucks now.

"Dad, how did you do it? When Mom left, and never came back. How did you get over losing her?" I ask him and his hold tightens.

"I didn't. I'll never get over losing her," he says and I frown. This is the answer I expected. I want him to have some secret, some dumb saying that will make it all better. But my dad's a straight shooter. He tells it like it is, even when it hurts.

"You kids make it a little bit easier, though," he says and kisses my forehead and I know he's remembering her, remembering his life before she left, before she died and I feel his body solidify. "It's like I still have a part of her in you two."

"Everything's so messed up, Dad. I'm so lost. I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I'm scared," I mumble into my dad's t-shirt.

"That's my fault," my dad says and I look up at him, confused. "Everything I do, I have you kids in mind, everything. I've only ever wanted to protect you, Bella, to make sure you're always taken care of. This marina, it's all I've got. It's all I have to give you. I mean, I grew up here, same as you Bells, and I know what it feels like to be obligated to something you don't want."

"Dad, it's not that I don't want it. I love the river, I love the marina, I do. I just want other things too. I want experiences outside of our little bubble. I want to fail at things and succeed too and I want to feel scared and excited and proud of myself. I don't know, it sounds like a lot to want and it's selfish. But I feel like I'm a stranger, like I don't know me."

"Well, then I guess there's only one thing to do," my dad says and he pulls away and sits back down on the couch. "You're fired."

"What?" I ask him, unsure if I heard him correctly.

"You're fired." His eyes don't sway from the television.

"But what about the marina? The bookkeeping? Who…what are you going to do?" I ask him dumbfound. What does he think he's doing?

"I'll hire someone new. Maybe move Leah up to the books. She's good at math and logic and stuff. I've seen some of those puzzle books she obliterates while she's supposed to be working," he winks at me.

"You can't fire me," I argue. "I know what you're trying to do and I'm not going to let you. You need help."

"Like hell I can't! I can do whatever I want. And you're fired. It's about time you learned about the real world and how good you've had it here. Now you give me a hug before I change my mind, missy." And I throw myself into my father's arms and I cry while he chuckles.

I whisper into his shoulder and he kisses my forehead and his mustache tickles my skin.

"Thank you."

...

**A/N:**

Thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate them so much and wish I could take you all to the river with me next weekend.

I did an interview with the lovely **ColdplayWhore **that will be up on **P.I.C.'s FanFic Corner** (linkage on my profile) this Friday. Check it out if you want to hear more of my rambling nonsense.

**SubtlePen **beta's and **Miztrezboo **prereads, and they are the tops, like Fred and Ginger. I'm the dirty to their dancing. Did you all see the deleted dry hump? Youtube it.


	16. That Time Your Dad Got Divorced

**CH 15 – That Time Your Dad Got Divorced**

_1997_

_Batman and Robin is released in theaters June 20__th__. _

_Scientists in Scotland reveal the __first successful cloning __of an adult __mammal__, __a __sheep named Dolly._

_The Foo Fighters release their second album, The Colour and the Shape._

…

"Shoot at a variety of focal lengths," I read aloud from my textbook on the roof of the general store. The sun is just starting to fall behind the tall red hills that surround the marina and I'm on the roof so I can get a good silhouette. I need a sunset photo for my photography class and I've already fucked up an entire roll of film because I didn't use the proper shutter speed. I got a C on the assignment. I asked my professor if I could redo the project and she said yes because, well, she loves me. I've taken three classes with her and she thinks I'm very talented. Yep, I'm a star pupil. Who knew?

I started taking classes at the Community College in Henderson last fall. Jenks helped me fill out the application for a student loan and while it sucks that I'll have to pay interest, he said to think of it as an investment. I was just going to take a couple photography classes but Emmett said I should at least take the general education requirements. Then, if I decide I like college, I can transfer to a University or something.

This last semester I took a literature and astronomy class and two of my photography requirements. I've been rocking a full schedule each term and it's been so much easier to keep up with classes now that I don't have to worry about work. My dad put Leah in the office and she's a whiz on the computer. She is, by far, a better choice to work the books than I ever was. He hired this girl, Siobhan or something, to work in the store and although he needs help around the marina, he won't hire me back. I told him I could work part-time but he refused, which kind of sucks because I'd like a little extra cash once in a while. Actually, I don't really need anything. I have some money left over from my loan and I don't pay rent, or for groceries, or any other bills, but sometimes Tyler wants to go out and I hate him having to pay my way all the time.

After Edward left last summer, I threw myself into, well, myself. I wanted to chase him, get in my car and drive to Seattle and find him, but I knew if I did that I'd just be trading one crutch for another. I needed to find out what I was capable of on my own, without the marina, without Edward, without my excuses and fears. I needed to have experiences that didn't revolve around him. I needed to get out.

Okay, so driving into Henderson four days a week is not really out, I know this. But it's a start and I'm good at what I'm doing. I'm proud of myself when I finish a class or when I get a good grade on a project. School is a great distraction and I like meeting new people. I met someone from Alaska the other day and it reminded me of how when I was little, I wanted to meet someone from every state.

I'm not sure if any of the Cullen's are coming to the river this year. Rose has to work, but my brother might bring Vanessa closer to my birthday and the anniversary of our mom's death. Alice and Jasper are going to the Amazon or some shit for their anniversary and Emmett said things haven't been too great between Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. I guess she left him and now they're talking divorce. Rose was livid with Dr. Cullen, said he's a work-a-holic and takes her mom for granted but I'm more worried about Edward. I haven't heard from him, but I asked my brother about him. He's gone back to school and is working at the university or something. They have dinner once a month with him and his new girlfriend, Heidi. I'm glad he's doing well but I still feel like things are unresolved between us. It's true, he will always be my first choice, but sometimes you don't get your first choice. Sometimes, being happy with your second choice isn't so bad.

I am happy, too. Tyler is a really great person and fits well in my life. I love him, and when he asked me to marry him last week, I only suffocated a little bit. I haven't given him an answer yet. Well, actually, I told him he was fucking insane, but he was really sweet about it. He said he doesn't care if we get married, that he'll take whatever part of me I'm willing to give him, but he just thought I should know that ,if I wanted to, he would marry me in an instant. He asked me to think about it and I'm giving myself until my twenty-sixth birthday to come up with an answer. I know Tyler wants to get married, wants a family soon, but I've always been a little behind, a bit slow to the self-discovery party. I'm just not willing to give up myself yet. I might want that stuff too someday. Just not today.

I adjust to a quicker shutter speed and decide to use the wide angle to get a landscape shot. The river softly bends like ribbon through the gentle rolling hills that surround the marina and everything is curves, quite a contrast to the sharp cliffs further up stream. There's a few cottony clouds dotting the sky and I adjust the focus to get a clean, crisp shot. The sky starts to change, prismatic iridescence dashing across the wide blue and I keep shooting, adjusting the shutter speed and wishing I would have just dragged the stupid tripod up here. The sun is sinking quickly and I catch a glimpse of the fading streaks of color reflecting off the windshields of the dozens of motorhomes already parked in the campground. The flashes of light are blinding and I bring my lens to capture the wide frame…and I stop.

A sleek silver Mercedes is driving along the gravel path. The car parks at the Cullen's unit and Edward gets out of the passenger seat, followed by Dr. Cullen from the driver's side. It's just the two of them and I'm guessing this is some kind of father-son bonding trip. I use my camera to zoom in on him in the fading light and I feel like a total weirdo because I'm staring. I want to see how his features have changed, really see him, before he sees me and it becomes awkward.

It's dusk and I can't see anything now. The sun is gone. I sigh and toss my things into my tote bag and slowly inch my way towards the ladder I set against the side of the building. My sweaty hands are slippery on the railing, the metal hot from being outside and I have to wait until it cools before I can climb down. I'm sitting on the edge of the roof when I see Edward traipsing down the sidewalk to our swings. I put my fingers in my mouth and whistle loud and clear and he looks up and I wave. He startles before changing direction and stops at the base of the ladder.

"What the hell are you doing up there?" he asks as he looks up at me and I can see the soft bulbs of the marina lanterns flickering in his fiery green. He looks the same, so familiar, like a boy I once knew and I can't help but smile at my old friend.

"Didn't you hear? I'm a superhero now. I just sit up here and wait for superhero stuff to happen. They're going to summon me with a huge spotlight any moment. It's a pretty cool gig." I shrug and his lips curl up into a grin.

"Sounds awesome. Do you need a sidekick?" he asks.

"Why, do you want to be my superhero sidekick?

"Depends. Who's your favorite Batman?" he grins and I scoff.

"Oh my God, like it's even a contest. Michael Keaton, for sure."

"That's my girl," he says as he starts to climb the ladder. "Shit! That's fucking hot!"

"I know. That's why I'm still up here." He shrugs out of his plaid overshirt and uses it to guard his hands against the heated aluminum as he climbs the ladder and sits beside me. It's still hot out, but Edward's body is cool from the miles of recent air conditioning and I let my arm rest against his.

"So, really, what are you doing up here?" he asks and I motion to my tote.

"I was working on something, for school," I say and he nods, his lips pursed in contemplation.

"Emmett said you were taking classes. Photography?"

"Yeah, amongst other things. I might want to transfer to UNLV, like in a year or so, when I have enough units. Turns out I'm not so bad at this photography thing." Edward turns to stare at me.

"No shit, Sherlock! I told you that, like eons ago," he says and I shrug.

"What can I say? I have a thick skull, apparently. And I might just be a little bit stubborn," I concede and Edward laughs, the loudest I've ever heard him laugh before. He throws his arm around my shoulder and it's easy, it's comfort and it's natural and I sigh in gentle relief.

"So you're still with that guy, Taylor, or Tyrone or whatever?" he asks with a teasing grin and I roll my eyes.

"His name's Tyler. And yeah, I'm still with him." I settle into his side and he leans his head against mine.

"Do you love him?" he asks quietly and I nod.

"Yeah, I do."

"Then, I guess I love him too," Edward murmurs and I feel my chest expand, my eyes fill with silent tears that don't spill and his arm tightens around my shoulder.

"I missed you," I say and I feel him shift. The moon is low now and reflects off the glassy water. There's not even a hint of a breeze out here, and the heat still swells around us even though the sun is gone.

"Yeah, I missed you too."

"I thought you weren't coming back," I say and he sighs.

"I wasn't. I didn't want to come, but my dad gave me a huge ass guilt trip. Esme left him. She moved out and wants a divorce. My dad thought it would be good for just the two of us to bond or some shit."

"I'm glad you came. And I'm glad you don't hate me anymore," I say and he pulls away, his eyes intent on my face.

"Bella, I have never hated you. I was upset and hurt and jealous but I never hated you," he says with sharp conviction.

"Well, I hated you. Lots of times," I exaggerate the words and he laughs because he knows it's only a little bit true.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," I say after his laughter has quieted.

"I'm sorry I hurt _you_," he repeats my words and pushes my hair behind my ear and I'm embarrassed by how sweaty I am.

"So then, it's a truce. A stale mate, a cat's game. We're even then," I joke and he chuckles.

"Yeah, we're even."

...

"Tyler, you're more than welcome to come along," I say and I hear him sigh over the phone.

"I can't, I have to be at a site early in the morning. Can't you wait until next weekend?"

"No, there's going to be all kinds of smoke and shit in the air after the fireworks. I think it'll add an interesting element to my sunrise photo. I can't wait, or I'll have to wait a whole year," I explain. Again. I guess I know why he's worried. I guess I wouldn't like the idea of Tyler camping out on the cove with his…Edward equivalent. Edward's never been my boyfriend, but he's never been just my friend, either. He's just my Edward. There really is no other way to explain it.

"I have to get this shot. Edward's dad will be there and Leah and Jenks, maybe even my dad. It's not a big deal, I promise." I feel like a child asking for permission.

"I know, I trust you. I just…alright, you call me as soon as you get back into the marina though. So I know you're safe." Tyler's voice is full of doubt. Right, because it's my safety he's worried about.

"I'll be fine," I say, the words tight and even. Like I can't handle one night on the river! I'd be out there on my own if it weren't for the fact that Edward's dad wanted to spend the Fourth on the cove. Edward asked me to come along and, since I need to get this sunrise shot anyway, I agreed. It's not anything new, really. We do this every year.

"It's not you I'm worried about," Tyler replies.

"I know. But your ire is unnecessary," I say and Tyler snorts.

"Alright, alright, stop trying to confuse me with your big college words," he chuckles.

"What? I paid for this vocabulary, I'm going to use it, damn it!" I contend, sounding like my dad.

"Call me tomorrow," he says.

"I will."

"I love you." His voice is soft.

"I know. I love you too."

"Okay, be good," he persists and I feel like I'm twelve.

"I'm hanging up now!" I say.

"Okay, good-bye, Bella." His voice falters and the line goes dead.

We follow Dr. Cullen's boat out to the cove and I can see Edward sitting on the back bench all by himself. He's pissed at his dad. He practically begged me to come along, said he couldn't stand the thought of spending all night on the water with his dad alone.

"Please," he pleaded. "You don't want that man's murder on your conscience, do you?"

"I guess not," I shrugged. "Besides, you're far too delicate for prison."

"Like I'd go to prison. I've seen every episode of Law and Order. I'm pretty sure I could get away with murder." He's such a cocky little shit.

Leah and Jenks sit on the bench in the back of my dad's boat and she keeps giving me these looks. She's wary of this whole situation, just like Tyler and I've just about had it with their lack of confidence. I mean, honestly, what do they think is going to happen? Like I can't spend one night with Edward without jumping his bones? It's completely insulting.

We decide to go to Home Cove this year. There's a little arm that snakes back into the hills and the mountains that surround the bend of water are rolling and soft. The bank is sandy, surrounded with low trees and shrubs, and it's pretty protected from the wind. It stays hotter here, because the hills aren't as high, but there's a spectacular view of the river to the East, a perfect spot for capturing the sun right as it shows itself in the morning. We call it Home Cove because it's the cove we visited most often when we were kids. It's like our second home.

Edward wants to go for a hike as soon as we get the canopy set up, before it gets too hot, he claims. My new shoes cut into the back of my heels. Sweat saturates my shirt and I'm tempted to discard the fabric but then I think of Leah's disapproving glances and I frown. Edward doesn't give a shit about disapproving glances and he sheds his shirt as soon as we start the climb. A baseball cap hides his reddish hair and he tucks his shirt into the back of his shorts. I walk behind him, watching his Vans scatter dirt. The muscles of his back flex and tiny trails of perspiration slide over the freckled skin as he marches forward. I'm glad I let him lead.

We reach the summit and are met with blinding brightness. The sun reflects off the white shale and granite, the large rocks set in the hard earth like cobblestone and Edward bends down to inspect a rock. He picks up the shiny, black stone. It's sharp and oddly split at curved angles.

"Volcanic glass," he says. "Obsidian. See how the fissure is concave? That's because the molten rock cooled so quickly, the crystals were unable to organize themselves. They were unable to make the proper bonds. So now, when it breaks, it breaks at those bonds that are the weakest."

I run my fingers along the ridges of the black rock settled in Edward's palm, the unorganized bonds having succumbed to the pressure of the intense heat. It's sharp and splintered, a curved fraction of what it used to be. It's still beautiful, oddly shaped, unique in its imperfection and completely one of a kind. I like this rock. I want to keep it.

"Can I have it?" I ask and he puts it in one of his large cargo pockets, my eyes glancing at the lithe muscles of his chest and stomach and I quickly look away.

"Sure. I'll hold on to it for you." He pushes up his hat to wipe the sweat from his forehead, a smudge of dust smearing on his skin. So fricking cute.

People with boyfriends are allowed to think other people who have girlfriends are cute, I've decided.

We keep walking and my blistered heels are killing me, the dirt grinding into the wounds but I force myself to ignore it. Edward pockets a dozen more rocks and shells before we find our way to probably the most interesting thing about this cove. The hilltop is covered in white stones, some embedded in the dirt, some free and scattered and visitors have arranged the rocks into patterns. Over time, as it storms, the rocks become trapped in the clay-like mud and frozen in their arrangements. Initials, names, messages, swear words, they're all spelled out with stones across the large span of dry, cracked desert.

"Whoa, this is awesome!" he says and he reads some of the messages. "D & K, 1978. Bite me, 4:20."

"Fucking potheads," he laughs and I'm searching. Ages ago, Emmett and I arranged our initials but I'm having a hard time finding them. I remember I used this red rock and I marked it with a piece of burnt firewood, so I would always remember my spot but it's been years and they all look the same.

"I can't find mine," I say dejected and Edward chuckles.

"So make a new one," he says and sets to work collecting his own free rocks. I do the same, searching out a vacant spot and Edward follows me. I form my initials and the year, '97 beneath them and step back to observe. Edward's initials are beside mine, but not too close. It reminds me of that shell Edward gave me the very first summer he was here, when we formed our connection, the very strongest of bonds that all the pressures in the world have yet to break. We've called it friendship. We've called it love. But it matters not what shape it takes, it's always there. Even when we can't see it.

"Your initials are BS," Edward snorts.

"You're like fifteen years late to that insult. Emmett's been calling me bullshit since elementary school," I say, my hands on my hips. The glare of the sun makes me squint.

"I thought it stood for biggest snot," he quips. We start heading back down the trail and I give him a shove.

"Ass," I mutter. "It stands for brilliant snapshots."

"Best shit-talker?" he counters.

"Brightest star?" I offer and he shakes his head.

"Beautiful soul," he says and I roll my eyes. He just smiles softly and continues ahead of me down the hill. Shit, I think he was being serious. Now I look like an ass for dismissing such a sweet gesture. I _am_ the biggest snot.

We gently jog back down the hill and I'm burning up, ready for a swim. Leah gives me one of her looks when she sees Edward has abandoned his shirt. I stick my tongue at her. It's not my fault Edward isn't wearing a shirt. What the hell?

I remove my shorts and shirt and slather on the sunblock, smoothing the lotion over my chest and stomach and the tops of my legs. I throw the tube at Leah and she fumbles to catch it.

"Leah, can you lotion up my back," I ask sweetly with a smile and she glares at me but I don't care. I'm sick of her dirty looks.

Edward is already in the water and he swims far and gazes out over the river. Dr. Cullen and my dad are talking about how they cloned a sheep or something. Jenks has already fallen asleep under the canopy, snoring.

"What is your problem?" I ask her in a hushed voice as she splatters a big dollop of sunblock right in the middle of my back.

"You're going to fall in love with him again," she says and I roll my eyes. "You have a boyfriend."

"Look, Captain Morality, I think I can handle myself just fine, okay? Shit, what kind of person do you think I am?" I whisper as her hands sloppily push the lotion around.

"Just be careful. You don't want to give him the wrong idea."

"Who? Edward?" She looks at me with raised eyebrows.

"Who else?"

"We're friends. And stop giving me dirty looks or I'm going to punch you," I say and I can hardly get the words out before I'm grinning and she gives me a shove and I head out into the water. It's warm but there's a nice cool undercurrent swirling around my feet and I squish the mud beneath my toes. The water rushes around my belly and then my shoulders, crisp relief flooding over my skin as I dip below the surface.

I let myself sink into silence and relish in the weightlessness of my underwater refuge. I wish I could live underwater sometimes, just free from earthly obligations and submerged in peaceful slow motion. My whole body relaxes, like I never need to breathe again.

I stay under a long time and I'm beginning to think I should come up for air, just because it seems like I should need to breathe when I feel a sharp sting on the back of my thigh that sends a panicked jolt straight through my body. Shit! It's Edward, I just know it. I kick my legs wildly to force my way to the surface. Sure enough, the minute I break the surface I see his smug face and he's laughing his ass off. I'm panting from holding my breath for so long. My head feels dizzy but I try to kick him, anyway. Instead, I kind of fall into him, the disorientation still fucking with my brain. My body slides against his, my skin slick from the sunblock and his hands are trying to keep me upright. He grips my waist, my hip, my shoulder and I clutch at his arms.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asks, serious as a heart attack now and I try to nod.

"I just stayed under too long. My head's all fuzzy. Just give me a second," I say and he wraps his arms around my waist to hold me up. As the dizziness fades, I become more aware of Edward's body pressed against mine. I untangle myself from his grip but he still looks concerned.

"You should get out of the water. You look like you're going to pass out."

"It's just the heat and the lack of oxygen. I'm fine," I dismiss and I don't want to turn around to see Leah's face. I'm sure it's about fifty shades of what-the-fuck at this point.

"Sorry about the groping and stuff," he says and I smile and then I feel sad he has to apologize. I know why he does and I respect him all the more for it.

"It's okay," I say. He raises his eyebrows and I feel my ears burn. "I mean, it's not _okay_, just… I accept your apology."

His lips crack into a grin. I think maybe he's messing with me.

"You know what I mean," I say and start to swim back to shore.

"Yep, I sure do," he calls after me.

We eat lunch and then my dad pulls us on skis. I make sure to wear my shorts so I won't have a swimsuit malfunction. Edward's wants to try the single ski this year and actually gets up a couple times. He's wobbly, but by the third try he's up out of the water with ease and even signals for my dad to go faster. Leah gives it a run, then Jenks, too. I ask my dad if he wants me to pull him and he declines.

"Naw," he says. "I don't need to spend a whole day feeling like my arms are going to fall off." And I laugh because that's exactly what my arms are going to feel like tonight, especially because this is my first ski of the season.

After our ski ride, I'm exhausted. I lay across the bench in the back of the boat, under the shade of the canopy, resting my head on a wadded up towel that smells like my mom. The sway of the boat easily soothes me to sleep and I feel like I could nap for days. When I wake up, I'm groggy and my sweaty skin sticks to the vinyl of the seat. I notice Edward stretched flat on his back, his arm over his face. I watch the breath enter and leave his body, the hollow span of his stomach stretching to welcome the oxygen and then sinking to reveal the contours of muscle and bone beneath the slightly sunburned sheath. The dark hair on his chest and below his belly button glint red in the sneaky streaks of sunlight slashing across his skin, and he's beautiful.

I watch him breathe, the rocking boat lulling me into a daze. I don't know how long I lay there watching him but I don't remember blinking. I can't bear to tear my eyes away from the rise and fall of his chest and belly. I want to stay here forever, floating in a barely aware stream of consciousness and watching my favorite friend breathe.

Eventually he stirs and I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I hear him groan slightly as he shifts on the squeaky seat. The boat sways and I feel his hand on my cheek, pushing my hair behind my ear and off my neck. I force my face to stay frozen even though little shivery impulses are melting down my spine and over my scalp. He gently crawls over my legs onto the back of the boat and then I hear a splash and he's in the water.

I stay in the boat, thinking about Edward and his breathing and I realize I haven't really thought about Tyler once today, not since this morning. I feel guilty. Maybe Leah is right. Maybe I do need to be careful and keep my distance. I decide that I cannot stare at Edward breathing again, and I cannot let him touch me.

After dinner, we go for another boat ride, and I take a few pictures of the high red cliffs flashing past us as we jet up the river. The pictures will be blurry, but in the orange haze that the sky has become they might look like the wavy heat that gets trapped between these rock walls. We all ride in one boat, my Dad at the helm next to Dr. Cullen. Edward and I sit in chairs behind them, while Leah and Jenks cuddle on the bench. I snap their picture half a dozen times. Edward wears his hat again, backwards so it won't fly away and I snap shots of him smirking, too.

We stop in a bowl shaped cove for a swim when we get hot. After floating for a while in the deep basin surrounded by high cliffs, we head back to Home Cove. Jenks, Leah and my dad are going to head back in to the marina and I start to feel odd about my decision to stay out on the water with Edward and his dad. Now it seems kind of strange, but I remind myself that I'd be out here alone anyway and I feel more confident.

My dad kisses my cheek when I jump out of the boat. Leah gives me one last wary look while Jenks shakes hands with Edward and Dr. Cullen and then the boat is gone, the loud engine fading behind the hills as it veers out of the inlet. It's late by the time they leave, already past midnight and I'm contemplating just staying up all night. It'll only be a couple more hours and I want to be on top of that hill at least thirty minutes before the sun rises.

Dr. Cullen says good night before zipping himself up in the tent and I almost giggle because in about ten minutes he's going to be suffocating in that tent with it all zipped up like that.

Edward and I sit around a small fire, enjoying an easy silence until we hear a deep throaty snore from the tent. My eyes flash up to his and I snort with laughter. Edward laughs too and shakes his head before fixating his eyes back on the fire.

"So, Emmett said you have a girlfriend?" I ask and Edward gives a shrug.

"Yeah, Heidi. She's a court runner at Rose's law office," he says and I lean forward in my seat to pick up a stick and start to dig it into the sand.

"How did you meet her?" My curiosity makes the words fall from my lips.

"She belongs to Rose's book club," he says and I stab at the earth. "She was at Rose and Emmett's Halloween party."

"They have Halloween parties?" The fact that I didn't know this is more upsetting than Edward's girlfriend.

"Well, this was the first one but they want to make it a yearly thing. Vanessa was a ladybug," he says and my eyes glaze over. He's knows more about my brother's life than I do. I talk to Emmett once a week, but he knows the little things, like what they're doing for dinner or the fact that Rose is in a book club. I'm jealous. I'm so envious I can hardly stop myself from snapping my hole making tool in half.

"I miss them," I say quietly and Edward looks into the fire.

"They miss you. We all do. You should come visit, you can even bring Travis or Trent, whatever his name is," Edward teases and I scrunch up my face.

"He asked me to marry him, you know," I say softly.

"What did you say?" he asks and I stare at him across the flames and I can feel his gaze right in the pit of my stomach.

"I told him I'd have an answer by my birthday," I sigh.

"What do you think you'll know then that you don't know right now?" His question is quick and persistent and catches me off-guard, which is always highly irritating. I don't like to be caught, in any way, shape or form.

"I don't know," I stutter. "Marriage isn't something you just agree to. You have to think about it, weigh your options. It's a very important decision, maybe the most important decision you'll ever make."

"You don't want to marry him," Edward says confidently and I scowl.

"How do you know what I want?"

"Come on, Bella! Listen to yourself, weigh your options? What, are you buying a car or choosing to spend the rest of your life with your greatest love?" I can't look at him because Tyler is not the greatest love of my life. Not by far.

"Look, I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing," I defend. "Blindly leaping into marriage is idiotic."

"When you want it, you won't give a shit about any options or if it's 'the right thing'. You won't even care about looking like an idiot. You won't have one hesitation and the answer will be so clear in your head, you'll wonder how you didn't trip on it sooner. You won't need to make a decision, Bella. You'll just know." He's silently leans back into his chair and the air is dead around us.

"How do you know all this?" I challenge him.

"I just do," he says and I'm calling shenanigans.

"That's a bullshit answer. How can you sit here and be all preachy about marriage and shit when you don't even know for yourself?" I ask. "Weighing decisions is a good thing. It's good to think things out."

"Sounds like you're good, then," he says.

"I am. I am good," I say with a quick nod. I yawn and I'm afraid I'm going to fall asleep and not be able to wake up in time for the sunrise.

"I have an alarm. On my cell phone. If you want, I can set it for early so you'll catch the sunrise," Edward says and I stare at him.

"You have a cell phone?" I ask incredulously and he laughs.

"Yeah. I don't have service for shit out here but the alarm will still work. Did you want to try to sleep?" he asks and I seriously doubt I'll be able to sleep in this heat. Just the thought of my legs touching each other is making me uncomfortable.

"Alright, set it for like four," I say and stand up and he goes to get his backpack from the tent. "Has it been out here all day? I hope it didn't melt or something."

He gives me a look like I'm ridiculous, but it's a legitimate concern. I've had CDs warp because I accidentally left them in my car. He digs around in his bag and turns on his phone. He fiddles with the buttons and then sets the phone in my hand. I unzip my tent and strip to my two-piece, because it's far too hot to sleep in clothes. I hear Edward snuff out the fire and then he's stumbling around in his tent too. I can't see a thing. I lay directly in the middle of my air mattress, on my back, my legs and arms spread out like a starfish, but it's the only way I'm not stifling.

I close my eyes but Dr. Cullen starts snoring again and I can't help but laugh.

"Shut up," Edward says from his tent

Dr. Cullen snores again and I hear rustling, and the squeaky slip of polyester and vinyl. Then I hear the zipper and Edward's outline is at the door of my tent.

"Move over," he says and I sit up, startled and utterly at a loss. "I can't sleep in there with him."

"Well, you can't sleep in here," I say as he steps inside the tent anyway.

"Yes I can, it's my tent."

"Alright, but you can't touch me," I say. I scoot over and he crawls onto the bouncy air mattress. He settles into a comfortable position and I dare not move a muscle. I close my eyes and am just falling asleep when his leg nudges against mine. It wouldn't be such a big deal except that it's really hot and I don't want my own skin touching me, let alone Edward's.

"Stop touching me. It's too fricking hot," I gripe. Edward chuckles and I pinch at his leg with my toes.

"Ow! Did you just pinch me with your ET toes?" he asks as he jerks his leg away.

"Oh my God, this is pointless." I'm struggling to get up when he grabs my wrist.

"Alright, I'll stop touching you. Sorry, just go to sleep," he says and I sigh and lay back down. I feel him shift and turn a few more times, but he doesn't touch me again. I'm finally able to fall asleep.

The loud buzzing wakes me up and I turn my head to find Edward's face turned towards me, his dark eyelashes feathered across his cheekbones. I stare at him for a long time, thinking at any moment I'm going to see big green circles staring back at me, but I don't. I don't dare look at his bare chest and stomach because I'm pretty sure I'll be stuck here all day mesmerized by his damn breathing.

I fight my way off the confounded mattress and struggle to search for my tank-top and shorts. It's still pitch black outside so I grab my flashlight and my camera bag and grudgingly shove my feet back into my new, blister giving shoes. I'm halfway up the hill when I realize there could be mountain lions or something out here right now, hunting, and I start to get a little paranoid. I hear sounds I'm sure are nothing but visualize a huge paw clawing at my face. I think I should go wake up Edward, just in case, but then I might not have enough time to set up before the sunrise.

_Yeah, because you'll get a great shot of the sunrise while you're being mauled by a mountain lion. _

I hear a rustling as I turn the corner, a flapping of wings as soft downy feathers graze the top of my head and I scream bloody murder. I mean, like I want to throw up I'm so scared. There's a huge owl perched on the branch of one of the small Cottonwood trees that surround the cove and it almost takes my head off as it flies away. I hear Edward calling my name, and my heart is beating in my throat and I'm panting as I slump to the ground. For some reason the whole thing is hilarious and I laugh. Edward reaches me, the beam from his flashlight dancing around the bend and I have tears streaming down my cheeks.

"What happened?" he says as he tries to help me up. He thinks I'm injured or something, I'm sure.

"An owl tried to decapitate me," I laugh and I let him pull me to stand.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" he asks, his voice harsh.

"Relax, I'm fine. I just overreacted, not a big deal," I match his tone as I dust myself off and I can hear him panting from the jaunt up the hill.

"Jesus, I thought…I don't know, I just…don't ever do that again!" he grips my shoulders and then pulls me into a hug, my face pressed against his bare chest. He smells like sunblock and vinyl from the air mattress and I don't even mind his sweaty skin on my cheek.

"It's okay," I say quietly and he releases me too soon and I blame my no touching rule. He looks uncomfortable and he motions for me to walk ahead of him and I do. We reach the top in silence and cross the broad span of dust and rock until I find a silhouette of the landscape that makes me stop dead in my tracks. The sky is just beginning to lighten and there's a burnt sulphur smell in the air, the low haze dusting the tops of the hills. I quickly pull my camera from my bag and adjust the aperture and shutter speed. I put the camera on manual focus, and looked through the lens and I can feel Edward behind me, our bond tugging at every element in my body. I want to lean into him. It would be nice to use him to brace my unsteady hands, but I can't.

The camera clicks and I can hear his breath in my ear. I snap my photos in the same rhythm as his chest grazing my back with every inhale. I feel the sun before I see it, the sky beginning to glow in pastels and then primaries as the earth smolders around us, orange and red and yellow meandering through the sky and dancing across the water. My skin prickles as it absorbs the heat, the tiny hairs on my arms and neck vibrate and I can feel the energy seeping into my pores. The air is still, the heat coating the land in waves and, all the while, Edward breathes and I capture. My feet blend with the dirt and my skin melts with the fiery sky and it's like I belong here, like the universe is sending me a message and I can't feel my body. Confirmation. Reassurance. Balance. I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

We don't speak, yet there's comfort in the quiet. We weave down the trail together, alone in our thoughts, the afterglow of the transfer of energy radiating between us. I go for a swim as soon as we return. The sun has yet to flood over the hills surrounding the cove and it's eerie disrupting the still, gray water. I'm drowsy and drained, yet my muscles surge with life, and my heart thumps madly against my ribs as I kick and propel myself forward and I wait.

I wait for the sun to pour in.

…

I sit on the swings with Edward during the week. Since I don't have to work, I have time to spend with my friend. Tyler drives in on the weekends and we take boat rides with Leah and Jenks once in a while, and Edward and Tyler actually seem to get along. I can see Dr. Cullen attempting to connect with his son but Edward wants no part of it. He's avoiding his dad. Last week, Dr. Cullen showed up at my house while we were watching Forrest Gump for like the eightieth time. He had fishing poles and his tackle box and wanted to go out on the water but Edward flat out said no. He didn't even give him a lame ass excuse.

I almost feel bad for the man. I mean, he's going through a tough time, obviously, and is turning to his only son for comfort. I know why Edward denies him, but still, that's his father. I understand Edward's been neglected by his dad, but I'm also sure Dr. Cullen always had Edward's best interest at heart.

Edward doesn't agree with me.

Edward and I talk about summers past and I miss my friends. I miss my brother and Rose. I talk to him in August and he tells me they're planning on coming down late in September now and I'm sad because I can see the trip getting postponed month after month. Then a year will pass and my niece will be a stranger to me. Emmett promises they'll be here before November. Vanessa will be two in November.

It's the beginning of August and the air smells of rain and mineral. I want to get a picture of the high rock walls by the dam and I plan to take the kayak. It's a long trek but I'm on river time and I crave the exercise. I ask Edward if he wants to come with me. He agrees and I'm glad. Being with Edward is the strangest sensation. It's an awareness, like we'll sit for hours on the cove and he'll write in his old leather bound notebook I haven't seen in ages. I'll read my photography books and when we feel like talking, we do. Then we disappear back into our solitary activities and I'm at ease just knowing he's close. It's almost like he's not even separate from me at all. His brain is mine. His breathing becomes mine. His comfort is mine and we share the connection equally.

The paddles dip into the deep water in long languid strokes. We take our time, staying close to the shore as the sun beats down on my back and the tops of my thighs. Edward's behind me and every once in a while he splashes me with his paddle, a quick spray of relief fragmenting the heat's hold on my skin.

He talks about school and his internship at the University. He's starting his second year in the program and is writing a dissertation on something to do with cellular biology and the only words I understand are DNA and gene amplification. He has to take a general exam at the end of the upcoming school year and then do this experiment thing that corresponds with his thesis. I'm just floored at how much work getting his degree is going to be, just so that he can teach. He wants to teach at the University level now and is really excited about what he's working on. I feed off his enthusiasm.

I tell him about my classes and how my teacher loves me. He chuckles and ruffles my hair, or gently squeezes the back of my neck and I'm almost embarrassed discussing my classes in comparison to his work load.

"Don't be ridiculous," he says as he dips his paddle into the cooler water that gathers up closer to the dam. "There's no way I could pass your classes. I have good study skills and a knack for memorizing shit. You have a gift. You could be famous. Like that chick that photographs all the rock stars."

"Annie Leibovitz?" I ask as I turn around and Edward taps me on the nose.

"Yeah, her. You could do so many cool things, fly all over the world taking pictures. You could work for National Geographic or Cosmo, you have tons of options." Edward rests the paddle across his lap.

"I kind of made you something," I say and my ears burn. It's not a big deal, really. I had stacks and stacks of river pictures, our summers chronicled in black and white that I developed and printed in high school and the color prints I've been working on in college. There are pictures I had printed at the local Safeway and I had enlarged and printed on photo paper, and even artistic experiments with my Polaroid film.

"You made me something? I thought you thought I wasn't coming back?" he says with his coy grin and I roll my eyes.

"Alright, well it didn't start out as being for you, but the more I worked on it, the more I thought you should have it, since it's your fault I'm even doing this following my dream thing," I say, my voice laced with sarcasm as he nudges me in the back. "I'm serious. If you wouldn't have verbally attacked me last year, I wouldn't be doing this."

"Verbally attacked you? I told you I loved you. I bared my soul, for Christ's sake. I was fucking poetic," he declares.

"Yeah, you were kind of poetic." I reach over the side of the kayak into the water and splash the back of my neck. The water feels heavenly.

"I meant every word," he says quietly and goosebumps dance across my skin. "I'll always love you. I don't think it'll ever go away." I imagine his lips on the back of my neck, my chest flushing, my tummy twisting.

"Edward…" I say and he just tugs on my braid.

"Oh, relax. I'm not going to try to steal you away from Mr. T," he snorts and I can't help it, I smile too.

"So what happened with your dad and Esme?" I ask and I realize this is probably the first time I've called her that. She's always just been Mrs. Cullen to me.

"She got tired of being alone all the time. My dad just doesn't see that there are other people in the world. We're all just distractions to him. She said she didn't marry him so she could grow old alone and she moved out. She's pushing for a divorce."

"Wow, that's gotta be rough on your dad," I say, trying to play devil's advocate.

"Fuck my dad!" Edward growls and I'm startled. "He always does this. He screws everything up and then thinks he can buy his way out of it. This trip is supposed to make up for the last twenty-one years of my life, to make up for the fact that after my mom died he practically abandoned me. Do you know I've had four stepmoms? And I had a nanny before that. He didn't want me after she died and he thinks a couple of fishing poles and a few months on the river will change everything. It's so typical of him, to think he deserves a second chance - shit a third, fourth, fifth chance. How many chances do I give him before I cut my losses?"

"But he's your dad. And he's trying. He's the only family you have," I say gently as I skim the surface of the water with my paddle.

"That's not true. Alice and Jasper and Rose and Emmett, they care more about me than he does. And you, you understand me better than anyone ever will. You know the real me, the me that even I don't recognize sometimes. Even with only being here two months out of the year, you _saw_ me before anyone. You're my family. Not him." I feel my heart swell at his words and I know he speaks the truth. I know because I feel it, too.

"I know he's hurt you-"

"Hurt doesn't even begin to describe it. Never mind what he's done to Esme and the girls. They're hurting, too, now. I have searched for a replacement all my life, a replacement for him, a replacement for her. All I wanted was for someone to want me. All I wanted was to be good enough for him and I'm finally at a place where I feel comfortable, I'm finally at a place where I'm secure in who I am and what I want and now, he wants to make amends. When I've already done all the hard work? It's just too late, it's done."

"It's never too late, Edward. Not for the ones you love," I say over my shoulder. "Do you honestly think your father's goal in life was to hurt you?"

"Of course not, but he can't look past himself to care about anyone else."

"Maybe. Or maybe he can't look past the past, to care about anything," I say and Edward is frozen behind me. "What he did was wrong, okay? I'm not arguing that. I just think that maybe losing your mom destroyed him too and maybe keeping you at a distance was his way of protecting himself."

"But I'm his son and I was just a kid. I didn't know…I didn't understand. I still don't understand," Edward says quietly.

"I know. He handled it horribly, but he's trying to do the right thing now. I think you should talk to him about it. What have you got to lose?"

"My dignity," he mutters and I chuckle.

"Naw, you lost that a long time ago." There's cool spray on my back as he splashes me with his paddle.

After that trip, I see Edward less and less. He goes fishing with his dad. They drive into Vegas. They go for boat rides and hikes and Edward seems really content. He's still upset with his dad but this is a good start. He meets me on the swings some nights, when Tyler isn't in town and we have ice cream and chat. He tells me how he confronted his dad out on the boat and they really hashed it out. He doesn't give me details, but he seems serene so I take that it was a productive purging of emotion.

Before Edward leaves, I bring him his present. I've never given Edward a present and I'm nervous as all shit. I wrapped it up, like it's special or something and now I just want to rip off all the wrapping and toss the book at him. It's my old portfolio, the one he gave me when I turned eighteen, only it's now filled with memories of his time on the river. There's a picture of Donkey Cove and the two of us on the dock when we were just kids.

"I stole that picture from my dad," I say as I point to the photo.

"God, look how skinny I was! And my hair is like a rat's nest. A big red, rat's nest," he laughs as his finger traces my face in the print. "You were such a nerd."

"I know. Look at how big my ears were, and I totally had chicken legs," I scrunch up my nose.

He turns the page and there's Australia. I feel my heart in my throat and it's suffocating. There are pages and pages of our time on the cove, and on tubes and there's Edward, goofy on skis. I remember it like it was yesterday, the snapshots reminding me of every opportunity, every fear, every misunderstanding I could have avoided if I would have just had the guts.

"Oh my God, the houseboat trip! That was a crazy trip. I was so disappointed in you. I was looking forward to seeing you punch Jasper or something for hitting on you," Edward says with a grin.

"I didn't know he was hitting on me!" I defend as he turns the page.

The next pictures are Vegas and we laugh at how we got kicked out of that bar. Then there's Alice's wedding and Edward looks miserable.

"Jesus, I really looked like shit," he says. "Look how beautiful you are."

My face flushes pink as I remember that summer and I can feel him remembering, too. The atmosphere in the room changes and it feels charged, like heavy, proton air.

After Alice's wedding the pages are blank and he looks at me questioning.

"Those are for future summers," I say and he smiles as he goes back through the photos again, his eyes taking in every moment, every line and shadow. His lips keep quirking into remembering grins.

"I'm going to try to publish it," I say, a little embarrassed because it sounds so arrogant to think something of mine is good enough for others to buy. "Jenks knows this guy, like an agent or something, who's going to help me. They think they can market it for tourism and, you know, really play up the shots of the scenery and stuff. Um, you'll have to sign a waiver, because your picture's in there a bunch. Is that okay?"

"Of course. Holy shit, Bella, you're really doing this! That's so amazing! I mean, I always knew you could do it, I'm just glad you know now too." His eyes softly hold mine before he sets the book down and gets up to grab an envelope from his backpack on the counter.

"This is your birthday present. It's for last year too, so don't even bitch about the price." He sits down beside me as I tear through the paper and inside is a single voucher for an airline ticket. I'm speechless.

"It's roundtrip, and you can use it to go anywhere. I thought you might want to come visit your brother," he shrugs and I can't stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks. I throw my arms around his neck, ignoring my own stupid rule, and press my lips to his cheek.

"I love you," I say firmly and I kiss him again, this time closer to his ear.

Edward leaves the next morning and I watch the sleek silver Mercedes kick up dust as it slowly drives away down the uneven road. I'm hollow. I'm in my room, trying to find some kind of solace in my wide variety of depressing literature, the timeless trials of unrequited love letting me wallow, when I hear the phone in the kitchen ring.

"Bella!" my dad yells through the house and I grudgingly put my depressing as shit book down and stalk out of the room. It's probably my brother, calling with another delay in visiting. Or it's Tyler and I'm just not in the mood to be nice. He holds the phone out for me and I snatch it out of his hand, my foul mood ruling my brain today.

"Hello?" I ask into the receiver.

"Did you know you can't get cell phone service for five whole miles surrounding the marina?" The phone crackles and hums but I know this voice.

"Edward, what…why are you calling?" I ask, feeling like a moron.

"I forgot to ask you something."

"Okay?"

"Nirvana or Foo Fighters?" he asks after a heartbeat, like it's the most important question in the world.

"What?"

"Which band is better, Nirvana or Foo Fighters?" He's serious.

"Um, they're different kinds of good. You can't compare them," I say as I slide down the wall to sit on the floor beneath the phone. I pull my knees into my chest and I pick at the scarred skin of my heel.

"That's a bullshit answer. On pure, raw, musical talent, which one is better?" His voice sounds close, like he's in the other room or something. I think he's on the freeway now.

"I'm gonna have to go with Foo Fighters," I say and I hear him groan.

"What? Oh man! Are you insane?" I laugh. I knew he wouldn't like my response.

"Dave Grohl is a better front man. There. I've said it. Let the flogging commence." My braid is digging into my back so I pull the rope of hair over my shoulder.

"Dude! I can't believe you said Foo Fighters," Edward says in disbelief.

"So what, you don't want to be my friend anymore?" I ask.

"I'm not gonna lie, your dismissal of the driving force that is Nirvana is highly disappointing," he says.

"You can't pick Nirvana just because they were the first. Besides, you're biased. Your allegiance to Seattle has clouded your judgment," I argue.

"Okay, you might be a little right," he says.

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right." There's a long pause and I think he's going to hang up when the silence is interrupted.

"Top five rock bands of the eighties," he says into the receiver and I get comfortable in my spot on the floor. "Go!"

…

**A/N:**

Two more, lovelies. Two more. Thank you, oh so insightful readers. I appreciate your thoughts. You keep my brain buzzing and I love you like I love Diet Dr. Pepper. (It's a lot, trust me)

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	17. That Time Dad Tried to Sell the Marina

**CH 16 – That Time My Dad Tried to Sell the Marina **

_1998_

_Journey with Steve Augeri and Deen Castronovo records a track for the soundtrack to the movie Armageddon called __"Remember Me."_

_Record high global temperatures are recorded by NASA and the CRU._

_Michael Jordan wins his sixth NBA championship and sixth Finals MVP award in six full basketball seasons, an unprecedented feat._

...

I grumble at the butterscotch sun pouring in through my window. I just woke up and I'm already sweaty. I turn over, my face sticking to the plastic wrapping of my midnight fruit roll-up and I feel a sharp, hard object under my arm. I pull the cellophane from my cheek while searching for the evil disturber of sleep that's now wedged in my armpit.

It's the phone. And it's still on.

"Hello?" I ask into the receiver on the off chance someone's on the line.

"Bella?" His voice is groggy and I'm perplexed.

"Edward? Did we just phone sleep together?" I ask and I hear Edward laugh. I sold some of my photographs to this magazine, _Arizona Boating and Watersports_, last month. It's a pretty small publication and I don't make that much money but, still, it's something. And it's mine. With my first paycheck, I went into town and bought a cordless phone so I didn't have to sit on the kitchen floor. I talk to Edward every week now, sometimes every day. Sometimes, I call and leave him a message on his phone or he calls me late at night and we talk until I'm so tired I get naplash.

"I guess so. Don't tell your boyfriend," he teases and I frown. Yeah, I haven't told him I no longer have a boyfriend yet. I'm afraid it'll just mess everything up. I told Tyler I didn't want to marry him. I told him I wanted to be on my own and that maybe we could take things slow until I'm done with school and have things a little more put together. This was bullshit, an excuse. I didn't want to hurt him and I took the coward's way out. He agreed and then we had a month of awkwardness because he didn't really mean it when he said he'd take whatever part of me he could. I hurt him, our disorganized bond dissolved. I broke his heart and I felt horrible about it.

I cried and tried to assuage my conscience by explaining it to him. We fought and he said I never loved him. I told him I'd never marry him because he's a selfish asshole and I cried some more because it's wasn't true in the slightest. So I apologized. And then it was done.

I know exactly why I haven't told Edward. We're good at being friends, even friends that live twelve hundred miles apart and I'm afraid to change any element in our already rocky relationship. I don't want to jinx it.

Which is really stinking lame.

"We broke up," I say quickly and he's silent. I can't even hear him breathing.

"What happened?" His voice is gravel.

"I told him I didn't want to get married."

"You don't want to get married ever, or don't want to get married now?" The words are quick off his lips.

"I don't know, I just don't want to get married. That's how I feel today."

"Okay, fair enough," he says quietly. "Are you sad?"

"I am sad. He was a nice person and he loved me and I hurt him. I let him down," I ramble and my chest feels empty. "But you were right. I don't want to marry him."

"I'm sorry you're upset, Bella. I wish I was there to buy you ice cream or something," Edward says and I sigh.

"Me too. Thanks for letting me talk about it," I say, because I really am glad we're at this place in our relationship, where we talk. We say what we mean and we mean what we say. I've come to the realization that I horde my thoughts in my head and then expect people to understand how I feel. I don't know why it's so hard to find the words sometimes or why I'm so scared to share them. But it's something I'm working on. It's easier on the phone, when I don't have to see Edward to tell him how I feel. It's like a little plastic cordless security blanket. It's like talking to myself and then I hear his words and it works. Better than I thought it would.

"So when are you coming to visit your brother?" Edward asks.

"I'm flying up the Monday before Thanksgiving." I get out of bed, put on my shorts and wrap my hair in a rubber band. I'm going to use the ticket Edward got me for my birthday. I wanted my dad to come too but he refused. He doesn't want to leave the marina unattended, even though no one will be here. Thanksgiving isn't exactly our busiest month. I think it's an excuse. I think he wants me to go by myself, that I need to do this on my own.

"It's going to be cold, you know."

"I know. I'm going shopping with Leah tomorrow. What do I need to get? Like hats and mittens and things? Is it so cold that I'll need long underwear? I've always wanted to wear long underwear," I say, pausing to pull my sleep shirt over my head.

"Yeah, the kind with the flap in the butt, you'll definitely need those," Edward says and I don't know if he's serious. "And maybe some of those knee high fuzzy boots and a catsuit. A really tight one. It helps retain body heat."

"Are you messing with me?" I ask.

"Depends. What are your thoughts on catsuits?"

"You're an ass," I smile and I bet he's smiling too.

My phone beeps. My battery's dying, probably because it's been on all night. Oh shit, those charges are going to be outrageous.

"My phone's about to die. I'll call you later, okay?" I say as I run my fingers over the small white shell bearing our initials on my dresser.

"Okay." He hangs on the line. "Oh, and Bella,"

"Yeah?" I'm reluctant to let him go.

"Good morning," he says. I smile and I'm warm.

"Good bye, Edward."

The whole way to the airport I feel like I'm going to throw up. I've never been on an airplane. I've never even been in an airport and I'm freaking out that I might miss my flight or, you know, crash land in the middle of fricking Utah.

My dad insists on walking me to the terminal. We pass through the metal detectors and he stands with me at the gate. I clutch my ticket in one hand, my tote bag slung over my shoulder, and we wait.

"Make sure you kiss that baby for me," my dad says and I nod. "And call me when you get there."

"I wish you were going too."

"I know, but I've got some things I need to take care of at home. I'll be fine, I promise." His gray mustache twitches as he winks at me. I'm not too worried. Leah said he could spend the holiday with her and Jenks. Seth came home last month. He has a real nice girlfriend I guess, even Leah likes her. Her mom will be there too, so at least he'll be around a bunch of people.

My plane starts to board and I kiss my father's cheek. I sit between a guy in a suit popping his gum and clacking away on his laptop computer and an old lady who smells like baby powder reading a harlequin romance novel. It's right about now that I realize my life is like a B movie from the 80's. I want Brooke Shields to play me.

I wanted to wear my University of Washington sweatshirt, even though it's faded and threadbare but then I thought it would be too dorky. So I bought a nice fuzzy sweater in Vegas. It's royal blue and thick and warm. I'm tense the whole flight. My hands grip the armrests and the old lady is irritated I'm monopolizing them but I don't care.

My stomach drops, my ears pop and then I'm in Seattle. The weather is cold and thick, opaque clouds hover around the tall buildings. The wind blows straight through the threads of my sweater. Emmett and Vanessa pick me up in the minivan. Emmett gives me a big hug and Vanessa looks at me warily from her carseat. My teeth chatter and I climb into the front.

"Holy frozen appendages, it's fricking cold here," I mutter and Emmett laughs. He wears a beanie and a heavy fleece coat. I don't think I brought enough clothes. I'm going to have to double up on layers. During the winter, it does get cold at the marina sometimes, but nothing like this.

"Vanessa, honey, this is your Aunt Bella," Emmett says to his daughter in the back seat and I can't believe how she's grown. Her hair curls around her ears and her eyes are big blue sparkling crystals. She has a face like an angel and long eyelashes and I think she might be the most beautiful child I've ever seen.

"Hi Vanessa," I say with a big smile and she hides her face.

"It's okay, she's just being shy," Emmett explains.

"She doesn't know me," I say. I mirror her shy stare, peeking around the side of the seat and she lets a small smile slip. I smile back and my heart sings. We play peek-a-boo the rest of the way home and by the time Emmett parks in the driveway, she's saying my name and telling me about her doggie, Muller.

"Mulder, the dog's name is Mulder," Emmett says and I laugh. "We have one named Scully too."

Emmett's house is lovely. It's tiny but two-stories, with white siding and green trim and a red shingled roof. There's a set of steps leading to a small covered porch, and the door opens to the top level of the house. The inside is all wooden floors and the walls are soft browns and reds. It smells sweet and tart, like apple pie or strawberry shortcake.

Emmett gives me a tour and his dogs lick my hands and follow close on my heels before he puts Vanessa down for a nap. He makes a pot of coffee and we sit in the living room. We just talk, about the marina, about Seattle, about politics and this global warming thing everyone's so worried about. It's comfortable, curled up on my brother's couch with a big, fuzzy sweater and a cup of hot coffee.

Later that afternoon, Emmett explains that Vanessa has a play date with these two other kids and I think this is hilarious. Basically, Emmett and these two neighborhood moms take turns watching the kids once a week so they can have some free time. Emmett usually goes swimming at the gym or grocery shopping. It's hard to imagine my brother grocery shopping but he says he does what he can so Rose doesn't have to and I am in awe. I've never been so proud of my brother.

Vanessa and the two little girls, Charlotte and Maggie, play with blocks on the floor of the living room while Sesame Street plays on the television. Emmett sits on the floor with them, my big huge brother stacking pink and purple blocks and humming along with a song about one of these things that's not like the others. I think I've officially entered an alternate universe. Maybe we flew through a worm hole on the way here or something.

"What?" Emmett asks and I just shake my head and smile.

"Nothing, Big Bird. Except that you're adorable," I tease. He rolls his eyes and throws a block at me. I dodge the throw but Vanessa copies her dad and Emmett scolds her.

"If I'm Big Bird, that makes you Oscar the Grouch, you know?" Emmett says and I shrug.

"That's cool, Oscar's badass." Emmett tosses another block. This time I catch it and he's surprised, just as the phone rings. Emmett gets up to answer and Vanessa comes over and hands me a block.

"Block," she says clear as day.

"Thank you, Miss Vanessa," I say and she crawls into my lap. Her curly hair tickles my nose and I breathe her in.

"It's for you," Emmett says and hands me the cordless phone. It must be my dad. I forgot to call him and he's going to give me a guilt trip.

"Hello?" I ask into the receiver.

"Bella! Are you here?" It's Edward and it's a bad connection. He might be driving or something.

"Edward? I can barely hear you," I say and plug my ear.

"I have class till late. I'll be over after school. Stay up for me?" he asks and my heart flutters.

"Of course," I say and he laughs.

"Okay, good. I can't wait to see you." And then he's gone.

I hang up and feel the heat burn in my cheeks as I look at the phone in my hands.

"Quit molesting my phone," Emmett says and I toss it aside. "Look at you, all twitterpated and shit."

"Shit!" Vanessa shouts and Emmett grabs her.

"No! That's yucky," he says. "Yucky word."

"Shit!" Vanessa shouts again and then giggles. Charlotte copies and soon there's three foul mouthed toddlers running circles around the room just as Rose is walking in the front door. She's wearing a long beige wool coat and a black pants suit with heels. She looks very much like a lawyer, the shift drastic from the swimsuit and shorts I usually see her in.

"Momma!" Vanessa shouts and wraps around her mother's legs. Rose bends down to scoop her up. They share a cuddle and a kiss. Then Rose is hugging me and she smells like flowers.

"Hey Bella! You made it!" Rose holds Vanessa on her hip and they look very similar. Same blue eyes, same porcelain skin. "Alice is on her way over. She'll be here in like ten minutes."

Alice and Jasper drive up in an old clunky hunk of metal and I'm stunned when I see the car. I expected something small and sporty, like a Porsche or something but leave it to them to surprise me. Jasper calls it the "Cuda" and says it's a classic and all I can think of is that Heart song that's now stuck in my head.

"Bella!" Alice squeals when she sees me. "You're gonna love it here. You're not going to want to go home."

We drop Vanessa off at Esme's apartment and it's bittersweet to see her. She looks good. She hugs me tight and tears well in her eyes before she lets me go. We go out to dinner at this really nice restaurant in the city and I'm lucky I bought a heavy down coat because night time in Seattle is far colder than the day. We have wine with dinner and I order pasta and we catch up on all the stuff we've missed in the time apart. I haven't seen Alice in forever and I miss her. I miss her so much I want to fold this moment up and put it in my pocket.

Seattle seethes with life. The sky darkens early, the streets buzz and the skyscrapers soar and there are lights everywhere. The air smells like salt and pine and exhaust fumes and I fill my lungs. Seattle is such a contradiction, the tall Evergreens and sharp peaks of the many mountain ranges jut out of the cottony clouds and the brine of the Sound envelopes the man-made concrete towers and floating bridges, binding the natural and manufactured into one.

I breathe and it's icy, and I pull my hood over my ears. My skin is spiked, the intensity of the cold a drastic change to the warmth I'm surrounded by at home, but I like the change. I feel refreshed, new, the cool air in my lungs almost hurts but I breathe it in. I like the way it feels to breathe here.

By the time we get back to Emmett's, I'm exhausted from traveling but I force myself not to crash. It's just before ten when Edward gently raps on the door. I'm already in my pajamas, lounging on my makeshift bed on the couch and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I open the door and Edward pulls me into a tight hug on the porch. He's wearing a thick wool coat and a beanie and gloves and I freeze in only my pajamas. He smells nice, like cologne and aftershave and I let him wrap me up in his wool and nice smells. I can feel the damp cold seeping in through my socks and I breathe in heated rasps that vaporize in the frosty air. Edward's hands are clutching the back of my pajama top and he kisses my forehead before my teeth start chattering.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry!" Edward says as he pushes me inside and shuts the door behind him. He pulls the beanie from his head and smoothes his hair as he smiles. I plop back down on the couch, a blanket pulled around my legs while he takes off his coat. He's wearing a long-sleeved collared shirt tucked into Dockers and he sits down next to me on the couch, and his smile never falters.

"Nice jammies," he says and ruffles my hair and I push his hand out of the way.

"Shut up. This is my one chance to wear warm pajamas and I'm going all out," I respond and his knee rests against my thigh.

"Do they have a flap in the butt?" he asks.

"Of course, they do. I don't mess around," I smirk and Edward pulls at the side of my bottoms.

"Let me see the flap. Show me your butt," Edward says and my ears are on fire.

"I will not show you my butt or any rumored flap," I say indignantly. "I'm going to tell your girlfriend you said that."

"Oh really?" Edward says and yeah, I'm fishing. Pathetically and purely out of curiosity, of course.

Yeah, of course.

"Am I going to get to meet her?" I ask and his smile can't be contained. He sees right through me.

"I don't think that will be possible. Seeing as how I am no longer in possession of said girlfriend."

Fluttering in my chest and tingles on my scalp and I feel bold.

"So, you're alone then?" I ask and his gaze burns.

"Nope," he says quietly and he pushes my hair behind my ear. His touch lingers. "I'm here with you." And my face flushes.

"What are you watching?" Edward leans into the couch, his hip against mine and I ease into the closeness.

"Buffy," I answer and he rolls his eyes. "What? Buffy is awesome. She's protecting the world against the dark evils of the supernatural. What could be more important than that?"

"Come on, isn't NYPD Blue on right now?" Edward tries to swipe at the remote control on the seat beside me but I get to it first.

"If I'm going to watch blood and guts, it's going to be fake vampire blood and guts," I say. He makes a swipe at the controller again and it's odd to see him act so juvenile in his grown-up clothes. "Stop it! You cannot have the control."

"Oh, I know. I realized that a long time ago," he chuckles. For a minute I think he done trying but when I least expect it, he grabs my wrist and snags the controller and I scoff.

"Let it be known, Bella. I'm not a quitter."

Over the next week, I adjust to their busy schedules. Alice works in a deli close to Edward's apartment right in the heart of downtown and Jasper works in one of the tall buildings. Rose leaves early and gets home just before dark and I spend the days with Emmett and Vanessa. We go to the park and the zoo and the aquarium and I snap pictures of everything with my camera. The weather clears up by Wednesday and the sky is bright. The air is crisp and not nearly as cold without the wind. I photograph the typical tourist stuff, like the Space Needle and the troll sculpture under the Aurora Bridge. I photograph the tall mirrored buildings and street performers. I photograph Vanessa the most, desperate to capture every beautiful or sassy or funny moment. I see Edward when he's not at school and he takes me out in the city. We have drinks at jazz bars and coffee in bookstores and they feel like dates. We go to the big outdoor farmer's market, the one where they throw the fish, and we hold hands and talk, and he kisses my forehead when we say goodnight.

I feel it, the spark. It's there, just like always, and I think he feels it to. We're different now, our relationship is different, no longer a sparked flame but more like a hot smolder. Hot coals smothered under earth and I feel like all we need to do is brush that dirt aside.

Edward shows me his apartment that he still shares with Mike Newton. Mike is taller now, and wears his hair short. He's a sports agent or something, like Jerry Maguire, and he represents a lot of players from the Seattle Supersonics. He gives us tickets to see them play the Chicago Bulls. Edward and I go shopping and I buy a Michael Jordan jersey. He wears his Championship t-shirt and we get hassled by the Sonics fans that surround us in the stands. Edward lets me buy him beer and hot dogs and we share and ice cream sandwich. He explains about the players and stats, voicing the details in my ear because it's really loud in here. He boos the refs when they make shitty calls and stands up and shouts at impressive dunks and lay-ups. By the last quarter we're on our feet because the game is tied. The Sonics pull it out and win by one and Edward pouts but I've had so much fun, it doesn't even matter that the Bulls lost.

I stay at Edward's that night. He puts on Forrest Gump, I think it's his favorite movie, and I curl up into his side while he plays with my hair. I fall asleep and he lays me in his bed. When I wake up, he's asleep on the couch and I'm disappointed.

"You didn't have to sleep on the couch, you know," I say when he's finally awake. I make coffee in his kitchen wearing my jersey and sweats and he watches me from the couch. His hair is a tangled mess, his face red and creased from sleeping and he stares at me dazed.

"I didn't want to…I don't know. I just don't want to assume anything. Or impose. I just thought you might want space," he rubs his eyes and scratches his chin and I bring him coffee. I like my coffee sweet and creamy and Edward drinks his coffee black, which I didn't know before this week.

I sit cross legged next to him on the couch. His eyes hold mine as he sips. We should talk about what's been happening this week. Fitting into Edward's life here is surprisingly easy. I mean, I know his life isn't like this all the time. I know there are times he's busy or stressed, but being in Edward's apartment feels natural, like I've been here all along. This is Edward's real life and I fit in here.

"I don't want space, Edward. I kinda just want you," I say confidently and I sip my coffee, my eyes on him the whole time.

"You've kinda always had me," he responds.

"Just kinda?" I tease and he smirks.

"Barely. Like by the skin of your teeth."

"That's a horrible saying, 'by the skin of your teeth.' Makes me sound like a cannibal or something." I'm rambling because I'm nervous. _It's just Edward, you idiot_.

But he's kinda everything.

Maybe it's the realization that I can fit somewhere other than the marina, or the possibility that Edward and I can have something other than friendship again that fuels my actions. I want to be close to him. I lean over and gently kiss his lips, and it feels familiar but new. Different. It's a possibility. It's hesitant and hopeful and I know he's not expecting it. It's a first kiss. Again.

He runs his fingers down my spine and I enjoy the tingles. I kiss him again, deeper this time. I pull his lip into my mouth and his tongue moves with mine. It's a good thing I'm still holding my coffee. Because nothing says 'you're moving too fast' like a cup of scalding hot coffee in your lap.

Moving too fast? It's been sixteen years since Edward Cullen first snapped my bathing suit strap. Still, I feel as clueless about how to handle the situation as I did when I was eleven.

Edward pulls away and his eyes shine, his lips curled into a cocky grin and he doesn't even need to say a word. I know what he's thinking. See how well you fit here, I told you we could make this work, you love me.

And I do. I really, truly do.

Rose and Alice cook a huge feast for Thanksgiving and Esme and Dr. Cullen spend the holiday with us. Dr. Cullen makes me call him Carlisle and it is the weirdest thing in the world. The meal is awkward. Esme and Carlisle make small talk but you can tell their relationship is tense. They're on their best behavior, simply because of their children.

Emmett and I call my dad, and Vanessa talks to him, too. I can hear he's a little choked up. He has to go because he's heading over to Leah and Jenk's place in an hour and still needs to get ready. We drink wine and eat pumpkin pie and Rose even bought me ice cream. I eat the creamy treat and I give bites to my niece when Rose isn't looking. Rose is big on organic foods and doesn't have one damn piece of candy in her house. I don't know how she survives PMS.

The next day, Edward takes me to Alki beach and I walk in the sand. It's different from the sand at the river. Most of the coves at the river are hard, packed earth, or are covered in rocks. The sandiest coves are silty and claylike. This sand is soft and cold and I take my shoes off. I know my toes will freeze but I have to put my feet in the water. We look at shells and rocks and I inhale the salty air and fill the pockets of my white down coat.

Edward finds a spiraling shell and we stand together and study the arc. He tells me how it's all math, how there's an equation to explain the curves but all I see is the fact the circle just keeps getting bigger and bigger and further away from the center. That's what my life feels like, a curve dancing on the edge and too far from the heart. I want to get back there, to the heart. I think I know the way now.

The night before I leave, Edward stays with me at my brother's house. I feel vacant and sad as we watch some alien movie that my brother rented from Blockbuster and even the gummi worms that Edward brought over are only mildly helping. We're stretched out on top of a thick comforter and I wear my sweatpants and Bulls jersey to sleep every night now. Edward wasn't planning on sleeping over but since it's well into the early hours of the morning, he decided to stay and ride along to the airport in the morning.

"So did you have fun this week? Did you like the city?" Edward says. He passes me the bag of gummi worms as we watch Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones fight this huge cockroach alien thing. I dig through the bag, searching for the red and white worms because they're my favorite. "Stop it! You can't pick out the good ones."

I roll my eyes and pass the bag back to him. We're on our stomachs, and I nudge his elbow with mine and thwart his efforts to kick my butt with his heel.

"I love Seattle. I love the way it smells, I love the sounds, the people, I just love it," I say.

"Like, you love it so much, you'll come back?"

"Yeah, definitely. I'm definitely coming back." And he gives me a cocky smile.

"I knew you'd love it here. See? You should have listened to me years ago. Think of all the Seattle you've been missing."

God, think of all the _life_ I've been missing. His words are so true. I've been missing out, all because I was afraid.

_Was_ being the operative word there. I'm not afraid anymore.

"Do you still love me?" I blurt out the words and I don't know what I'm doing. Okay, maybe I'm a little afraid. I twirl the gummi worm around my finger. "I mean, do you think that maybe we could, I don't know, try again or something. I just feel like maybe we met at the wrong time and…I don't know everything's different now and I'm different and...Like, if we would have met yesterday, would you still like me?"

Edward lays his head flat on his crossed arms and looks at me with his glowing green eyes and he's thinking. He stares and I'm afraid of what is running around in his head, but I need to hear it. So I wait.

"I think I've known these different versions of you. I've known you snotty and stubborn and naïve and scared. I've known you bold and sexy and hopeful and funny. And now, here you are, a conglomeration of all the girls I've loved, all the girls I've lived for but it's always just been you, Bella. And you've always just been everything to me." My hair stands on end as he speaks, his voice quiet, his face inches from mine.

"You didn't really answer the question," I whisper.

"Yes, Bella," he says with a smile. "Yes, I would still like you. I'd annoy you incessantly until you gave me your number and then I'd wait the mandatory five days to call. I'd ask you out and you'd say no because I made you wait, so then I'd charm you into ice cream or something and it'd work because you can't say no to ice cream. And, well, once you spent any decent amount of time with me, you'd be smitten."

"Oh really," I roll over onto my side to face him and prop my head up with my arm.

"Yep," he pushes my hair from my face and then he's tracing the lines of my hand and wrist. "And you'd roll your eyes half a dozen times but I'd keep saying cheesy stuff just to see you do it, to see you blush or to see you smile. I'd walk you home and I'd hold your hand and I'd try to kiss you. You would let me, too. Because you'd feel it. That little hum of electricity that's always buzzing when we're together, like neon lights. Do you feel ever feel it? It's like, I don't know, static."

"A spark," I whisper and Edward nods.

"We're supposed to be together. We match, you know, like complimentary colors. Like red and green. I don't know why it works, but it just does. You're the peanut butter to my jelly. The peas to my carrots. You're my Jenn-y." He says in his best Forrest Gump impression. I laugh and kiss him because his words are so sweet and so true and it's how I feel too.

"Walk on my back," he says suddenly.

"But then I'll have to get up." I lay my head on my pillow and he bends his head to mine and kisses my cheek and then my nose and then my lips.

"Please?" he asks and I have to admit, he's very persuasive.

"Alright, fine." Edward lies flat while I try to balance on his back. He groans and I step off, thinking I hurt him and he looks back at me.

"What's the matter?" He looks puzzled.

"Didn't I hurt you?" I ask.

"No! More. It feels amazing," he says as he lies flat again and then motions to his back with his hand. I smile and step on again. I feel the muscles rolling beneath my toes and I try to move my feet but my balance really sucks. I fall back onto Edward's head, my butt crashing into his noggin and he gives a yelp.

"I'm so sorry!" I scramble to make sure he's okay, my hands wrapping around the back of his head as he rolls over onto his back. He's laughing, his hands holding his neck and I'm crouched beside him. My hands move through his hair and I relax because he's obviously not hurt. He pulls me on top of him and I straddle his lap, my heart thudding against my ribs.

Edward reaches up and pulls my lips down to his, his tongue in my mouth, his hands running over my back and through my hair. I can't control my hips and I writhe against him and he moans into my mouth. I pull away and I'm breathing and I can feel him breathing beneath me. His fingers dig into my hips and my hands are on his shoulders. It takes all my willpower not to shed my clothing. This is the most physical we've been all week and it's just a kiss, but it's new and exciting.

Edward's hands glide over my thighs and skim across my behind. He runs them under my shirt and up my back, his fingers tickling my skin. I lay my head against his chest, feeling him breathe. He's slowing things down and I'm relieved. I listen to his heart and feel the rise and fall of his chest as his fingers draw patterns.

"Do me a favor, Bella?" I nuzzle into his neck, pressing my lips into his skin. "Don't go on any more dates, okay?"

"Are you asking me to go steady?" I tease and Edward turns his head to catch my lips and all I feel are tingles.

"Yeah, I think I am," he says.

"Are you going to give me your pin? Do you want me to be your girl?" I say and Edward smirks.

"You've always been my girl, you just didn't know it yet." He's such a cocky ass.

"I will neither confirm or deny that claim," I say indignantly and he kisses my lips again.

"I don't want you to be with anyone else. Bella, will you be my obligation?" He's teasing but I know what he means.

"Only if you'll be mine," I say quietly and his face is serious now.

"Deal," he whispers and we kiss and touch and talk and feel each other until the morning sun is streaming in through the window. I don't get a lick of sleep but I don't care. I have to pack my bag and leave him.

Edward rides with us to the airport and walks me to the gate with Emmett, Rose and Vanessa. We wait for my turn to board as silent tears fall down my cheeks. Edward's arm is around my shoulders, and Vanessa swings between Emmett and I. They call my row, and I kiss my niece, squeezing her tight, and my brother wraps his arms around us.

"Bye Sis," he says and holds me for a long time. Rose kisses my cheek and hugs me tight. Edward lifts me off the floor, kissing me deeply. It's desperate and sad and I feel this kiss all the way to my dangling toes.

"I love you," he whispers in my ear. I sob into his shoulder before I detach and make my feet walk me to the gate. That fricking song about leaving on a jet plane is running through my head now and I don't look back, not even once, because I'm afraid I won't have the strength to walk away again. Today, I have to walk away.

…

"Yeah, that's great news!" I say into the phone, trying not to act like a complete tool. _Breathe, Bella._ Jesus.

"I know this isn't exactly what you were hoping for, but I think it's going to lead to things. It's a great start and you're very talented. You just need a little more experience under your belt." Riley Biers is the agent that Jenks found for me and, up until this point, I thought he was a blood sucking leech. But today? Today I love his guts because Riley just told me that my book has been accepted for publication. Well, not the exact book that I wanted published, but some variation of it.

"No, it's great. I'm really excited about this," I say and can't wait to get off the phone so I can run to the office and tell Leah and my dad. God, my hands won't stop shaking!

Riley tells me a bunch of other stuff I should probably be paying attention to, but I can't focus. I scribble down the date and time they want to meet with me to discuss details and then I hang up the phone and I'm out the door. The air is already thick and it's only April. I can tell this summer is going to be a scorcher.

I hurry to the office, my feet light and swift on the gravel drive. It's dark and cool when I enter the room and Leah and my dad hover over the computer screen, deep in conversation. They look up as I walk through the door.

"Hey there, Bells," my dad says as he walks over to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"So, I got a call from Riley," I say and my dad's mustache twitches. "They want to publish the pictures in a guide book for Vegas."

"Is this a good thing?" Leah asks.

"Well, it isn't exactly what I wanted, but it's a start, right? I mean, I've been taking pictures for the magazine for like eight months now and, I don't know, I'm kinda sick of photographing dead fish and boat propellers." Leah grins.

"Well, I think it's perfect," my dad says and his voice is raspy. "I'm proud of you, kid."

I smile as my dad's small eyes twinkle and I feel proud of me, too.

"They're only going to use the landscapes. No people, no faces," I frown. Edward will be disappointed. When I told him I sent a copy of our book to a publisher, he was really excited and when I call to tell him the news, he hollers into the phone.

"See? I told you! You are so moded, dude!"

"Did you just call me dude?" I laugh.

"Yeah, well, _you're so moded, my lady_ lacks effectiveness."

"You're right, that doesn't strike me as smug at all." And there's a long pause.

"So, I have some bad news. My dad has to sell our unit at the marina, because of the divorce settlement."

"What?" I feel my stomach twist and I feel sick.

"We're still coming this summer, like one last hurrah and then he's putting it up for sale at the end of the season."

I'm speechless. I guess I've kind of taken it for granted that the Cullens would always be here. It's like the end of an era, or something. It throws my whole reality off kilter and I don't know how to react. We've had permanent Pay Checks before, and it's all part of the cycle, the coming and going. It's like a carousel. Every time it comes around, you look for that one beautiful horse that stands out above the rest. But now, it's not coming around anymore.

Edward calls me from the road. He gives me status updates and I'm waiting at their unit when they pull in. I'm anxious to see them and I just have this anxiety, like I'll never see them again. I know this is ridiculous, I can go to Seattle and they can come visit. I have to remind myself of this fact over and over. They will visit. They will come to the river because they want to see me, not because they're on vacation and I just happen to be here. It's a tough concept to grasp.

The sleek silver Mercedes is followed by my brother's red minivan and, the moment they're out of the car, Vanessa runs into my arms. She remembers me! Emmett also brings his two big dogs and they wear these cute little shoes to protect their feet from the hot gravel. Watching them try to walk around is hilarious.

Edward waits patiently until I put down my niece. There's no hesitancy, no awkwardness as he pulls me into his chest and I weep into the soft cotton of his white polo shirt. He's here and I can't control my emotions. I'm a messy mixture of relief and elation.

"What's wrong? What's the matter?" Edward asks into my ear and I hide in his shirt.

"Nothing. I'm just happy to see you," I mumble and he kisses my cheek and his arms wrap me up.

We walk down to our swings and I sit but he doesn't.

"What?" I ask and he just shrugs and moves behind me. He grabs the chains, pulls me back, and kisses my cheek before he lets go, sending me flying through the air. He makes sure I go the highest.

"My dad's looking for a partner. He can't run the marina on his own anymore so he's going to sell off a portion of it. He's had offers, but he's picky." My swing slows as he gently pushes. "They wanted to tear down this swing set and put up a playground, which is ridiculous because who's going to use a slide when it's 120 degrees out? Honestly, it's a lawsuit waiting to happen."

"He's selling the marina?" Edward asks and he holds my swing and I turn my head and kiss his cheek, because I can.

"No, he's looking for help. He's old. He can't do it anymore, but this is all he's ever known. This is his livelihood and he can't just let it go, you know?"

Edward lets my swing go and I fly again.

"So what do you think about this?" he asks.

"I kind of hate it. I hate someone squirming in on our place, you know? I just feel like they're going to want to change things, like the swings or the store. What if they fire people, what if they fire Leah? What if it's not the same place anymore? I'm just scared, I guess. These people that he's been meeting with, they don't know anything about the river. They're completely clueless as to what they're getting themselves into and they think they know everything just because they have a ton of money. They're suits, nothing more."

"What if the suit was someone you knew? Like my dad?" Edward asks and I frown.

"You're dad doesn't have time to run the marina, Edward. I mean, don't get me wrong. It would be ideal, but we need someone here all the time." I wish it could be Edward, but I know he's obligated himself in Seattle. He's almost finished with school, he has to finish his dissertation and then he has his Final Examination and he's done. He's not going to give all that up now, no matter how much he loves me, and he shouldn't.

"It's true, he doesn't have time. He's really wrapped up in his life in Seattle, but maybe he could just fund it and then you guys can hire people that you trust to help out with the manual labor?"

"My dad wants to retire. He needs a partner, someone who's not only financially invested, but someone who cares about the business."

"I wish it could be me. If I had the money, I'd do it in a heartbeat." Edward catches my swing and kisses my neck, just because he can and I smile.

"I know," I say, and I believe him.

We go to Home Cove again for the Fourth. My dad and Carlisle talk about sports and fishing while we lounge in the sun. Leah and Jenks bring out one of the WaveRunners and Edward and I take a ride up to the dam. I let him drive, and I rest my head on the back of his shoulder as we race along the water. Edward likes to go fast and I clutch his vest, my eyes closed, as the spray cools my scorched skin.

We have sandwiches for lunch and we watch the dogs play in the water. We hike up to find our rock initials and see if they're embedded into the earth yet. We find them stuck in the hardened clay and Edward kisses me, a deep, passionate kiss that makes me dizzy on top of the hill. Vanessa and I look for shells and build sandcastles while she talks my legs off. She's very verbal for an almost three year old.

After lunch, Alice wants to go for a ski ride so we file into my dad's boat. Jenks brought his wakeboard and they all give it a try. Edward does the best and gets up on the first run, but has difficulty turning his feet to get the board into the proper position. He eats it a couple times before he gets the hang of it and I steer the boat to create some extra wake for him before he gets too cocky. He kisses me when he climbs out of the water, then tickles my sides and calls me a jerk because he knows I did it on purpose.

Leah, Jenks, Alice and Jasper all try the wakeboard, but I pull out the wooden skis. They're my favorite. Edward drives the boat and I glide easily along the water. I see Edward maneuvering the boat to make the ride more difficult. Silly boy, doesn't he know by now? The river is part of my very being. The water moves with me and my body reacts to the changes in the wake all on its own. I climb out of the water and he's waiting at the helm while Alice holds the flag. He looks impressed.

"Alright, fine, you win," he says and I grin.

"Nope, not a competition." I kiss his lips and wrap my arms around him and he groans because now he's sopping wet again.

It's not a competition anymore. We should be a team, a unit, working together and using our strengths to offset each other's weaknesses. I know this is just playful teasing but it's true, it's not me versus Edward. It's me and Edward versus any other shit the universe wants to throw at us. Together, we can handle anything. We will triumph, always, because together we're pretty badass.

After dinner, Carlisle and my dad take Vanessa and the dogs back to the house so Emmett and Rose can stay out late with us. We drink beer and smoke and talk about the stupidest shit, out in the darkness of the desert.

"Alright, best sci-fi movie ever made. Go," Emmett starts.

"It depends, does sci-fi include zombies?" Jasper asks. I sit between Edward's legs on a towel and his fingers trace the outline of my tattoo. He kisses my shoulder or my neck or my hand every so often, and I cover his foot with sand.

"No way, zombies are supernatural, not science fiction," Emmett answers and Edward interjects.

"What if the person is made zombie by some kind of biological infection? Then that would definitely be science fiction."

"Yeah, and if we're including aliens in this genre, then we have to include zombies," Jasper says.

"Fuck that! If we include zombies, then we have to allow vampires and werewolves and that is not gonna fly," Emmett says.

They finally just decide to make the genre horror and then all pick Exorcist, anyway, making the whole conversation completely unnecessary.

Emmett blasts Journey and Styx from the stereo on the boat and we sing and play air guitar and laugh our asses off. Edward and Jasper take turns catapulting us into the water, and Edward cops a feel more than twice, making me feel like I'm seventeen again. I sit on his shoulders, challenging Emmett and Rose to a chicken fight. We lose because, well, Emmett's a lot stronger than Edward and Rose has an intimidating bitch face. We're acting like idiots and we don't care because it feels like it's the last time we'll be able to do this.

Finally, Emmett says it's time to head in and Edward and I spread out along the bench. His thigh rests against my calf and he massages my feet, his thumb pressing into the arch. I lean my head against the back of the seat and watch him. His face looks so beautiful in the moonlight, eyes shining, and I wish I had my camera right now to capture the look on his face. He's happy, and serene and gorgeous and I feel good knowing that maybe has a little bit to do with me.

I lead him through the dark house, into my bedroom, and he sits awkwardly on my bed. I'm pretty sure Edward's waiting for me to make a move or something. A long time ago, this would have made me insecure but now I just want to show him how much I've missed him. I want to show him how much I love him, even after all this time has passed. I want him.

And a wise woman once said if you want something, you should go out there and get it.

I slide my shorts down my legs and strip off my tank as Edward watches and he looks surprised. I grin and I pull a t-shirt and my sleep shorts from my drawer. I start to pull the strings of my swim suit top but stop when he stands suddenly.

He moves behind me, brushing the hair off my neck, and kisses my shoulder as he slowly pulls the ties at my back. The bikini top falls loose as he gently massages my breasts, and I pull it away completely. His hands move over my belly and my hips, and he slides the bottoms down my legs, and I'm naked. I'm nervous, my heart pounding in my throat. He's seen me naked before. It shouldn't be such a big deal, but everything feels so new. His hands are everywhere and his lips kiss everywhere they can reach, and I'm trying to not pant too loudly because this house is full of people.

I gently nudge him back to my bed. He tickles my sides and I giggle as I untie his boardshorts, then we both cringe as I rip the velcro free, the sound amplified a billion times in the silence of the house. His hands skim over my behind and I push the shorts from his hips. I feel him hard against my belly as he holds me and we just stand there, naked and holding each other, Edward's body so warm against mine. My lips graze over his chest and neck and I can still smell the sunblock on his skin. There's sweat and river water and dirt and he smells like everything that I love about this place.

I run my hands over his length and he kisses my neck. He moves me to the bed and gently pushes me onto the familiar mattress. My bed creaks and he stops, his eyes questioning.

"Music," I say and he moves to press play on my CD player. I grin because he's naked and his butt is adorable, with these perfect little indentions in his cheeks. Everything is different now, but everything's the same. It's still just Edward and it's still us, sharing under the veil of soft music.

He crawls on top of me and smirks. I think he likes being on top of me naked, and I smile, too. His hands explore and I close my eyes, his fingers caressing and grasping and pulling and pushing and nothing feels like Edward. I wonder if I feel this way to him, if my touches are as magnified, if I make him feel this good. I open my eyes to see his green and I ask him.

"What do you feel?" I whisper. My hands wrap around him and the green disappears and all I see are feathered lashes.

"I feel my heart beating in my chest, like I can't breathe," he says and he positions himself against me as I make room for him between my legs.

"I feel nervous, but excited. I'm scared that it'll be different." He kisses my lips, neck and breasts, and my hands run across his perfect little behind.

"I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be." He holds my face in his hands, his thumb grazing my cheek as he pushes inside me, and I gasp and hold my breath.

"I feel love," he whispers and tears fill my eyes.

"I feel it too," I murmur before his lips are consuming mine. It's so much more than the tingling beneath my skin or the unraveling of pressure that's pulsing in my belly as Edward moves inside me. It's everything. It's real. It's full of beauty and love, like chocolate cake made from scratch or the smell of the earth right after it storms.

Edward and I move together, my legs twining around his. His fingers trail across my lips and I kiss each one of them. Our movements become more hurried and frantic and I can hardly feel my body anymore, just sensitive sparks in my thighs and belly. I'm blinded by bliss as I fall apart beneath him. I feel the tears spill onto my cheeks, and my head spins. Edward's shaking in my arms and I'm grasping onto him for dear life, unwilling to let go.

"Bella? What's wrong?" he whispers. I shake my head, damn tears just pouring from my face, and I feel like an idiot.

"Nothing's wrong. It's just, you're right. We balance, we're so right together. This, the way you make me feel, it's just beautiful. You're beautiful. I feel like I don't tell you enough, how much I love you, how much I want you and I'm sorry. It's just not me, you know? To be so… _verbal_ with how I feel. But it's there, every minute of every day, I feel it." I need to explain to him how much I love him, how much I've always loved him, even when it was killing me to do so.

"Silly girl, I know exactly who you are," he says, and kisses my nose and my cheek and my neck as he collapses on top of me. "You're my Bella."

The next month passes in a flash. We spend the days doing asinine shit, like racing the carts or WaveRunners with Alice and Jasper. We go to movies, and even drive into Vegas so Edward can have an In and Out burger, animal style. We go out on the cove and I try to teach Vanessa how to swim but she just clings to me when I take off her life vest. We go for night rides and hike, and Edward and his dad go fishing. It's just a really fun summer, like maybe the best summer I've had on the marina.

Edward sleeps in my bed every night, and we sleep in until we can't stand the sun streaming through the windows anymore. My dad's usually gone to the office by the time we wake up but, on a few occasions, we all have breakfast together. My dad is surprisingly understanding. I don't know, maybe he thought I'd never get married and now -

Whoa. Did I just think married?

_Oh shit, Bella, put yourself in check._

Edward still has to finish school. He's going to leave at the end of the summer, just like always. He loves me, I know he does, but love and marriage are two vastly different things. I shouldn't assume that just because Edward loves me, he'd be willing to spend forever with me.

Although, I know I want him forever. I want to marry Edward Cullen and have his little red haired babies.

Oh my God, what am I doing? Now there's babies? I am in deep shit, really - emotionally invested, plans for the future, want a ring - deep shit. I have got to relax.

Before Edward leaves, I'm in the Laundromat and he slips in the door looking very mischievous. He's also not wearing a shirt and I lick my lips at the sight of his muscled stomach.

"What?" I ask and he presses me up against the agitating washer. His hands slip beneath the hem of my t-shirt and his arms fold around my waist.

"Nothing," he says nonchalantly and pushes his hips into mine. He runs his hands over my back and down my sides and I laugh, because it tickles.

"Could you stop laughing at me? I'm trying to be irresistible here," he murmurs against my mouth and his breath is hot in the muggy room. His hands move up under my shirt and over my belly. He palms my breasts and rolls his fingers over the tightened flesh. I gasp, my fingers pulling at the belt loops of his cargo shorts. I think Edward likes it when I don't wear a bra.

"Yeah, I think irresistible is-," before I can finish his lips are on mine, and he's pressing me against the dryers.

"I've always wanted to do you in here," he purrs into my neck. His hands are unbuttoning my shorts and I gasp because he's serious.

"Edward! What if someone-"

"Who does laundry at ten o'clock at night? Just us," he murmurs and I inhale sharply as he pushes his fingers inside me.

"Fuck," I gasp and I think profanity turns Edward on because now his eyes are blazing into mine. I let him fuck me right there in the Laundromat. From behind, even. His arms wrap around my belly and chest as he pulls me into him and it's sweaty and frantic and completely amazing, like earth-shattering orgasmic bliss that turns my legs into jello and makes my ears ring.

Edward helps me haul the laundry to the golf cart. I can't stop grinning at him as we drive back to my house to drop it off. He wants to walk down to the water because it's miserably hot and it's always cooler by the water, so I grab the quilt off my bed and my dad's big flashlight. We hike over the hill and down to the water where it's kind of secluded, and we lay on the blanket, I fit easily beside him and we lose ourselves in the billions of stars. I don't know the names of the multitude of constellations visible in the swirling black but I can see Orion's belt and the wide band of stars that make up the Milky Way. The air is thick and humid and I can smell the storm coming, like wet grass or early morning dew.

I roll onto my stomach and rest against his chest, my fingers gently pulling at the hair there and he pushes my hair out of my face.

"So, I'm going to UNLV in the fall," I say and Edward smiles and puts his hands behind his head. "Leah's going back to school too. She only needs one more year and we figured we could be the oldest people at the school together."

"There will be people there older than you, I promise."

"I know, but I still feel weird. It's something I really want to do, though. Plus, having a degree with an emphasis in Photography will help me land jobs and maybe even lead to getting a book published, one that's just my work, you know?"

"I do. I think it's a great idea." My heart is pulsing because of what I'm going to say next.

"Edward," I start. He looks at me curiously and my mouth feels like cotton. He said all I had to do was ask, and he'll probably say no, but I need to make the effort, just in case there's a chance. I need to show him how much I want him, how much I can't stand the thought of being without him. I take a deep breath and I notice his nose is peeling and it's all the motivation I need.

"You should stay here. With me. For good," I say in a rush and his eyes are burning. "I mean, I know you have to finish school and I know you love Seattle, but I don't want you to leave. I don't want to be apart from you anymore." The tears slide down my cheeks but I pretend they're not there.

He brings his fingers to wipe my face and I clutch his fingers to my lips.

"I applied for a position as an assistant at the University. I'm going to take it. It's a great opportunity and I'll be able to finish up my doctorate while working. I'm so close, Bella," he says and I know it hurts him to form the words. I nod and close my eyes and it stings. I totally expected this, but the let down still stings.

"I'll fly down between semesters. And I'll come for Thanksgiving and Christmas and Spring Break. We can talk on the phone and the year will fly by and I promise I'll be back next summer. We can make this work." He sits up and clasps my hands in his, and I nod. I know this, I'm just anxious to start living my life, and I want that life to include him.

"Okay, I can handle that," I say.

"You can come to Seattle whenever you want. You just let me know and I'll buy you a ticket, okay?" he says and I roll my eyes.

"I can buy my own plane ticket, Edward. I have a job, you know," I say and he smirks.

"I don't care how it happens, just that it happens. You just get your sweet ass to Seattle."

"Deal," I say and it's done. We stay on the cove all night and I vent about the suits trying to take over my dad's marina. I understand it needs to be done, because my brother and I have both chosen different paths, but I feel a tremendous amount of guilt. If I would have just stuck it out here, my dad wouldn't have to be going through this. But Edward reassures me that I have nothing to feel guilty about, that I'm allowed to do what I want with my life. Doesn't make that guilt go away, though.

In the morning, Edward gives me a present, just like always. It's a brown leather bound day planner and I skim through it. He's penciled in all his vacations and included little notes. On Thanksgiving, it says _Come to Seattle, bring catsuit. _On Valentine's Day there's a big heart that says _I love Edward_ and then right below it says _try phone sex. _My ears burn.

"I thought you'd need it for work, and you know, other stuff," he winks at me. I shove his chest and then kiss his lips, and he laughs.

Alice hugs me and kisses my cheek before her and Jasper climb into my brother's minivan. I make plans to visit in November again and, this time, I think I'll make my dad go, especially if he has help by then. He has a meeting with an investor that looks promising; some Pay Checks who have been coming to the river for years and are looking to make the marina their summer home. There's also this other couple from California who are interested. They have grown children that could help out too, I guess. My dad's hopeful but the thought of someone else being here and being in charge makes me sick.

Rose loads Vanessa into her car seat and I give her a bottle of shells to take home before I kiss my niece good bye. Emmett hugs me tightly and shakes my dad's hand. He loads the dogs and then they're pulling away down the gravel drive. Carlisle and Edward clean out their unit and arrange with my dad for it to be sold. Knowing that this place will no longer be Edward's makes me feel empty. A part of him will no longer be here, with no tangible guarantee he'll come back. But for the first time, I'm not worried. I'm sad when he kisses me good bye and I stand there crying, with my dad's arm around my shoulder as the sleek silver Mercedes disappears down the road.

"He'll be back, Bells," my dad says and I nod. "He loves you and he won't be able to stay away for too long."

"I know," I say softly and for the first time in my life, I feel like I really do.

…

**A/N:**

Let's see...oh yeah, I love you. Madly. Like Jim Morrison madly. Thank you for reading. One more Chapter and then an Epilogue and that's all she wrote.

Special thanks to **Souplover9 **for help with all things Seattle. Love bb!

**In the Closet **Anon Slash Contest is accepting entries until September 1st.

**SubtlePen** is beta and **Miztrezboo **prereads. They're foxy ladies, like Ginger and Mary Anne. I'm Mrs. Howell but I like to be called Lovey.


	18. That Time You Stayed for my Birthday

**CH 17 – That Time You Stayed for My Birthday**

_1999_

_Baywatch airs its final season set in Los Angeles._

_On February 12, the five-week impeachment trial of President Bill Clinton comes to an end. _

_Computer programers scramble to rectify the Y2K glitch, which many thought would severely disrupt the world's financial institutions._

...

"Bella! We need to leave now or we're going to be late." I check my hair in the mirror once more and wipe a smudge of lipstick from the edge of my lower lip. I don't know why I even need to go to this thing, it's not like I was involved in this decision. My cat, Otis, weaves around my legs and I bend down to scratch his head as he purrs in appreciation.

My dad found a buyer for the marina. He actually found a couple buyers and it took him a while to decide which offer he wanted to accept. He and Jenks, who's handling the appraisal and this commercial Real Estate agent, Carmen Flores from Las Vegas, make the decision together and I'm completely left out of it. It's highly irritating.

I step out of the bathroom and I'm wearing my nicest dress. It's blue and flows like liquid. My dad has to sign the papers here in Vegas and he wants me to go with him, so I can meet this investor. He's waiting in the living room of my small apartment and I give him a scowl as I fasten my sandals.

"This is what you wanted, right? To be free of the marina?" He's messing with me because I'm so bent out of shape.

"What does this Carmen chick even know?" I said. "And what kind of name is Carmen? It reminds me of Baywatch. Nothing but boobs on a beach. I have no respect for that name."

"Bella, stop being mean," my dad says and his mustache twitches. "It's not cute."

"I'm not trying to be cute, Dad. I just hope you're making the right decision," I say. "I mean, does this person even know anything about the river? Does he- wait, is it a he?"

Just then the phone rings and I run to the kitchen to answer it.

"Hi, is Bennie there?" The low voice says over the receiver and I recognize him immediately.

"Bennie?" I ask, confused.

"Yeah, B-B-B-Bennie and the Jetts," Edward sings.

"Oh my God, you are such a dork," I laugh.

"It's not my fault you don't appreciate the classics," he says, sounding far away.

"Where are you?" I ask.

"I'm driving into the city," he says. "Are you getting ready to go sign the papers?"

"Yeah, my dad's giving me the stink-eye right now. He doesn't want to be late."

"Are you okay?" he asks quietly and I sigh.

"Yeah, I guess. I just don't want it to be some suit who doesn't know shit about running a marina. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not partial to change." Edward laughs and my dad motions to the door. "Alright, I'll call you when we get home."

"Good luck."

"Let's hope I don't offend anyone," I say and Edward laughs again.

"I love you," he says and my cheeks twitch. It always gives me goosebumps when he says this.

"I love you too," I say and he's gone.

My dad drives his truck and we listen to oldies on the radio. He's quiet and thinking and I know this is melancholy for him. This is his life's work, everything he's ever known and he has to give a part of it up. I feel like shit. I have been nothing but sullen through this whole process and he's been suffering too. No wonder he's kept all the details to himself. He doesn't want to hear me bitching about it.

I look over at him and he looks at me apprehensively. I smile with the hope of offering him some relief. He smiles back and squeezes my shoulder and we drive the rest of the way in silence. It's not far from my apartment. I transferred to UNLV this year and decided to get my own place by the school. I love living on my own, it's just me and Otis and I was even able to set up a nine month lease so I could move home during the summer to help with the marina. Well, Jenks set it up for me. I swear, that man has his hand in everything.

We park at the large corporate building and my heart is beating in my throat. Jenks is waiting by the door and I can see little Miss Baywatch in her starched suit next to him. It's March and the weather in Vegas isn't bad, slightly overcast and low clouds hover in the city.

"Wait, Dad," I say and he looks over at me. "Don't do this. I'll help you. I can move back home, work at the marina and still go to school. We can hire people if we need to. You don't have to do this."

My dad takes a deep breath and he smiles. "Bella, it's done. Now, come on, let's go meet my new partner."

"He better not be wearing a suit," I say and my dad chuckles. Dad shakes hands with Jenks and Carmen and I do too, because I'm trying not to offend people today. Carmen is all plastic smiles, I assume because she's anticipating the fat commission she's going to make off this merger. She leads us into a large room with an oval table and we sit in padded rolling chairs. He's late. Whoever this partner is, he's late and I'm already judging him. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he's not coming. I start to get hopeful.

The door opens and the first thing I see is red. His tie is red, a sharp contrast to his navy suit and striped collared shirt. I grit my teeth as my eyes follow the familiar lines of his jaw and lips and freckled nose. And there they are, feathered lashes and glowing green circles. Motherfucker.

He's wary as enters the room with two other suits he's brought with him, and I glare at him. I feel like I've been punched in the gut - betrayed, lied to, kept in the dark - by the one person who I thought I could trust. Why wouldn't he tell me about this? How is this even possible?

"Carmen, it's good to see you," Edward says, shaking plastic lady's hand like they've met before, and my mouth drops open. He gives Jenks a friendly hand shake and then he shakes my dad's hand and his face is calm but intense. What the hell is going on here? Who the hell is this man in this blue suit?

"Bella," he says quietly. I want to throw a fit, right there in that room, but that would just make me look like an idiot so I clench my jaw and remain silent as his eyes become worried.

Carmen lays out the paperwork and Edward's lawyers look over it and all the while his eyes are on me. I fold my arms over my chest and cross my legs, but I can't stop my knee from bouncing. I just talked to him thirty minutes ago, and he lied to me. There are so many questions filing through my brain, most of them interrupted by profanities, and I can't focus on any of them. The suits move around me in slow motion, joking and making small talk, and still he just stares. He signs and then he stares. And then it's done. And I bolt.

"Bella!" he calls after me. He clutches my arm and I shake him off until I can get outside.

"I can't believe you!" I shove him in the chest. "Liar!"

"I never lied. I omitted, there's a difference," he says, cautiously.

"You said you were driving into town!" I yell, waving my arms.

"I was. I just didn't say which town," he says and he's smug. He's proud of that one.

"Whatever, _Clinton_," I say sarcastically. "Fraud, then. Manipulator. Defiler of truth."

"Oh come on, I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought it would be kinda romantic," he shrugs and his hands are in his pockets. I sigh, my anger dissipating slightly at his words.

"You could have told me. We're supposed to be a team, you know. Partners, and shit. Partners don't keep secrets. Partners don't lie to each other about major life changes and decisions. I feel like an idiot Edward! Like I don't even know you. How is this even possible?" The anger is back, my mind spinning as my dad walks out the door, followed by Jenks and I glare at my father. This is his fault too. Both of them are liars. They should go to a liar convention or something, have liar t-shirts made.

"You!" I point at my father and he rolls his eyes.

"Stop being so melodramatic," my dad says as he gets into his truck. I can't believe I'm being dismissed like this.

"Look, I'll explain everything," Edward says and he kisses my cheek and I soften.

"That suit is ridiculous," I say bitterly. He chuckles and walks over to his Volvo parked next to my dad's truck and unlocks the door. I take a closer look and I can see it's filled to the roof with his stuff, piles and piles of polo shirts and boxes of books and again, my mouth gapes open.

"Edward?" I ask and I'm flabbergasted. He winks at me and I'm furious.

"Let's talk about this when we get home."

He slides into the driver's seat and with a soft click of the car door, he's pulling out of the parking spot. I hope Edward remembers how to get to my apartment. He was here for Christmas break, just a couple months ago. He didn't say anything then about buying the marina.

I jump into my dad's truck and he smiles over at me. I shake my head and narrow my eyes, and he laughs.

"It's not funny, Dad," I say and tears fill my eyes. I'm not exactly sure why. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this whole thing. Edward owns half the marina, and his car is filled with his stuff. He's moving here, for good. He didn't even tell me. I wasn't part of the decision, and that hurts. It's everything I've ever wanted and I didn't even get to plan for it. I just feel left out, I guess. "How could you do this?"

"He loves you and he wants to take care of you. He had the best offer," my dad smirks and I can't stop the tears from spilling onto my cheeks.

"That's not what I meant," I whisper, wiping at my face and my dad chuckles.

"I know," he winks and I'm speechless. He drives to my apartment, and the whole way there my mind is racing. Edward's standing outside his parked car in front of my building, still wearing his dark sunglasses and the stupid suit. God damn, it looks good. It fits precisely, like it was made for him. His hair is neat around his ears and neck and his hands are shoved in his pockets. I hope he's sweating bullets.

My dad pulls up beside him and looks over at me, expectantly. He's not coming in. He's just going to drop me off and high-tail it out of here. What a pansy ass!

"Fine, but we're so not done here," I say as I get out of the truck and slam the door shut. I take a deep breath and turn around to face Edward as my dad's truck roars down the street. Edward grins at me, the corner of his lips pulled up into an uneven smirk and I try my damnedest not to smile back. I mean it, I am fighting the muscles in my cheeks with all my heart.

But my heart is a traitor too. It surrenders. My lips twitch and Edward sees it. He laughs and he pulls me against his chest and I wrap my arms around his waist.

"I missed you," he whispers into my ear and he kisses my lips. It's soft, hesitant, like he's testing the waters to make sure I'm not going to bite his lip off.

"I'm still mad at you," I scowl but it's halfhearted. I lead him to my apartment and he follows behind. His hand grazes my hip as we walk the stairs, and I let myself smile fully because he can't see my face.

"I know." His hand rests on my back as I unlock the door. Otis rubs against my legs as I walk into the kitchen. Edward closes the door behind him and I throw my keys on the counter. I pull the rubber band from my wrist and wrap my hair into a bun before turning to face him. He takes off his sunglasses and shrugs out of his suit jacket and I frown.

"Lose the tie too," I say and his fingers pull the knot loose, but he doesn't take it off.

"Make me," he smirks and I roll my eyes and walk into my bedroom. I pull the stupid dress over my head. I dig through my drawer, looking for my sweatpants and Edward is standing in the doorway.

"It's my mom's money," he says quietly. I face him and he moves into the room. "She set up this trust fund before she died but there was a stipulation. I had to finish school. I had to go all the way, Ph.D., M.D. it didn't matter as long as I finished. I finished, Bella."

"Wait, what?" I ask him, thoroughly confused. "I don't understand. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, it seemed kind of shallow, to do all this just for money," he says. "I didn't want you to think I'm just some spoiled, trust fund dick. Growing up a Cullen, that's all I've ever been: money. You always saw more in me. I didn't want to mess that up. But I needed that money, so I could make sure you were taken care of. No matter what."

"When? How long have you known about this? Like forever or…"

"No. Um, when I failed that class. My dad found out about it from one of his colleagues. He told me about the money then. He thought I might need the incentive, as if the constant pressure wasn't incentive enough."

"And that's why you were so upset about not getting into medical school? Because you wanted to take care of me?" I ask and he sits on my bed.

"Yeah. You've kind of been my purpose for everything." He picks at the threads of my quilt and I collapse onto the bed, my knees feeling like jello. "After you told me about your dad needing a partner, I went to see him. I asked him to wait one year, and I would have the money. I could pay cash and I would take care of you. I know I don't know all that much about running a marina, but you can teach me. I don't have to leave and we don't have to be apart anymore. I wasn't trying to trick you, or lie to you or anything deceitful, I promise. I just wanted everything to be perfect, so you wouldn't have any way to say no to this. I'm staying, whether you like it or not."

"So you just spent all that time, put in a massive amount of effort to finish school, so you could give it all up to stay here?" I murmur and he shakes his head.

"Doesn't matter, I just want to be with you. I don't care where it is, just as long and we're together." He traces the three freckles on my thigh that form an equilateral triangle and I let my hands fall from their crossed position.

Otis jumps onto the bed and stretches out between us and Edward rubs his head and along his ears. I scratch his neck and his purring makes the whole bed vibrate. I look up, into Edward's green and our fingers find each other. He took a risk, made a sacrifice so he could get what he wants... and he wants me.

"Where do you think you're going to live?" I tease, because it's obvious he's going to live with me. Right?

"Oh, yeah, that. I bought my dad's unit, at the marina. I can live there," he smirks and I scoff and give him a light shove. He laughs and grabs my wrist and I let him pull me into his chest. Otis whines and acts annoyed as he jumps to the floor.

"See, even Otis thinks you're an ass," I say and I climb onto his lap. His hands clutch my hips and I quickly free the stupid tie from his neck, the silky red material falling to the floor.

"He's just jealous another man's going to be sleeping in your bed from now on," he murmurs against my neck, his lips moving over my skin.

"I still haven't forgiven you," I mutter and my eyes close because his lips can be very persuasive. "I wish you would have told me."

"I wish I would have done a lot of things," he says, and his hands slide along my thighs and over my hips and back as my fingers thread through his hair. "I wish I would have told you how much I love you every day. I wish I would have made you mine that first summer."

His arms wrap around my waist, his fingers pressing into my sides and there isn't an ounce of space between us. The buttons of his stiff shirt press circles into my skin and he sighs against my neck. I let my cheek rest on his and I breathe. He smells like cologne and aftershave and laundry detergent. He's still tingles and sparks, like the warm sun prickling my skin after being inside all day, or the first whisper of a cool breeze off the water. He's relief. He's comfort. He's home.

"But then we wouldn't have much of a love story, now would we?"

…

"You have to do this every year?" Edward asks as he moves the cloth over the bottom of the boat. We pulled my dad's boat out of the water and are currently trying to remove the insane amount of lime that has accumulated over the year.

"Yep, it makes the bottom of the boat rough, which means you have to burn more gas to get it up to a decent speed." I watch the tan muscles of his arms and shoulders flex in the radiating sun. A tiny trail of sweat slides down his back and I lick my lips. I love the shapes his body makes when he thinks I'm not looking.

We moved back to the marina for the summer as soon as my lease was up at the apartment. I have one more year of school and I'll officially be a college graduate. I'm still working on getting more of my work published, but photography is a highly competitive industry. I take pictures for the magazine and I put the money I earned from the book into a high yield savings account, so I can earn interest. Yeah, I know about interest rates. I even have a life insurance policy. Edward and I split the bills and, I have to admit, it's nice not having to worry about rent. Last week he bought a new car and practically cried when he had to get rid of his old Volvo. He got a sedan. A _family_ car.

He helps my dad out with repairs and convinced him to hire some help for the maintenance issues. Leah can pretty much handle the office on her own now that she's done with school. It's easy, the way Edward seamlessly affixes himself to the marina. He works hard, like he's craving the physical exertion, or desperate to prove that he can do this.

"Your dad probably paid the Blacks to do this for him, so you wouldn't get your pretty hands dirty," I tease and Edward gives me a look. He doesn't like it when I tease him about how pretty his hands are. "Oh, come on, I'm only teasing."

I reach over and kiss his shoulder and I see his face soften. I pick up the Lime Away and soak my cloth, buffing along the rough mineral and sloughing away at the layers caked to the fiberglass. The heat saturates my skin and I use my shirt to wipe the sweat from my forehead. Edward's hands work over the gunk, his hip bumping into me. I elbow him back and he kisses my cheek.

"I talked to my dad this morning. He bought a trailer. He's driving down for the summer," he says. "He'll be here for my birthday."

I stop and straighten, the thought slamming into my brain like a freight train. "You're gonna be here for your birthday," I blurt, and Edward grins. I drop my rag and I jump into him. My legs wrap around his waist and my arms clutch his neck and I lay one on him, a big, fat smooch right on his lips. He's surprised at first, and stumbles backwards before catching his balance, thank God. He kisses me back, his mouth gently tugging on my lips and holds my body to his.

"What was that for?" he murmurs, his nose nudging against mine.

"I just remembered. You're not leaving," I let my face rest against his. This is the best thing, feeling his sun soaked skin on mine. It's like we can meld together when our skin is heated and connected like this. Like chocolate and marshmallows.

Dr. Cullen rolls into town the day before Edward's birthday. He parks his trailer at the campground and I'm relieved he's not staying with us. Not that I don't like Dr. Cullen, it's just a little early in this new full-time relationship thing. Edward and I have only been living at the marina for three months. Everything is still new and kind of surreal. I _live_ with Edward. He's around, all the time. We stay up late and sleep in sometimes, and Otis whines for food at five in the morning. Edward gets up to feed him and lets me stay in bed. When he comes back to me, I curl my body around him and his hands push underneath my sleep shirt and we feel each other. We make love and take showers together and walk around in our underwear and it's comfort.

I sometimes wonder if Edward's a little homesick. He seems happy, but I remember the vibrancy that glowed around him in Seattle. He is the city, big and bright and beautiful and he's out of his element here. I ask my brother how he and Rose did it, how they adjusted, how they decided it would work and he gives a simple answer that makes all the difference in the world.

"Bella, turn your brain off for just one minute, will you? Stop thinking about love and just start loving. It's a shitload easier. Jesus, you're like your own personal prosecutor. Maybe you should go to law school."

"Since when did thinking become a crime?" I ask him.

"When it's used for self destruction," he says sarcastically.

"Okay, I get it. I'm just scared, Emmett. I don't want to mess this up," I say quietly.

"You've already messed this up, like tons of times. You both have. Just let go," and the words pulse through my veins, like these three words are the missing elements in all my disorganized bonds. I feel it happen, the elements reorganizing themselves, a hovering awareness, an epiphany, a click. Whatever you want to call it, I feel the hairs on the back of my neck prickle.

Just let go.

We drive into Vegas for Edward's birthday, and Dr. Cullen makes me call him Carlisle and he asks me tons of questions about photography. We drink wine and order steak and Edward sits with his elbows on the table. His fingers are folded at his lips while Carlisle questions me and his eyes are creased and shining. Edward misses his dad.

That night, as I crawl into our bed, Edward pulls me against is chest. I kiss his chin and his collarbone and his shoulder and his hands slide under the hem of my cotton cover and drag across my back.

"So, I got you a birthday present, but it won't be finished for a couple weeks," I say and Edward looks at me, confused. "We're gonna put in a basketball court, by the swing set. So you can teach me how to shoot hoops or whatever."

"Really? That is really fucking cool!" he says and I smile. I knew he'd like this present. "So, you wanna be a baller?"

"Yeah, why not? We can play one on one or whatever it's called." Edward grins and I scrunch my nose. "Isn't that what it's called?"

"Yeah, that's what it's called, but I don't think you realize what you're up against. I got game." He raises his eyebrows and I can't help but kiss his cocky lips.

"I think with a little practice, I could hold my own." My arrogance is completely unjustified. I've only played a handful of times, in high school, against other people who sucked just as bad as I did.

"You're on, pretty girl," he says, his fingers brushing the hair from my face.

"Well, someone has to put you in your place around here. Might as well be me." I kiss his nose.

"Bella, you are my place," his whispers against my skin and my stomach flutters.

"Am I?" I ask quietly.

"Of course, there's no question." His answer is immediate.

"Do you miss Seattle?" I ask and his fingers dance across my spine in swirling patterns. I know the answer before he even says a word.

"I do. But it's nothing compared to living without you. It's like a paper cut, it stings, it gets irritated once in a while, but it's nothing. Don't even need a bandaid." His smile is small and sad.

"What do you miss the most?" The words are quiet and my fingers trace the lines of his bare chest. He just showered and he smells like soap.

He takes a deep breath, like he doesn't want the discussion and I prop up on my elbow expectantly.

"I don't know, there's no one thing. But it doesn't matter. I like where I am." His persistent hands pull me in and I almost forget to be stubborn.

"Paper cuts hurt like a bitch, you know," I tell him and again, he sighs. "And they take forever to stop bleeding."

"This is exactly why I didn't tell you I was moving here."

I know exactly what he means so I kiss him instead of arguing, basking in the sacrifice he's made and partaking in all its glory. But as I lay there, wrapped in weighted arms and legs, Edward's breath tickling my neck and the naked skin between us heated, guilt begins to invade. I haven't sacrificed shit. I know I'm not responsible for Edward's choices, but the whole point is that he had to make the choice without me. What does that mean? Is that how Edward sees me, unwilling to compromise? Why did he think the only way for us to be together was for him to move here? In all honesty, I was a little excited at the prospect of living in Seattle. I love the Arizona heat but I'm ready for a change. I could move to Seattle and it wouldn't even feel like a sacrifice.

My brother and his family drive down for the Fourth and we go out on the cove, just like always. My dad's boat is getting old and he and my brother discuss buying a new one. Dr. Cu- I mean _Carlisle_ - didn't haul his boat down because he brought the trailer. With my brother's dogs and the ice chests, and all the people, one boat just isn't enough. Edward and I take a WaveRunner instead and he lets me drive while he kisses the back of my neck and plays with the ties of my bathing suit bottoms.

"Look, Captain Distraction, do you think you could keep your groping to a minimum?" I murmur over my shoulder. I follow slowly in the low wake of my dad's old boat as we pull into Home Cove. It only spurs him on. His hands move from my hips to my thighs, dangerously close to the point of no return, his fingers sneaking under the elastic and I can't do one thing about it. And he knows it.

"I'm gonna toss you off this WaveRunner." I try to sound threatening but I can hardly control my breathing.

"Hmm, I don't think you really want me to stop," Edward whispers into my ear and I gasp because now those fingers are rubbing places that I can't find the strength to oppose. Then, with a kiss on my neck, his hands are gone and he's jumping off the back of the WaveRunner as we idle up to the cove. I follow him into the water and it's sweet relief to the heat now rushing through my body. We drag the WaveRunner up to the shore and Emmett anchors off the boat. Scully and Mulder traipse around in the bushes and sniff out their surroundings. I keep an eye on Vanessa while the rest of the group sets up the canopy and drag the chairs and ice chests to the shore.

We go for a ski ride downriver, where the bend opens up a bit and I sit with Vanessa in the tube while Emmett pulls us, very slowly. I can see Rose sitting on the bench, her forehead creased and her lips pursed behind her big dark sunglasses.

"Why are we going like a turtle?" Vanessa asks, her big blue eyes gazing up at me under her damp blond bangs and I kiss her nose.

"Because your daddy's a Nancy-pants," I say and her laugh sounds like a wind chime. "Give him a thumbs-up, like this."

I show her what to do and she mimics the movement, her tiny thumb moving through the air and Rose shakes her head. But I can see Emmett grin from where I am and he pushes the throttle forward and we speed up. Rose whips her head around and I'm sure she's bitching Emmett out but he just shrugs. The wind whips through my hair and Vanessa squeals, ducking down into the tube as we bounce lightly across the water.

We have sandwiches for lunch and the heat seeps into my skin as we lay in the sun and eat sunflower seeds and beef jerky. Leah and Jenks pull into the cove in their brand new boat and Leah has her mom with her. My dad and Carlisle perk up at the site of the beautiful, older woman and I roll my eyes. I hope to God they can control themselves. My dad rushes to help her out of the boat and I'm a little bit in awe of his concern. It's a side of him I've never, ever seen before.

We play football in the water and we watch Carlisle build sand castles with Vanessa. I realize she's not his granddaughter anymore and my heart feels thick. I think he feels it too, because he spends the day entertaining her every whim. My dad and Sue and Carlisle talk about the Y2K thing and the possibility of the end of the world in just six months. This sends Emmett into an uproar and he spends an hour explaining it just to have my dad start in on the Clinton impeachment, and the debates start all over again.

We put down the canopy early and cover our belongings with a tarp, rocks placed at the edges to hold it down, and the others take their boats back to the marina. Edward and I go for a ride up the river to the dam on the WaveRunner and we meander through the shallow water surrounded by high, slate cliffs.

It's a gorgeous night, hot and clear. I look up as we streak across the water and the sky swirls around and makes me dizzy. The moon is low, a Cheshire cat smile in the sky and I tighten my hold around Edward's waist and kiss his exposed shoulder.

"Pull into that cove over there," I say, and Edward looks over his shoulder and smirks. I can't help but smile because he knows what I have in mind and I'm not even embarrassed. I press my teeth into his bicep and he laughs as we idle and secure the WaveRunner ashore. It's dark and Edward's mouth is on mine before we can even take off the life vests.

Click, click, click and they're gone. Then, so are our suits. His hands are everywhere, my lips nipping at his jaw, and he pulls me to the ground.

"Wait," I say, the thought popping into my head and causing me to panic. "Don't touch the sand."

"What?" Edward laughs and I realize how ridiculous I must sound.

"It'll be like getting fucked with sandpaper," I try to explain, and Edward just laughs.

"Okay, I'll be very careful to be sand free." He pulls me on top of him and I wrap my thighs around his hips and he's inside me. I grind against him, heat pulses around our bodies and there's sand everywhere, sticking to my legs and my hands. Edward pulls me close and I taste sweat and sunblock on his neck. I wipe at my mouth, and now the sand is in my mouth and I can't get it out.

"Hold on, I've got sand in my mouth," I say and Edward groans. I roll off him and stand up, trying to get the sand out of my mouth while he just lays there naked and I can't help but laugh. Edward grabs me around the waist and yanks me into the water and we wash each other free from the grainy deposits. Our hands graze and clutch and rub and Edward presses into me in the shallow water of the shore and we don't have to worry about sand or being quiet because there isn't a soul to be seen in the dark stillness of the desert. We unravel together, connected under the diamond stars and the smiling moon.

Edward rests his head between my breasts and he rubs the sand into my skin as we lay on the shore, the water lapping at our legs and feet.

"You know some women pay big money for this type of exfoliant," I say. "I read about it in Cosmo."

"Cosmo is a wealth of useful information, it seems," Edward murmurs, his jaw bobbing against my chest and he moves his hand over my hip. His fingers adore the hollow and curve of skin and bone and I close my eyes and relish his gentle hands on me. My fingers pull through his damp hair and trace the outline of his earlobe and jaw.

"Hey, everything I know about sex, I learned from Cosmo," I say and he circles my belly button and then grazes my side and my breast, his fingers like feathers and I squirm.

"Didn't it say in Cosmo that an orgasm is like fireworks shooting out of your who-ha?" he says and I snort. I can't believe he remembers that.

"Your heart pounds faster when I do this," he says and he grazes my breast again and I inhale sharply.

"Slower," he says as he lightly touches my stomach. He moves his hand back over my breast, more forcefully now, his fingers rolling over my nipple. "And then fast."

"My heart has always been on your side, you know that right? Like even when my brain was rationalizing and second guessing and misunderstanding, my heart always had your back, or whatever the saying is," I add, because Edward's looking at me like I'm crazy.

"I think your heart and my heart have been conspiring this whole time," he says and his murmuring lips tremble against the flush of my chest. He pulls himself between my legs and then we tremble together again, our hearts racing in unison, one monumental beat.

Over the next two weeks, I spend as much time with Vanessa as possible. I'm sick to death at the thought of not being able to see her every day. Rose even lets her spend the night with us and we do girly things. I put her long hair in French braids and we eat ice cream and I paint her nails. We color and draw pictures and read books and she falls asleep on the bed between me and Edward, and cuddled up to Otis. I kiss her little pointy nose and Edward pulls the sheet up around her and he grins at me over her tiny frame.

When she comes back next year, she'll almost be five. She'll be so much bigger, able to do so many new things, and I'm going to miss it all. The thought literally makes my chest ache and I clutch at my pajama shirt in an attempt to keep it all inside. I wish they could stay forever but, when their vacation is up, they disappear down the road. Back to their reality.

Edward teaches me some moves on the new basketball court. He sweats and pants and impresses me with his form. Every time he jumps, I see the slick span of stomach above the waistband of his basketball shorts and I wonder why we didn't put in a court earlier. Edward is just so damn sexy when he moves. No matter what he does, he moves with purpose, and his determination is so fucking hot. It's confidence and sometimes it's a show, but damn if it doesn't put him in the right frame of mind. He can do anything with his swagger and, even when he feels insecure, he straightens his shoulders and lifts his head and he gets to work. It's one of the most commendable traits that Edward has, the ability to shrug into his positive mental attitude. It's so different from the boy I once new, and is just further proof of the man he has become. The man that I call mine.

Just before my birthday, I get a call from Alice. She wishes me a happy birthday and tells me she's sorry she couldn't make it this summer.

"I'm going to start fertility treatments," she says and I gasp. I had no idea she was having such a problem getting pregnant. I just thought that maybe she didn't want to.

"Oh shit, Alice, I'm sorry!" I say and she chuckles.

"Don't be sorry until it doesn't work," she says, her voice strong and clear. "But I think it will. I think I just need to think positively about this whole situation and relax. The doctor said that might be part of it, that I'm too worried about getting pregnant and the stress prevents it from happening. So I'm doing yoga, for beginners. I have a really good feeling about it." Her voice is like a bubble, pretty and whimsical, but very delicate.

"I do too," I say, hopefully, because I really don't know what else to say.

"Did Edward give you your birthday present, yet?" she asks and I pause. I still can't get used to the fact that Edward's going to be here for my birthday.

"No, why? What is it? Do you know what it is?" I say, and then change my mind. "No, wait, don't tell me. Just give me a hint. I want to try to guess."

"A hint? Oh Christ, hold on, let me think of one," she says and I wait patiently. "Oh, I know. You'll have a whole new image after tomorrow."

I frown. Image. Like a makeover or something?

"I need more," I say and Alice laughs.

"Um, I think Edward will capture the moment excellently."

Jesus, this could be anything. Capture is the word of importance. Maybe it has something to do with photography.

"One more," I say.

"Ugh, no. I've already said too much," Alice says and I shamelessly beg.

"Come on, one more. Alice please!"

"Alright, your dad may have had a hand in it." I can practically hear her smiling like an idiot over the receiver. My dad, hand?

"Alice, what did Edward buy?" I ask, petrified, because the clues are all coming together in my head and I think I might pass out.

"It'll leave a lasting impression," Alice says before she hangs up, and I sit on the line, completely stunned.

Image, like a bridal image.

Capture, like death do us part.

My dad's hand.

Lasting impression, like forever.

Oh God. Edward bought me an engagement ring. For my birthday. Tomorrow.

Shit, what am I going to say? I mean, I think it's pretty much a given that we will be together, you know, for good. But now that I know it's coming, I'm going to be anxious as all hell. I hope to God he doesn't do it in front of a bunch of people. I know I want to say yes, but I can't control my stupid mouth sometimes. What if I don't say yes with enough enthusiasm? What if my tone is all wrong? Shit! What if I hesitate? Edward told me once that when I know, I won't hesitate or worry about looking like an idiot, but he was so incredibly wrong. I know with every fiber of my being that I want to be with Edward forever. But I don't think I'll be able to breathe until it happens.

He'll probably take me out for dinner or something and then do it afterward. You know, something typical. And he has no idea that I know, which is great, because it gives me a chance to prepare, and he still gets to surprise me. Win, win.

In the morning, I roll over and all I feel are cold sheets. I slide my hand along the cotton looking for the body I know best but he's already up. I rub my eyes and look around the room and there he is. He's still in his pj's and wearing a huge smile, as he stands by the door with coffee and an ice cream sundae.

"Oh my God, you brought me ice cream for breakfast. In bed. I am now the poster child for gluttony," I say and he laughs.

"Happy Birthday, Bella," he says and he hands me the coffee first and I cross my legs and sip the steaming sweet liquid. He sits next to me and I look at the sundae. Shit, what if the ring is in the sundae? What if I swallow it? I would totally do something like that, and then have to spend the evening in the emergency room chowing down laxatives so I can shit out my engagement ring. That would be a great tale for our grandchildren.

Shit, grandchildren. Oh Jesus, this is it. This is for the rest of my life.

My heart is pounding as I set my coffee on the nightstand and he hands me the sundae and I give him a bite first, just to see if he hesitates. He squints his eyes and tilts his head to the side, like he's confused. I carefully wrap my lips around the spoon, and I probably look ridiculous trying to feel around the cream and cold with my tongue. Edward grins and kisses my cheek and then relaxes back on the bed. Otis jumps to the comforter and curls up beside him, and it makes me giggle. Otis is pretty much Edward's cat now. He's completely abandoned me, and the two of them watch me eat with matching smug expressions. I eat the whole sundae and feel sick, and I do not find a ring.

"You remember that segment on the news about people that look like their pets?" I say as I set my empty bowl on the nightstand and pick up my coffee. "You guys could be famous."

Edward picks up Otis, holding his head up to his own and with their matching brownish red and their cocky, uneven smirks, it's a match. I try not to choke on my coffee but end up snorting and getting a bit right up the nose. I cover my mouth and Edward laughs as he gives me a little nudge. I put my coffee down and shove him back, but he grabs my ankle and tickles my foot and I'm laughing so hard, I have tears as I try to kick my foot free. Edward pulls me towards him and hovers over me. I grab his shirt and pull his mouth to mine. He licks at my lips and his hands move to the waistband of my cotton shorts. He worships me, in every way possible, with sweet kisses and licks and caresses that make my entire body tingle.

We have plans with Leah, Jenks and my dad to go to Vegas for dinner, and we spend the day being lazy and watching movies, because we can. It's my twenty-eighth birthday today and I spend it in my pajamas, watching the Star Wars trilogy, eating candy and kissing Edward and it is the best lazy day ever. I keep anticipating Edward to pull out a ring and it's driving me insane with anxiety as to when he's actually going to do this. I keep thinking of the most ridiculous scenarios where he will pop the questions but still, he doesn't. I nap on Edward's chest and then we get ready for dinner.

I put on something special, because I'm pretty sure this is when it's going to happen. Leah or my dad will probably take pictures and I need to look my best. So I blow dry my hair, something I never do, and it's straight and thick down my back. I put on mascara and lipstick and wear my prettiest dress, the blue slinky one that makes my boobs look great and I feel like my mom. I miss her but her voice is in my head, _it's okay, Bella_, and I know that it is.

I'm sitting in the living room, waiting for Edward to finish getting ready when I notice there's a little black box sitting on the kitchen counter.

Holy moral dilemmas, Edward just left it on the counter like that?

I want to look at it. I wonder if I have time to sneak a peek.

I sit there staring at the box in shock when Edward walks out of the bathroom in one of his polo shirts and slacks. I can't even look at him, he's going to take one look at my face and he's going to know. But he just walks over to the box, casually, like it's no fricking big deal he's about to propose to me and sits on the couch.

"So, I want to give you your present, before we go to dinner." And my heart is pounding in my throat. Oh my God, this is really happening!

"Okay." I can barely say the word and then Edward's lips are on my cheek and he's holding the box out for me to take. It's closed, the lid heavily hinged and I crack it open with a creak.

I stare. I hesitate. I tilt my head and narrow my eyes because I don't know what the fuck this is that I'm looking at.

"It's a memory card," Edward says as he pulls the little black rectangle from the box. "It's for your other present."

He leaves the room and my heart sinks. I can't help but feel disappointed. I thought I was getting a ring, dammit. Edward returns with another box, a much larger one and I quickly unwrap it to find a camera. It's a Nikon, and it's digital.

"I don't understand," I tell Edward and he takes the box from my fingers.

"It's a digital camera," he explains and I don't have the heart to tell him that's not what I don't understand. I know I was freaking out about this whole ring business, but now that I'm not getting one, I'm kind of devastated. We don't have much time, you know? Not if I want to have kids without any science-fiction experiments involving needles. I thought this was it. I thought it was time.

"It's awesome," I say as he puts the card into the slot and snaps the battery into place.

"It's all charged up and everything," he says as he looks through the lens and snaps my picture. I cock my head and roll my eyes and he just laughs and keeps taking my picture. There's hardly even a click, just a beep to let us know a picture has been taken, and I find it hard to smile in any of them.

"And see, you can view the pictures right after taking them so you can delete the ones you hate and keep the ones you like," he says as he scrolls through the pictures. "Oh, now that's a keeper."

He hands me the camera and I look at the little screen and filling the picture is a black box with a ring, a square diamond, surrounded by dozens of tiny stones on a thin band. I squint, confused and I'm thinking this picture must have came with the camera. You know, like when you buy a picture frame. When I look up at Edward, he's kneeling before me and in his hand is an open box, holding a ring, the very same square diamond, surrounded by tiny stones on a thin band. And it all makes sense. I look at his face and he winks at me. He winks!

I'm completely shocked, my body frozen and I don't know what to do. I can't breathe and I can't believe Edward tricked me. He did that shit on purpose. He knew I was waiting and still, he made me agonize all day! He is such an ass! So I do what I always do when Edward acts like an ass.

I punch him in the gut.

I don't hit him hard because it's difficult to get a proper swing when you're sitting down, but it's enough to get my point across and he laughs, his head falling to my knees.

"You knew I was waiting all day for this, didn't you?" I stand and he's still kneeling on the floor, his hands clutching my dress and he's laughing so hard he can hardly speak.

"So, is that a no?" he chokes out and I smile. This is exactly what I thought would happen. Edward trying to make a fool of me and my snotty attitude rearing its ugly head. So completely typical.

And kind of completely perfect. For us, anyway.

"No," I say and kneel in front of him on the floor, my hands resting on the top of his thighs.

"Wait, no yes, or no no?" he says and he holds the ring in front of me again. He raises his eyebrows, his lips part and I bring my finger to trace the stone.

"It was my mom's. I had the diamond set into something more your style. Which is hard to do, you know, since you don't ever wear jewelry. Alice and Rose helped a little," he rambles, and I grin. I crawl into his lap and I kiss his lips and then his nose and his cheeks and his eyelids. His hands wrap around my back, and he lets me adore him.

"So is that a yes?" he murmurs.

"Yes to what?" I tease, because he didn't really ask me yet. He grins, his lips pressing into my neck and along my jaw, and then his mouth is at my ear.

"Will you wear this ring, Bella? Will you be mine for always? My friend, my love, my match?" I close my eyes as the tears slip from my lids and all I feel are his lips quivering against my skin, his heart beating with mine, and his whispered words are like the splashed sky at sunset.

"Will you be my wife?"

I nod, my cheek rubbing against his before the words are even out of his mouth. His hand is on mine and there's metal and stone slipping along my finger.

And it's done.

...

**A/N:**

Epilogue will post next week.

Words fail me. I offer The Beatles instead.

_Pools of sorrow, waves of joy,_

_Are drifting through my open mind,_

_Possessing and caressing me. _

Thank you for reading.

**SubtlePen **and **Miztrezboo **are epic, like the fab four. I am the eggman.


	19. Epilogue

**Epilogue **

**EPOV**

Sometimes love hits in an instant. It's in all the movies. All it takes is a look, a touch, a sappy ballad, and you know. This is the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

Then again, sometimes it takes seventeen fucking years of emotional turmoil and confusion. Seventeen years of seeing everything I want, just beyond my grasp.

It was all worth it, every minute.

Because now I'm here.

Once again, I'm driving from Arizona to Seattle but everything's different this time. There were times I thought I'd lost her, and times I thought about giving up on us ever being together. But I always planned to end up at the marina for good. I wanted to be where she was, no matter what. It was the one place I felt complete, with her, and her place was in Arizona.

Now here she is, her striped socked feet propped up on the dashboard and her head resting lightly on the headrest. She's sleeping, the corners of her mouth turned up in a smirk. I can't wait until she wakes up so I can ask her about her dream. She has the weirdest dreams.

Her eyelashes flutter before I see brown. Her arms stretch over her head, her sweatshirt pulling up to expose her belly button and she smiles sleepily. She sits up and kisses my cheek before looking out the window at the blurred field of naked fruit trees.

"Where are we?" Bella asks as she digs through her bag on the floor. She produces a package of red vines she swiped from the store before we left the marina.

"Almost to Fresno," I say. She wanted to drive through California and stop in Yosemite. It makes the drive twice as long but we don't really have a schedule. When we want to stop, we stop. When we're tired, we sleep, and she photographs everything.

Bella got a job with a magazine in Seattle. She starts the Monday after New Year's. I didn't even know she was looking for another job. She said she wants to experience the world before we have other priorities, like kids. She said that a true photographer sees life and she feels like she's only seen a small part of it.

I can't deny it, I am fucking stoked. I love living in the city. I miss my dad, I miss my friends. I miss my job. I dig teaching. I'm good at explaining shit.

I think Bella knows this and that's why she applied for this position. She won't admit it. She keeps saying it's because she misses her brother and Vanessa and everyone. She wants to see the world, but she could have applied anywhere. She chose Seattle. For me.

We said good-bye to her dad and Leah and she cried and cried. We got to California and she wiped the tears from her face and smiled. Charlie will be flying up to Seattle soon. He's going to bring Otis.

Bella places the licorice between her teeth and offers one to me. She gazes out the window, chewing slowly as the new Third Eye Blind CD plays in the background. Yeah, I made sure my new car had a CD player.

"You were dreaming," I say and she snorts.

"I had a dream we got abducted by aliens but they sent us back because you wouldn't stop talking about the Bulls."

"You did not," I laugh. She's bullshitting me.

"I did. They kept saying Michael Jordan wouldn't be anything without Scottie Pippen and you were irate. You kept trying to punch them," she laughs and crosses her legs beneath her.

"That is ridiculous! I could totally take on some stupid aliens. In case you haven't noticed, I'm badass," I smirk and she rolls her eyes and fuck me, I want to kiss her. I love when she does that shit. She leans down to grab her camera from her bag. Rolling down the window, she starts snapping pictures.

"I can stop, you know," I say and she shakes her head.

"No, I like the moving shots. They look fast."

"Fast?" I ask with a chuckle and she smiles.

"Yeah, like life, you know. It moves fast, like everything is a blur but there's these moments of noticeable brilliance. Like you can't see the grass or the dirt or the rocks. But you can see the twisted trees and the uninterrupted sky. The sky always seems to stand still."

I don't know how she does this, but I'm in awe. I see a boring stretch of weeds and this girl has made it art. She's so fucking amazing.

And she's all mine.

We pull into a gas station and Bella gets an iced tea and a box of Mike and Ike's, and I top off the tank while she goes to the restroom. We stop to sleep at this Marriott before Yosemite and we order room service. Bella gets pancakes for dinner and then we split an ice cream sundae for dessert. After her shower, she sits on the edge of the bed, wrapped in a tiny white towel while she brushes her hair, and I practically tackle her. She smells like hotel soap and she's warm and so soft and I want to touch my lips to every inch of her skin.

The next morning we drive into Yosemite for the day and it's freezing. There's snow on the ground, but I anticipated this and brought chains just in case. Bella's face is pressed to the glass as we drive into the park and her mouth is gaping as Half Dome and El Capitan come into view. I park at one of the big hotels. She's bundled from her beanie to her hiking boots and I can barely see her, but she glows.

"Got enough layers there?" I tease.

"Us river folk aren't used to such extreme temperatures," she says as I watch her ring disappear beneath the wool of her glove, and I'm warm.

Bella grabs her camera and the rocks tower above us as we hike. I can't wait to take her hiking in Washington. I can't wait for her to see the gigantic evergreens. And the ocean. And the lakes and waterfalls. She's going to love Washington.

"Oh wow." She focuses her new camera. "It's just so massive here!"

The place is pretty much deserted because it's offseason and eerily quiet. It feels like Bella and I have the whole planet to ourselves and she takes pictures of everything. Her nose and cheeks are pink and she smiles and kisses me.

"Thank you," she says and I kiss her again because the look on her face makes the extra 22 hours we're driving all worth it.

We don't get to Seattle until late the next day and Emmett and Rose are waiting up for us. It's raining and cold as we pull into the driveway of their new house. They needed more space because they're gonna try to have another kid or something. Bella hugs her brother and Rose and she's alive with energy. Emmett gives us a tour and shows us the guest room upstairs. We sit in the living room and chat because we're kind of keyed up from the drive.

"So we're going to leave Vanessa with Mom and we have reservations tomorrow at this really nice restaurant downtown. Then we're going to a party at one of Jasper's friends houseboats. It's on Lake Union and you can see the Space Needle fireworks from his patio," Rose says and then looks perplexed. "Is that okay? Would you guys rather just veg with Dick Clark? I mean, you've got to be exhausted."

"I want to go out," Bella says. She's already in her pajamas and they're flannel. Her hand rests on my leg and I keep rubbing the material of her sleeve between my fingers. "I've been in that car for days and now I just want to breathe in Seattle. I mean, shit, it's a new millennium. I am not missing the fricking fireworks."

"So Leah and Jenks move in okay?" Emmett asks and Bella nods. Leah and Jenks are going to run the marina during the offseason and we'll be back during the summer. They moved into one of the units by Charlie's place. Charlie took the news surprisingly well. It might have something to do with the fact that Leah's mom also moved into one of the units.

"Yeah. Hey, do you think Dad's got the hots for Leah's mom?" Bella asks and I smirk at our twin brains.

"Jesus, Bella, don't talk about Dad liking anyone's mom. That's just wrong," Emmett harps and Bella grins.

"Well, I think it's sweet," she says.

"Maybe he won't be so uptight now? Maybe he just needed to get laid?" I chime in.

"Alright, that's just... crossing the line." Bella shoves my chest and I love the contact. "Don't talk about my dad getting laid. Old people do not have sex. They just cuddle and watch Jeopardy."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," I say and she makes a face.

"We have Christmas presents for everyone," Bella says. She's trying to change the subject.

"And we have to go see my dad tomorrow," I remind her and she nods. He's excited we're moving back. He's called me every day last week to see if I needed anything. I'm going to see if I can get a job at the University again.

"And we have to talk wedding plans," Rose says.

We almost stopped at a drive through wedding chapel in Vegas. We got off the freeway and everything and Bella changed her mind. She wants to do it next summer at the marina. She said we deserve to have a fucking party to celebrate this shit and I agree. I want to get plastered and I want Bella in a white dress and I want to dance with her. I mean, it's been seventeen fucking years in the making.

"I just want a huge chocolate cake. I don't care about anything else. As long as I get chocolate cake, I'm good," Bella says, her eyes on mine and she licks her lips. I swear she's taunting me. Insatiable, she is.

We brush our teeth in the guest bathroom before bed and Bella keeps smiling at me.

"What?" I ask, my mouth full of toothpaste. She shakes her head and continues brushing, her eyes darting across my face. She smiles again, this time with a little snort of laughter.

"What?" I ask more forcefully as I spit into the sink and she runs the water and spits too and there's a little bit of toothpaste in the corner of her lips as she grins.

"You're so thorough when you brush your teeth. Are you counting your strokes? Making sure you scrub every tooth evenly?" she laughs. I pull her mouth to mine and she's minty and all I can think about is putting my hands in her pants. Yeah, Bella makes toothpaste pornographic.

We crawl between the clean, starched sheets. This is my favorite part of the day. I love falling asleep next to Bella. She rubs her bare feet against mine, slides her hands under my shirt, and I ease.

Early the next morning, I wake up to a huge pair of sparkling blue eyes. Vanessa's face is millimeters from mine, and she's pensive.

"Hi," I whisper and Bella's warm beside me. She's still asleep, her arm wrapped around my middle and her brown hair a mess on the pillow.

"I have two dogs," she says, her voice clear and high.

"Do you? Where are they?" I ask and she looks around the room, like they're supposed to be in here or something, and I grin.

"I don't know," she shrugs. "I think they went to the library."

"The library, huh? Those are some pretty smart dogs," I chuckle and rub the sleep from my eyes.

"Uh-huh. They like books," Vanessa says. She climbs into the bed, right over me and settles between me and Bella. "I go to preschool."

"I heard. You're a big girl now."

"Uh-huh, I'm four." She holds up her little hand to show four fingers. Bella stirs beside us and brushes her hair from her face. She instantly pulls Vanessa into a hug and then she's laughing and tickling and blowing zerberts on Vanessa's cheeks. Vanessa giggles and drags Bella from the bed. They're on a quest. That's what Vanessa said. A quest. How does she even know that word?

Alice stops by early in the morning for breakfast. She drinks tea while we sip our coffee and fills us in on everything that's been going on here while we've been at the marina. Jasper passed the CPA and got a promotion. She's looking into buying into this coffee shop franchise. Then she starts talking about her fertility treatments and tipped uterus and I check out of the conversation. Not because I'm uncomfortable with these topics, but because I'm uncomfortable with my sister and these topics. Like I want to hear about her and Jasper doing it doggy style because it's best for conception.

Bella and I head out to see my dad after breakfast. We bring him his Christmas present, a gift card to Barnes and Noble because what else do you get the man who has everything? He shakes my hand and hugs Bella tightly. He kisses her cheek and she blushes, and it's beautiful what the color does to her skin.

"I called Eleazar and he has some properties to show you. There's a few places he's found here on the island. Price is no concern, of course. I told him to focus on areas in-"

"Dad, I think we're going to stick to downtown. And we don't need any money," I say quickly because he still tries to control everything. Bella thinks his exuberance is just his way of staying involved.

"But we can check them out. I mean, when else do you get the chance to wonder aimlessly through rich people's houses?" Bella says. My dad laughs, a great big rumble that makes his eyes crinkle. It's very cool the way she reaches my dad. He's different when she's around. He laughs. He teases. I get glimpses of the person I think he might have been, if my mom hadn't died.

You know, I hardly remember her. I've seen pictures. I've heard a few stories but I can't remember much about my life before my mom died.

I do remember my dad forcing me to sit at the piano every day after school. _When you finish this piece with zero mistakes, practice is over. I'll be listening, _he'd say. It was the only time he ever spent with me, during those piano practices. I mean, he wasn't _with_ me, but I knew he was listening. It was acknowledgement, and I craved it.

It was the same reason I craved Bella. She listened. She didn't ignore me but she didn't kiss my ass because I was a Cullen. She saw me for what I was, a stupid, cocky little shithead who wanted her attention and, for some reason, she gave it to me. When I was with her, I felt exactly like that wide flow of water, pulsing and seething with life.

I meet Jasper for lunch downtown and Mike meets us at the restaurant. We drink beer and shoot the shit. Mike fills us in on some sex scandal one of the Sonics was involved in, but he can't name names and Jasper fills me in on the details for tonight. The sky is clear today and all I can think about is making sure Bella sees the damn fireworks.

I watch her get ready for this party. She puts on her nice bra, her back to me as she pulls the black straps across her freckled shoulders, adjusting the cups before pulling the slinky red sequined top over her head. She wiggles into her tight black jeans, pulling them over her lacy undies and I frown as her fine little ass disappears. She adjusts her bra again and checks out her boobs in the mirror and I smirk. She's so damn sexy when she thinks no one is looking, when she's just being herself.

We drink champagne at dinner and our table has a view of the water. Bella orders a hamburger and ice cream. She knows what she likes and it doesn't matter that she's in one of the nicest seafood restaurants in downtown Seattle, in a private dining room, on the eve of the millennium. She still gets what she wants.

After dinner, we catch a cab to the party. I watch Bella mingle. She stands in the kitchen, nodding at a very tall brunette. She's drinking a beer, her lips wrapping around the bottle while the lady sips her wine and I know she's uncomfortable. She always chews her lip when she's uncomfortable. I grin like an idiot when she sees me because I know it'll make her laugh.

We put on our coats and move outside to the patio as midnight approaches. Bella grabs her camera bag and walks out onto the floating dock and I follow. She sits, her boots dangling off the edge.

"They're setting the fireworks off from the Space Needle. We should be able to see them over the water," I say as I sit beside her and she squirms under my arm.

"Oh good! I need some fireworks pictures for my book. And Riley said I should focus on landmarks," Bella says before craning her neck to kiss my jaw. I check my watch and whisper into her ear.

"One minute." She shivers and smiles at me in excitement.

"I'm waiting for something to go wrong. Like I'm afraid to talk about it because I might jinx it," she says and I laugh.

The patios all around the lake are starting to erupt with cheers and whistling. They're counting down now, their voices ringing out in unison.

_Ten, nine, eight…_

Seventeen years. We've been planning this for nearly two decades.

_Seven, six, five…_

She leans against my chest. I wind my arms around her waist and our hands unite, the band of gold on her finger is icy against my skin.

_Four, three, two_…

The sky ignites and the dock rumbles as the whole night explodes with celebration. There are pops and booms and cheers and singing and I kiss Bella. Her lips are cold but her tongue is warm and I'm desperate for the heat. Her hand clutches the back of my neck and I can't get enough of her as the dark sky fills with color. She pulls her fingers through my hair as I place a light kiss on her lips, then her cold nose, and then her lips again.

"You're missing the show," I say quietly and she grins.

"Totally worth it."

She relaxes into my chest and I fold around her, our fingers intertwined again. Her hand is cold and I'm about to suggest gloves when she detaches and pulls her camera from her bag. She captures the explosions of color and she's completely focused.

"Look at that, look at the water. Isn't that amazing? See how it looks like glass, the color reflecting off the movement. It looks like it's dancing," she says, and I fight the layers of fabric to find her skin. There's yarn and down and then her warm neck, and I breathe.

"You've always been like this, you know? Noticing, observing, watching. The way you see things, things I wouldn't notice in a million years, you see them and make them noticeable for others. That, my dear, is what I think is amazing." I pause and tighten my hold, desperate to get closer to her still.

"You have no idea how many times I imagined this exact moment."

She turns to look at me and her eyes are wide. Her lips pull into a smirk and I'm home.

"Oh, I think I have an idea," she says as she snuggles into my chest. "I just can't believe it took us seventeen years to get to this moment."

"No more '_maybe next year's' _for us." I kiss her temple and her hair tickles my nose and I sigh.

"Happy New Year, Bella."

"Nope," she replies quickly. "_Happiest_ New Year."

She's such a fucking cornball, but I'm saturated. Full and complete.

It all started with a shove, a snark, that snotty little attitude that was meant to push me away but drew me right in. When I snapped the bathing suit strap of a skinny brown-eyed girl with a big braid, it changed my life forever.

It took seventeen years. Seventeen summers of multilayered rock, cutting and sharp in places but rolling and soft in others. We've had fiery heat and choppy water. We've had heavy air and tall red cliffs. And like the earth that succumbs to the persistent stream, we've carved a monumental canyon. We balance, a delicate bend of give and take and, together, we thrive.

We'll be heading back there in June, of course. To the river, to our place.

Just for the summer.

…

**A/N:**

Warning: It's mushy.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for kind comments and frustrations and flailing and cheering and just everything. Thank you. I am touched. My life altered by each and every one of you.

Special thanks to **Souplover9** for verifying Seattle information.

I'd like to name all the lovelies who have helped me along the way, but I keep adding names to the list and I'd be terribly distraught if I left anyone out. The chats, emails, WC's, tumblring, tweets, it's all been a blast. I am so full of love right now, my cup runneth over.

**SubtlePen **and **Miztrezboo**, I can't live, if living is without you. Thank you from the very bottom of my soul for your friendship and for all that you've done.


End file.
